Chapter Eighteen
Cash
I sat on my bike outside The Coffee Shoppe. The Bookstore was across the street, and the sign above the door mocked me. The desire to say fuck it and leave was so strong I had to pull my key out of the ignition and put it in my pocket so that fucking inanimate object stopped talking to me.
The devil on my shoulder told me I had nothing to apologize for. But the voice of Rachel and Haizley, and now Rose, told me to ignore the bastard.
Leaving my bike out front, I walked up to the counter and ordered a coffee.
“Morning, Cash.”
“Morning, Audrey,” I repeated her greeting and looked around. Shaking my head, I grabbed my balls, figuratively of course, and asked, “Hey, Audrey, does Ryder have a coffee he usually gets?”
“He does. Ellie does too.”
“Can you make one for each of them?”
Audrey gave me a knowing smile and nodded. I stood off to the side and waited. I could still fuck off and ignore this shit, but Rose was in my head and under my skin.
If this thing that was growing between us was going to go anywhere, I owed it to Rachel’s best friend to talk to him. Even if I hated the son of a bitch.
“Here you go.”
Audrey set the drink tray filled with coffees and something else on the counter. When I looked up, before I could ask, she said, “A chocolate milk for Tabby. Chrissy’s in school or I would have given you two.”
“Thanks.”
She winked and walked off to wait on the next customer. Staring at the cardboard tray, I gave myself a silent pep talk. I could do this. I was a fucking Silver Shadow, for Christ’s sake.
Grabbing my peace offering, I trudged across the street. The warm weather ensured the door was left open so I could slip in without being noticed. I wanted to assess Ryder’s mood before I spoke to him.
God, why was this so fucking hard.
“Cash?”
“Hey, Ellie. I brought you a coffee. And a chocolate milk for Tabby.”
Ellie looked at me warily. She slowly moved closer and took the coffee I held out. “Thank you.”
“Is a... is Ryder here?”
She cocked her head to the side and watched me squirm. “He’s in his office. Would you like me to get him?” she asked as she hooked her thumb over her shoulder.
“No,” I said, a little too quickly.
“Is everything ok?”
“Fuck, this is harder than I thought,” I mumbled.
Ellie’s hand on my arm helped to calm my racing heart. “Just talk to him, Cash. He’s hurting as much as you are.”
I nodded. My shoulders rose and fell with the deep inhale and heavy exhale as I steeled myself to face my old lady’s best friend.
Former old lady , I reminded myself.
I marched toward the back of the store and knocked on the partially opened door.
“Come in.”
When I walked in, Ryder sat leaned back in his chair like he was expecting me. I looked around and saw the monitor on the wall in the corner. He’d known I was here before I walked in the office door. Somehow, I had missed that the last time I was here with King.
Probably because you were glaring at Ryder the whole time.
He had seen me enter the store and talk to Ellie. I placed the extra cup I held on the desk and slid it forward.
“Got you a coffee. Audrey said it was your usual.”
“Thanks,” he said, without touching the cup. “Why are you here?”
Ok, let’s get right to it.
“I need to talk to you. I’ve been seeing Haizley for the last month. Trying to work through my grief.”
His eyebrows rose subtly, but I saw the surprise in his eyes.
“I wanted to apologize for the things I said at the hospital.” I stared at my feet.
“Sit down, Cash.”
I slumped into the chair in front of his desk and told myself once again that I could fucking do this.
“I’m sorry. For the hospital. For the last five fucking years.”
“Why now?” he asked, and my eyes snapped to his. The doubt I saw on his face pissed me off.
Here I was trying to fucking apologize, and he was asking about an ulterior motive.
“I’ve been working with Haizley. She’s been helping me process.”
“And that’s the only reason you’re here?”
I looked at the smug bastard, and the blank expression on his face told me he already knew.
“Who fucking told you?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me. You should have fucking told me!”
“That’s why I’m here now, goddammit!” I shouted, jumping out of the chair.
“It’s been three fucking months! You can move on that fucking quick? Did she even mean anything to you?”
“Fuck you, Ryder!”
“Both of you, knock it off,” Ellie hissed. “We have customers, and they can hear you screaming at each other. Are you trying to set off the rumor mill? Did you not have enough people talking about you?”
Before either of us could reply, she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
“Here,” I said, digging into my pocket and throwing Rachel’s letter on the desk. “Read this.”
“What is it?” He reached for the letter and held it in his hands, staring at it like it might bite him.
“Matlock gave it to me the night Rachel died.” I slumped back into the chair and let my head fall back. Letting Ryder read that letter was opening myself up for more shit from him. But he needed to see what Rachel wrote about me moving on. He would never believe it from me.
“What the fuck is she talking about?”
I straightened up at his outburst. When he looked up at me, there was pity in his eyes. “I don’t need your fucking pity. I just need you to read the bottom.”
“Cash, I had no idea she felt this way,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know how she could feel this way. Anyone who saw the two of you together could see how much you loved her,” he whispered.
I stood and paced the room as he read the rest of the letter. When he looked up, I saw something. It looked a hell of a lot like respect, but what did he have to respect me for?
I threatened to kill him and would have if my brothers hadn’t held me back. The way I had treated him the last few months was a dick move on my part.
