Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Jorge
I know before she even answers who’s on the other end of the call.
Her expression tells me everything. Then the fact she puts the phone to her ear rather than on speaker confirms it’s Bastian.
I keep my expression impassive, not wanting to show how much it irritates me.
But an outsider looking in would say Liesel and I are the fucked-up ones in this situation, and I don’t really have a leg to stand on to feel pissed that he’s interrupting our first post-coital bliss.
“Hallo?”
She answers in German and continues on after he greets her.
“I was rushing for the phone.”
Fuck, I bet he noted she sounds a bit breathless.
I have to wonder what he’s saying to her as I sit through the silence.
I’m not a fan of silence when someone else controls it.
I’m happy being on my own and don’t need noise to fill my surroundings.
I work best when I can utilize intimidation rather than having to physically mete out justice, so silence is my preferred tool. This might just drive me crazy.
The urge to catastrophize creeps back into my mind. It’s been years since I’ve had to fight the urge so frequently. I feel myself growing anxious as I wait for Liesel to reply. I breathe through my increasing heart rate until I calm.
“Thank you for checking on me, Bastian. We’re all fine.”
He says something that makes her brow furrow.
“That’s none of your business. We aren’t together anymore.”
Liesel remains at the far end of the bed, and I’m certain it’s to keep me from hearing any of her ex-boyfriend’s side of the conversation.
I’ve noticed her habit of biting the left corner of her lower lip when she’s too anxious to be aware of showing her emotions.
I offer her what I hope is a reassuring nod.
I see some of the strain leave her face, but she’s certainly not as relaxed as she was a few moments ago when she was draped across my body.
“Bastian, we’ve discovered things about each other we don’t care for, and they are insurmountable.
You left, and I told you what would happen if you did.
That wasn’t about having time to cool off.
You made your choice, and it wasn’t to support me or my family when I needed you.
This has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with just you.
You don’t like what you decided, and now you regret your choice, but that’s entirely too bad. ”
She remains quiet for a moment before offering me a reassuring smile.
She’s placed her trust in me earlier, and now it’s my turn to reciprocate.
I have to have faith she won’t go back to him.
Nothing she’s said so far makes me think she will, but to my core, I am a realist. I know that when all of this ends and whatever new normal appears, she may decide she acted rashly, and I’m not who she wants after all.
As a person plagued with enough self-doubt on my own without various situations adding to it, I am familiar with these niggling questions and uncertainty.
Fortunately, I know how to push past them, so I employ all those learned skills right now.
Liesel takes the phone from her ear and puts the call on speaker.
I don’t know if it’s to avoid feeling like she’s being rude, or she fears I might think she’s keeping secrets, or she wants moral support because of what he’s saying now.
Hearing his voice on the phone makes my hands fist, a reaction I usually control, but it gets the better of me this time.
“You ended this just so you could fuck that piece of shit mafioso. What? Did you think his dick would be bigger than mine, so you wanted to go for a ride? You’re going to regret this choice when he goes back to the States, and you’re left behind with nothing and nobody.
He’s probably behind all of this anyway.
You’ll have no one to blame but yourself when he gets you injured.
Do you think I’ll cry over your grave when he gets you killed? ”
I can’t disagree there’s truth to what he’s saying at the end.
I know there is. Even after this ends, danger will be ever-present in Liesel’s life now that she’s with me.
I observe her expression and body language as Bastian continues.
She’s tense and scowling off into space.
It’s clear she hates what he’s saying, but I know she’s intelligent enough to recognize the partial truths in what he’s spewing.
“Bastian, enough. Jorge has nothing to do with this. It was about your choice not to support me and take my side in all of this.”
“He has everything to do with it. Even if he’s not responsible for this, you chose him first.”
“I chose a friend who has the means to help. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want you there beside me.”
It’s my turn to look away. That’s hardly what I want to hear.
Liesel crawls back to me and cups my cheek and shakes her head.
I get what she’s trying to convey. It doesn’t mean she didn’t want him there.
It also doesn’t mean she did. She’s trying to make a point about his failure as a boyfriend.
I get that. I remind myself of how conflicted she must feel. This isn’t clean cut for her.
I have no one else to consider or worry about. I have nothing to leave behind like she does. I wish it were as simple for her as it is for me.
Could she have chosen me out of convenience?
Was the spark of attraction already there, and then her need for my help, coupled with physical desire, be the reason why we wound up where we are?
I don’t believe so. Sex wouldn’t have been the way it just was if that were the case.
But it’s hard not to question this entire situation.
“Bastian, I won’t argue with you over this. There’s no going back. I want you to move out. If you refuse, then I want you to take over the lease.”
She offers me a tentative smile as she mouths, I know I’m moving out anyway.
