Chapter 8
Two weeks later
Madame Fontaine’s dress and fabric shop was one of the few places in London where Simone felt uncertain.
She would stand amongst the tables piled high with bolts of beautiful fabrics and imagine gown after gown and place after place she’d wear them.
She’d picture how men would look at her when she glided by like a swan.
At least, that’s what she had once done.
In the past few weeks she’d not pictured any men in her future.
Not even the one who still lingered in her bed as protector.
No, when she pictured whose opinion mattered when she wore a gown or chose a perfume or read a book, it was Caroline Banfield whose face kept swimming into her mind.
And when she wanted to find the release of orgasm, it was also Caroline’s image that haunted her fantasies and made her arch beneath her lover or alone in her tangled sheets.
Often she wondered if Caroline was trying the same thing, especially after their vastly inappropriate conversation at Lady Lena’s Salon.
Simone shouldn’t have pushed such an intimate topic in the middle of a busy parlor, but there was something so intoxicating about making Caroline blush.
She tried to shake off thoughts of the pretty widow, but was thwarted once more as she turned and realized that Evelina Comerford was standing at one of the tables across the shop.
All of Caroline’s nieces did look a great deal like her, though Simone tended to think Evelina was the loveliest of all three.
Her eyes, with all those amber highlights like her aunt’s, were far more beautiful, for certain.
Evelina looked up and saw her and Simone managed to get herself together enough to come across the room to greet her. “Oh, Evelina! How wonderful to see you!”
It was true, even if she’d had to fight her inappropriate thoughts to fully focus on Evelina.
She did adore all three Comerford sisters, even if she was closest to Arabella.
But Evelina had fewer edges than her elder sister or Simone.
And Simone found herself examining her closely.
It hadn’t been that long ago she had been betrayed by her protector.
And it was common knowledge she had swiftly taken up with the Earl of Blackburn, who was the cuckolded husband of the woman Evelina’s lover had left her for.
The divorce, the switching of partners, it was causing the stir of all stirs in Society.
But Evelina didn’t look devastated. She looked…bright. Glowing, even. It seemed a little time with a handsome earl was doing her good.
Evelina moved to embrace her with a smile. “Simone, it feels like it’s been an age! How are you, dearest?”
“Very well.” That didn’t feel entirely true, but she ignored the maudlin thought. “I’m just here to pick up a new gown. I was out and about and told Madame Fontaine I would come to her rather than have her deliver it.”
“Ah, Miss Stanhope!” Madame Fontaine said as she came from the back as if she’d sensed the entry of a new customer. “I do have that gown. Let me fetch it.”
When they were alone again, Simone linked her arm through Evelina’s. “Let me guess, you are choosing some new fabrics for some gorgeous gowns Lord Blackburn may strip off you.”
Evelina’s cheeks darkened and her eyes brightened even further. It seemed Simone had hit upon a truth. “One does like to refresh the wardrobe when it comes to a new arrangement.”
“Indeed,” Simone said, and once more her thoughts turned ridiculously to Caroline. Why in the world did she keep doing that? She and the woman were occasional acquaintances, not lovers.
“Oh, Simone, that fabric is lovely,” Evelina said as Madame Fontaine reappeared with a gorgeous rose-pink gown draped over her arm. “That’s my aunt’s favorite color, you know.”
Simone had been staring at the gown and thinking how much it reminded her of Caroline and she started that her thoughts had been spoken out loud. Was that why she’d picked the color? So that Caroline would light up when she saw it?
She knew the answer. In that moment she couldn’t fight it and she didn’t want to.
That was exactly why she’d had the dress made in this color.
And with a higher neckline so that she could wear it to someplace more proper like an art gallery or a salon.
A place where Caroline might see her. Where they would stand together and act like they could be friends.
She realized Evelina was awaiting a response. “Is it? Well, then I hope I’ll bump into her while I’m wearing it. We do see each other from time to time out in the world.”
“She always blushes when she hears your name,” Evelina said with a laugh. “And often asks after you.”
Something in Simone hitched at that fact. She had never imagined Caroline thinking of her much when they weren’t in the same room, let alone asking after her. “I’m glad to hear it. I enjoy her company any time I’m in it.”
“And I suppose she must be a little source of ton gossip for the courtesan network.”
That was an excellent way to explain away her interest in Caroline, of course.
As a woman of higher rank, Simone could have wheedled some information from her.
But the very idea that she would do so actually hurt her, as did the thought that Caroline might think that same thing. That Simone was using her.
“No, I would never think to use her for information.” Evelina blinked, and Simone realized her tone had been very sharp. “I only mean that your very sweet aunt is too gentle a soul to gossip with me. But I have heard some gossip if you are interested.”
She wanted desperately to stop talking about Caroline before Eveline figured out what she was trying to suppress, herself.
And since she had information that would impact Evelina, this was the best way.
So she told her about Evelina’s former lover and his new paramour being turned away from an assembly.
She expected Evelina to smirk in triumph, but instead her expression grew troubled.
“You have a very strange look on your face, dearest. Was I wrong to tell you?”
“No, of course not,” Evelina said, and took her hand to squeeze it. “Truth be told, I am in shock that I don’t feel more about it. Since Harry left, things have been so horrible.”
Evelina came to a sudden stop after she said that and stared off into the distance as if she were re-evaluating everything she’d ever thought or believed.
When she spoke again, her voice trembled. “Well, things in my life were horrible. But hearing that Southwater suffered or that the two of them aren’t getting what they want is…it’s almost as if you’re telling me about two badly behaving strangers. It’s interesting, but it hardly affects me.”
Simone smiled at her. “I’m happy to hear it. Southwater didn’t deserve you, Evie. I never thought it. If you’re moving on then that is something to celebrate.”
Once again, Evelina’s expression was taut, filled with tension. Simone recognized it, after all, she often felt it on her own face. Felt that unexpected pull toward someone she ought not. Felt her life turned upside down.
“Evelina,” Simone said softly. “What is happening between you and Blackburn?”
She blinked. “Nothing. Just an affair, you know how it is.”
Just an affair. She did know how that was. And how it felt different sometimes, even when it shouldn’t. “It doesn’t look like it. Not when I see you out with him. Not when I see you now. Are you starting to care for him?”
“Th-that would be a mightily foolish thing to do considering I did the same with Harry. Broke the cardinal rule of courtesans. To do so twice? You and Arabella would run me out of the profession, I think.”
“Arabella would go to war for you, never run you out,” Simone said.
“And I don’t think she represents courtesans anymore, considering her happy marriage.
As for me…” She trailed off because what she was about to say felt far rawer than it should.
Especially when she was staring at a dress she’d had designed simply to make a woman smile.
“We make the rule to protect ourselves, to put up walls so that our hearts won’t be broken. But sometimes it’s not possible.”
It wouldn’t be possible if she kept dancing around Caroline, would it?
She was exactly the kind of person Simone could become too attached to.
Probably was already too attached to. Heartbreak was always the result of that and yet she kept coming back like a moth to a flame.
She still would, even if she recognized the danger through this conversation.
They spoke a while longer and Simone was left no less concerned about Evelina’s decisions…or her own…when they parted ways with friendly hugs and promises to meet later for tea at Arabella and Silas’s.
But Simone left the dress shop with her gown and with the shaky feeling that she was about to dive off a cliff and there might not be water at the bottom to break her fall.