Carolina Comets Group Chat
Miller: Well, well, well. Lookie what I stumbled across.
Miller: It’s our old group chat!
Miller: How much do you guys miss me???
Greer: For fuck’s sake…
Wright: No.
Rhodes: Not a chance.
Lowell: Literally not at all.
Fitzy: I kinda miss you…
Greer: Wow. Way to ruin it, good boy.
Fitzy: I’m not a good boy.
Fitzy: Wait. No. Maybe I am. Someone tell Rosie.
Miller: Ew, guys, come on. Let’s not talk about sex and the kinky shit you guys are into.
Greer: Yeah, we don’t want to hurt the virgin’s feelings because he’s having very vanilla sex.
Miller: Hey! I am not a virgin! Anymore. I’m like a total sex god now. Just ask Scout.
Miller: And also, there is NOTHING wrong with vanilla sex.
Wright: I thought we weren’t discussing sex.
Rhodes: You’re just scared because you know if Harper found out you were discussing your sex life, she’d chop your balls off and smile while doing it.
Greer: I’m team no talking about sex, especially where Miller is involved.
Miller: Come on… Don’t be that way, brother.
Greer: I am NOT your brother.
Miller: YET. Not yet. But once I ask Scout to marry me, and she inevitably says yes, we’re brothers. Deal with it.
Greer: Have I mentioned how much I hate you lately?
Miller: Only every day. But I can read between the lines. I know it’s love.
Rhodes: Wow. Someone’s delusional.
Wright: Can’t believe Scout dates you.
Miller: Oh, she more than dates me. You should hear what she did to me last night.
Miller: Spoiler alert: It was NAUGHTY.
Smith: I don’t even play anymore. How am I still in this chat?
Miller: Aw, guys, he’s so old he already forgot that I said it was our chat from back in the day when we made our second Cup run.
Miller: In case you already forgot about that too, Apple, but YOU WERE OUR VIDEO COACH AND WE WON.
Smith: God, I hope the Serpents beat the shit out of you this season.
Rhodes: And by you, he means you in particular, Miller. Not the rest of us.
Smith: Oh, no. I hope the Serpents take you all down.
Rhodes: Well, that’s just plain rude.
Wright: You know we gotta beat your ass now, right?
Lowell: On the ice. Just to be clear. No need to start threatening the elderly.
Smith: I truly don’t miss you idiots at all.
Fitzy: That’s a lie.
Greer: He misses us soooo much.
Smith: Trust me, I have my own group of idiots to wrangle now. They don’t give me much room to miss you.
Greer: My brother, Lucas, being the biggest idiot of them all.
Wright: I don’t know. Have you met Miller?
Miller: HEY NOW!
Rhodes: What? You know he’s right.
Miller: Fine. He’s a little bit right. But just so you know, I’m totally pouting right now.
Miller: P.S. I still miss you all.
Wright: Shut up, Miller.
Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.
Greer: Shut up, Miller.
Smith: Shut up, Miller.
Lowell: Shut up, Miller.
Fitzy: Shut up, Miller.
Miller: Even you, Fitzy? Damn. That one hurts.
Fitzy: Sorry.
Wright: Don’t apologize to him. He doesn’t deserve it.
Rhodes: He really doesn’t. Did I tell you guys he sent me a video of him singing Miley Cyrus for the Fourth of July? He was definitely partying in the USA.
Lowell: Wait. He sent me that video too.
Greer: Fucking hell. I hate that karaoke machine. Why’s he always carrying it around everywhere?
Fitzy: I think he has a nice voice.
Rhodes: Fuck’s sake, Fitzy. You’re done.
Fitzy: What? I’m just trying to be nice. He’s gone quiet. I think we’ve hurt his feelings.
Wright: Aww, Miller. We hurt your wittle baby fweelings?
Rhodes: If you’re crying, do it quietly. I don’t want to hear that shit.
Greer: Not a fucking peep.
Lowell: I hear enough crying with all these damn kids at home.
Wright: That’s all your fault, you know.
Lowell: Yeah, yeah. I know. I wouldn’t change it, though. I love them.
Miller: Say with me now: AWWWWW!
Rhodes: Dammit. I thought we got rid of him.
Miller: You kidding me? I’m never leaving you guys. I love you dudes too much.
Greer: Take that back.
Miller: Never.
Miller: In fact…
Miller: Collin Wright, I love you.
Wright: Please don’t.
Miller: Adrian Rhodes, I love you.
Rhodes: Swear I’m punching you the next time I see you.
Miller: Ivan Fitzgerald, I love you.
Fitzy: Thanks, man. Love you too.
Miller: Cameron Lowell, I love you.
Lowell: Don’t.
Miller: Owen Smith, I love you.
Smith: That’s it. I’m blocking this chat.
Greer: Don’t you fucking dare, Miller.
Miller: Jacob Greer, I LOVE YOU, brOTHER.
Greer: Love me less. I’m begging you.
Greer: And for the hundredth time, I’M NOT YOUR brOTHER.
Miller: And for the hundredth time, YET. We’re not brothers YET.
Wright: What ARE you going to do when he and Scout get married, Greer?
Greer: Cry.
Miller: Because you’re so happy for us, right?
