Chapter 31 Esmeralda
Esmeralda
Ignacio left her the second they were out of sight of the ringmaster’s wagon, claiming he needed to send correspondence to the Defiant.
That was fine. She had things to do herself.
Like wallow. Like pontificate. Like replay their kiss in her mind on repeat because it had left her lips raw and hungry for more.
Her body had come to life under his touch as if it remembered every place where he had once kissed her, as if it remembered how good he’d made her feel the night he turned eighteen.
She should have known better than to get lost in his embrace. He had betrayed her in the worst sort of way. He had used her and left her after she’d offered him the most intimate parts of herself.
She paused.
That had been almost exactly one year to the day.
“Stars above,” she whispered.
“Talking to yourself like usual, I see.”
Esmeralda spun around. “Camila?”
“In the flesh.” Camila limped out of the shadows.
She had bandages wrapped around half her limbs, and her long black hair, which was normally braided and pinned up, fell in a tangled mess down her back.
“I’m surprised to see you out here. I figured you’d still be in the Big Top enjoying your debut in the spotlight. ”
Esmeralda winced.
“I’m not mad at you for wanting to continue in the Running. I know how important all of this”—Camila gestured toward the carnival—“is to you. But why did you stay away? What kind of person doesn’t even come to check in on a friend after a ton of marble columns crashed on them?”
Esmeralda’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t think I know how to be a friend,” she admitted. “You don’t deserve that, Camila. I don’t deserve you. Maybe it’s better if I let you have your space.”
Camila snorted. “What sort of shitty answer is that? That’s not what you should do.
Not at all.” With a grunt, she lowered herself onto a candy cane–colored bench.
“I know you didn’t have siblings like I do, or very many relationships for that matter, but let me explain how this works.
If you care for someone, and you’ve done something that hurts them, you don’t run away.
You do the opposite. You wade through all the discomfort and awkward feelings and face that person head-on and admit you messed up. ”
Esmeralda toed the dirt. “That sounds absolutely horrible.”
“It is.” Camila smiled. “But love is horrible.” When Esmeralda balked, Camila chuckled. “The people we love can be annoying, and irritating, and sometimes you want to grab them by the ears and scream at their pretty faces.”
Esmeralda’s nose scrunched.
“But I’d take all the aggravations in exchange for having my loved ones with me. Especially after what happened to my sister. We need each other. We gotta stick together because we are a family now.” She pointed at Esmeralda. “Whether you like it or not.”
Esmeralda didn’t warrant this sort of friendship.
She’d never done anything to be worthy of Camila.
Or Gabriel. Or Pilar. Or Ignacio. She was snappy and rude.
She was pushy and sarcastic. She had never been as good to them as they were to her.
And that realization made her want to dig herself into a hole.
“We’re leaving,” Camila said.
Esmeralda’s eyes shot to her friend. “So ángel kicked you out too.”
Camila nodded. “He said we could stay on until Pilar is healed, but I refuse to be here for a moment longer than I have to.”
They were leaving her. She understood why, but that didn’t ease the hurt gathering between her ribs.
“Come with us,” Camila said.
Esmeralda blinked. “Me?”
“There are already so many mouths to feed in my grandparents’ house. What’s one more?”
“But…the carnival rules…I can’t leave before my year is up. And I couldn’t anyway because Comandante Olivera knows I’m still in the country.”
“Better to face him than what’s inside the carnival,” Camila grumbled.
“Why do you say that?”
Camila surveyed the area, but there was only the two of them. “Something happened the night of the accident. Remember the cuffs ángel gave me and Pilar? They…This is going to sound nuts, but—”
“They burned.”
Camila’s light brown skin paled. “How did you know?”
“It happened to me tonight. And maybe to Paco too. He…He’s…he’s gone.”
A startled gasp came from Camila. She stood, limped forward, and grasped Esmeralda’s shoulder with her uninjured hand. “We’ve got to get out of here before something else happens. Come with us. Please. Your officer can come too for all I care.”
“He’s not an officer, actually. Turns out Ignacio is also a runaway.”
“Then he’s one of us.”
One of us. Us. Esmeralda was part of an us.
