Chapter 28
ESSENCE
The warmth of the mid-afternoon sun wakes me from a restless sleep. I sit up in bed covered in a cold sweat. The room I’m in doesn’t look familiar at first, and I start to panic before remembering I’m at my sister’s house.
Last night wasn’t a dream.
No, it was a fucking nightmare. No corner of my mind was safe from the gruesome sight I’d witnessed.
The man I had been fantasizing about is a cold-blooded killer. All he could do was laugh as my boyfriend lay dead at his feet.
My stomach turns violently. I jump off the bed and run towards the bathroom, but I’m unable to make it in time before I’m falling to my knees and vomiting all over the floor.
“Essence?” Ebony calls from down the hall. I hear her rapid footsteps pounding on the hardwood floors before she’s at my side pulling me up.
“I’m sorry,” I say on a sob, wiping the tears streaming down my face.
Ebony gently sits me down on the edge of the bed and hands me a glass of water from the nightstand. “Don’t apologize, babe. You’ve been through enough.”
While my sister cleans my mess, I sip on the water and take deep breaths to calm the nausea roiling in my stomach. I have to call Dante to check on Lunchbox and to let him know what happened. He’s probably worried about me right now, and I feel horrible that I can’t get into contact with him.
Maybe I could call the fire station? But I don’t know even know which one he works at.
I set the glass down on the table and sigh.
This is all so fucked. I’d silently begged and pleaded with myself for years to leave Evan, but now that he’s gone, all I feel is this emptiness inside of me.
To be honest, I don’t even know if it’s so much that he’s dead than it is how he died.
It never once crossed my mind that the masked man was capable of doing something so violent and depraved.
Ebony comes to sit beside me on the bed. My body molds to hers as she wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. I bury my face in her thick curls as a fresh wave of tears overtakes me.
I’m not sure how long we sit like that, but the sound of Matthew’s little footsteps slapping against the hardwood floors brings me back to the present.
“Aunt Essy!” he squeals, running into the room and jumping into my lap with the cutest little laugh. “You’re here!”
“Hey, buddy.”
Matthew bounces up and down in my lap in excitement, but I still hold him as tight as possible.
Ebony runs her hands through his thick afro. “Be gentle with Auntie, baby. She’s not feeling well.”
He pulls away and looks up at me with those big brown eyes I love so much. “Are you sick?”
I give him a small smile. “My tummy doesn’t feel very good.”
He jumps off my lap. “I’ll get you some medicine,” he calls behind him as he runs out the door.
Ebony and I share a laugh and follow him into the living room where he pulls out his doctor set that I bought him for his birthday.
Chris, my brother-in-law, is a doctor, and Matthew has already made it clear that that’s what he’s going to be when he grows up.
It’s so sweet; he makes me so excited to have my own little one someday.
Chris walks into the living room with a suitcase and duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. As soon as he sees me, he walks over and pulls me in for a tight hug. I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.
“I’m so sorry about Evan,” he says quietly. “How are you doing?”
I pull away from him and run a hand tiredly over my face. “I’m still trying to process it.”
He nods, his dark brown eyes full of compassion. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to. I’m sure going back to that house won’t be easy.”
I chuckle harshly. “Yeah, no kidding.”
He gently takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger and places a soft kiss on my forehead, then he walks over to his wife and son. “The conference shouldn’t be long. I’ll be back on Saturday.”
I watch the three of them embracing each other, feeling sad all of a sudden.
My mind drifts back to Evan and the life we could have had together if only he’d decided to get his shit together.
Then his face slowly turns into Dante’s face, and my cheeks warm.
I can’t really describe what we are, I just know that being with him feels right.
So now I’m imagining the two of us with Lunchbox and a little baby crawling around us. Our happy, perfect life.
After Chris leaves, I sit on the couch and watch Matthew play with his toys while Ebony goes to the kitchen to make some soup.
Thankfully, Chris has already ordered me another phone and it should be delivered in the next few days, which I’m so grateful for.
In the meantime, Ebony lets me use her phone to call Officer Santino.
Unsurprisingly, my house is now a crime scene. They’re going to let me come back and get some things since I won’t be able to stay there for a while, but now I don’t even know if I want to go back there.
“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about before we hang up?” she asks me.
“Yes, actually…” I trail off, feeling awkward for what I’m about to ask her. “I know this is probably a long shot, but do you know of a firefighter named Dante Romano?”
“I do, actually,” she says.
I perk up at that. “He’s watching my dog for me, and I wanted to call him and let him know that I'm okay, but since my phone is destroyed, I don’t have his number. Do you have his number by chance?
“I don’t,” she says, to my disappointment. “But I can give you the number to his station if you would like.”