Greer: No. Because I’ll finally know there really is no escaping you.
Miller: You don’t mean that.
Greer: Every fucking word.
Rhodes: I am so glad my wife doesn’t have any sisters, so I don’t have to deal with this shit.
Lowell: Wright and I are BILs. We make it work.
Greer: Yeah, but Wright isn’t Miller. That means it’s automatically statistically easier to like him.
Rhodes: I don’t know, man. Have you ever had to share a room with Wright?
Wright: Hey! I’m a great roommate.
Miller: Let’s test it. Sleepover at my place?
Greer: No.
Miller: Aw, come on! We could all bring tents and camp in the backyard.
Rhodes: Right. Sure. And we can make s’mores in your firepit.
Wright: Tell ghost stories and drink beer.
Lowell: Order pizza and eat candy until we’re going to puke.
Fitzy: Does anyone else think this actually sounds fun?
Wright: I wasn’t going to say it, but FUCK YES.
Rhodes: I was in with pizza.
Lowell: The WAGS could do a sleepover inside? Don’t want to leave them out.
Wright: Harper would be bummed she’s missing the ghost stories, though.
Rhodes: She can tell them inside. I doubt Ryan would want to sleep in a tent.
Lowell: I wouldn’t want to share a tent with a beast either.
Rhodes: Remember that time I punched you? I’ll do it again.
Smith: Boys…
Miller: LOL, the old man is the voice of reason.
Wright: Shut up, Miller.
Smith: Thanks, Wright. I was just typing that myself.
Miller: But you’re old and slow and can’t type that fast, right?
Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.
Miller: Ugh. FINE.
Miller: So… sleepover?
Wright: I’m in.
Rhodes: Sure.
Fitzy: I’ll bring the marshmallows!
Lowell: You are a marshmallow, Fitzy.
Lowell: And yeah, I guess I’m in.
Miller: Greer?
Greer: Absolutely not.
Miller: Come on… It’ll be fun!
Greer: Not a fucking chance.
Miller: Don’t be grumpy, brother.
Greer: Not. Your. Brother.
Miller: Not. Yet. Brother.
Miller: Please? I’ll be your best friend!
Wright: That’s a horrible deal. Don’t take it, Greer.
Miller: Hey, I am a fantastic best friend! Just ask Fitzy!
Fitzy: We’re best friends?
Miller: WOW.
Miller: Wow, wow, wow, WOW.
Miller: I’m hurt, Fitzy Baby. Absolutely torn up inside.
Greer: You’re not. Shut up.
Miller: Please come to my sleepover, Greer. PLEASE?!
Greer: Will you stop calling me your brother?
Miller: I swear I won’t say another word about it until we’re actually brothers.
Wright: Now that’s a bargain I’d take.
Rhodes: Take the deal, Greer.
Lowell: What Beast said. It’s the best you’ll get, and you know it.
Greer: Fine. Deal. I’ll go to your dumb sleepover.
Miller: YESSSSS!
Miller: You won’t regret it.
Greer: I already do.
Miller: Smith? You coming?
Smith: No way in hell.
Miller: Aww, come on!
Smith: No. And you have nothing to bribe me with, so my answer will remain no.
Miller: Actually, I do.
Miller: Remember that one time you were all sad and mopey because you had to stop seeing Emilia because of her promotion? So you came to me crying, and I came up with a plan to help you win her back? Because I do. Now, come to my sleepover.
Wright: WAIT A DAMN MINUTE
Rhodes: YOU WENT TO MILLER FOR HELP?!
Lowell: NO FUCKING WAY.
Greer: Wow. I used to respect you so much, Apple.
Fitzy: I think it’s great he went to a teammate for help.
Wright: …Smith? Anything to say?
Smith: Fuck.
Smith: Yeah, fine. That happened.
Smith: But just so we’re clear, it wasn’t exactly like that. Yes, I was upset, but no, I did not ask Miller for help. He inserted himself into it because he’s Miller. His plan just happened to work out.
Rhodes: So… you still owe him?
Lowell: Sounds like it to me.
Wright: Yeah, sorry, bud. You’re coming.
Smith: I’ll be there.
Miller: FUCK YES!
Miller: Bring your sleeping bags and pillows, boys, because it’s a SLEEPOVER AT MY PLACE!
Wright: I’m kind of excited. Especially for ghost stories. I’ve got some good ones.
Rhodes: A night with the boys doesn’t sound so bad.
Fitzy: I can’t wait for s’mores. I fucking love marshmallows.
Lowell: The WAGS are going to love it too.
Greer: I hate this team.
Miller: Lies! You love it. You love us. I love you.
Wright: Ughhh. Shut up, Miller.
Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.
Smith: Shut up, Miller.
Lowell: Shut up, Miller.
Greer: What they said.
Miller: Never. Not ever. Want to know why?
Miller: Carolina Comets forever, baby.
Wright: Damn straight!
Lowell: Hell yeah!
Rhodes: Always!
Fitzy: Hear, hear!
Smith: Hmm.
Miller: Greer?
Greer: Yeah, yeah, Comets forever and all that mushy shit.
Miller: Love you…brother.
Greer: SHUT UP, MILLER!