26. Cash
CHAPTER 26
Cash
DOWN BAD
September turns into October. Mornings are gloriously chilly, even if the afternoons are still hot.
Mollie is still intent on learning the ropes of being a true cowgirl. She’s with us and the herd almost every day. And every night, she sits in my bed with her computer on her lap, fingers flying over the keyboard as she works on Bellamy Brooks’s approaching launch.
We fuck before and after that, of course. First thing in the morning too. But I’m doggone impressed by how hard this woman works. At the end of the day, I’m beat. Mollie, though, seems to get a second wind when we untack the horses.
I admire her tenacity. Even as part of me knows her cowboy boot company is a big part of what’s ultimately keeping her in Dallas. We talk about everything but the future. I don’t ask, and she doesn’t offer any answers. We just live in the moment.
I try to make my peace with that. I know we get along well. I know she enjoys my company. And the sex is…Jesus, something else.
But that don’t mean she’s in love with me. Definitely doesn’t mean she’s thinking about moving to the ranch forever. It’d be weird, right, if I brought that up after a few weeks of…well, are we dating? Because we haven’t been on any actual dates. We’re fucking, but our connection is so much more than just physical.
I tie myself in knots trying to figure it out.
I need to take my own damn advice and lighten up. Maybe this time is meant to be enjoyed, plain and simple. Why do I need answers if I have Mollie in my bed every night?
Because the more you let her in, the more it’s gonna hurt when she goes.
Like I can help it.
Like I can stop falling harder for her each fucking day.
Only solution to that would be to get gone myself. But I can’t just up and leave. I don’t want to.
Leaving isn’t in my nature. But I’m not sure staying is in hers.
What the fuck do I do?
I ask myself that question for the thousandth time while I’m helping John B and Sally administer vaccinations to a handful of heifers on Friday afternoon. We’ve got a cow in the chute, head safely restrained in the neck extender. Sally is giving her a vaccination in her neck, smoothly and quickly inserting the gun-like multi-dose tool a few inches behind and below the heifer’s ear.
The heifer rattles the bars of the chute, but after a second or two, she calms right down.
“That’s a good girl,” Sally coos.
“So you give the same dose to every one of these cows.” Mollie glances at the cows lined up behind this one. “And you use the same needle and gun and everything.”
Eyes twinkling, Sally nods. “Yes, and yes. Obviously, we’ll change out the needle if it breaks or there’s an issue, but the whole point of the gun here”—she holds up the scary-looking contraption—“is to make things easier on everyone. Fewer needles means fewer chances of accidents happening, and you can set up the gun so each animal gets the same dose. The quicker we get this done, the quicker the cows can go back to doing their thing out in the pastures.”
John B straightens from examining the cow behind this one. “You wanna give it a try, Mollie?”
Because Mollie is clearly out to make me one heartsick motherfucker, she smiles and says, “If you think that’s all right, I’d love to. Here, I’ll go wash my hands.”
Sally waves her over after Mollie’s done at the nearby sink. “There’s a bit of an art to finding the right spot for the needle. But once you get that, we’re good to go.”
I release the heifer and line up the other in the neck extender so that the cow’s head is secured between two metal panels. Sally shows Mollie how to feel for the correct spot on the cow’s neck—away from bone and tendon—and together, they use their fingers to feel for the perfect “squishy” spot.
Instead of being grossed out, Mollie appears to be rapt. She takes the gun and lets Sally show her how to insert it at a 45-degree angle.
“You’re doing great,” Sally says. “Right there. You got it! Go, Mollie.”
Mollie’s face breaks out in a huge smile when she pulls the “trigger” and administers the vaccine. Again, the cow rustles for a bit, but then she calms down.
John B nods his head approvingly. “You didn’t flinch, Mollie. Well done.”
Handing the gun back to Sally, Mollie turns that smile on me. Holding up a hand, she walks over and says, “Yee-fucking-haw, y’all. I vaccinated my first cow!”
Heart beating a little too fast, I give Mollie the high five she’s looking for. Without thinking, I curl my fingers through hers and draw our palms flush. Her eyes go soft, and so does the stuff inside my chest .
We’re both covered in dirt and stink to high heaven. But I’m not sure she’s ever been more beautiful than she is right now. Lit up. Proud.
At home.
You belong here, cowgirl.
Hill Country is in her blood. And now Mollie Luck is in my blood, and I can’t imagine this place without her.
“You did good, Mollie.” My voice sounds different.
Glancing over Mollie’s shoulder, I see Sally and John B quickly look away. They were watching us. Can’t blame ’em—my girl and I are putting on a goddamn show.
I hear Mollie’s phone vibrating in her back pocket. She ignores it.
Clearing my throat, I try again. “Practice makes perfect. Do it again.”
