Chapter 26
Rue
I press my head to Carnage’s shoulder while he runs his soapy hands over my back and the hot water from the shower washes over us.
I helped kill a man tonight.
It feels so weird. Like an out-of-body experience. Shouldn’t I feel something negative? Like shame or fear or distress? But I don’t. Far from it. There’s nothing but peace and a sense of rightness flowing through me. In a weird way, it felt like self-defense.
“Do you feel good when you finish a job?”
“Good?”
I tilt my head up. “I guess the better question is how do you feel when you take someone’s life?”
He shrugs. “I don’t feel much. Sometimes I do if I’m familiar with a situation. Tonight, for example, I felt damn proud.” He brushes his fingers under my chin. “Are you processing what happened?”
I nod, running my hands down his broad chest. “It seems like I should feel something more… dramatic, I guess, because I literally killed someone.”
“And you don’t feel anything?”
“No, there are emotions. Just not the ones I expected. I feel happy, relaxed, relieved. I don’t have to look over my shoulder anymore, and Leon can’t hurt anyone else ever again. That feels good because I’m sure I wouldn’t have been the last victim.”
“Unlikely, but you’re not a victim, precious. You took charge of the situation even though it was risky. It’s impressive as fuck.”
“Thank you.” Shaking my shoulders out, I exhale and let the smile I was holding in bloom. “I’m proud of myself for being a fighter.”
“I’m proud of you too. I can’t believe I’m the lucky asshole who gets to love you.”
Biting my bottom lip, I search his eyes. Love? “Do you mean that?”
His gaze softens and he nods. “I admit I’m still not a hundred percent sure what love looks like or even feels like, but I know that how I feel about you has to be love.
I’d take a bullet for you, Rue. I want to give you the world because you deserve it.
Our life won’t be traditional at all, but if you’ll have me, I’ll do anything to make you happy. I promise.”
My eyes sting with tears and as I blink them away, I wrap my arms around him. “I love you, Matias. Like you said, I don’t know shit about love, but I know this is different. It’s… more.”
Carnage closes the tiny space between us to claim my lips in a kiss hotter than the steamy water around us, and I practically melt into him as my body responds. He reaches behind him and shuts the water off before hoisting me into his arms to carry me dripping wet to the bed.
We fall into bed together, laughing through our kiss, but the playfulness quickly fades away as he grinds his cock into mine. I dig my fingers into his shoulders, exploring his mouth with my tongue as he does the same to me.
“Are you gonna fuck me?” I mumble against his lips.
“Is that what you want? Or do you want to try it the other way?”
I break the kiss to look into his eyes. “Fuck you, you mean?”
“Yeah. If you want to try it, I’d let you.”
“Oof, that’s sexy.” My stomach flutters as I consider the idea, but honestly, I can’t even picture it. “But no, I’m not ready to try that.”
“That’s okay.” He kisses the edge of my jaw. “We’ve got the rest of our lives.”
Reaching up, I drag my fingers through his curly hair. “So then you’re gonna fuck me?”
He nods, his heated gaze burning through me. “I sure am, precious.”
And he does. Sometimes sweet and slow, hitting every part of me in torturous strokes, sometimes fast and hard, pounding into me so roughly I move across the bed.
We hold each other’s gaze, and all I can think about is how lucky I am to have found him, how amazing he is, how gorgeous, and damn, this man loves me.
And I love him. So I tell him. Again.
“I love you, Matias.”
He moans, his brow creasing as he steals a kiss. “I love you. Fuck, it’s incredible to feel like this. It makes the sex even better, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I bury my fingers in his silky hair again, marveling at the way he looks at me like I’m something special, something valuable, something to be cherished. “I’m gonna come soon.”
“I know. I can tell from the way your body clenches around me.” He slides his hand between us and grips my cock, stroking me slowly. “You’re so sticky and hard and you smell like fucking heaven.”
“I smell like you.”
“Mm.” He sits up slightly, hooks his hand under my knee, and spreads my leg wider so he’s hitting me deeper, slamming into my prostate relentlessly until I’m nothing but a whimpering, begging mess.
“P-please, Carn.”
“Please what, love? You want to come?”
I nod, biting my bottom lip. “Need. So bad.”
He grins, tilting his hips and driving so deep that my mouth falls open but no sounds come out for several seconds until the building tension explodes. I cry out his name, digging my nails into his back and thrusting my hips to fuck his fist through my orgasm.
It takes over my body, spreading through me and leaving me boneless. When Carnage comes, his body tenses and his hips stutter. He keeps his eyes open, focused on my face, as we both drown in this ocean of pleasure.
As the climax passes and we come back to earth, Carnage sinks into my arms, holding me tight in spite of the stickiness on my belly and the sweat clinging to both of us. He kisses the crook of my neck as tears of pure joy seep from my eyes.
“We’re dirty again,” he whispers after several minutes, then he looks up, his smile fading. “You’re crying. Did I hurt you?”
“No, far from it. These are happy tears, I promise. That was intense and… really beautiful.”
Carnage nods. “Very beautiful. Like you.”
“Like you.”
He smiles again, this time bright and happy, reminding me that he’s still in his twenties, barely older than me.
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
“No, but if you are, I’ll have a snack.”
“Nah, I’m good. Just want you to have everything you need.”
“I do.” And then some.
“Could I ever get as flexible as you are?” I ask Colson as he bends forward, touching his forehead to his knees.
“Of course you can. Just takes practice and consistency.”
“It’s impressive.”
“Sure is,” Bellamy says. “Specter must appreciate it.”
Colson winks at us. “He’s a fan.”
We all laugh. I’ve been enjoying my weekly get-togethers with Colson and Bellamy. Sometimes Pax joins us, but his schedule is weird now that he’s doing some part-time hockey coaching for teens, and he’s a lot older than all three of us.
