CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Blair
It takes me fifteen hours to get to Jacksonville, and I spend every second of those hours with my heart lodged in my throat and a tingling in my chest.
After my Uber driver decided to take the scenic route to the airport, my late-night flight was delayed because a passenger left their carry-on bag in the fucking McDonald’s eating area and the airline decided to wait for them because their bags were already loaded.
Then to add to that joy, we had to wait in line for a gate when we finally landed two hours later than scheduled.
I’m a mess. Not just mentally for all the fucked-up thoughts running through my mind, but physically too.
My hair’s falling out of my braid, I have mascara caked under my eyes from my thoughtless rubbing, and I threw on a T-shirt that I thought was clean only to find it’s not, and now it’s ninety degrees so I have to take off my sweater revealing the hot chocolate stain on my boob.
So yeah, I’m a hot mess, minus the hot.
Thank God the car rental ran smoothly because if I’d been forced to take an Uber or cab to get around, I would have lost my mind.
Why the hell won’t he answer his goddamn phone?
The familiar sights of my hometown come into view, but instead of the comfort I expect it to bring, my anxiety increases. What if he’s not here? What if Nathan was wrong?
As I stress, I search the obvious places that Zane might go, like the bar in the city where he said his team went to celebrate when they were here—which is of course closed.
I check Halo’s pub where he used to hang out with my brother, and one of two expensive hotels he told me he was going to stay at when he turned pro.
I try the police station—but don’t go in—and the park between our houses.
I even drive past Cade’s, not that Zane’s ever been there, but I figured if he knew where it was and knew Cade wasn’t going to be there, he might use it as a place to hide away.
I’m running out of ideas when my family home comes into view. I don’t stop, but the urge to call in reinforcements is strong, and before I’ve thought it through, I’m dialing my dad.
“Hey, Princess, how are you? Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on? Your mom won’t even give me a—”
“Dad…” I sniff back the tears threatening to fall. Where the hell is he? “Something’s happened. Zane’s missing. He’s here somewhere in Jacksonville but I’ve been driving around for an hour and I have no idea where he could be.”
“You’re here?”
“Yes. And so’s Zane. But he’s in a bad place. His teammate died. The one who was in a coma.”
“Fuck. I mean, dammit. Sorry, love.”
I smile at his outburst. My dad never curses around me unless he’s watching football. And even then, he apologizes at the beginning of the game, covering himself in case anything untoward flies out of his mouth.
“I think this moment calls for cursing. You’re forgiven.”
“When did he find out?”
“I don’t know. He won’t answer my calls or texts. It’s been two days. Kayla called me from the hospital to tell me the news. But I was already worried. I know something’s wrong. I feel it in my gut. I know him.”
Mom and Dad knew Zane and I were close, but we never once had a conversation about it. I’m sure they had an idea that we were more than just friends—at least after Zane left, and I completely fell apart—but it always went unspoken. Even now it feels strange speaking this aloud.
“He wouldn’t disappear on me unless something was wrong, Dad. Not again. Trust me.”
“I believe you. Hang on.”
There’s a rustling sound before I hear muffled voices and then silence. “I’m back.”
“What were you doing?”
“Kissing your mom.”
“Why?”
“Because I always kiss her goodbye and I’m leaving to help you find Zane. Have you tried the beaches? Or what about the place the two of you had your first kiss? Locations with happy memories. If he’s in a dark place, he might seek solace in that.”
“What?”
“Come on, Princess. Your mom and I are old but we’re not stupid.
We also have eyes. I’m pretty sure Zane’s only truly loved two people in his life.
Sure, he loved his mom and dad like anyone does.
But he loved two others with that I’d-walk-through-fire kind of love.
Sierra and you. Since it’s not something he feels often, he was never good at hiding it. ”
“Oh, God.” My face heats but I don’t think it’s from the embarrassment I’m feeling over my dad knowing my secret. I’m burning up because of the fire igniting in my chest, the flames threatening to destroy me from the inside. “I have to find him, Dad.”
“We will.”
“I’ve tried the beaches, but you could try— Wait.” I slam on my brakes, my eyes wide as I focus on the broken figure hunched over on the front porch. “I found him.” Relief fills my lungs and I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. “He’s here.”
“Where are you?”
“His childhood home. I’ve got to go, Dad. I love you.”
“Wait, Blair.”
“I’ll call you soon.”
After pulling up to the curb, I rush out of my rental and through the front gate of Zane’s run-down family home, only slowing when I’m a few yards in front of him. My heart breaks as I watch him.
If I didn’t know him like the back of my hand, I would have driven past. He’s a shadow of his former self, shattered and weak.
Actually, he’s the man I remember from the hospital when Sierra died. The ghost. And I’m terrified I’m going to lose him again.
“Zane.” My voice cracks when his name escapes my lips, and while it’s barely above a whisper, his head snaps up, his distraught expression worse than I feared.
“Oh, Zane.” I race forward, falling to my knees in front of him, wrapping him in my arms, desperate to keep him safe. “I’m here. You’re okay.”
“Blair?”
