Chapter Eleven
Kytten
TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains a graphic representation of self-harm and cutting. If you suffer from any triggers, PLEASE, PLEASE, take extreme caution before reading this chapter. Your mental health is more important to me than my fictional story.
I opened my eyes and looked up into his. He was angry, and I didn’t know why. The words refused to escape as I stared at him.
“Where the fuck have you been, Rose?”
“Why do you care?” I asked, getting up from the ground. “You don’t know me.”
I tried to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. My core tightened, but my first instinct wasn’t to defend myself. It was to surrender.
And it pissed me off.
I wrenched my arm away and glared at him. The monsters stirred, but didn’t wake up.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he turned away from me and ran a hand through his hair.
I knew I should leave. I should run. I’d already given him my first name. No one used my first name. It was only for Thorne. Val gave me the name Kytten and had used it ever since.
No one in the Nyght Nymphs went by their real names. It was for our safety, as well as the women and children we helped.
But he said my name.
“What is your name?” I called out. It was only fair that if he had my name, I should have his.
“Cash.”
“Not your road name. Your real name.”
He looked at me over his shoulder. His smile felt awkward. Like he wasn’t used to doing it. “Cash is my real name.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course it is,” I mumbled. He was sexy, and he had a cool name. My name was bland and overused. It only sounded cool because of Thorne.
Thorne and Rose.
He was older by twenty minutes. Born first, Thorne came out screaming and kicking his feet. She said he was born to fight. Our mother used to tell us that he would be the thorns that protected the rose.
She’d always told him that because I was smaller than him, and more fragile, he had to protect me. For a while, he did.
Until someone cut away the thorns. That left me unprotected until Valhalla found me.
In Norse mythology, Valhalla was a hall for slain warriors. A place to feast and strengthen until they joined Odin for Ragnarok.
That’s what Val was for the Nyght Nymphs, a place to feast and strengthen for the battles we fought for women and children who couldn’t fight for themselves.
A part of me died when I lost my brother. But I wasn’t a slain warrior. Val made me into a warrior. She taught me to fight. She taught me to protect myself and anyone else that needed to be protected.
“You have a problem with my name?”
My eyes snapped to Cash. Shit, I’d forgotten he was still here. It happened when I got lost in the thoughts of my brother.
“No. It just figures you have a name so cool you don’t need a road name.”
“What you know about road names?” He tilted his head as he watched me. Like he was trying to solve a puzzle.
“I mean, it’s not rocket science. You’re in a biker club. It makes sense you would have a road name.” I shrugged and turned away from him. His scrutinizing gaze made me uneasy. It felt like if he looked at me too long, he would see the monsters.
I didn’t want him to see the monsters.
I didn’t want anyone to see them. I didn’t need their pity. But if he saw them... well, I already felt the shame from the scars on my legs and he had no idea they were there.
What would he think if he saw them? Would he pity me? Be disgusted by me? Would he think I was weak?
I wasn’t fucking weak.
People didn’t understand the strength it took, the fortitude to slice open your own skin. It took guts to make yourself bleed.
You’re justifying!
Of course, I was fucking justifying. If I didn’t justify my actions, I would have to admit to the real reason I was doing it.
And I wasn’t ready to do that. Not without Thorne.
“Rose.”
I felt his breath on the back of my neck. When did he get that close? How did I not hear him approach?
Because you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself.
Well, if I didn’t feel sorry for myself, who would?
I shivered when his hand landed on my shoulder. I hugged myself to keep me from turning around and throwing my arms around him.
What the hell was going on with me? Why did he unsettle me so much? How did he get behind the wall of fake happiness I showed everyone?
“Rosie,” he whispered.
“Stop,” I implored. “I have to go.”
Once again, I ran from him. I hopped on my bike and fired it up before he could stop me. I tore down the path, ignoring the branches. For once, I didn’t think about the monsters. Didn’t think about letting them out. About letting the blood run.
Because I had to run.
Had to get away from the man who had somehow seen behind the curtain. What he saw I didn’t know. But he saw something. It felt like he saw something I didn’t even know was there.
That was impossible.
I pulled up in front of my room at the motel and quickly dashed inside. I pulled out my phone and called Val. I had to leave. I didn’t belong here.
“Hi, Kytten.”
“How long do I need to be here?”
“Why, did something happen?”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t let her hear the tremble in my voice. She would ask questions. Questions I didn’t have answers to.
“No, I just don’t know what I’m doing here. Jane is dead.”
“I spoke to Sypher earlier. They were telling Amber and Dante today,” she said.
“Telling them what?” I asked nervously.
“That they are twins,” she replied quietly. “I need you to be there for them.”
I sank down on the bed. “Why me?”
“Because you know what they’re going through. I want you to make contact with Amber. I need you to be there for her while I can’t.”