It’s been a couple of months since everything went down with Leon, and one thing that makes me feel even better about what I did is Carnage finding out that Leon had plans to do what he was planning for me to two other guys as well, but hadn’t lined up actual buyers yet.
Some of the guys who work at Redlight were happy to spill the tea after some prompting from my man.
I was just the beginning of what Leon hoped would be his money-making future. Sex trafficking, pimping, sex parties. Seems the drug biz is too competitive so he branched out, looking to get involved with any of the rings swirling around the city.
“I have a question,” Bellamy says, gazing down at his manicured nails. “Stealth mentioned you went out with Carnage one night for work recently.”
I nod. “I did.”
“He brought it up because he thought it might be good for me to talk to you about it.”
“In what way?”
“You’ve seen them work. Up close. If Carnage took you with him, then it can’t be too dangerous, right?”
“Do you want to go out with them?” Colson asks.
Bellamy shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I think I just need to know that…” His words trail off as he shrugs. “I don’t know, honestly. I get in my head about it, you know? I imagine terrible things happening.”
“I get it. I think it would be naive to say that what they do is safe. There are risks, but these guys know what they’re doing and they always make sure they have the upper hand.”
“I agree,” Colson adds. “What happened to Specter was a rare situation. None of them had ever been shot or hurt before.”
“I guess…” Bellamy exhales. “You saw Carnage kill someone, right?”
“Yes.”
“Did it make you feel differently about him?”
“No. I see him as the incredible, intense, but loving man that he is. He’s able to do what he does and then he leaves it.
When he’s with me, he’s the sweetest. His love is like a warm blanket, your favorite book, or your comfort movie.
I’m safe and loved. What he does for work is just one part of who he is. ”
“Specter is similar in some ways,” Colson says. “His love is a lot. He’s overprotective and possessive, and I fucking love it because I know without a doubt how much I mean to him. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me. I don’t even think about what he does. Not really.”
Bellamy nods, clearly thinking over our words.
I feel weird having this conversation knowing what I did to Leon.
How after that I went out for several nights with Carnage while he hunted down every person associated with Leon and made sure they never saw another morning.
Leon is the only one whose death I participated in, but I witnessed the others.
“Um, guys, I—” The words won’t come. I’m sure Colson would be fine about it, but Bellamy is already in a weird spot.
“What?” Bellamy asks.
“I think maybe you should try to go out with them once. At least with Stealth. He’d protect you.”
Colson tilts his head as he studies me. “I agree.”
“Maybe,” Bellamy says. “I want to not care, you know? I want to be confident around… them.”
“Do you still have feelings for Shadow?” Colson asks.
Bellamy nods. “Yes. It hurts not being with him, but I don’t want to make a mistake and hurt him again.
I don’t want to get back into it and then find out I can’t handle it.
” He drags a hand through his light blond hair.
“I’m leaving next month for a family trip to France.
I’m hoping to really sort my feelings out before I get back. ”
“Maybe the time away will be good for you.”
“Yeah.” He quirks his lips. “You guys think that maybe Stealth and Shadow have some lingering feelings between them? Both of them insist they don’t when I ask, but it’s just a vibe I get.”
“Not just you,” Colson says. “But yeah, if they do, they aren’t talking about it.”
“Sometimes I wonder if me being here is keeping them from pursuing something together.”
Colson and I look at each other, but neither of us say anything. We’ve chatted and agreed that we think it’s either a nasty love triangle brewing or a sexy throuple in the making, but that’s not our place to say.
“You’ll figure it out” is what Colson eventually says.
“You will,” I agree.
The door to the basement opens and several sets of heavy footsteps barrel towards us. Carnage is first, his eyes searching for me and a sexy smile spreading across his lips when he finds me. Then Specter enters, beelining it straight for Colson, then finally Whisper.
“We’re going to Segreto tonight,” Whisper says. “Blush is debuting.”
Colson rolls his eyes. “Duh. I told you that two weeks ago.”
“I know but I was distracted. He should have some friendly faces in the crowd.”
Colson grins. “Oh, is that what you are? A friendly face?”
“That’s me. What’s he like?”
“I have no idea. He seems fun, but his life outside of work is a mystery.”
“So you don’t know if he has a man?”
“Pretty sure he doesn’t. He said something about being too young to settle down.”
Whisper frowns. “How old is he?”
“Thirty-three. He’s not too young for shit.”
“Oh. I was afraid you were gonna say he was twenty-one or something.”
“Nah. Like I said, I don’t know much about him, but he does party.”
“I can handle that.” Whisper winks and darts up the stairs again, calling out, “Be ready at nine.”
Specter grins. “He’s obsessed.”
“Sometimes obsession works out,” Colson replies in his sultry voice.
“I think I’ll go upstairs now,” Bellamy says.
Carnage closes in on me, taking my hand and kissing my palm. “Got you something.”
“What?”
“A new outfit. The one you were looking at last week online. Figured it would be nice for a night out at Segreto.”
“You spoil me.”
“Yep. Told you I would.”
“I got you something too.” I walk over to the little table where I left my shopping bag and hand it to him. I hope he likes them, and more importantly, I hope he uses them.
Carnage opens the small cardboard box inside, a smile spreading over his face when he realizes what they are. “Gloves.”
“The finest leather. Supposed to feel like a second skin. You need to protect your hands more.”
He kisses me softly. “I love them, and it’s so thoughtful.”
“Will you wear them?”
He nods. “I promise.” After kissing me again, he says, “Want to go up and try on the outfit for me?”
“If that’s code for ride you like a rodeo bull before we go out tonight, then yes.”
“Excellent.”