Twenty-Seven
C arter tried to bridge the gap, but I shunned him.
He couldn’t just decide when things would get better. Fuck no. Not after having to witness him with all those women every single night.
“Where are you going?” he asked, standing at the doorway of the bathroom, watching me put on a splash of make-up.
He was actually talking to me in the apartment. This was strange. I almost forgot I was visible around here again. I ignored his question and tried to shut the door, but he stuck his foot in before it closed and kicked it open.
“Where are you going?” he repeated calmly.
“Out,” I simply answered, glancing at the frown on his face.
“Out?”
“What? Is it illegal to go out, Carter?”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I froze and raised a brow at him. “Why would I want you to come with me?”
“To look out for you. You can’t be serious going out looking the way you do and not get bad attention.”
I glimpsed down at my skinny jeans and black top. This ensemble was excruciatingly tame, and it would not garner “bad” attention. I was certain of that. If anyone was at risk for any kind of attention at all, it was Melanie because she was stunning.
“Calm your tits,” I countered. “We’re not cruising through the West Side. It’s just a night out with a few drinks. I don’t even know why I’m telling you. You’re usually not home, anyway.”
“I was thinking about what I said to you at the bar in front of Jared a couple days ago.” He sighed and looked down at the floor. “I realize how I sounded, and I was jerk.”
“Well, I’ve forgotten all about it.” Total lie. “It doesn’t even matter.”
I went to walk past him, but he stood in my way, looking down at me with a serious expression. “How about you stay? We’ll order pizza and spend time together. I have something I want to tell you. Something important.”
His whole demeanour was all strange. He was acting vulnerable, and his pleading blue eyes were melting the ice around my heart. I looked away from him, thinking of Melanie and our night out together.
“I can’t,” I replied quietly. “Melanie’s probably waiting for me already. It’s way too last minute.”
He sighed unhappily and let me through. I grabbed my clutch off the kitchen counter and pulled out my phone to text her.
Me : How far away are you?
Mel: Five minutes.
Me: I’ll be waiting outside.
“Have a good night, Carter,” I told him.
When he didn’t respond, I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing a few feet behind me, looking dejected as ever. I couldn’t understand it. Wasn’t he having a field day with all those chicks? How was this fair?
I got angry just thinking about it.
I opened the door and got out of there before my heart could tell me otherwise.
*
“So what’s your problem?” I asked Melanie, digging into our calamari.
Our first pit-stop was at a restaurant, and we were having only appetizers. It was wise not to get overloaded on food right before we went out drinking.
Like I predicted, Melanie had dolled up. She was in skinny jeans too, but her top was lacy and cut up in places that made it look like it’d been through a shredder—but in a good way—and left very little to the imagination; the girl had some serious cleavage.
She made a face at me. “What do you mean?”
“You look like you desperately needed a night out too. I want to know what your problem is. Does it have something to do with the boys? You know I’m perceptive, right? I’ve seen you staring at Rome every now and then.”
Mel was shocked to say the least. Her mouth dropped. “You seriously noticed that?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely.”
“I’ve been looking like you this entire time?”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, you stand there sometimes and just stare at Carter with this hateful look on your face. I didn’t think I was doing it too.”
Holy shit. Did I seriously do that?
“Why didn’t you tell me I was doing that?” I demanded, offended.
“I’d be telling you about it ten thousand times a day!”
I groaned. That was embarrassing. “Okay, well, you know my reasons. What are yours?”
She shrugged absently. “I just think Rome is a man-whore with zero self-respect.”
I laughed. “Yep, he certainly is.”
She threw her calamari down, getting fired up about it. “What kind of guy doesn’t care who he’s putting his dick into? As far as I know, he’s probably a walking STD and I have no fucking interest in touching that, so fuck him and his advances.”
I stilled and my eyebrows shot up. “He’s been hitting on you?”
She avoided looking directly into my eyes, and her cheeks reddened. “We made out a month ago—”
“WHAT? Where was I?”
“You had school and you were cranky as hell. I didn’t want to unload my dramas on you. You looked like you were having enough of them as it was.”
“I don’t care what kind of drama I’m facing, when it comes to Rome and you, I’m there! That guy can’t commit, Melanie. He’s another Carter, with the difference being Rome just wants to have as much fun as possible before settling down.”
“And Carter?”
“Carter will never commit, ever. That’s just the way it is with him. Which is why I’ve given up.”
She shook her head angrily. “Well, anyway, we got a bit tipsy at Jared’s house party, and he kissed me. When I didn’t want more, he got all shitty and walked off. Since then, I might as well be a ghost.”
“It’s not like Rome to get so shitty,” I replied thoughtfully. “He really wanted you, I guess.”
She just shrugged, looking down at her glass of water. “Doesn’t matter. His pride probably got hurt because the asshole never heard a rejection before.”
“Well, look, we don’t need that shit.”
“If they’re cocky now, imagine what they’ll be like when they’re famous.”
I shuddered to think. “God help the female population.”
We finished our meals and went out, looking forward to clouding our minds and forgetting.
*
I was drunk.
My head was swimming and I loved it. I felt giddy when I drank. It was like a temporary break from the world, and add that with dancing, and I had a damn good time. This was night out number one, and I was already looking forward to another one.
“Do you need help inside?” Mel asked, equally as drunk as me.
I turned to her and shook my head; it felt like shaking a bowling ball. “Nah, am good. I’ll see you yesterday night for work, yeah?”