I pulled the phone away and looked at it. She couldn’t be serious. This was a big ask. One that wasn’t fair of her to ask me. Not with how I felt about Amber.
She doesn’t know how you feel because you won’t tell her. You won’t tell anyone.
“Val, I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head.
“Kytten, I need you right now. I need you to protect my kids until I can. You are all they have.”
“They have three fucking clubs behind them. They have all the protection they need.”
“Kytten,” she sighed, her voice pulling at something inside me. “You’re the only one who knows what they’re going through. You can help them through this. They still don’t know about me and their father. They have each other now, but it’s not enough.”
How fucking dare she?
I stood from the bed and paced the room, silent as I moved back and forth. Val was quiet on the other end, waiting for my response.
“Kytten?”
“Ok. I’ll do what I can,” I replied, trying to put some pep in my voice.
“Thank you, Kytten. I can’t tell you what it means to me knowing you are there. There is no one else I would trust more with my children.”
“I’ll take care of them, Val. Just like you took care of me.”
We said our goodbyes, and I sank to the floor. I felt the familiar burn behind my nose, begging the tears to come.
They never did.
The monsters held them back. Kept them hostage until I let them out. Crawling to the bed, I pulled myself up and took off my jeans. Running my fingers over the scars, I knew it wouldn’t be enough.
They demanded blood.
My blood.
My blood for their screams.
The only way to let them out.
I flicked the blade open and carefully choose a spot. There were only a few unblemished spaces left among the tattoos. My hands roamed over the inked flesh, searching for a smooth area. Once found, I slid the blade across my skin. Deeper than usual.
The monsters were screaming louder than normal. They wanted a reward. Compensation for all they had endured today. All the emotions they kept back.
When the layers of skin parted, the relief was instant. The quiet settled around me, and I could finally breathe. I inhaled deeply, letting the blood flow onto the mattress beneath me. I would buy new sheets to replace the stained ones before I left this town.
When that would be, I didn’t know. I didn’t want to think about how long I would be here. Instead, I focused on the silence that encompassed me.
I could hear the TV blasting from the room to my right. On the left, voices raised in anger as a couple shouted back and forth.
But in my head, there was nothing.
The monsters had been appeased.
For now.
The following morning, I stopped at The Bake Shoppe. It had become a routine. Coffee and a bear claw with Trudy. As she waited on a customer, I looked out the window.
He was there.
Staring back at me. His arms crossed over his broad chest. Leaning against his bike while he filled his bike with gas. Turning away, I focused on my food. But my appetite was gone.
I watched him from the corner of my eye as he placed the nozzle back in the pump. He twisted the cap on and then walked away from his bike.
In my direction.
Shit!
The sound of the bell over the door caused me to jolt. I stared at the tabletop, refusing to acknowledge the man who had walked in.
“Morning, Cash. What a surprise to see you here.” Trudy rushed around the counter and pulled him in for a hug.
“Morning, Miss Trudy. I was filling up my bike and when I looked in the window, something called out to me. I just had to come in.”
Asshole.
I knew what he was doing.
“Have you met Kytten?”
I closed my eyes, but not before Cash turned and looked directly at me. His smile was predatory, but panty-melting all the same.
“No, I can’t say I have.” He walked over and sat at the table across from me. “Good morning, Kytten .”
Trudy dropped off a coffee and a cinnamon roll in front of Cash. He murmured a thank you, but didn’t reach for either. He just stared at me, waiting for me to say hello.
I plastered the smile that I used on everyone across my face and stuck my hand out. “Hello.”
His hand swallowed mine, and a current streaked up my arm. I yanked my hand away, and he chuckled.
“So, what brings you to Diamond Creek, Kytten?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
I avoided his question by popping a piece of the bear claw into my mouth. It tasted like ash. The sweet taste of the sugar and dough disappeared under his steely gaze.
“Kytten is traveling the country. A gap year, I think she called it.”
I smiled at Trudy, a silent thank you for answering, but it also stirred up the monsters. They felt the emotions I was trying to stifle. It was what woke them up.
“How old are you, Kytten ?”
The way he kept using my road name stirred something inside me. But it wasn’t a good stirring. Not like when he said Rose. No, it felt like he was mocking me. Like he was using it against me.
I popped another piece of the pastry into my mouth, refusing to play his game.
“Twenty-one, right, Kytten?” Trudy asked, and I smiled at her. Almost. A few more weeks and I would be.
When I looked back at Cash, his eyes captivated me. They were darker. The light silver blue was more cobalt. His smile had disappeared. Replaced by a smirk that I didn’t know how to read.
I stood from my chair and gathered my trash.
“Just leave that there, honey. I’ll get it.”
Normally, I would have ignored her. But I had to get away. It seemed I was always running from Cash. He unsettled me.
As I passed by him, he grabbed my wrist and whispered, “Three o’clock.” Then he let me go. I said goodbye to Trudy and rushed out the door.