“I’d appreciate it,” I say gratefully.
“Of course.”'
I breathe a sigh of relief and quickly find a pen and piece of paper to jot down the station’s phone number.
“So it’s one phone that all of the firehouses share, but when you call, they’ll be able to direct you to the correct station,” Officer Santino says.
“Thank you so much,” I tell her before hanging up and calling the number.
I was so excited that I didn’t even think to ask her which station he works at, so I spend the next few minutes asking if he works at the station I’m speaking with and being redirected when it’s not the right one.
Finally, Dante’s Fire Captain answers.
“Hi,” I say, but then I pause awkwardly because I can’t seem to figure out what else I want to say.
“Hi…” he says slowly. “Can I help you?”
I clear my throat. “Um, yes actually. I’m looking for my friend Dante Romano. Does he work at this station?”
“Yes, he does. Would you like to speak with him?”
I smile. “Yes, please. Thank you.”
There’s rustling on the other end, and then a few seconds later, Dante answers, sounding breathless.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Essence,” he says on an exhale. “Where the hell are you? Are you okay? Lunchbox and I have been worried about you.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “I know, I’m sorry. Something really bad happened last night, and I don’t have my phone anymore.”
“Where are you?” he asks.
“My sister’s house.”
“Give me her address. I’m coming to see you.”
My cheeks flame at the thought of seeing him again. “But, what will your boss say?”
“I’ll just let him know it’s an emergency,” he says matter-of-factly. “He’s understanding.”
I smile and give him Ebony’s address. He promises to be here soon before he hangs up.
“Who was that?” Ebony asks as she comes back into the living room with a bowl of soup and a cup of tea. “You must be crazy about him if he’s got you all red-faced like that.”
I chuckle and take the food from her. “You know that firefighter I’ve been talking about? Dante?” She nods. “I was staying with him yesterday after Evan and I had a fight, and he’s on his way here. He’s going to bring Lunchbox so I can see him, and I gave him your address—I hope you don’t mind.”
She waves a hand dismissively. “If you trust him, I trust him.”
I smile and blow on a spoonful of the chicken noodle soup she made me before taking a bite. It’s so delicious; I settle deeper into the couch and sit with my legs crossed while I eat.
Ebony runs a hand through my hair and down my arm, lightly grazing my skin with her fingernails. “How are you holding up, Essence?” she asks softly.
I shiver from the tingles her soft scratching gives me. “I’m conflicted,” I answer honestly.
“About what?”
Should I say it out loud? I feel like a terrible person for even thinking it.
“Sis?”
“I’m relieved that Evan’s dead,” I blurt out quietly so Matthew doesn’t hear, but he’s having so much fun with his doctor kit that he’s not even paying attention.
“He made my life an absolute hell, and I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with him anymore.
But the more humane part of me realizes that he died a gruesome death, and I’m not sure he completely deserved it.
I didn’t want him dead, I just wanted him out of my life, but a part of me feels like I should thank his killer. I’m a monster, aren’t I?”
She shakes her head. “Of course not. Evan put you through a lot. Whoever his killer is had no business doing what he did, but I do have to admit that I’m happy you’re finally free.”
“Yeah…” I trail off. My mind drifts back to all the abuse I suffered from Evan, the yelling and screaming, the gaslighting, the physical violence…
I don’t have to endure that anymore. Though the circumstances aren’t what I’d wanted them to be, I finally got out.
I made it.
“Essence?”
I sit up and look at Ebony. Her dark brown eyes—exactly like mine and Mom’s—are filled with concern.
“Where’d you go?”
“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind is all.”
Ebony nods. “Of course you do. I want you to get some rest for the day. We’ll figure out the next steps when you’re ready.”
I take another bite of the soup and nod. “Okay.”
Ebony kisses my cheek and goes back into the kitchen. I spend the rest of the day right where I’ve been wanting to be for a while now—with my family. Even though I wish my parents were here, I’m glad that I have my sister and Matthew living so close by so I can see them whenever I want.
After dinner, I give Matthew a bath and get him ready for bed so Ebony can have some time to herself.
We have a dance party to get his wiggles out, then we wind down with some books and soft music.
Soon, he’s passed out in my lap. I lay him down so he’s nestled into his pillows, press a soft kiss to his forehead, and turn on his nightlight.
I stand at his door for a moment and watch him sleep. Something in my heart tugs at the sight, at the innocence of him resting.
Despite how I’m feeling after what happened last night, a part of me still wants to see the masked man again. But I won’t allow him to hurt my family, which means he can’t come here.
Even though I still don’t know him well, something tells me he wouldn’t do anything to them, but still…
If he was capable of such brutality, who knows what lengths he’ll go to get to me?