CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
Blair
My bag gets caught in the door as I’m rushing outside to meet Cade, and my phone rings as I fight it, my panic rising with each tug.
“Goddammit. I hate you.” I drop the bag and reach for my phone, pulling it out of my pocket in time to catch that it’s Zane’s mom, not Zane, and she couldn’t have called at a worse time.
I glance up at Cade, my eyes pleading with him to help as I consider my options, but he’s no use. Sometimes he needs people to spell things out for him.
My phone stops ringing, but before I can sigh in relief, she calls back, and as much as I want to reject it, I can’t. Maybe she’s heard from him. I’ll try anything right now.
“Fiona, hi.”
“Have you heard the news?” she rushes out, her voice equally as panicked as mine, and my fears deepen.
“What news?” I play dumb since Kayla mentioned it wasn’t common knowledge yet.
“That kid that Zane beat up died this morning.” Her voice is somber but holds an edge I don’t like.
“Yes, I heard, but I didn’t know it had hit the media. I’m on my way to see Zane. He must be—”
“What? You’re seeing Zane?”
“Yes. I’m on my way to the airport. I promise, I’ll make sure he’s okay.”
“I thought the two of you weren’t speaking anymore. I didn’t know you knew where he lived.”
“What? Ah… we hadn’t spoken until recently. But now we are. It’s complicated but I promise to explain it soon.” I don’t know why I’m talking as though Ron didn’t imply Zane was dead to him last week, but I refuse to believe she feels the same until I hear it from her mouth.
“I’m shocked.” And there it is. “That’s really disappointing. After everything he’s done.”
My fists clench but I take a deep breath as Jenna opens the door, releasing my bag from its shackles.
I mouth “thank you” and stalk toward Cade’s car. “What is it that you think he’s done?” I ask, throwing the back door open and shoving my bag inside. Cade opens his mouth to argue but when I glare his way, he thinks better of it.
“Zane’s the reason we’re constantly being hounded by reporters. And now this other kid’s dead, it’s going to be ten times worse.”
“Are they back?” I ask somewhat distractedly as I settle in the front seat, positioning the phone between my shoulder and ear as I try to buckle my seat belt. But just like the bag, it fucking jams.
Come on. You…stupid…belt.
“Not yet,” Fiona’s voice rings in my ear. “But they will be. It should have been him.”
I jolt and the seat belt snaps back into position as I let go, a deafening ringing in my ears. Surely I heard wrong. “Did you just say it should have been Zane?”
“I did. And I’ll say it again. He forced her to get in his truck. She hated driving that thing and he knew that. But he didn’t care. He was too busy trying to get God knows where.”
“What?” My heart slams in my chest as tears prick my eyes. “He never told you where he was going?”
“He might have, but it didn’t matter. I’ve been holding this anger in for too long.
Ron told me not to voice my thoughts because people would judge me.
But he’s gone too far. And to sink his claws into you.
He’s poisoning your beautiful soul and you don’t even realize.
Just like he did with Sierra. Did you know she was drinking that night?
They found traces of alcohol in her system.
Her reputation is tarnished because of him.
We will never forgive him for that. Don’t go to him, Blair. He doesn’t deserve it.”
“I’ve gotta go.”
“Blair, no. Listen to me, I—”
“No, you listen. Zane was coming to me. He asked Sierra to help for me. Because I was distraught and needed him.”
“What?”
“If Zane hadn’t picked up his phone, I would have called Sierra next.
Either way she’d have been in that truck.
I was drunk. I was crying and I needed help.
Zane loved Sierra. He loved her. And he loved you.
You told me you needed me because he ran.
But did you really expect him to stay when you felt that way about him?
If something happens to him, it’s on you.
” I move to hang up, but stop myself. I have more to say.
“And for the record, I gave Sierra the alcohol. Me. So if you’re going to blame anyone—”
The phone’s ripped from my hand and I spin to see Cade ending the call. “What the fuck, Cade?”
“You are not taking the blame for that, Blair. Not to them. Not to anyone. You hear me? Sierra wasn’t drunk. I’d been speaking to her less than ten minutes before Zane asked to help and she was completely sober. She’d even offered to drive my car home.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that—”
“No.” He throws a hand up between us. “No. Have you been blaming yourself this whole time?”
I sit tall. I’m not having this conversation again. “Yes.”
“Jesus, Blair.” Cade slams his eyes shut and when he opens them again, they are watering. “The accident was not your fault.”
“You sound just like Zane.”
“Good. I’m glad he agrees with me. It means I don’t have to kick his ass.”
“He blames himself.”
“Of course he does.” Cade shakes his head, his voice exasperated.
“Now his teammate is dead, so…”
“God, this is fucked up.”
“Yep.” I nod.
“I’m coming with you.”
My eyes widen and it’s my turn to shake my head. “You don’t have a ticket.”
“I’ll buy one. It’s probably time I went home to face reality anyway. I can leave from San Francisco.”
“What about your clothes—”
“I’ll buy new ones if I have to, but I’ve got plenty at home.”
“Thank you. But I want to do this alone. Zane doesn’t need an ambush. He needs support. I’ll be okay. I promise. But maybe you should head home. In case Ron and Fiona decide to talk to Mom and Dad.”
“Shit. Do you think they will?”
“If they think I’m being a disobedient child, yes.”
“That won’t shock them.” Cade bounces his eyebrows and I laugh.
“I have no doubt that Mom and Dad will side with me. But they might need one of us there to explain the situation. I never told them how much Zane’s parents relied on me.”
“God, you’re annoying sometimes. If you’d just let others share the load, you wouldn’t be carrying so much that it’s weighing you down.”
