CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Blair
Damn him. Damn him, damn him. “We’ll see?” We’ll fucking see?
That’s not giving me the closure I need. The closure I want.
A sharp pang twinges in my gut but I ignore it. I’ve got too much on my plate to process it right now. Namely, Nathan hovering in the doorway, waiting for me with an uncertain smile.
If I could, I’d turn around and beeline to my car like I was originally planning to do. But that’s not an option anymore. We need to talk.
“Are you okay?” he calls out, and on seeing me step forward, he breathes a sigh of relief.
He rushes forward, and my throat tightens as I hold up a hand to stop him. “Inside, Nathan.”
I glance over my shoulder, catching Zane’s intense eyes boring into mine, and my skin heats.
Walking slowly, I put off the conversation for as long as I can, but once we’re in the lobby, it’s time to face the music.
“Can we sit?” I point to the couches in the quieter lounge area and Nathan nods, his eyes flashing back toward the door.
“What’s Zane doing here?” He follows me, failing to hide the venom in his tone. He should be thanking him. If it wasn’t for Zane confronting us outside, I would have jumped in my car and driven home.
“Have you been seeing him?” he asks, his voice somewhat softer this time, more broken.
I wince, perching on the arm of a couch, my eyes wide in disbelief.
“You think now is a good time to mention Zane?” My shoulders drop when he sighs, and for a moment, I feel guilty.
Until I remember why we were arguing. “This has nothing to do with him. I gave you a chance. It’s Monday, Nathan.
You always have the evening off and you were late.
” My voice rises and I slam my eyes shut, letting out a breath before glancing around the room, thankful that no one is staring.
“God, we should have gone somewhere more private.” Or maybe I should have gone home when he walked in twenty minutes later than we agreed to meet.
“I booked a room,” Nathan says and I balk.
“You what?”
“I booked a room upstairs. In case.” He shrugs as an anxious feeling wells up inside me.
“In case what, Nathan? In case I wanted make-up sex?”
“Make-up sex?” He scoffs. “Why would I think that when we haven’t had sex since Jacksonville. I booked it in case this happened.” He gestures between the two of us.
Ignoring his sex comment, I shake my head. “So you were prepared for a fight?”
“I was prepared for you to highlight my wrongdoings, yes.” He’s so calm that it momentarily stuns me.
“And yet, you were still late.”
“I told you; I couldn’t help that.”
I open my mouth to ask where he was, but Zane’s deep voice echoes through my mind. “No one will ever be good enough for you. Least of all him.”
Zane may be way off base with that comment, but something in his concern gives me pause.
“I deserve better than this, Nathan.”
“I had a meeting. They wanted to talk to me about joining the leadership team. It’s a big deal and—”
“That’s great.” I smile, genuinely happy for him. “But…” I bite my lip, hating that it’s come to this. “I don’t just mean today. I deserve better in general. You’ve been an amazing support to me over the years. I’m not negating that. But I’ve been flailing since I moved here, and I needed you. I—”
“Wait.” Nathan glances over his shoulder. “Can we please go to my room?”
My eyes flash to the crowded space not too far away, and I reluctantly agree. I owe him that much for what I’m about to do.
“Lead the way.” I gesture toward the elevators.
“Thank you.” Nathan settles his palm on my lower back, guiding me forward, and for his sake, I keep up appearances until we’re settled inside, reminding myself...
I deserve better.
We’re quiet as we traipse through the lamplit halls, but when we reach his suite, I don’t get time to admire the styling before Nathan rushes to defend himself.
“I agree you deserve everything, Blair, but I’m really fucking confused because I’ve been giving you everything.
I supported you during your final year of college.
I’ve bought you anything you’ve ever needed.
Now, I’m asking you to support me. Here.
And you’re angry because you deserve better? ”
I open my mouth to speak, but when no words come out, Nathan continues on.
“You’re right. I’ve been blind. I’ve been so caught up in making sure I succeed that I never stopped to realize you were hurting.
But I was doing it for you too, trying to prove that we made the right choice.
That moving to California was the right move.
Looks like I failed. So tell me, how do I fix this? ”
My heart drums against my ribs as I process his words.