“Tomorrow, babe. Not yesterday.”
I nodded. “That too.”
I threw the money at the taxi driver and stepped out of the car. She waved bye to me, and the car took off down the street. I opened my clutch on the way to the door and withdrew my key. I stumbled a little over the uneven path.
Stupid uneven path. Why does that even exist?
By the time I was at the front door, I had to bend down and stare hard at the knob in the dark. Putting the key in was going to be a mission, especially if the world continued spinning like it was.
I raised the key and it hit the knob before it disappeared in front of me.
What the…
“Where the fuck have you been?”
I blinked and looked up. The door had magically opened in the blink of an eye, and Carter was standing there, fuming.
I took a step in and nearly fell over an imaginary step that had mysteriously formed in front of the door. He caught me and stood me upright, pulling me into the apartment before slamming the door shut.
Then I smelled him.
No, really, I put my nose against his chest and inhaled long and hard. Then I realized I’d just sniffed at him like a dog, and I rapidly pulled away from him. He was glowering at me. The fuck was his problem?
“What happened to a few drinks?” he demanded. “You’ve been out for hours, Leah. It’s two in the fucking morning.”
“I didn’t realize I had a curfew,” I retorted.
He shook his head, and his spinning face looked frustrated. “You wouldn’t answer your phone, and neither did Melanie.”
“We turned our phones off.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because it’s this thing called property, and when someone has a piece of property that’s theirs, they can do what they want with it.”
“Stop being a smart-ass, Leah.”
“I’m not. I’m actually tired and going to bed right now. G’night.”
I went to pass him, moving in the direction of the wall when he stood in front of me. And to a drunk person, he might as well have been a giant.
“Move, Carter,” I told him.
He stared down at me. “What did you do tonight?”
“That’s my own business!”
“You seriously want to play this game?”
I put a hand to my head and shut my eyes, trying to stop the dizziness. I was getting angrier by the second.
“You know,” I said pointedly, “you don’t see me waiting by the door demanding to know where you’ve been every goddamn time you’ve went out, doing who knows what! There’s something called privacy. You taught me that once, remember?”
“Privacy, huh?”
I opened my eyes and glared. “Yeah, pri-va-cy. Is the word too long for you or something? It’s only four or five syllables long.”
“No, it’s not too long for me, and it’s three fucking syllables, Leah.”
“Well, good then. I’m glad we got that sorted out—”
“Were you with a guy?” he cut in. “Is that why you’re being secretive?”
My eyes widened, and this time my vision had steadied enough to see him in his entirety. His nostrils were flared, and he was on the verge of exploding. Thing was, I was drunk, so I didn’t really care.
“Leah,” he pressed edgily.
“Maybe I was,” I replied snidely. “What’s it to you?”
His eyes hardened. “Who were you with?”
“None of your business.”
“Who the fuck were you with aside from Melanie?”
“Someone you’ll never come close to!”
“You serious right now?”
I spread my arms wide. “SO serious!”
And so blindingly drunk.
He couldn’t genuinely be taking me for my word, right?
But no.
He exploded.
He pushed past me, pacing for a moment before he stopped and swiped the dishrack off the counter. I jumped when it crashed to the floor, scattering the cutlery everywhere. He rubbed his face as he paced the room some more, and I just stood there, shocked.
I’d never seen him react like that before.
“So you’ll fuck a guy out there, but I’m the devil for telling you I’m not the kind of person to want a relationship!” he shouted incredulously.
I tensed, stomach twisting with hurt, pain, anger. “Why do you care? Every time I’m at the bar, you’re feeling some girl up—”
“So you’re trying to get back at me!”
“No, I’m not trying to get back at you.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s me telling you that you have no right to get shitty over something you do too!”
He just shook his head, looking bitterly at me like I was the one at fault. “I don’t fuck them, Leah, I don’t even kiss them, but now I’m thinking I might as well, right? There’s no point waiting around for you to tell me you made a mistake. Fuck it, I’m done.”
“I thought we were already done.”
“Right,” he muttered emptily. He stopped moving for a moment and took a few deep breaths. He started to look panicked. “You’re fucking with my head. Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt this fucked up before, and you just enjoy winding me up, don’t you? You like me being jealous—”
“No, I don’t. Just calm down, Carter. You’re losing it—”
“Because of you!”
“Things only turned to shit when I wanted more, and you didn’t! How am I to blame for that?”
“I can’t be here,” he puffed out, shaking his head repeatedly. “I can’t fucking…”
He grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed out of the apartment, leaving me completely alone and stunned speechless.
I wanted to chase after him and tell him I hadn’t done anything with anybody. That I lied just to hurt him. To make him feel a tiny shred of my pain. I just couldn’t seem to work my legs.
Some part of me needed to drive him away from me. That way he would never bring me back into his arms again and turn my world upside down. If I couldn’t have him entirely, I wasn’t going to be the doormat I was before, taking whatever scraps he gave me like a lovesick puppy.
Nah, fuck no.
My heart couldn’t take it.
I threw off my short heels and meandered to my bedroom, knocking into several walls on the way there. When I finally made it to the bed, I attempted to remove my pants because they were tight as hell and my stomach hurt.
Unfortunately, they only made it halfway down my legs, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to keep trying. I fell over and collapsed into the mattress, my legs hanging off the edge.
Everything went black.
*
The next morning I would awake to find myself completely in bed, jeans off, covers over top of me, with the heater blasting from the corner of the room.
That just made me cry.