He didn’t deserve it. And the worst part was, I knew he didn’t deserve it but I did it, anyway. I lashed out at him because I couldn’t yell at her. I lost the woman I had loved for the last five years, but he lost his fucking family.
I could see that now.
“What’s her name?”
I faced the wall and closed my eyes. “Rose.”
“Is she anything like Rachel?” he asked, and I laughed.
“She’s worse,” I said as I turned around. “Look, man, I wasn’t looking for another woman. She just kind of appeared one day and I don’t know... I feel like maybe Rach had something to do with it.” I shrugged, knowing it sounded crazy.
“I want to meet her.”
“I’m trying to get her to come to the clubhouse. She’s skittish.”
Ryder scoffed. “That doesn’t sound like Rachel at all.”
I smiled at him. “No, it doesn’t. She’s young.”
“How young?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.
“Twenty-one. Tiny too. I don’t think she even reaches five feet,” I said, thinking about how we fit, despite the height difference. She fit perfectly against my body, and I knew she would fit just as easily into my life.
“I want to meet her first. Before you take her to the club. Come for dinner this week.” Ryder stood behind his desk, waiting for my answer.
“On one condition.”
He grinned. “What’s that?”
“You bring Ellie and the girls to Mimic’s party.”
The door burst open before he could answer, and Ellie, with a giant smile on her face, and Tabby on her hip, cried, “He already said we could go to the party. So what night are we having dinner? Tonight? Tomorrow? I can’t wait to meet her.”
Ryder shook his head with a grin. “Woman, were you listening outside the door?”
“Of course I was,” she said without a hint of guilt. Turning to me, she asked, “When can we meet her?”
“Actually, you already have. At Trudy’s.”
Ellie gasped. “Kytten? It’s Kytten?”
“Who the fuck is Kytten? You said her name was Rose.”
“Her name is Rose. Her road name is Kytten.”
“She has a road name?” Ellie turned on Ryder with a scowl. “I want a road name!” she demanded.
“You already have another name. Rayne Perry. You want me to have Rayne stitched on to your cut?”
“Yes!” she shouted.
Since getting pregnant, Ellie was extremely emotional. She went from low to high and back to low again in the blink of an eye, with no explanation. Then again, she fell pregnant not long after she got to town, so none of us really knew what she was like without the hormones.
I laughed at her outburst. I’d missed her being at the clubhouse. Things hadn’t been the same since Rachel died, and it wasn’t just because she was gone.
I was to blame for the strain that surrounded the brothers.
“How about tomorrow night?”
“I’ll check with Rose and let you know tonight.” I held out my hand over his desk. He ignored it and walked around before pulling me into a hug.
“It’s good to have you back, brother. I’m so fucking sorry she didn’t tell you any of that shit. She didn’t tell me either, and I was so fucking pissed at her,” Ryder said, and when I looked at Ellie, tears streamed down her face.
“I’m sorry I blamed you. I’m sorry about everything. Losing her was the worst day of my life.”
“Same,” Ryder admitted. He slapped me on the back and stepped back. “Go convince your girl to have dinner with us.”
“Wish me luck!” I kissed Tabby on the head and then kissed Ellie on the cheek. When I looked back at Ryder and winked, he threw his head back and laughed.
Up on the mountain, I waited for Rose. When I heard her bike rumbling up the path, the smile was involuntary. I’d been so angry the last few months that I swore the muscles in my face had atrophied from lack of use.
But when I saw her emerge into the clearing, I knew I would smile every day for the rest of my fucking life as long as she was in it.
It took everything inside of me to stand still and wait for her to come to me. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and carry her around with me everywhere I went. Never letting her feet touch the ground again.
“Hi,” she greeted with a shy smile. We had spent every day for over a week together, talking and making out like teenagers. Yet she still blushed when she saw me. Like she was surprised I was here waiting for her.
“Come here.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. My lips descended on hers without waiting. My body had a mind of its own and the only action it wanted to take was being as close to her as humanly possible.
I held her head in my hands as I leaned over and caressed her lips with mine. Her mouth opened for me, and I didn’t hesitate to let my tongue explore every part of it.
Fuck, she was sweet. I couldn’t wait to run my tongue over every inch of her body. “I want you so fucking much, Rose,” I whispered against her lips. Forging a trail down her neck, I added, “I want to bury my tongue in your pussy until you’re screaming my name.”
Her body shivered, and I continued, “Then I want to bury my cock deep inside you and never leave.”
“Cash,” she moaned.
My hands trailed down her shoulders to her sides. Finding the hem of her T-shirt, I slipped my hands under it, searching for her tits. My thumbs grazed over her nipples, hidden beneath her bra, and her body shuddered.
“Do you want me to make you come, baby?”
“Yes,” she breathed. But when my hands went to her jeans, she stopped me. Her body stiffened like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over her, cooling down the heat I desperately tried to inflame.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, searching her eyes.
“Nothing.” She shook her head as if waking from a trance. “I thought we were going to talk.”
“You’re right,” I sighed. But something didn’t feel right. I knew she wanted me. Maybe she was a virgin and just didn’t want to tell me. I wasn’t an asshole all the time. I could be patient.
For her.