Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
He hated having to do what came next. He didn’t want to upset his sweet boy, yet he couldn’t keep up with all the lies. Sure, they were purely from omission, but they were lies all the same.
“Have a seat,” he said, pointing to the bed.
Gideon dropped onto the mattress, his gaze never leaving Carver’s. They stared at one another for several minutes before he was able to pull himself away.
Pacing the room, Carver started from where he thought best: his own past.
“When I was a kid, I ran around this place without a care in the world. There wasn’t anyone or anything that could hurt me because my father was the president of the club. It’s what I believed until I was shown otherwise.”
Carver took a deep breath as he prepared to share the rest. It wasn’t something he did often. Really, it had been ages, and he still didn’t like discussing it.
“One day, when I was supposed to be playing inside, I wandered out to go look at the bikes. I’d been obsessed with them, but no one would let me close.
So I chose to do it myself.” He chuckled darkly.
“I didn’t realize the reason they wanted me to stay inside was because we had visitors who weren’t friendly.
My father had called a meeting with them, and he didn’t want them to know about me. ”
Gideon tilted his head.
“Yeah, sweet boy. What you’re thinking is what happened next. I was spotted by one of the men and all hell broke loose. Someone snatched me up, tear gas and bullets came out, and then I was gone. Stolen away for weeks while they sorted out a peace agreement.”
By peace agreement, Carver meant the time it took his father to track him down. Once he’d been located, the Angels came in with guns blazing to rescue Carver. Too bad the damage had been done.
“They’d used me as a punching bag that whole time. On top of the physical violence, I was warned to behave or else they’d let some of the older, seedier men have their way with me. It didn’t go that far — thank fuck.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. Even shortening the story of what he’d been through to its shortest form left him reeling. That sense of hopelessness and fear was still present even decades later.
Sure, it was a memory. But memories were fucking powerful.
“I’m telling you this because I want you to know I’m here, and I’ve been through something similar to what I believe you have. While everyone heals differently, it would be foolish of me to do anything with you past what just happened in the bathroom without a deeper discussion. There’s also…”
Carver’s voice trailed off as emotion choked him. Telling his own truth would be hard. Admitting he knew Gideon’s past was even harder.
“There’s also the fact that we know who you are.”
Gideon’s eyes widened.
“Gideon Gatz.”
At his full name, Carver’s sweet boy froze. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, yet he didn’t. His brow furrowed and his shoulders hunched forward.
Carver dropped to his knees, much like he had when they spoke, to make himself less intimidating. He needed to reassure Gideon there was nothing to be ashamed of or anything to fear. Not when the Angels were on his side.
“Knowing who you are hasn’t changed things for me.
I still want you here. I still want to help you.
” Carver sucked in a breath. His fists balled up on his knees, where he forced his hands to remain as to not reach out for his boy.
“I know I should have mentioned it the moment we found out. I just… couldn’t. I wanted more time.”
Time for what, though.
To play pretend.
To be the hero.
To lie to himself.
Carver shook his head. “You’re a gorgeous man, Gideon.
I would have to be blind to not see it. My body and heart reacted the moment I saw you.
But it’s not right for me to pursue anything with you.
You might be a legal adult, but I don’t know anything else about you that didn’t come from Trix digging it up.
I refuse to add to whatever pain you experienced because I’m selfish. ”
His breaths came quickly after rushing those words out. He needed to say it all at once or else he’d lose his nerve.
A hand on his cheek made his eyes pop open. Gideon’s fingers trailed along his jaw. The single connection felt as if his body were drowning in pleasure.
He’d never had such a powerful reaction to anyone else. Why did it have to be Gideon? Why did their circumstances have to be so difficult?
If they’d met any other way, he’d have asked the man out in an instant. They’d have been in bed together before the night was through — so long as consent was given — and maybe even moved in with one another by month’s end.
He could feel the truth of it in his bones.
Gideon was special. He was Carver’s. And Carver was his.
Except those were only hopeful thoughts. Delusions of a man enamored with the person he’d rescued. It wasn’t reality.
Not yet, that hopeful voice inside of him claimed.
“No.”
The voice was nothing more than a rasp. Carver froze, his body and mind not comprehending what he just heard. Blinking to clear his thoughts, he looked at Gideon closely.
“Did… did you just tell me no?”
Gideon nodded.
“No to what, sweet boy? I don’t understand. Do you want me to leave? I don’t want to upset you,” Carver said quickly.
There was a huff, then both of Gideon’s hands were on Carver’s face.
“No more. Want you. Please.”
He jolted at the power behind the words. He could hear the want lacing Gideon’s tone. It was obviously his way of consenting.
While Carver could appreciate the clarity there, he couldn’t shake the feeling of wrongness.
His boy’s first words to him were about whether they should be intimate or not.
He still wasn’t sure what all Gideon had been through.
How could he provide a safe and sane experience without that information?
He couldn’t.
