Chapter 16 #2
“My apologies for making you wait. After you stepped out, Vaughn convinced Evie to go upstairs to rest and I said goodnight before he took her.”
“Oh, then perhaps I should go.” Simone turned, but Caroline caught her hand.
“No. Arabella and Silas are still inside and Vaughn is going to come back down shortly. They made it clear we’re welcome to look at the stars as long as we like.”
Simone sighed, pulled her hand from Caroline’s and went back to staring up at the sky. She saw the first meteor then, a flash of brilliant light moving across the sky with a bright tail trailing behind it. Another followed and then another.
She felt Caroline watching her, though she refused to turn toward her. Not in such a charged moment. She cleared her throat. “With so many falling, I think it might be greedy to make too many wishes,” she said.
“I love you, Simone,” was Caroline’s response.
Simone spun toward her, the comets forgotten as she stared into Caroline’s eyes. Had she truly just said that? And so matter-of-factly and with so much calm in her amber eyes?
“I don’t…” Simone began, and took a step back. “You can’t—”
Caroline took an equal step forward. “I love you.”
Simone’s heart swelled and tears filled her eyes. She couldn’t find breath or words or anything else.
“I don’t expect a response,” Caroline continued gently. “I just needed to say it.”
Simone gasped for air. “Just because I’m the first person to make you come—”
“It’s not about orgasms, Simone,” Caroline interrupted, and this time her voice was sharper.
“The orgasms are wonderful. But it isn’t that.
You are…my God, you are everything. Brilliant in your mind and your face and your heart.
You are everything I have ever dreamed of, even when I didn’t understand what I was dreaming.
You are the person I want to share every moment with because I love you. ”
Simone felt like the world was tilting as those words hit her, pierced her shield, made her almost unable to see through the tears in her eyes.
There was joy and there was pain, it was all mixed and she felt like she was drowning in it.
It wasn’t something she could control or bargain with and in that moment she feared she might just surrender and ruin everything for this wonderful woman.
And so she turned on her heel and she ran.
Caroline sighed as Simone hurried back into the house. “That went well,” she muttered to the stars still falling from above.
She watched them for a moment, making the only wish that mattered now, which was for her to have a chance once Simone’s panic subsided. And then she went inside.
She wasn’t surprised that Simone hadn’t gone back into the parlor where she found Arabella and Silas curled up on the settee together, Arabella’s feet in her husband’s lap as they talked.
Her niece’s brow wrinkled as she watched Caroline enter the room. “Where is Simone?”
“Gone,” Caroline said and shook her head. “She left.”
Arabella sat up fully and exchanged a look with Silas before she said, “Why?”
“You are her friend,” Caroline said softly.
“Yes,” Arabella said slowly. “She is one of my best and most true friends.”
“She needs a friend.”
Silas got up and smoothed his jacket. “I think I’ll step outside and see what all the fuss about shooting stars is. Excuse me, ladies.”
He kissed Arabella’s cheek and squeezed Caroline’s arm as he passed by. He also closed the door to the parlor to give them privacy.
“He’s a very good man,” Caroline said.
“The best of men,” Arabella agreed. “Why does Simone need a friend?”
Here was the moment where Caroline would reveal the truth about herself. Where she would face her niece’s response with all the hope in her heart that Arabella would not love her less because she now knew herself.
“We’ve…we’ve gotten to know each other over the years, you see,” she said, worrying her hands before her. “Become…something. And then…then we became something more.”
Arabella’s lips parted as understanding dawned on her lovely face. “Oh. You’re saying you’re lovers?”
Though it wasn’t something she was ashamed of, it also wasn’t something she’d ever been raised to talk about and the hottest blood rushed to her cheeks.
Caroline was certain she was plum purple now.
And yet, she didn’t stop herself from continuing, because it was too important not to.
“On the terrace I just confessed that I love her. Which I do.”
“You love her,” Arabella repeated. It felt like a lifetime passed after she said those words, though it wasn’t but a moment. Then Arabella came to her, wrapping her in her arms. “Oh, Aunt Caroline! That’s a wonderful thing.”
The relief that washed through her was so powerful that Caroline sagged in Arabella’s arms. “So you aren’t upset by that? Do you think the others would be?”
Arabella drew back her brow wrinkled. “You remember what we were, don’t you?”
“That doesn’t mean you would accept me. Or this if it could ever happen.”
“Of course, we all would. For one thing, none of us is so closed-minded or innocent to think that love doesn’t come in many varieties.
And also, all of us know you like a mother and Simone like a dear friend.
The idea you two could be happy together…
oh, that would make our family complete if it could be.
” Arabella wiped Caroline’s cheek with the back of her hand and it was only then that Caroline realized she was crying.
Joyful and fearful tears mixed. “Come, sit here with me.”
Caroline followed Arabella back to the settee and clung to her hand when she took it.
“I admit I’m relieved that you would accept this, welcome it.
I hoped, but knowing makes it easier. However, it may not matter.
Simone ran away tonight because of what I told her.
She’s been trying to keep me from saying it for some time now. ”
Arabella nodded. “That makes sense. She’s been through a great deal in her life. And we courtesans…we have to find ways to build walls, to give up whatever happiness we once dreamed of. To allow those hopes back in is very frightening.”
“I know,” Caroline said. “I know that. I understand it. But I don’t want her to be alone with it. I wonder if you might go to her, perhaps tomorrow or the next day if you feel a little extra time would help.”
“Go on your behalf?” Arabella asked. “Try to convince her?”
“Oh, no!” Caroline shook her head vehemently. “That’s not at all what I meant. Just so that she has a friend, someone to be there for her.”
Arabella squeezed her hand. “You really do love her.”
“With all my heart,” Caroline whispered.
“Hmmm.” Arabella drew Caroline forward so she rested her head on Arabella’s shoulder.
As if she were a child and Arabella the wise adult, even though Caroline was more than a decade the elder.
“I’ve learned something about that in the last year.
These things tend to work out. And of course I’ll go to her tomorrow and give her whatever she needs as she thinks on this. ”
“Thank you.” Caroline hugged her. “Oh, Arabella…I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t,” Arabella said.
Sitting up, Caroline smoothed her dress as she tried to get herself under control. “You can’t promise that,” she whispered.
“No. I suppose I can’t. But I can promise that she wouldn’t have run if she didn’t feel something for you. If she didn’t want to protect you in her own broken way. And if she wasn’t threatened by all the wonder she could feel in the idea of being loved by you. That’s a good start.”
Caroline nodded and then Arabella got up and held out her hand. “Now, everyone has seen this meteor shower but me and I don’t like being left out. Let’s go out and enjoy it, yes?”
Caroline agreed and followed her to the terrace to join Silas, and there was some relief in the fact that now she wasn’t alone with these feelings or these fears.
But there was really only one person she actually wanted to share them with. She had bolted into the night and Caroline hoped she would be seen again.