Chapter 33 Esmeralda
Esmeralda
“The moment I left you in the courtyard with that ultimatum, I ran to my room and packed my things,” she said.
She remembered how pitiful she felt. That everything she owned in life could fit in a single satchel.
But if she had Ignacio, it didn’t matter.
And if he chose to go to the Blackbirds like his father asked?
Then she’d make do. She was not going to stay under the comandante’s roof if Ignacio wasn’t there—indenture sentence be damned.
“I wanted to leave the second you told me about your enlistment,” she said.
“But I knew I had to give you time to make that choice yourself. I didn’t want you to resent me for forcing you to turn your back on your duty.
Your family. I knew you idolized the comandante.
Even though the man treated you more like a soldier than son, you loved him. ”
“I did” was all Ignacio said.
“After I finished packing my bag, I snuck into the kitchen to gather supplies. While in the pantry, I overheard the serving staff whispering about how they were going to miss you. They said you had already marched through the gate carrying a duffle filled to the brim.”
Her stomach hurt even thinking of the betrayal she felt back then.
“I must have lost my mind for a moment because I dropped everything and ran after you. I figured you’d be at the train station.
Or the comandante’s headquarters in the center of the city.
” Ignacio blinked with confusion, but she went on.
“Just as I exited the gates to the manor, I saw that awful motorcar your father loved puffing up the main road. I froze, knowing I’d been spotted. ”
The car had slowed to a rumbling halt. She remembered thinking the engine purred like a well-fed cat. The rear window had squeaked open, and the comandante eyed her from the shadows within the vehicle.
“Your father asked if my being outside the gates had anything to do with you,” she said. “I had been too shocked to reply. And that was when he told me he had just been with you on the way to the station. He said you told him everything about our relationship and that I asked you to run away.”
Ignacio shook his head. “That isn’t true. I mean…I was with him, but he never took me to the station. And I did tell him about us…but I—”
A sob escaped her. The comandante hadn’t been lying.
Ignacio took her by the arms. Tears stained his own cheeks. “I told him that I loved you. That I’ve loved you since we were kids.”
She sucked in a breath. “You did?”
“Yes, Dovie.” His thumbs brushed up her arms and chills rolled down her spine.
“But I didn’t tell him everything. The moment you asked me to run away with you, I knew I would, but you left in such a hurry, and I was still so numb with shock that I just stood there in the courtyard like a damn statue. ”
She laughed bitterly at the thought.
“When I regained my senses, I knew the savings I kept under my bed wouldn’t be enough. I ran to my room and filled my duffle bag with anything I could find of mine that was of worth. I left to try and pawn it off.”
Esmeralda’s knees went weak. “That was why the staff saw you leaving?”
“Yes.”
He eased them onto his bunk and his hands slid to find hers. He squeezed her fingers tight. That was so like him. Always knowing exactly what she needed at the exactly right time.
“My father spotted me walking through town and told me to get inside his motorcar. When I sat on the car bench, the duffle fell on its side and the dove statue we won at the boardwalk tumbled out. He questioned me about it. That’s when I told him I loved you.
But everything else I told him after that was a lie.
I made up some story about how I wanted to give you a gift to remember me by when I left for the Blackbirds.
That seemed to be enough for him because he had his driver bring me to a pawnshop across town.
He told me to leave the statue in his care, that it wasn’t worth anything monetarily anyway.
Then Father left me at the shop and told me to be back by supper because he was hosting a goodbye party for me. ”
“That was why he had our love dove statue,” she whispered. Her chin fell to her chest. “I’m such a fool.”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s true. When your father caught me trying to chase after you, he told me there was no use in running to the station because you were already gone. I stood there shaking my head in disbelief, but then he showed me the figurine.”
It was a sculpture of two doves in flight. Their wings formed into a heart. Ignacio had won it for her in a shooting game. She had teased him that one of the doves looked like a pigeon.
“Your father gave me the statue and said you no longer wanted it or anything to do with me. He said you’d only ever been my friend because you pitied me. That you bedded me the night before as a goodbye.”
Ignacio’s eyes flashed with fury. “He. Said. What?”
“I was so devastated. To know that I trusted you with my body and then you shared those intimate details with your father, who sat there staring at me as if I were nothing.”
The anger twisting his features crumpled. “Dovie, I would never disrespect you like that,” Ignacio whispered.
“I know that now. I should have known better then. But you were gone, and he had the statue, and I…I’ve been left before,” she sobbed.
He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. His warmth snapped the last strands of her composure. Her tears broke loose, and her shoulders shook with a year’s worth of shame.
“I didn’t want to believe you’d do that to me,” she said through her cries.