He’s right to a degree. I’m supposed to be supporting him here like I said I would and.
.. No. I’ve been doing everything for him too.
Dammit. Why do I always question myself with him?
I don’t feel the same way anymore. I don’t have to stay just because he wants me to, especially when he doesn’t seem to think he’s done anything wrong.
It doesn’t escape me that Zane was right about Nathan’s lack of apologizing. Now would be a great time for him to say sorry.
“I don’t think you can fix it,” I whisper, my words catching in my throat. “I don’t think it’s fixable.”
“Blair, babe. No.”
“I’m—”
“Wait.” Nathan pats his pants, fumbling around in his pocket before producing a velvet blue box, holding it out in front of him. My eyes bulge as I fight to hide my panic.
“What are you doing? Please tell me you’re not about to propose.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh, thank God.”
He opens the box to reveal a princess-cut engagement ring, and my heart stops. “What the hell, Nathan?”
“I want to show you how committed I am. To us. Not just my career like you seem to think. I love you, Blair. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m not proposing now because I’m not an idiot, but I want you to know of my future plans. That you’re in my future plans. And always will be.”
You’ve got to be kidding me. “No.”
“No, what? I didn’t ask anything. I brought this here to show you how much you mean to me. I’m doing it all for you. I—”
“My answer is no. I don’t want to marry you. Not now and not in the future.” My voice cracks as tears prick my eyes, and I silently thank Nathan for suggesting we come up here.
“Blair?”
“No, Nathan.” I sigh, my heart heavy as I glance away.
“Everything is so different here, and I feel like I’ve lost myself.
Actually, no, that’s not true. I can’t blame California.
I’ve been losing myself since the accident, only I couldn’t see it until now.
This may seem out of the blue for you, but I can’t be with you anymore. ”
Nathan freezes before his face pales. “What?”
“I can’t be with you anymore.”
“For now?”
“Forever.”
I turn to leave, refusing to let him see me break, but Nathan rushes forward.
“Wait.” He grabs my hand, his calloused skin cold against my own. “Blair. Please. Give me another chance. I’ll meet you tomorrow. Prove to you that I can be on time.”
“It’s not about that.”
“Come home. Please. Don’t make a big decision in the heat of the moment. You’re upset.”
“Actually, I’m not upset about that. Not anymore.”
Nathan frowns, confused, while I see clearly for the first time in years. This relationship isn’t good for me. I loved Nathan. I may still love him but I’m not in love with him. I deserve more.
“It’s over, Nathan. You’ve had so many chances.
I’m sor—” I cut myself off, a soft smile pulling at my lips.
If Jenna was here, she’d undoubtedly call me out for apologizing when I’m not in the wrong.
“I’m not sorry,” I say instead. “But I wish things had turned out differently. I wish this didn’t have to end. ”
“Blair?” Nathan’s eyes well with tears, and I bite my lip to stave off my own.
“No. I can’t. Please let me go.” My eyes drop to his hand in mine and he releases me, stepping back to wipe his eyes.
“Please think about this. Okay?”
“Nathan.”
“Please.”
I can’t handle the devastation in his gaze, so I reluctantly nod, knowing it’s wrong to give him hope. Then I walk toward the entry, my insides crumbling as a hollow feeling takes over me.
“I love you, Blair. So much.”
“I know.”
After pushing through the door, I walk slowly, focusing on my breath as my heavy feet move me. But when the door clicks shut behind me, I run, needing to get away. Reaching the elevator, I press the button in quick succession, praying for it to come.
My chest heaves as I fight back the tears. But while I’m emotionally lost and maybe a little bit broken, I’m lighter than I’ve been in a very long time, and that has to mean something.
Holding my breath, I wait until I’m inside before releasing it slowly and letting myself sink back into the paneling on the walls, my eyes drifting shut.
I did it! I did something for myself. And it’s been a lifetime since I’ve done that.
My phone rings as I step into the lobby, and I stiffen until I see that it’s an unknown number, and I relax. I’m not sure I could speak to anyone I know right now. But a stranger…
“Hello?” I answer to distract myself, my voice cracking. “This is Blair.”
“Hi, Blair. Sorry to call so late. My name is Lucy and I work for the Heartwood University Lions. Is this a bad time?”