Mollie’s lips twitch. “Yessir.”
“Is he making you call him sir?” Sally furrows her brow.
Mollie sends a wicked little glance my way. “Isn’t he such an asshole?”
My body pulses. “Don’t make me pull rank, y’all. Get this done.”
They do. Mollie’s confidence grows with every cow, until they’re all done and she’s still smiling like an idiot.
Or maybe I’m the one who’s the idiot, because I can’t even pretend not to stare at her as she digs her phone out of her pocket. She frowns when she sees the screen.
My heart dips. Something happen? Something wrong? It’s close to four o’clock, which means it’s time to turn in. By “turn in,” I mean sneak Mollie away in an ATV so we can shower together at the cabin before supper.
“I need to return this call.” Mollie glances at me. “I’ll see you at dinner. Sally, John B, thanks again for the hands-on coaching. I really appreciate it, y’all.”
“Anytime, Mollie. You’re an excellent student,” John B says, waving goodbye as Mollie scurries out of the barn .
Sally ducks out, too, saying she’s going to clean up.
Then it’s just John B and me and the knowing look he gives me as I pretend to tidy up the shovels by the door.
“Mollie’s turned out to be a lot more interested in the ranch than we initially thought,” he says after a beat of pregnant silence. “Y’all seem to be getting along a lot better.”
Straightening, I draw in a slow, deep breath. Put my hands on my hips. My body is tired, but my blood is anything but. It races through my veins, thrumming with excitement at the prospect of spending the evening with Mollie.
There’s a good bit of trepidation there too.
I swallow. “She’s not who I thought she was.”
“I can see that.”
My face burns. Meeting John’s eyes, I see a knowing gleam there.
Aw, shit. He’s on to me. Might as well be honest.
“You and Patsy—I know y’all met in high school. But how did you…” I ponder my words carefully. “You know, keep her? Get her to stay?”
John B’s face creases pleasantly as he tucks his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I kept her by letting her go.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It does, though. Patsy’s a dreamer. I knew she had plans for her life. Whether I fit into those plans or not, that was her call. Relationships are about compromise, sure. But no one should have to compromise on the big stuff. The big dreams.”
I kick at the dirt on the floor. “I don’t disagree.”
“Patsy and I were together in high school. But we went to different colleges, and obviously, I went to veterinary school after that. Throughout that time, I always made sure she knew how much I loved her. That I’d work my fingers to the bone to make her happy.”
My heart bangs against my breastbone. “Right.”
“So first, you tell her how you feel.”
Literal gulp. “Mm-hmm. ”
John chuckles. “Telling Patsy I loved her for the first time might’ve been the most terrifying moment of my life. And I’ve been gored by a bull. Twice.”
“Jesus, John.”
“Occupational hazard. Anyway, the risk was worth the reward.” He sweeps out his arm. I know what he’s referring to—the life he’s built alongside Patsy. “I think because I was unafraid of telling her how I felt, telling her what I wanted, she did the same. We always knew where we stood with each other.”
“That does make sense.”
“And second, y’all gotta have fun with each other. What’s the point of bein’ together if you can’t laugh and have a good time? That’s the glue. Get the fun right, and chances are, she’ll stick around.”
Rolling my shoulders, I let my head fall back. “I’m not great at fun.”
“You said it yourself. Practice makes perfect.”
“The part about letting her go. What’s that about?”
John thinks on this for a beat. “Means you let her chase her dreams while you’re chasing yours. Be honest about what you want, of course. But don’t guilt her into anything. Don’t make her feel any pressure to make her life fit around yours. I knew Patsy wanted to go to a different college than I did. It was a better fit for her. Yeah, I was scared shitless she’d find someone new and forget about me. But…” His mouth curves into a small, secret smile. “I made sure I was unforgettable.”
My turn to chuckle. “Do I wanna know?”
“Son, a man doesn’t kiss and tell.” His eyes dance as they lock on mine. “From the way Mollie looks at you, I’d say you’re hard to forget too. Keep doing what you’re doing. Trust yourself. The rest will fall into place.”
I hesitate. “And if it doesn’t?”
John’s chest rises on an inhale. “Then it wasn’t meant to be. Awful thing to hear, I know. But you can’t hold on too tightly. If you let her go and she doesn’t come back, then we pick up the pieces and do the best we can to help you move on.”
My throat feels thick as I swallow. Much as I feel alone in my responsibilities sometimes, I know at the end of the day, my family—both real and found—really will be there to pick me up if I fall.
“Appreciate that,” I reply gruffly.
John walks over to clap me on the shoulder. “I got a feeling, though, that Mollie’s comin’ back.”
I hope he’s right.
And when she does, I hope she stays.