CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ZANE
Istride through the apartment, my smile wide, my swagger confident. But the second I reach what I assume is Blair’s door, I falter. What the fuck am I doing here?
The last time I was this hung up on a woman I was a teenager, and it was the same fucking girl.
Only Blair could make me act this crazy.
Sucking in a deep breath, I stare at the painted wooden door and imagine how this little reunion might go.
Blair opens the door and immediately slaps me. Hard.
Blair opens the door, gasps, spins on her heels and slams the door in my face, telling me to fuck off.
Blair opens the door and gasps. We lock eyes and it’s like no time has passed between us. She runs forward and leaps into my arms, slamming her lips to mine.
What the fuck? I chuckle silently. God, I’m delusional. And yet, I allow my mind to drift again.
Before I can knock, the door creaks open and her soft moans filter through the air. I quietly step forward, peeking through the gap to find her face down, her naked ass wriggling in the air as she pleasures herself. And a panic takes over.
My pulse quickens and I curse quietly under my breath. Dammit, Jenna. I shift uncomfortably, the visual making this impending interaction so much more awkward.
“Fuck.” Thinking of kittens dressed as babies and the Storm losing a championship game, I adjust the bulge in my pants and man up, readying myself to knock. But before I get the chance, laughter filters from behind me.
Or more specifically, Blair’s honey-like giggle.
“What are you doing?” she asks as I turn, her arms folded over her chest, her breasts filling out her skimpy silk pajama top.
She bites her lip as she smirks, and I lose control of my emotions—and my cock, as it twitches for attention. Everything about her pulls me in.
“I’m here to see you,” I rasp before clearing my throat. “Is this not your room?”
“Nope.” She giggles again. “You walked right past me with that determined look in your eyes. The one you get when you’re focused on the end zone.”
My mood lifts, along with my brows, and I smile as my heart races. She remembers. But since she’s talking to me and it doesn’t appear as though she’s going to slap me anytime soon, it’s best not to tease her for the moment.
“I’ll admit, I was laser focused, though it seems I was misguided. Is this not the second door on the left?”
“I guess that depends on which direction you’re looking.”
“From the door, Blair. At least that’s what most people would assume. Are you drunk?”
“Drunk? No.” I eye her curiously and she giggles again, her amusement clear as day. I’m about to question her further, when it hits me.
“You knew.”
“Before you even left the airport.”
“Fuck.” She rocks back on her heels, looking smug, and I’ve got to say, it’s adorable. “So…” I hedge. “You’re okay that I’m here, then? You’re smiling.” That’s gotta be good, right?
“I am smiling. But the jury’s still out on whether or not it’s a good thing. I guess it depends on why you’re here.”
Well, that’s easy. “Because you broke—” Blair shakes her head, silently telling me that’s the wrong answer. I clear my throat and finish my sentence. “My heart,” I say, taking my response in a very different direction. “You broke my heart, and I missed you.”
“God, when did you get so corny?”
“Somewhere between then and now.” I shrug jokingly until Blair’s eyes sadden. I might have just killed her good mood. “Not the right thing to say, huh?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “But honestly, I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.”
“Are you pissed that I’m here?”
“No. Confused but not pissed.”
“I’ll take confused. I’m here because I can’t for the life of me push you out of my mind.” I scratch the back of my neck. “Believe me, I’ve tried,” I continue, somewhat under my breath.
There’s a flicker of something in her expression that I can’t read before Blair’s brows shoot up to her hairline. “I think I need a drink for this conversation.”
“Why?” Oh. Once again, I said the wrong thing. “I didn’t mean that I’ve physically tried getting over you. Not the way you’re thinking.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you did.”
“It would matter to me.” It would matter a great deal.
“I’m not saying I’ve been celibate since I left because that would be a huge fucking lie.
But since seeing you again, my cock hasn’t so much as risen for another woman.
It may as well be broken. I feel like I’m back in my freshman year of college.
You know, when I had all those girls throwing themselves at me, and yet, all I wanted was you. ”
With softly parted lips that I often imagine brushing against my skin, Blair squints as though trying to see through a smudged pane of glass. Like she’s not quite understanding what I’m trying to convey.
“Sorry if that was the wrong thing to say, but I felt like it needed to be said… In case you were wondering.” I shrug.
“How is it possible?” Blair asks, her eyes wide.
“How is what possible?”
“After everything we’ve been through, everything you’ve been through, you’re still the same guy.”
I huff out a bitter laugh. “Trust me, I’m not.
I’m far from the guy I used to be, unless you’re referring to my cocky football persona—that hasn’t changed.
But the good guy—the guy only you used to see—he’s stuck back in Jacksonville, haunted by the memory of what could have been.