What? “Who?” I ask without thinking and instantly regret it. “God, I’m sorry. It’s been a day.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called after hours, but I couldn’t contain my excitement.”
My brows furrow and I frantically shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “I’m okay to talk now. But excuse my ignorance…what are you excited about?”
“You don’t know? Oh, men. My brother called to tell me you were looking for a job. We’re looking for a nurse.”
“Your brother?”
“Yes, Dylan. You are looking for a job, right?”
“I am.” My pitch rises and I allow myself a small amount of excitement, but I don’t let it get too big. “Did you say Heartwood University?” I’ve heard of it, but I can’t recall where it is.
“Yes, we’re only an hour from the heart of San Francisco, but I promise it’s an easy drive.”
“San Francisco?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? You don’t live there?”
“I’m in LA.” I cringe as Lucy groans.
“Dammit, Dylan. He never said that.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know Dy—”
“No, that’s okay. You don’t know any nurses in San Francisco, do you? Dylan mentioned you knew football, and we’d love to have someone that does.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t. But I—”
“Wait. You live in LA?”
I pause, trying to catch up. “I do.”
“My friend is going to love me. Are you an LA Suns fan? Because they’re looking for nurses as well. I think they need two. Would you be okay with me passing on your details?”
“The Suns?” Nathan’s team. My stomach sinks as my gaze drifts back toward the elevator.
“The one and only.” Her voice lifts and I can only assume she’s excited to be helping me. But there’s no way I can work for Nathan’s team. Not now.
“Actually, Lucy. I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying in LA. My life is a little up in the air at the moment. But I’d love to chat about Heartwood. I just don’t know my plans yet.”
“Oh my God. Yes! I’d love to set up a time to talk properly. We need someone to start next month. If you want, I can send you a bit about the role and give you a couple of weeks to think it over. We can chat after that? Maybe you’ll have a better idea by then?”
“Really? I don’t want to hold you up.”
“If given the chance, I know the team would much rather hire someone that comes recommended.”
Recommended?
I hesitate for a beat, not sure if I should ask my next question, my face pinched as I do. “Did Dylan happen to mention how he knows me?”
Lucy bursts out laughing and my cheeks heat. “He said he doesn’t know you, actually. But he mentioned one of the guys on the team.”
“What team?”
“The Storm.”
The Storm? Zane? Jesus. My throat clogs with emotion as fresh tears coat my eyes.
“Thank you, Lucy. I really appreciate the call. And for everything. I’ll definitely give it some thought.”
I sniff softly, hiding it behind a fake cough, but she notices. “Are you okay?” she asks and I shake my head.
“I will be.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Okay, I’ll text you a link to the job description and an info sheet. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Thank you again.”
“No, thank you.”
She hangs up and a wail rips from my chest. Los Angeles has been looking for a nurse? Actually, two nurses. Nathan’s team. And he couldn’t help me.
Yet, after one conversation Zane practically gets me a job.
Zane. I still, my body trembling. Zane helped me.
My hands shake as I fumble with my phone, bringing up his contact, hovering over his name.
ZANE FITZPATRICK (BLOCKED)
I changed his contact after blocking him seven years ago. I wanted to stop myself from calling him while also reminding myself that there was a valid reason he hadn’t called me. In case I ever felt sorry for myself.
Now, after all this time, I want to reverse it.
The elevator dings and my gaze snaps to the doors, praying it’s not Nathan that steps out. And thank God, it’s not.
My phone burns a hole in my hand. And when I can’t take it any longer, I make a split-second decision, sending a text I might later regret.
BLAIR: Are you still here? Nearby?
The three little dots dance across my screen and my heart stops.
ZANE: I’m still out front
Oh, God. I sniff back more tears when another message comes through.
ZANE: Thanks for unblocking me
A laugh bursts out of me and my lightness returns.
BLAIR: Don’t push it. Can you meet me somewhere?
ZANE: Name it. I’ll be there
Weightlessness takes over me, and I have no idea whether or not I’m making a mistake. But when I send him the address for a local lookout, it doesn’t feel wrong.
In fact, the giddiness inside me feels right.