That was the short answer. And the reason Carver tugged his boy’s hands away and stood up.
“As much as I want what you do, we can’t. I don’t know what all went down at Mordecai’s home.”
Gideon flinched at her name. Carver hated himself for the slip. He’d been so good about not dragging those memories out. The fact that he did so now only further proved he shouldn’t agree to anything more.
“Even if you won’t talk to me, there’s Fury.
He’s a trained therapist. He can listen and give advice for whatever you’ve experienced.
I can’t. And even if I could, it would be a conflict of interest. I want to be with you, sweet boy.
To hold you while you sleep like before.
To help show you there can be positive, pleasurable things in this life.
But I won’t do any of that until I get some answers. ”
The scowl Gideon threw his way startled Carver. He’d never seen his boy look so angry. It was like flipping a switch on the docile version of him. Instead, he got an expression meant to relay just how much Carver was in the wrong.
“Fury?” Gideon asked.
Carver immediately wanted to punch something. To hear the sound of Fury’s name on his boy’s lips before his own was a crime. One he needed to rectify ASAP.
“Yes, Fury is the one I’d like you to talk to. You’ve met him a few times now. He helped me with my past after he became an Angel. He can help you too.”
Without saying another word, Gideon stood and dropped the towel he’d been wrapped in. Carver’s jaw dropped, though the other man didn’t even notice since he went to the dresser himself to get dressed. He slipped the baggy pants on with ease before slipping a black oversized t-shirt on as well.
Gideon then took off towards the door without looking at Carver. After he slipped through the doorway, the shock Carver felt finally cleared away enough for him to move. He chased after his boy, curious to find out what the hell was going on.
Honestly, he knew what happened.
Carver told Gideon he had to talk about his past for the two of them to be anything more. He’d said Fury would be the person to speak with. Logic suggested Gideon would go find Fury.
But would he actually speak to him?
It was something Carver couldn’t figure out. He had to see for himself whether or not Gideon would do it.
Trailing Gideon, he watched as his boy went straight into the main open space of the living area. There were people milling about everywhere, men and women alike. Carver nearly rushed to grab his boy, worried he’d panic again.
He shouldn’t have misjudged the level of focus Gideon had. It was as if the women weren’t even there. His boy scanned the group, eyes bouncing from person to person. They all stared back at him with their own form of wonder.
Gideon was truly a sight to behold, even in clothes that would normally make someone look frumpy. The sweats and t-shirt didn’t detract from his beauty. If anything, it elevated it because everything about what made him shine was natural. It came from within.
Anyone looking would notice.
When his boy began to move again, he realized Gideon must have spotted Fury. Sure enough, the other man was a few feet away, a frown on his features as Carver’s boy stomped up to him.
He pointed to Fury’s ear, then motioned for him to lean down. Fury did as asked, and Gideon whispered something to him. Carver wasn’t close enough to hear, however, the way Fury sprung up and looked around was a clear indication his boy had actually used his words.
Holy shit.
Carver would have done a fucking cartwheel at that moment had he the skill to do so. He was seconds away from jumping in the air to shout victory when Fury’s eyes met his.
In them, he saw the question. Fury wanted to know how and why Gideon had come to him.
Since they couldn’t very well have the conversation at that exact moment, Carver simply nodded to the other man. Fury returned the gesture. It was a full conversation without them having to speak.
“Do you know why he’s here? Why he spoke to me?”
“I do. He needs your help.”
“Yes, Boss. I’ve got him.”
The tension in Carver’s body left as Fury led Gideon out of the room. His boy was still so locked into the therapist, he didn’t even flinch when a woman walked a few feet away from him. It was as if everyone else was invisible.
An arm on Carver’s shoulder had him jerking to see who’d approached. It was Hex, of course.
“Little boss finally decided to talk to the head doc? Good shit.”
Carver groaned. “Yeah, he did. I didn’t know it would be right now, but…”
His shrug was meant to end the discussion.
Hex didn’t pick up on that though. Instead he asked, “Do you think he actually said words to him? He hasn’t spoken yet.
It would suck if Fury heard his voice first. I’m betting it’s all soft and melodic.
He looks like an angel and lives with THE Angels. It’s only logical.”
“It’s raspy,” Carver said before he could stop himself.
Hex raised a brow.
“His voice, I mean. It’s raspy. Nothing like you’re saying.”
“So he spoke to you first?” Hex questioned.
“Yeah. We were talking, and he decided to rush in here to look for Fury. I followed him in case I needed to step in.”
“But you didn’t. And whatever it was you spoke about was important enough for him to change that quickly?
Wow.” Hex clapped Carver on the back. “Guess we’ll see some more changes around here soon.
Little boss talking might be just what we need.
Then there'll be two people to tell us what to do all the time.”
Carver could only shake his head as Hex laughed to himself and strode away. If Gideon wanted to boss his men around, Carver would let him. He’d do anything to make his sweet boy happy — including trusting Fury to take care of things.