56/Renee
On Wednesday, I went to Nyra Recreational Center looking for my mother.
I hung around all day until one of the workers came over to see if she could help me. I guess since I’m not crazy I stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
I looked into her kind eyes and said, “I was trying to see if my mother was here.”
“Who’s your mother?” Her badge said, “Program Director.”
“Bernice Brown.”
She frowned. “That name doesn’t sound familiar, but I can check our database.”
I sat around watching the clients playing Ping-Pong and doing arts and crafts activities at a nearby table while I waited. It wasn’t long before she returned.
“I’m sorry, but we haven’t had anyone at the center by that name. I checked the computer. Every participant has to register to attend our services here and they have to sign in during each and every visit.”
“What about Hattie Woods?”
Her eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh yes, Hattie is a regular here. Although we haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”
“That’s because her mother died and she went to St. Louis for her funeral.”
Her brow rose. “Hattie’s mother died when she was a kid. It was a traumatic experience because Hattie was spending the summer with her grandmother when she passed away. By the time she got home her mother had already been buried.”
All hope swept from my body.
“Schizophrenics have moments when they believe something is happening that really isn’t. If she told you her mother had just died, then she was reliving that time in her life. It’s really sad because they can sound so convincing. Unless you know better, you believe them.”
I left the building and felt like crying. I had gotten my hopes up. Despite everything I do and say, I really did want to see my mother again, but it didn’t seem like that was going to happen until she was ready to come back home.
I drove toward home and spotted Hattie walking up her street. She stopped and waved when she saw me.
“Hey, Hattie. What are you doing here?”
She smiled and looked unusually hyper. “I just got back.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, they did a cremation.” She was fidgeting non-stop. “When I get my check, I’m going to pay you back.”
I shook my head.
“You don’t have to.”
“But I want to,” she said excitedly. “I never saw my mama look like that before. She had on a white dress and a band around her hair that looked like a halo.”
I gave her a sad smile and didn’t even mention that a few seconds ago she’d said her mother had been cremated.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back.”
“Me too.”
She waved and continued down the street.
I glanced at her through my side mirror and realized she wasn’t even wearing shoes.
I drove on home and went inside my empty house.
The kids wouldn’t be home for hours. I had taken off work because I really believed I was going to see Mama.
I reached for my photo albums in the cabinet, pulled one out, and started flipping through it, looking at her pictures and remembering the happier times.
Tears started running down my face and I reached for a tissue on the coffee table and wiped my face.
Mama was out there somewhere. Hopefully, someday I’ll find her, and when I do, I’m going to welcome her with open arms.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I reached for it, and when I saw it was John, I got mad all over again.
“Hello?”
“Renee, this is John. Did you go take your test?”
“Yep. And guess what, mothafucka? Ain’t shit wrong with me.”
“What?” He sounded stunned.
“Do I have to spell it out to your sweet ass? I don’t have HIV!”
A long silence followed.
So long that I thought he’d hung up.
“You still there?”
“Yeah. I’m just thinking, that’s all. If I didn’t get it from you or Shemar, I must’ve contracted it from Carl.”
“Who the hell is Carl?”
“A man I met online last year. Sorry about that.”
John hung up just as I was getting ready to cuss his ass out.
He put me through all that bullshit for nothing.
Gay-ass mothafucka.
First thing tomorrow I am getting an attorney and divorcing his ass.
My life was starting over.
I hadn’t heard from Kenny. I’m sure he’s going to call me once things die down for him at home. And when he does, I plan to tell him it’s over.
I never felt good about messing around with a married man, and I shouldn’t have ever started something that I didn’t believe in, but at least I still had a chance to correct my mistake.
I put the albums away and wandered into the kitchen for a glass of iced tea.
I was going by Danielle’s later to see how she was doing. My heart went out to her. Now that she had Calvin back in her life, I had a good feeling that she was going to fight HIV with everything she had.
The doorbell rang.
I moved to the door and looked through the peephole.
What the hell?
It was Regina Tolliver.
The bitch who worked with Calvin.
“Can I help you?”
“I need to talk to you for a minute.”