Even after she’d been nothing but a wretched friend, Camila still wanted her around. Esmeralda’s heart squeezed tight in her chest.
Living in a home sounded absolutely lovely. But it was too good to be true. So long as she was wanted by the law, she would never be at peace. She would bring only trouble to the Sánchezes. Ignacio would as well.
“I can’t come,” she admitted.
“You’re in danger, Esmeralda. I think we all are. I was so lost in the magic and enchantments. In the glitter and chaos. But I see through it now. There’s darkness here.”
Esmeralda thought about that thing watching them from within the black mirrors. Something truly was wrong with this place. But even so, she couldn’t put her friends at risk.
“The moment I exit these gates, I’m doomed. And I’ll bring you down with me.”
But if Ignacio found the evidence he needed to expose the comandante’s war crimes, if he took away the power Comandante Olivera had over the country, she might have a shot at a life outside Carnival Fantástico’s shimmering enchantments.
“When are you planning on leaving?” she asked.
“As soon as possible. Gabriel is rigging up a motorized chair for Pilar as we speak.”
Knowing how clever Gabriel was, she was sure he’d have it ready soon.
“He’s coming with us too,” Camila said. “Gabriel promised to help me get Pilar home and then he plans to meet up with Javier. He senses something off with this place too.”
And it was somehow connected to Comandante Olivera. The ink, that thing in the mirror, the Running, ángel, General Keara. They were all linked somehow.
“Didn’t Gabriel once tell us Javi has connections within the palace?” Esmeralda asked.
“I think so.”
“If you see him before I do, have him send word to Javi. Tell Gabriel to ask him to dig around and see if he can find anything fishy about the carnival.” Esmeralda spun on her heel and made to leave.
“Wait!” Camila said. She held out her hand. “You’re the bee’s knees.”
Esmeralda grinned. She licked her thumb and pressed it into Camila’s palm. “And you’re the cat’s meow.”
Camila’s face turned serious. “Promise me you’ll come with us. We can face whatever comes together.”
“I won’t bring my problems to you and your family.” Camila started to argue but Esmeralda cut her off. “Which means I have very little time to figure out how to ruin the comandante before it’s time for us to go.”
Camila’s face lit up with surprised relief.
Before she could talk herself out of it, Esmeralda slid her arms around Camila’s waist and hugged her as fiercely as she could without adding insult to her already bruised body.
“What’s this for?” Camila asked, squeezing Esmeralda tight with her uninjured arm.
“For you not being a shitty friend. For teaching me how not to be shitty too.”
Camila’s laughter rumbled through her chest. “You don’t make it easy. But you’re worth it.”
Hot emotion gathered in Esmeralda’s throat. Before Camila could make her any more of a sap, Esmeralda took off.
As fireworks exploded in the night sky, she sprinted toward Ignacio’s shared boxcar. Surely, he would be there by now. Sparks fell through the air. Even from this far outside the main hub of the carnival, she could hear the delighted cheers of onlookers.
She slid the boxcar door open and called out his name. The communal space was for the carnival hands and general performers with no assigned act. It smelled of sweat and cigars and was an absolute mess. Ignacio must hate it.
Her eyes grazed over the dozen or so bunks, stacked in threes. The beds were empty, however. Their bedding was thrown back haphazardly as if everyone had woken up in a rush. She stopped when she came upon a cot with sheets so crisply folded over the corners it could only belong to one person.
Obviously, Ignacio wasn’t there.
Her fingers twitched.
“Don’t do it,” she told herself. “Don’t be petty.”
But who was she kidding? She clutched his blankets and pulled them loose.
“That’s for breaking my heart.” She chopped a hand into the center of his pillow.
“That’s for being so handsome.” She wiggled the sheets from their home tucked beneath the mattress.
“That’s for kissing me into oblivion when you don’t love me anymore. ”
Something slipped from between the slats of the cot. Esmeralda knelt and plucked up the folded piece of parchment. She opened it. Her eyes narrowed.
“What’s this?” She couldn’t understand what she was seeing on the page.
Tears filled her eyes as she read the words scrawled angrily on the parchment. She shook her head in silent protest.
“What the hell, Ignacio.”