Could she have already considered and decided to move back to America with me?
“Don’t worry, I’ve already started boxing things up. I don’t want to be here the next time you are.”
“So, what was the point of this call, Bastian? Were you trying to trick me into admitting something to beg for you when you have no intention of reconciling? Or are you packing because you’re having a tantrum?”
“I’m packing because calling was a last-ditch effort, hoping you’d come to your senses, but you clearly won’t. You’re making a tremendous mistake, and the only mistake made was on your part.”
“You’ve made this about you when worrying about a relationship falling apart is the last thing I need right now.”
That makes me wonder if there would have been anything between us if Bastian proved to be supportive.
Once more, I wonder if she’s turned to me because she doesn’t have another option for support, since her mother and sister are just as mired in this as she is.
That is a hard pill to swallow if that’s the case.
“I won’t have a conversation like this with you again, Bastian.
You’ve been an important part of my life for two years.
I hope we can get to a point where there’s no hostility, since it’s inevitable we’ll be around each other because of Heidi and Friedrich.
I don’t want to make them miserable just because things didn’t work out between us.
But for right now, it would be better if we go our separate ways.
I need to focus on one crisis at a time. Goodbye.”
“Fine, Anne. Have it your way.”
The call ends, and Liesel tosses her phone behind her.
Once again, silence fills the room. I want to give her time to work through her thoughts and feelings.
I don’t know what she wants or needs from me, so the best I can offer is slipping my hand under hers and entwining our fingers.
It’s the nudge she needed. She inches forward, looking at my lap.
I open my arms to her, and she settles against me with a sigh that feels soul-deep.
I hate that she needs comforting, but I’m glad she wants it from me.
I stroke the hair down her back as she listens to my heartbeat. I can tell it soothes her.
“Jorge, I know parts of that sounded bad. They sounded ungrateful and as though I’m with you merely out of convenience, but that wasn’t the case.
This isn’t an ideal time to begin a new relationship.
But this is when life presented me with this opportunity, and I’m not willing to let it pass me by.
So, some of those things I said weren’t to appease Bastian but were rather half-truths to make a point.
This situation showed the weaknesses in my relationship with Bastian.
It was already broken. We just didn’t know that.
It’s unfortunate it came to light the way that it did, but it’s better I know that now than not.
You could’ve been a woman with the resources to help me, and I wouldn’t have fallen into bed with you.
Our attraction already existed before everything exploded.
He and I would’ve split up regardless because he just wasn’t the man I needed him to be during all of this.
He made his choices, and so have I. Let’s face it, you and I wanted each other before any of this ever happened.
Inconvenient? Yes. True? Also yes. Something was brewing between us all along. ”
She leans away to look me in the eye and cups my cheek, brushing her thumb over my afternoon scruff. The way she anticipates my thoughts and addresses my worries before they take root surprises me. Surely this proves our connection isn’t superficial.
“His choices right now made it easier for me to recognize he isn’t the right person for me.
Maybe you and I would’ve connected. Maybe we wouldn’t have, but I think it’s inevitable this relationship would’ve ended because having any thoughts of being with someone else shows we really weren’t meant to be together.
If I could be drawn to you or someone else so easily, then I couldn’t be that truly in love with him.
What I’ve felt with you tonight is something I never have before.
The ease of being with you was unlike my past. I can’t overlook that has to have been a sign.
I’m sorry if this hurts Bastian. That certainly wasn’t my intention, but he doesn’t seem to feel any remorse for the pain he’s causing me, so I refuse to allow any guilt to dictate my choices.
I wish it could’ve been different, but it isn’t.
So, I’m moving forward with us, if that’s what you still want. ”
“Of course it is, chiquita. I’ll always want it to be us.”
When we lapse into more quiet, it’s not uncomfortable.
Just the opposite. I think we share a sense of peace.
The call certainly changed the mood, and I don’t know that she wants to jump right back into fucking the night away like I’d originally hoped.
The exhaustion slams into me harder than it has in a long time.
Now that I’m able to cradle her against me, skin to skin, without worrying about her family or a boyfriend, I’m allowing the enormity of finding a woman I may spend my life with, along with the dire situation with her father, to catch up to me.
Near sleepless nights aren’t unusual, but I’m only human.
At some point, I always have to catch up.
Holding her is the most comforting thing I’ve ever experienced, so I find the need for sleep pulling me under.
“Little one, how are you feeling?”
“Super tired all of a sudden.”
Neither of us suggest postponing sex. Instead, we move together. I slide down until my head is on the pillow. She snuggles next to me; her arm draped over my ribs. My preferred sleeping position is on my side or stomach, but as I doze off, I’ve never been more comfortable than I am now.