Chapter 12
Twelve
C arter’s muscles strained as he hoisted his end of the heavy cabinet onto the bed of the truck.
Christ, he was tired. He’d lost count of how many pieces of heavy-ass furniture he’d moved that day.
At the rate they were going, they’d be out of stock before Christmas.
Which meant more auctions, estate sales, and stripping houses before demolitions.
And all of that meant more time out of town and away from Josie.
Hell, maybe that was a good thing. They were into the first week of December.
The idyllic Thanksgiving afternoon seemed like it was a million years ago.
Both of them had been too busy or too tired to carve out a minute for one another since then.
Sure, they’d texted and called, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her, holding her. But even that was growing frustrating.
A few stolen hours weren’t cutting it anymore.
He wanted to hold her through the night and wake up with her the next morning.
He wanted lazy Saturday mornings in bed.
Those were things that, if he was totally honest with himself, he’d never really wanted before.
And he didn’t believe for a second that she was actually ready to give that to him.
The cabinet slipped, mostly because he was distracted, and he banged his knuckles on the tailgate. Biting back a vicious curse, he wrestled the damn thing into the bed and then headed back inside, leaving Bennett to secure it.
Heading for the workroom, he rinsed his bloodied knuckles in the sink there.
Most of it was minor scrapes, but a good chunk was missing from one knuckle in particular.
Getting sawdust in that would burn like a mother.
Digging through the cabinet, Carter found the first aid kit that they rarely used and even more rarely kept stocked.
Hopefully, there’d be a few stray Band-Aids.
The door opened, and he cursed, thinking it would be Bennett bitching at him for leaving him to deal with the cabinet. “I’m not in the damn mood, Bennett.”
“Not in the mood for what, exactly?”
That wasn’t Bennett. Shit. Shit. Shit. The day just kept getting better, he thought.
Turning around, Carter found himself face-to-face with William Marcum.
“I’m sorry for cussing. I thought you were someone else.”
William gestured to Carter’s bloody hand. “Looks like you’ve got a reason to. I’m assuming you busted that moving furniture and not smashing your cousin’s face in?”
“It was a cabinet, actually,” Carter replied. Moving away from the sink, he leaned against one of the worktables. It wasn’t a social call. He knew that.
“So what can I do for you?”
William didn’t pretty it up with niceties. “You can tell me what your intentions are for my daughter.”
Carter nodded thoughtfully. “That’s easier said than done…and it needs to be said between Josie and me. Not you. But I will tell you one thing…I don’t want to hurt her, ever. Whatever happens, I want to see Josie happy.”
“Are you in love with my daughter?” William demanded.
“If I am, I probably ought to tell her before I tell you,” Carter said. “I get that you’re concerned, and I don’t blame you for it. But Josie is an adult, and she’s entitled to make her own choices. For the moment, I’m one of them.”
William put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “For the moment? So you don’t see this as permanent.”
He wanted that. The realization that he wanted her forever cut him deep.
Mostly because he knew she probably didn’t feel the same.
Even if she did, she’d be too terrified to reach out and grab onto what she wanted because people might think badly of her and the man in front of him.
Since Josie wasn’t there to take the brunt of his anger, he unleashed it on William instead.
“Even if I did, I couldn’t have it. This town has made up their mind about me. They, and you, think they know all there is to know about me. And Josie’s so damn terrified to disappoint you that she’ll never publicly do anything that goes against her good girl image.”
William shook his head. “That’s an excuse, son.”
“No, it isn’t,” Carter countered. “It’s reality. You don’t know. You have no idea just how broken she is. You’ve been so busy getting pats on the back for adopting the little orphan girl that you never even stopped to look at what it was doing to her every time someone said it!”
The anger and frustration were boiling inside him, and Carter just let it go.
“Yes, I drink. But I’m not a drunk. Yes, I like women, but I didn’t sleep with every one that crossed my path.
I don’t lie, and I sure as hell don’t go out of my way to hurt other people…
but to every judgmental person in this whole damn town, I’ll never be anything but the bastard son of James Carter, a drunk, a cheat, and a reckless dumbass who turned his back on the wrong man in a bar. ”
“Son, you can be anything you want to be,” William said.
Carter turned away and placed his palms flat on the table.
It was either that or punch something. “I already am exactly what I want to be. But no one sees it, and I’m tired as hell of trying to make them.
You want to know what’s going to happen between me and Josie?
I suggest you ask her. She’s been the one calling the shots from the get-go. ”
William started to walk away, but at the door to the workroom, he paused.
“Maybe people in this town don’t see who you really are…
and I know they gossip, and I know they judge.
But this is a good place. People help each other here.
They care about what happens to one another.
And in all fairness, you’ve only ever shown them the aspects of you that would remind them of your father.
If there is something different from that inside of you, Carter, maybe you need to let it shine for a change. ”
Carter didn’t say anything else, just listened to the sound of the door closing. He needed to see Josie, and he needed to see her where they wouldn’t actually do anything other than talk. Whether she liked it or not.
