CHAPTER SIX
Zane
After pulling into the hospital parking lot, I switch off Cade’s truck and stare out the window, my vision blurred as my mind runs wild with thoughts.
I’m not sure how much time passes as I torture myself with memories, but when the sun rises, the glow reflecting off the yellowing exterior, I realize I’m fucked.
I was under strict orders to get plenty of rest. I was also told to take it easy and avoid stress, but that’s impossible to do when I keep getting hit in the face with constant reminders of everything I hate about myself.
Of what I did.
The sooner I get out of here the better. But I can’t leave until Reed’s okay.
After snapping myself out of my stupor, I drop Cade’s keys at the reception desk and double check the visiting hours—normally eight a.m. but for me “any time,” said with a wink and flirtatious smile.
I thank the receptionist with a grin of my own and head up to the waiting area, hoping to get some sleep before the others arrive.
Only no sooner have my eyes drifted shut than a gruff throat clears, jolting me awake.
“Zane.” Easton nods, and of all the fucking people, it had to be the teammate that hates me the most.
“I thought visiting hours started at eight?” I ask, raising a brow, my lips curling into a smile.
Easton smiles right back, and honestly, I’m floored. “Let me guess…any time for you?” His voice softens as he winks and I burst out laughing.
“Damn. I thought I was special.”
“Nope. Not this time. Though I get the feeling you think that a lot.”
He raises a brow and I snort as my laughter fades. “Not as often as you’d guess,” I say honestly, though he’s not entirely wrong.
“Good to know.”
We’re quiet for a beat and it’s so goddamn uncomfortable that I have to fill the silence. “Did you get any news on Reed last night?” I ask, fidgeting with a fray in my jeans.
Easton’s silence draws my attention and he frowns, tugging his cap lower on his brow. “No more than the usual. He’s stable and will wake up when he’s ready.”
“That’s good though. Right? His body is healing. I bet he wakes up today.”
“Here’s hoping. How are you doing?”
My eyes widen and I actually peer over my shoulder to check if he’s talking to someone behind me, to which he chuckles. “Yes, I mean you.”
“Wow.”
“Don’t push your luck. You saved Reed and Hayley. And since we’re the only ones here, I’ll admit, you might have saved me too.”
“I what?” This time my jaw drops as I stare at him in shock. He has every right to hate me. I slept with his girlfriend. His now ex, but still…
“I’m going to say this once.” He holds a finger up in case I need clarification for what “once” really means. “If you tell anyone what I’m about to say, I’ll deny it. But if you hadn’t fucked Macy, I may never have found Paige.”
Wow. “So, I did you a favor?” I bite back a smirk as frustration crosses his face.
“I’ll repeat… Don’t. Push. Your. Luck.”
“Noted.” I raise my hands in the air, my cockiness lingering. “Does that mean you’re going to be nicer to me?” I ask because I’m incapable of letting things go. It’s a curse.
He glares my way and I smile. “After today? Nope. But you can have the next twenty-four hours. You’re still too cocky for my liking.”
I grin, accepting the reprieve, while inside I’m still reeling from everything that’s going on.
If only he knew it was all a front. If only any of them knew.
But no one ever took the time to get to know me.
I fucked up with Easton. I get that. But my teammates chose sides without bothering to ask me any questions. Except maybe Reed.
Easton’s phone rings and I take the opportunity to close my eyes, hoping it will stop him from talking to me again. But when he says, “Yeah, I’m here. I’ll see you in a minute,” I groan.
Sitting up, I run a hand down my face and accept the inevitable. More of the guys are coming, and there’s no chance they’re going to let me rest.
A couple of hours pass with the guys trying hard to include me in conversations, and I’m almost at my limit of fake niceties, when Luke announces that Reed’s finally awake.
The relief that escapes me is so freeing I’m genuinely shocked. I hadn’t realized I was holding on to so much tension.
He’s okay.
It wasn’t all for nothing.
“Do you want to go in first?” Luke asks me and I shake my head.
I’m not ready for that. I wanted to be here until he woke up, but seeing him and Hayley is an entirely different story.
I’m not sure I can relive what happened without spiraling back to the events of my past, especially knowing that Blair’s here, somewhere, and likely avoiding me.
“Give him some time with Hayley,” Thomas is quick to say before Luke can comment, and I can’t tell if he’s trying to help me or genuinely thinks that’s what’s best. Either way I’ll take it.