“Again, that’s kind of what Zane said.”
“Seems like he knows you.” Cade smiles and I allow myself the hint of a grin before the dread returns.
“He does, and I know him too. Which is why I’m certain he’s not in a good place. Come on. Let’s get moving. I’ve got a plane to catch.”
With my stride confident, I head for the concierge’s desk and internally curse when it’s the same blonde who was here last week. The one that practically eye fucked Zane from the moment he stepped out of the car.
She’s smiling as she talks on the phone, but when she sees me, it fades. “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you back.” She hangs up and fakes a grin. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’m here with Zane Fitzpatrick but he’s not answering his phone. Can you buzz me up?”
There’s a brief moment of awkward silence as she stares my way, until she bursts out laughing.
“Do you know how many times I’ve heard that?
Look, I’m sorry he fucked you and never called.
But if I let every scorned woman up to either knee him in the balls or beg for a second go, he’d never have peace. And I’d be fired.”
My stomach rolls and for the briefest second, I let her get to me until I force the doubt back down.
“Are you finished?” I fold my arms over my chest, thinning my lips so I don’t say anything more. And she fucking laughs.
“Yep. I’m done. Have a nice day.”
“I’m not leaving. You saw me here, with my bags, when I first arrived last week. Then again three days later. Do you think that sounds like a one-night stand?”
“Three-night stand then. It’s the same deal.”
“Call him.”
“You said he’s not answering.”
“Then how about you go up and knock on his door, or let me do it. It’s important.”
“Fine. I’ll call him.”
She picks up her phone just as mine rings with Nathan’s name flashing across the screen, taunting me. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan. Not Zane. Zane. Zane.
I don’t have time for this. “Nathan?”
“You answered. How are you?” His voice wavers but I don’t have time to question it.
“I’m fine. But now’s not a good time. Can I call you back?”
I’m not even sure why I answered, but it was better than staring at the blonde’s smug face while her call rang out.
“Please, Blair, I just need a second. It’s important.”
“No answer.” Blondie smirks and my nose flares as I glance down at her badge. Kate. Fucking Kate.
“Try him again,” I demand, convinced she probably faked the last one.
“I’m sorry but Mr. Fitzpatrick isn’t here.”
“You don’t know that or you would have told me when I first walked in. Try him a—”
“He’s not there,” Nathan blurts with some urgency, momentarily stunning me.
“What?”
“He stopped by our place earlier today.”
I walk away from Kate, not bothering to apologize for the fact I was wrong, and push through the glass door, walking down the road toward the park Zane showed me last week.
“Why?” I question, my chest tight. “Why would he visit you?” And why didn’t he tell me?
“He, ahh… wanted to talk to me about what happened the night of the accident and said I should talk to you about it.”
My heart jolts as my legs stop moving. “What? He told you to talk to me?”
“‘Told’ is putting it nicely. He threatened me.”
“Why?”
“Because…ah…I. I promise I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?”
“I’m sorry for everything I did to you, and everything I didn’t do.
” He pauses and I gape. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him actually apologize to me, and that’s a sad reality.
“Blair, I may hate the fucker, but Zane’s right; you deserved better.
You deserved the chance to move on properly, and I helped you bury your feelings under a rug.
” He groans and I picture him running his hand down his face.
“In my defense, I thought that’s what you wanted.
You were happy that Zane was gone because it meant you didn’t have to confront your grief all the time.
You wouldn’t have the accident thrown in your face on a daily basis.
But I can see now that it was the wrong thing to do. ”
“Nathan—”
“I’m not finished.”
I stifle a groan. This is Nathan to a T. He’s talking about wishing he’d been better during our relationship while making it all about himself, just like he’s always done.
“You don’t have to apologize, Nathan. You’re free. Be the man you’ve always wanted to be. Just tell me what’s going on with Zane.”
“I will, but… fuck, this is hard.”
“My God. What?”
“I think you were drugged the night of the accident as part of a game we used to play. A game my friends used to play. I never actually participated but you could say I was the host.”
I rear back like he slapped me. “What the fuck?”
“You were supposed to be off-limits. I promise, if I’d known they’d given you something, I never would have… you know.”
I blink a few times, confused with what I’m hearing, but not hurting the way I’d expect on hearing that news.
“I was drugged?”
“Yes.”
“And Zane knew you used to do that?”
“He guessed.”
“And Cade?”
“I don’t know. But I’d say he guessed too.”
“Was it a bet or something?”
“No. I didn’t know they’d done it. I just told them I thought you were hot and… fuck. I joked about wanting to—”
“Stop.” I cringe. “I get it. Thanks for telling me.”
“You’re thanking me?”
I pause for a second, checking in with my emotions, and while it’s strange...I’m okay. It actually explains a lot. “Yep. At least I know.”
“You’re not angry?”
I’m fucking livid. With Cade. If he had suspicions, he should have fucking told me.
But when it comes to Nathan… “I’m disappointed.
” With him and myself. “But I can’t change the past. I need to focus on the present.
And right now, I need to find Zane.” My chest tightens but Nathan sighs, finally giving me what I need.
“I heard him on the phone with someone. He mumbled something about going home. To Jacksonville.”
“Shit. That’s not good. What time was that?”
“I don’t know. Around ten, maybe?”
“Jesus Christ. It’s been hours.”
“I’m sorry, Blair.”
“Stop fucking apologizing.” He says it once and now he can’t stop. “I couldn’t care less about me right now. Zane’s the only one I’m worried about.”
My body tenses. If he’s in Jacksonville… God. He just found out about his teammate. He’s alone. And most likely spiraling.
I take in a shaky breath, struggling to fill my lungs.
He needs me. “I’ve got to go.”