Josie gave a sigh of relief as Doris left the library. It was her weekly lunch with her sister, where they’d sit in Gruber’s Diner and plot all the ways to get Josie fired so they could hire Doris’s niece. Let them plot. It gave her a moment’s peace from Doris’s critical eye and constant hounding.
Standing behind the circulation desk, she looked up when the door opened, half afraid that Doris had come back. But it wasn’t Doris. Jordan Simmons was walking in, Myra’s nephew, who wanted to take her out. No. No. No. No. No.
She’d told her mother to nip that in the bud, and she’d really thought that maybe they’d reached an understanding that day. Maybe not, she thought.
“Good afternoon, Josie,” he said, smiling. It wasn’t a bad smile. He wasn’t a bad-looking man. But he left her completely cold.
“Good afternoon, Jordan. Is there something I can help you with?” Keep it professional, and get him gone , she thought.
His smile widened. “My aunt and your mother have been trying to do a little matchmaking…or didn’t you know about that?”
No keeping it professional. She’d give him points for at least getting to the point. “I was aware of that, Jordan, but I’m sorry. That’s just not something I really want to pursue right now.”
“Josie, I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together, but I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. You’ve accomplished so much.”
No, she hadn’t. She was a passable piano player because she’d been forced to practice until she just wanted to vomit.
She’d gotten a college degree and had graduated with a decent GPA, mostly because it was a subject that she loved and came easy to her.
Nothing about that was grand or especially noteworthy.
Unless he was implying something else, and if he was, it was going to get ugly.
“Given the very rough start you had in life, it’s really amazing to see just how far you’ve come.”
He was going there, Josie realized. He was actually going there.
“Jordan, I don’t think?—”
“Josie, I have every intention of completing seminary by the end of next year, and I’m not looking to date women who don’t understand what it means to be a godly wife.”
And he clearly didn’t intend to date women who ever wanted to speak because he didn’t intend to shut up.
“I’d really like to see if we’re compatible, Josie. I’d like to take you to dinner this weekend so we can start to get to know one another.”
Start to get to know one another. He had yet to even ask if she wanted to get to know him.
“I am very flattered by your offer, Jordan, but I explained this to my mother, and she should have passed it along to Myra. I have no interest in being a minister’s wife.
I do know exactly how much work goes into that and how hard it can be to meet those standards.
I don’t want that kind of life, Jordan.”
His smile never wavered. “You’re very young, Josie, and I know that temptation can be so strong, but if you pray about it, and ask for God to speak to you and show you the way?—”
“I don’t need God to show me the way on this one,” she said sharply. “I don’t want to date you. The truth is, I’m already seeing someone.”
She didn’t know who was more stunned by the admission, her or Jordan. It hadn’t been her intention to say anything about Carter. But it felt good.
His smile wavered. For the first time since he walked in the building, Jordan Simmons looked like maybe he wasn’t going to make the sale. “I didn’t realize. You’ve never brought him to church with you.”
There was an accusation buried in that. But Josie elected to ignore it. “He doesn’t attend church.”
Jordan drew back like she’d told him she was contagious. “I heard the rumors, but I dismissed them. You can’t possibly be seeing Carter Hayes.”
“It’s none of your business who I’m seeing, Jordan,” she said pointedly. His tone, his posture, and the dismissive way he’d said Carter’s name, as if he were a non-person, just rubbed her the wrong way. “I think you should go. This conversation is over.”
Jordan’s entire demeanor changed. His face softened, his expression taking on a hint of contrition and even tenderness, which was just bizarre.
When he grabbed her hand, holding it so tightly she couldn’t pull away without hurting herself, he said, “Josie, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Let me make it up to you. At the very least, I can take you to lunch.”
She shook her head. “That isn’t necessary. Please let me go.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, an old-fashioned and, coming from him, frankly, creepy gesture that made her skin crawl. “I’ll see you Sunday,” he said.
Josie watched him turn and walk away, wondering what the hell that had been about. But when she turned, she realized exactly what he’d been doing. Carter had come in through the library’s side entrance and was standing just far enough away to have only seen their exchange and not heard it.
Walking toward him, Josie could see the banked fury in his expression.
“Carter, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong,” she said.
“No, I’m not. Isn’t that the kind of guy you want, Josie? Someone who doesn’t embarrass you? Who doesn’t reflect poorly on your raising?” His voice was low, but there was no disguising just how mad he was.
“Jordan came here to ask me on a date, but I turned him down,” she stated. “I don’t want him.”
Carter shook his head. “Wanting isn’t enough, Josie.”
He turned to leave, and Josie felt panic clawing at her. “Carter, don’t walk out on me…not like this.”
“Then walk out with me,” he said. “Right now.”
She couldn’t. If she left the library, she’d lose her job. Giving up her independence and moving home with her parents wasn’t an option. “I can’t do that. Carter?—”
“Forget it, Josie.”
He left, the door slamming behind him, and it didn’t feel like just for the moment. It was big and ugly and felt like a hard goodbye.
“I’m not ready,” she said in a whisper. She wasn’t ready to go completely public with their relationship, but she wasn’t ready for it to end, either. “Dammit.”