“Yeah, it’s—”
A throat clears loudly and my gaze lifts to the gate at the same time Zane’s does, both of us freezing. “Dad?” Zane whispers, while I suck in a breath, my eyes locked on the menacing gaze staring back at us.
“Ron, what are you doing?” I jump up and run ahead, stopping him from getting to Zane. The last thing he needs is someone else making him feel bad. “I think you—”
“How dare you come back here?” Ron yells over my head. “To our home. Her home.”
He tries to move around me, but I step in his path, continuing to block him. “I’m not—"
“Let him through,” Zane calls out, his voice low in resignation. “Let him say what he needs to say.”
“No.” I stand my ground. “I let self-loathing consume us both once. I refuse to do it again.”
Zane doesn’t speak, and I glance back to see him stand up and walk forward, his usually confident stride severely lacking.
“It’s okay, B. I promise.”
When he’s close enough, he grabs my hand and drags me backward, positioning me behind him, as if I’m the one that needs protecting.
“I’m not trying to cause trouble. I was just walking around and ended up here,” Zane tells his dad, his voice stripped of emotion.
“So, you thought you’d what? Just sit and reminisce about the past? Get the fuck off my property.”
“Ron!” I scold, trying to move around Zane, but he holds me in place.
“No, Blair,” Ron says my name like it’s poison. “This house holds all our dear memories of Sierra. It already contains enough of his darkness; we don’t need anymore.”
“If it’s so dear to you, why are you letting it decay like this?” Zane finally raises his voice, waving his hand at the devastation surrounding us, a little of his fight coming back. “Why aren’t you protecting her memory?”
“Don’t you dare talk to me about Sierra. You’re the reason she’s dead. And instead of manning up and taking responsibility, you ran.”
“You wanted me to leave!” His sudden outburst startles me, but the gasp out of my mouth comes from his words.
“What?” I grab his hand. “But—”
“No buts, Blair. They both wished it had been me. They hated having to look at me, knowing what I’d done.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
Zane glances over his shoulder, the hint of a sad smile gracing his lips. “You know that’s not true.”
“This is wrong.” I turn back to Ron and try to step around Zane, but as if he’s a linebacker all of a sudden, he continues to block me. “Ron, you should be helping each other heal. You should—”
“You disgust me,” Ron spits, his venom aimed my way. “I thought you loved Sierra. I thought—”
“Don’t you dare speak to her like that.” Zane steps closer, invading his dad’s personal space. “You have a problem with me, fine. But you leave Blair out of it.”
Zane doesn’t touch his dad, but he’s so close, it’s intimidating.
“Get out of my face,” Ron snaps, his voice unwavering.
“No. Not until you walk away.”
“I should have known.” Ron shoves Zane backward, but he stands tall, his hand out behind him, still holding me back. “Come on,” Ron taunts. “You like to fight. So hit me.”
Zane sighs and his body sags. “I’m not hitting you, Dad.”
“Why not? You don’t give a shit about family. Hit me.”
“Ron.”
“Are you a pussy all of a sudden? Is it because you killed that kid? Your teammate?"
“Ron. Stop,” I scream, pushing between them. “This is—”
“No.” Ron shoves me aside, and I momentarily lose my footing, making it appear much worse than it is. And when Zane stiffens, I panic.
“Zane—”
“How dare you fucking touch her.” He grabs Ron by the shirt, his fingers curling in the material.
“I’m okay, Zane. I promise.”
“Yeah, Zane. She’s okay. Unlike your sister.”
I don’t have time to blink before Zane’s slamming his fist into Ron’s face. Hard. His lip busts open, the blood smearing across his cheek. Zane rears back to hit him again but I jump up.
“Zane, no!” I scream so loud that it hurts my ears, but it’s pointless. Zane connects a second time, and this time, Ron fights back, curling his hands around Zane’s throat, his fingers so tight that he struggles for air.
“Ron, Zane. Stop it!” I scream again as they stumble toward the overgrown lawn, but I may as well be mute. Neither of them listens. Or perhaps they’re too far gone to hear me. “Please.”
“Ron, stop!” My dad’s booming voice slices through the air, seconds before his door slams and he runs toward us.
To my surprise, Ron releases Zane, stumbling backward, his back knocking the tree swing behind him.
I watch the swing drift through the air before my eyes dart back to Zane, noticing his fists clench at his sides, his expression murderous. Running forward, I wrap my arms around his waist, tucking my head under his neck. “You don’t have to do this. Please. Let me help you.”
His stiff body softens, and I feel the moment a little of the tension leaves him before his muscles relax. “Jesus, B. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay. That wasn’t your fault. None of it’s your fault. It’s okay.”
Dad and Ron are quiet and when I glance over, they’re talking in hushed tones. Dad must say something he doesn’t like, because Ron shoves him backward, walking away.
I’m about to ask what happened when sirens blare through the silence, and I lose my breath. Zane stiffens beside me, and I slam my eyes closed, blocking out the red and blue lights, praying I imagined them.
But when I finally look up, my heart shatters into a million pieces, Zane’s expression making me buckle.
How could they do this to him?