13. Emilia & Smith
Emilia: I’d like to set up a day where our film crew can follow you around your apartment when you get back.
Emilia: We did this with Woodworth last year, and the fans loved seeing glimpses into his life outside of the rink.
Smith: Well, hello to you too.
Emilia: Sorry. In work mode.
Emilia: Hi.
Smith: This being-followed-around thing…do I have to?
Emilia: Yes.
Smith: Okay, fine.
Smith: But I’ll probably complain about it the entire time.
Emilia: I’ll make a note of that.
Smith: Can you also make a note that I’m being forced to do this stupid player profile? I’d like a content warning before every video, please.
Emilia: No.
Emilia: Also, you’re extra sassy today. Did someone piss in your cereal?
Smith: I drew the short stick and have to sit next to Miller during travel today.
Emilia: Wait…do you guys really draw sticks to see who has to sit next to him?
Smith: Yes.
Emilia: OMG!
Emilia: That is so mean!
Smith: You’ve met Miller, yeah? He’s exhausting on a good day.
Emilia: Okay, fine. That’s fair.
Emilia: Sorry you have to endure that.
Smith: Trust me, I’m sorry too.
Emilia: Try headphones?
Smith: Did. They don’t work. He keeps talking.
Emilia: Sleeping?
Smith: Also doesn’t work. He just talks and talks and talks. Even when I pretend to sleep, he still talks, and I can just FEEL him there, so I can never actually fall asleep.
Emilia: Have you tried kneeing him in the nuts?
Smith: That would be breaking dude code, so no.
Emilia: Protect all nuts, not just your own?
Smith: Are we really discussing my nuts right now?
Emilia: No. We’re discussing Miller’s.
Emilia: I’m glad this is on my personal phone and not the company’s.
Smith: That wouldn’t be awkward at all.
Smith: He’s still talking, by the way.
Emilia: What’s he even going on about?
Smith: Right now, he’s listing the acting credentials for Leonardo DiCaprio.
Smith: Just a few minutes ago he was detailing the timeline of STAR WARS. I have no idea how he’s made this jump.
Smith: I’m exhausted and in desperate need of a nap before the game tonight.
Emilia: Go nap so you can win.
Emilia: Oh, and let me know what day works best for you for the player profile.
Smith: I already told you, none of them.
Emilia: And I already told you, too bad.
Smith: You’re about as annoying as Miller.
Emilia: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, OWEN MITCHELL SMITH!
Smith: Cancel the player profile.
Emilia: What’s that?? You want to do not one but TWO TikTok dances?
Smith: *glares*
Emilia: Oh no, I’m oh SO terrified.
Emilia: ^Pure sarcasm, by the way.
Smith: Yeah, I caught that.
Smith: Okay, fine. We can do it the day after I get back since we’re off for two days. Happy?
Emilia: About the profile? Yes. About you insulting me? No.
Smith: I apologize that I called Miller annoying. He’s like, the HOTTEST guy on the team. Nobody with that great of an ass can be annoying. It’s statistically impossible.
Emilia: I’m really not sure you know how statistics work, Miller.
Emilia: Also, looking forward to seeing your black eye during the game tonight.
Smith: What bla
Smith: Sorry. Clearly Miller stole my phone.
Smith: I’m going to go murder him now.
Emilia: I’ll allow it.
* * *
Emilia: I was kidding about Miller’s black eye, but I’m pleased to see he was in fact sporting a fat lip.
Smith: Little shit stain deserved it too.
Smith: Can you tell me why the guys are sending me memes?
Emilia: Memes?
Smith: Yeah, you know, those funny pictures people make and post on social media.
Emilia: I know what a damn meme is, Smith. I’m asking you WHAT memes they’re sending you.
Smith: Oh.
Smith: Memes of me. During arrival photos.
Emilia: Oh. That.
Smith: Yeah, THAT. You knew?
Emilia: I’ve…seen some.
Smith: Okay, but WHY are they happening?
Emilia: It kind of went viral in the hockey community. It’s all over.
Smith: I’m viral??
Emilia: Yep. Great exposure for the team. Not so much for you.
Smith: What’s so great about the photo?
Emilia: I guess it’s because of the intense look in your eyes. You looked like you were ready to murder someone.
Smith: I was.
Smith: The other team, of course.
Emilia: Of course.
Emilia: Also…the comments didn’t help the situation.
Smith: THERE ARE COMMENTS?!
Smith: Okay, wow. I just read some of them on the team’s Instagram.
Emilia: Do you even have an Instagram account??
Emilia: The team is required to follow you if you do.
Smith: I do now, but I don’t intend to use it any. I’ll probably delete it, especially after reading some of that…stuff.
Smith: Should I respond to them?
Emilia: NO! Never respond to the comments!
Emilia: Actually, don’t even read them. Rule number one of the internet is to not even READ the comments. They’re dangerous.
Smith: They’re…something.
Smith: A lot of people were calling me daddy.
Emilia: It’s a compliment.
Emilia: You should have seen the ones we deleted.
Smith: There were MORE???
Emilia: Yes. Some are quite detailed. Reading them was…something.
Smith: All because of a picture??
Emilia: Welcome to the internet, old man.
Smith: *glares*
Smith: I’m not THAT old.
Emilia: Whatever you say, gramps.
Smith: Emilia…
Emilia: Owen…
Smith: You don’t do that often.
Smith: Call me Owen, I mean.
Emilia: Oh.
Emilia: You’re right. I don’t. I guess I never really thought about it.
Emilia: You’ve been Smith since we met.
Smith: That’s fair, I guess.
Emilia: Do you…want me to call you Owen?
Smith: Yes.
Smith: No.
Smith: I’m not really sure, honestly.
Emilia: I can see that.
Emilia: Is it weird being called by your last name all the time?
Smith: Likely nothing different than what military personnel experience, though sometimes it makes me feel like two different people.
Emilia: Which one is the real you? Smith or Owen?
Smith: Which one do you like better?
Emilia: Some days? Neither.
Emilia: But other days? I like them both.
Smith: I’ll make a note of that.
Emilia: You do that.
Emilia: Good luck tonight.
Smith: Thanks.
* * *
Emilia: What are some of your hobbies?
Smith: I don’t really have any.
Emilia: None??
Emilia: Puzzles count as a hobby, especially as much as you do it. I already have that listed, so I need a few more, something to build off of for content.
Smith: I don’t puzzle anymore.
Emilia: WHAT? Why not??? You loved it!
Smith: Lost interest.
Emilia: Hmm. That’s…sad. You seemed to really use it to help you unwind.
Emilia: You didn’t replace it with anything?
Smith: Not really.
Emilia: So what do you do when you’re not at the rink?
Smith: Wish I was.
Emilia: Come on. Give me something here.
Smith: I don’t know, Emilia. I eat, sleep, and breathe hockey. That’s pretty much all I do.
Emilia: That can’t be ALL. I get that hockey is a full-time job, but there’s no way it takes up all of your time.
Smith: Sometimes I volunteer down at the hospital.
Emilia: I know. I cover those.
Smith: No. Outside of the team events.
Emilia: Wait…really???
Smith: Yeah. Keeps me busy.
Emilia: That’s… I didn’t know that.
Smith: Not really something I do for the accolades, so I don’t advertise it.
Emilia: That’s really something, Owen.
Smith: I’d like to keep that out of the profile if we could.
Emilia: Of course.
Emilia: I’ll figure something else out.
Emilia: Thank you.
Smith: You’re welcome.
Smith: See you tomorrow?
Emilia: Tomorrow.