I had no idea what we could possibly have to say to each other, but I opened the door anyway and let her in.
She stepped into my living room and started looking around like she was at an estate sale.
“You’ve got a nice house.”
“What can I do for you?” I asked curtly.
I hoped her Amazon daughters weren’t picking on Tamara again.
She swung around. “You know I work for the university police with Calvin?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he told me. But what’s that got to do with me?”
She heaved a heavy breath. “I’m in love with him, but he swears he’s in love with someone else.”
“He is.”
Regina pursed her thick lips. “And that’s a problem.”
“What are you talking about?” I snapped.
“I’ve warned you to stay away from him. But you won’t listen.”
My radar went off. This was the bitch who’d been calling my phone.
“What?” She really thinks I want Calvin.
“I said to quit calling him.”
“Honey, you got me confused. I don’t want Calvin.”
I took a seat on the sofa and gestured for her to sit as well.
She didn’t.
“Why are you lying? I’ve seen the two of you together.”
I couldn’t believe this shit.
“Girl, you’ve seen us talking. That’s it.”
“You’re lying! I saw you wearing his sweatshirt.”
Sweatshirt?
Oh shit.
That day I set him up with Danielle, I came outside wearing Calvin’s sweatshirt and there had been a black Expedition parked across the street.
“I saw him at your house."
Suddenly everything clicked.
This crazy bitch had been stalking me the whole damn time.
I couldn’t help it and started laughing. “Regina, you got it all wrong.”
“No. I got it right.” She glared at me.
“Bitch, it’s time for you to go.” I rose.
That’s when I noticed the .22 in her hand.
My blood ran cold.
Regina raised it and pointed it directly at me.
“I called you private but you ignored me.”
“What are you doing?”
She wasn't blinking.
Not once.
“You want to take my man from me.”
I shook my head. “He’s in love with another woman. Not me.”
“I’m his woman! The only person he loves is me!”
Okay, let me try another approach. “You’re right. He’s your man and I’m gonna call him right now and ask him to come over.” I moved to grab my phone and heard the gun click.
“Ho, don’t you dare move.”
Shit.
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I froze and slowly raised my hands. “Relax. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret later.”
“The only person who’s going to have regrets is you.” The smile on her face didn't match the crazed look in her eyes. “I saw the ring in his drawer.”
“What ring?” I slowly lowered my arms, keeping my eyes on the gun. “Listen… I have children. I have family who love me.”
“What about me?” she screamed. “What about the man I love?”
“Girl, t-take him,” I stuttered. “Hell, I’ll gift-wrap his ass.”
“You’re just saying that so I won’t shoot you.” She laughed and pointed the gun at my head.
“No, it’s true! It’s true. You can walk out of here right now and I won’t tell a soul.”
“Liar!”
She was getting agitated. The last thing I needed was for that crazy bitch to shoot my ass.
“Get down on your knees.”
“Please, you don’t want to do this,” I pleaded.
“Now!”
I dropped down onto the carpet and tears started flowing because I was no longer sure I could calm her crazy ass.
“Please, Regina. I’m sorry. I never realized how much you loved Calvin.”
“I was planning to have a baby for him. Now everything is ruined. You ruined everything!”
I was shaking so hard my teeth chattered.
All I wanted was one phone call.
To tell Tamara to stay out of grown folks' business.
To tell Quinton to leave them hot-ass girls alone.
To tell them both that no matter what happened, their mama loved them more than anything.
The thought of never seeing them again upset me so badly I peed on myself.
“I plan to shoot you in the head, and act like I found you like that.”
I tried to stall. “Won’t work. They’ll find trace evidence of gunpowder on your hands.”
Regina scowled and began pacing. “Damn. You’re right.”
She chewed her lip for a moment.
Then she stopped and smiled.
A slow, terrifying smile.
“I guess you’ll have to shoot yourself.”
She was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs if she thought I was about to kill myself.
“Not happening.”
Laughter danced in her eyes. “No problem.”
I jumped up just as Regina pulled the trigger.
The gun exploded.
I screamed.
A burning pain ripped across the side of my head.
Another tore through my arm.
The room tilted sideways.
And suddenly, I was falling.