Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Liesel
My head’s spinning. I feel like something sucked all the oxygen out of the room.
Being in Jorge’s arms is different from any other man I’ve been with.
It’s like we’ve been a couple for ages. It’s that normal and comforting.
I want the things he said. I feel the way he described.
It’s visceral. It’s intuitive. It’s practically primal.
But it doesn’t negate my feelings for Bastian.
I love him. I live with him because I see—saw—see—the fuck if I know at this point—a future with him.
I saw marriage and maybe children in the future.
We’ve talked about that, but neither of us is sure we want them.
We were going to discuss marriage when he returned from his next overseas assignment.
We want to see how things go during that time apart.
Mostly, it’s how I do with the separation and being left behind.
I was so positive it wouldn’t be a problem.
How deeply in love are you if you’re aching for another man to fuck you? Aching for him to take care of you just like he said? Wanting to submit to him like he said?
I’ve never had thoughts of dominance and submission before. Sure, I like it when Bastian holds my hands over my head or gives me a spank or two during sex. But that’s playful more than anything else.
If I ask Jorge what he means by that, it’ll show it intrigues me far more than it should. That I might consider it. From the way he’s looking at me, he knows my innermost thoughts. Ones I don’t want him to read.
Yes, you do. You want to feel that seen. You want someone who just knows you. Someone you don’t have to explain your feelings to, knowing he’ll listen but won’t truly get it. It’s why you accepted the spanking and crave more of them.
Something about Jorge makes me want to confide my deepest fears. That scares the fucking shit out of me.
What if this is all manipulations?
“Chiquita, if I didn’t mean this, I wouldn’t put all of this on the line.
I wouldn’t suggest there’s more between us because that means bringing you into my life.
Bringing you deeper into this world. I wish that weren’t the case.
But if there were anything between us, it would bring even more danger to your life.
I’ll do anything to protect you, regardless. ”
I study his expression. There’s an openness in his gaze that’s never been there before. I know he’s been sincere since we got here. Even his arrogance is sincere. However, what I see now is vulnerability I don’t think he’d fake. His life depends on never showing that. Not ever.
The longer I observe him, the more I sense a growing anxiety simmering beneath the surface. He’s nervous. He doesn’t want me to see that. It’s not obvious. I can just tell. I think I see him in a way he doesn’t allow others to. Certainly, no one outside his family. It feels special.
“I think I’ve known that all along. Thank you.”
He brushes the back of his fingers along my left cheek.
Then he lets me go, and the real world comes rushing back in.
I’m bereft of his touch. I’m drifting without mooring when I’m out of his embrace.
It’s like being dropped into freezing water after being beside a toasty fireplace.
The man generates a ton of heat. That alone comforted me.
“Try to get some sleep.”
I nod before looking toward the sofa. “You don’t have a pillow or a blanket.”
“I have some work to do.”
“You can’t do that all night. You need sleep too, Jorge.”
“I will once I’m done. I’ll be fine.”
“Bullshit. Let me get a pillow and blanket. There’s bound to be extra in my room. Hang on.”
“Chica—”
“No.”
My resistance makes him grin. He nods, and I turn toward the bedrooms. I feel like I’m slinking back into my room after doing something I wasn’t supposed to.
Having another man hold me, try to seduce me—at the very least arouse me—was completely wrong.
I know it, yet I didn’t stop it. I barely held on to any sense of morality and didn’t accept what he offered.
His honorable refusal to push us to do more made my heart swell. I gained even more respect for him.
I slip into the bedroom, not quite closing the door all the way, but keeping any light from shining in Heidi’s face.
I open the closet and find what I’m looking for.
I creep out again and walk back into the living room.
I leave the bedding at the end of the sofa.
Jorge’s already back at his laptop. He looks up at me and nods.
“Sleep well, little one.”
He calls me that along with chiquita and chica.
It’s presumptuous as fuck.
It’s inappropriate.
It makes me happy.
I wish I had a pet name for him. I called him Jorgito twice.
It was condescending at the time because I was upset with him.
I don’t remember over what. But now I wish I had something equally sweet to call him.
But that only encourages a connection we shouldn’t have.
It’s already bad enough without fostering it on both sides.