Though I have to admit, with you in my life again, I wish I could be the man you remember. ”
Blair’s gaze softens and recognition fills her eyes. She gets it and I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt the same way. She’s quiet for a beat, until another sweet giggle escapes her.
“You know…that might just be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Really?” I bite back an incredulous smirk. “Even nicer than when I told you your writing moved me in ways I never thought possible?”
“You remember that?”
“I remember everything. And that’s not always a good thing.”
“Me too.” Blair nods, her eyes glazing over as though lost in reflection. “Maybe Cade’s right,” she says wistfully. “Maybe we should have tried to get through Sierra’s death together, instead of doing it alone.”
I pause, a ringing in my ears. Like always, at the mention of my sister’s name, my heart wrenches, and a weight settles on my shoulders, grounding me in place.
“Maybe,” I choke out, clearing my throat and smiling.
“But Cade’s not usually right about anything,” I joke to hide my pain, and Blair sees right through it.
“I just realized the real reason you’re here.”
“I tried to tell you but you shook your head.”
“Oh, no.” She shakes her head again, but this one comes with the suppressed grin, as though she’s mocking me. “You’re here so we can finally talk. We didn’t do it properly back then; we’re doing it now.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” I force a grin of my own, while inside my heart is pounding so fucking hard that it’s actually hurting my chest. I know what she’s doing.
She wants me to say my sister’s name. But I can’t.
“I’m more of a live in the present kind of guy,” I lie.
If that were true, I would have kissed her to silence her when I first discovered her giggling behind me.
But I couldn’t, because I remember the past.
Blair laughs and if I were to analyze it closely, I’d say it was a little manic and a hell of a lot sad. “You came here,” she says, pointing to the floor. “You came to LA. Unannounced. Even though I basically told you I never wanted to see you again. I—”
“Technically, I announced it. I sent you a message.”
She folds her arms over her chest, her brows pinching in sudden annoyance. “That’s your rebuttal? You’re going with, ‘I sent you a text so it’s all okay.’”
“Do you want me to go?”
Now that she wants me to talk, I want her to say yes, but I know what her answer will be, and I’m breaking out in a sweat because of it.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I want you to stay and talk to me about your sister. I want to know how you feel.”
Fuck. “I think I’m going to go.” I spin on my heel, but Blair’s tiny fists curl into my jacket, holding me in place. At least she thinks that’s what’s happening, but I don’t care much for this jacket.
“Keep it,” I say, shrugging it off my shoulders as I stride toward the front door. I’ve just reached for the handle—my breath frantic as I wrap my fingers around the steel—when Blair calls out.
“I need you, Zane.” Her pleading voice freezes me in place, and my shoulders drop in resignation. I have never been able to deny her when she begs, and she knows that.
I inhale deeply but don’t turn around. I’m not sure she realizes what she’s asking. That bringing up S— I flinch, my head aching at the thought of her name. Bringing up my sister is likely to break me, and I’m not sure either of us is equipped for that.
“You said you had alcohol, right?” I ask, still unable to face her.
“I did.”
“Fine.” I turn to find her sympathetic gaze locked on mine and it makes me feel worse. “Where do you want to do this?”
“My bedroom?” Her voice shakes. “You know, in case Cade and Jenna come back?”
“Good idea. Lead the way.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and gesture for her to go first, since I have no fucking clue which room is hers, and Blair hesitates for a beat before pointing in the opposite direction.
“The kitchen is through there. Why don’t you get a bottle of something out of the cabinet above the fridge. I’m going to get changed.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Keep the pajamas on.”
“Why?”
“Because if you’re getting something out of me, I deserve something in return.”
“And that’s me in my pajamas?”
“Skimpy, silk pajamas. And yes.” Honestly, her being naked and vulnerable would actually put us on a more even playing field, but I’m not that harsh, so I’ll take the pajamas.
A little crease forms between Blair’s brows as she contemplates my request, and after a beat, she smiles knowingly. “Okay.” She brushes past me, seemingly on the way to the kitchen while my mind runs wild. What the fuck does she know?
She’s barely gone a minute, and when she returns, balancing the alcohol, sprite and glasses in hand, I’m still in the same spot she left me, lost and confused.
Which is apparently fucking hilarious because Blair bursts out laughing.
“Oh, Zane. I promise I won’t go too hard on you.
” She brushes her thumb across my cheek, but that’s not where I feel her touch. I feel it everywhere.
My cock twitches at her proximity, and I run her words back through my mind. I would love for her to go hard on me. But down, boy… that’s not what she meant. Far from it. But once again, my brain is trying to protect me.
“Lead the way,” I say again, and when she does this time, I regret it. Her silk shorts are so tiny the curve of her ass pokes out from the bottom, teasing me.
And if I didn’t know it already, I know it now…
This talk is going to be hell.