As do my teammates, and when they all settle back into their general chitchat, I jump up, suddenly in need of a walk.
Keeley calls out, undoubtedly checking if I’m okay, but I wave her off. The answer is way more complicated than she could possibly imagine, and I don’t have the headspace to explain.
With an emptiness taking over me, I wander the halls, and though I’d prefer not to think about it, my conversation with Blair comes back to mind.
She moved on. She’s living with someone else. And while I never expected her to stay loyal to me after everything we went through, I also never stopped to think about how I’d feel when faced with that reality.
Especially when I’m not convinced she’s happy.
Sure, she said she was, but she’s obviously forgotten how well I know her. It may have been years since I last saw her, but I’ve known her since she was born.
I remember every one of her tells.
Like the way she always looks down, brushing her hair behind her ear when she’s shy.
Or the way her lips thin for the briefest of seconds when she’s trying to hide her annoyance. Exactly like she did when she opened her door last night and found me on the other side.
I’ve even worked out that when she scratches her neck while staring you in the eye, she’s most definitely lying.
She can’t fool me.
And it’s breaking my fucking heart.
I make it outside the hospital without running into her, and breathe a sigh of relief. Not for me, because I’d do anything to see her again, but for her. She doesn’t need me hanging around her workplace, distracting her from her job. I have no doubt she’s struggling enough.
But no sooner do I relax than I hear my name again. Though thankfully this time it’s my present calling, not my past.
“Sal, hi.” I wave as our team owner, Salvatore D’Angelo, strides toward me, his ever-present confident facade replaced with a sympathetic grin.
Aimed my way.
“You’re back?” he questions, coming to a stop in front of me. “I tried to catch up with you last night, but Keeley said that you left.”
“Yeah, I needed some sleep, in a proper bed.” Not that I got any. Or even tried.
“Understandable.” He smiles. “How are you feeling?”
“Just like I did when I was out on the field on Sunday. I’m as good as new. Nothing a little pain meds won’t fix.”
“Good to hear.” Sal nods a few times before his expression turns sympathetic again. “Only I didn’t mean physically.”
Dammit. I was worried about that.
“Mentally, I’m good too. I’m ready to play again. I just need the doctors to clear me.”
“I’m sure they will. In a few weeks.”
“A few weeks?” I gape in disbelief. “It’s a scratch.”
“I heard you lost a lot of blood.”
“I lost a lot of blood the last time I got a papercut too. But you still played me after that.”
“Zane—”
“Please. I have to play, I—”
His shoulders drop and I pause, switching gears. That was the wrong thing to say. God fucking dammit. “Never mind. I’ll take a few weeks. The rest will do me good, and—”
“You’ll need to see a psychiatrist before you’re cleared. You should see one anyway, Zane. You—”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to Bec.” Our team’s psychologist.
“No, Zane. You need someone who can specifically deal with the kind of trauma you’ve been through.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m sure you think that but—”
“Can you force me?” I argue, almost rubbing my chest where it’s knotted from resistance. Just the thought of revisiting… Nope. I can’t go there.
Sal releases a slow breath before his mouth sets in a hard line. “No, we can’t.” He sighs in frustration and it’s a relief to my ears. “But—”
“I promise, I’m fine.” I refuse to take more time off than I have to. “And...to make me feel even better, I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back.”
I turn to leave but he calls out again, stopping me in my tracks. “I had a chat with Rivers last night.”
Fuck. He’s talking about our offensive coordinator.
The only guy on the team that knows anything about my past. He was the head coach at the college I transferred to.
And while he was only there a year, I’m sure he had a hand in my recruitment with the Storm.
In fact, I’m sure he’s the reason I haven’t had as many repercussions as I deserve after speaking to the media about Easton.
If Rivers has spoken to Sal, he’s worried.
“He mentioned a bit about your past,” Sal continues before I’ve even turned to face him. “He wouldn’t give me specifics, but he said you’d been through a lot and that I needed to keep an eye on you.”
“I’m fine.” I spin around. How many times do I have to say that? “My past has nothing to do with what happened here. I—”
“No one is suggesting otherwise, but he did say that this might bring up some dark memories for you.”
“Well, he’s wrong.” I smile wide while inside I’m burning. It’s harder to forget the past when people keep bringing it up. The last thing I need is for said past to become something that defines me. “I’m all good.” My smile wavers and Sal catches it, frowning.
“I’m not saying this to worry you; I’m saying this because I care. And I want you to know I’m here if you need to talk.”