I strip off my clothes and climb into bed beside Heidi. She stirs, but she says nothing. I listen for a moment and know she isn’t pretending. She’s dead to the world. I take a few minutes to settle my mind, then I drift into dreamless sleep.
“I have to call Bastian, Jorge. It’s been nearly a full day. I need to tell him something. Heidi has to do the same for Friedrich. We both called in sick already, so it bought us the day. But our boyfriends are going to wonder what’s going on since it’s not the weekend.”
“I know. You both need to be selective about what you say.”
“Can’t we have them come here?”
I want to cringe when Heidi asks. We already agreed the less people know, the better.
Now she wants to bring two more people into the mix.
I guess our boyfriends are already there.
I get why she wants to speak to Friedrich.
She’s scared for us and for him. She wants him to comfort her.
But it puts me in a position where I’ll have to call Bastian too.
I don’t want to explain to my mom and sister why I don’t want the man I love here.
I can’t claim it’s protecting him when he’s safer here than on his own, unaware of the dangers.
Jorge focuses on Heidi, not even glancing at me. “Not yet. If we make no progress before tonight, then yes, they can come here. I know you’d feel better with them.”
I struggle not to wince. I could agree with him, but he and I would know it’s a lie. But in this, I have to be the leader. I pull out my phone and unlock it.
“I’ll call Bastian first. I’ll tell him as little as I can. You stick with what I say when you speak to Friedrich.”
“Fine.”
Jorge shifts his focus to me, and he looks about as thrilled as he would if he walked in to get a root canal. I tap on Bastian’s contact and wait while it rings.
“Guten Morgen, mein Liebling.”
“Guten Morgen.”
I can’t muster an endearment for him while Jorge listens. It feels fake. I’ve never hesitated before. But once Bastian speaks again, the familiarity reassures me as we continue in German.
“Did you have fun last night?”
“It was good to have Mutti and Heidi with me.”
“Did you stay up late chatting?”
“Yeah. How was your night?” That is true; it was just with Jorge.
“Lonely. The bed feels awfully big without you.”
“Now you know what it’s like when you’re on rotation.”
I can’t help but smile. We slip into our easy banter, and the familiarity is even more comforting than I expected. At least, it is until I look up and see Jorge observing me. His expression is impassive. I don’t know what he’s thinking.
“Are you coming home before work?”
“I’m not headed into the office, actually.”
“Why not? You nearly never work from home.”
“Something’s come up, Bastian. It involves Papa. I don’t know the full extent yet, but I think it’s better I stay out of the office for now.”
“Is it his health? Do I need to call anyone?”
I close my eyes and swallow. I wish it were as simple as him calling around the hospitals to see if he can find Papa. I know he isn’t at one.
“No. We’re having problems with an angry client. I’m trying to stay out of sight for now.”
“Did they threaten you?”
There’s a seriousness I rarely hear in Bastian’s voice. I know he feels protective of me, but I’m all too aware of his limitations. He’s a powerful man, and I’d usually put my money on him in a fight. However, this isn’t some bar brawl. He’d be no match for anyone we come across.
“Not me, but they did Papa.”
My attention moves to Heidi, making sure she’s listening. Her story has to match mine since Bastian and Friedrich are best friends. They’ll definitely discuss this.
“Are your mother and sister still with you?”
“Yes. They’re going to stay here with me for the day. I’ll let you know if anything comes up, and we need to stay longer.”
“Longer? Just how serious is this? What does your father say?”
“We’re being cautious. He’s busy right now, so I haven’t spoken to him recently.”
I pray he isn’t busy being dead. I want to believe amputating his hand is the worst these invisible menaces would do, yet I know that’s likely not the case.
“I can switch shifts and come to you.”
“No. I don’t want to inconvenience you. I’d like you to join me if I don't sort things out by tonight.”
“Because you’re worried about my safety too?”
“That’s part of it. I also want to see you.”
I observe Jorge as I say that. It isn’t a lie.
I want to see Bastian. I want the comforts they can both offer.
It’s not like I want a three-way, but they both make me feel safe in different ways.
That doesn’t mean Jorge enjoys hearing me say I want another man here when he confessed what he did last night.
I’d feel wretched if I heard him telling another woman he wants her to come over.
“Keep me informed, mein Liebling.”
“I will, mein Schatz.” My darling.