“But then I ran to your room and saw that most of your favorite things were gone. Your prized trophy from the athletic trials at school. The gilded frame that showcased your mother’s photograph.
Half of your clothes. I tore off the ring you’d given me the night before.
I couldn’t stand the thought of you making promises that you had no intention to keep. ”
The hurt was still there, writhing under her skin.
“I found the loose floorboard where you kept your savings, then went to my room and grabbed my satchel. I smashed the doves and ran away. But soon after, your father’s men caught me and threw me in a cell.”
Ignacio’s arms squeezed her tight. His pulse pounded in her ear. “I am so sorry, Dovie.”
She clamped her eyes shut. “Me too.”
Silence bled between them like an open vein. She didn’t know what to think. What to say. Where did they even go from here? All she knew for certain was that neither one of them had wanted to leave the other behind.
And yet, they had.
Of course she had. She had hardly thought herself worthy of Ignacio in the first place.
He was so good. So strong and handsome. He was the son of one of the most powerful men in the country.
She had believed he had turned his back on her and joined the Blackbirds.
That he betrayed her to his father. He joined the Blackbirds, but could she blame him? He thought she had betrayed him first.
Her hurts slowly morphed into anger when she thought of what they’d both been through. She eased from his embrace.
“I still don’t understand how you got this letter,” she said. “It has our nicknames. It talks about our argument. Did your father—”
Ignacio shook his head. “He couldn’t have faked something like this. There would have been a mistake. Some sort of tell. I know your handwriting through and through. I know the bit of humor woven through the fabric of each sentence you write. There’s no mimicking that.”
“Unless he used enchanted ink,” she offered. “Like my cards.”
They both stared at each other as that possibility sank in.
“So, you didn’t write those words,” he whispered.
“No.”
He sighed and rested his forehead on hers. “I thought you finally realized you were too good for me.”
“How could you think such a thing?” she asked.
“Look at you, Dovie. You’re so…you’re…You shine. You light up every room you walk into. Your laughter is contagious. You aren’t afraid of causing a ruckus. I always worried you’d grow bored of me. That I would disappoint you somehow.”
“Never,” she whispered.
His chin quivered. “An entire year of missing you. Of yearning and aching and thinking my bones might break from the weight of your absence. It could have been prevented. If I was better…if I didn’t fail you—”
“You didn’t.” Tenderly, she cupped his face with her hands. His honey-colored eyes pierced into hers. Yet, he said nothing.
He didn’t have to. She could see every emotion in his gaze. The pain, the regret, the love. She hoped he saw hers too.
“We both made mistakes,” she admitted. “We were so na?ve. How could we possibly know your father would do something like that, even if he is the world’s largest prick?”
Ignacio snorted. “You’ve always had a way with words.”
“I know. It’s why you love me.”
His face grew serious. “I do.” His fingers slid over her own. “You must know that I’ve always loved you. I never stopped. Not for one second. Even when I tried to quit you, my heart must have known the truth. That our love is real. It’s not some enchanted thing.”
He had changed so much during their time apart, and so had she, but the depth of their feelings had remained.
It wasn’t just the physical—though, that was there too—it was more.
It was the true knowing of each other. The history they shared and the future they once spoke of.
The laughter and tears and comfort they gave.
Their lips found each other’s, and every part of her bloomed to life.
He tasted like a warm summer night. He tasted like home. Her home. And she never wanted to be apart from him again.
The door to the boxcar screeched open, and Esmeralda and Ignacio broke away. One of the ringmaster’s ratas peered in. Does the ringmaster know we snuck inside his office? Ignacio put his body in front of hers, shielding her from what was to come.
“We’re packing up for the next stop,” the rata said.
Packing up? Was it daybreak already? She didn’t even get to open her fortune teller wagon once. Granted, she had been busy performing. And sneaking into the ringmaster’s office. And unraveling all the secrets of her past.
“I need to pack my wagon,” Esmeralda said.
“I’ll come with you,” he replied.
“No, you won’t. All strong bodies are assigned to tent teardown,” the rata said to Ignacio. “Hurry up, we don’t have all morning.” The rata spun on his heels and marched off into the sunrise.
She and Ignacio sighed with relief. “Looks like the ringmaster doesn’t know we were in his office,” she said.
Ignacio’s eyes darkened. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past year, it’s to never trust what I don’t know for certain.”
They stood. She blushed at how silly she’d been for messing up his bedding when she had first found his bunk.
She bent down to fix his sheets, but he stopped her with a shake of his head.
“Leave it,” he said. “Turns out I like messy things.”
She barked a laugh. “Are you talking about me?”
He wiped a lingering tear from under her eye, then kissed her forehead. “I’m talking about us.”