28. Mollie
CHAPTER 28
Mollie
THE LONGEST TWO MINUTES
Cash appears at the screen door as my footsteps thump across the cabin’s front porch.
He pushes the door open. His brows snap together when he takes in my panicked expression. “Everything all right?”
He’s still in his work clothes, although he’s pulled his T-shirt out of his jeans. The hem rises as he reaches up to spear a hand through his hair, revealing a slice of thick, muscled stomach and side.
His eyes are pools of bright blue in the shade of the porch.
“I’m late,” I blurt. Out of all the things I need to tell him, this seems like the most urgent.
“Late?” He steps out onto the porch, scrunching his forehead as he slips a hand inside my shirt. “Dinner’s not for another twenty minutes. We got plenty of time for a shower.”
Even now, sweating bullets and on the verge of a panic attack, my body ignites at his touch. “No, Cash. My period is late.”
He goes still. His expression morphs, but I can’t read it.
“I’m really good about taking my birth control, and I haven’t missed a pill or anything like that,” I babble. “But I usually get my period by now, and there’s no sign of it.” I draw a shaky breath and look up at him, trying to figure out what he’s thinking. “I’m pretty regular, so this is a little…yeah, scary.”
Without a word, he steps forward and pulls me in for a tight, fierce hug.
And without a word, I wrap my arms around him. I bury my face in his big, broad chest and let the tears flow.
My stomachache lessens, then dissipates altogether.
I love— love —how safe I feel in this man’s arms. There’s a very real possibility that we’re in very real trouble. But the way Cash is holding me, our embrace comfortable and familiar, makes me feel so much less alone in dealing with that trouble.
Come to think of it, I’ve never felt less lonely than I do when I’m with him. And the knowledge that Cash is here to face this with me is wonderfully affirming.
What if it felt like this all the time?
What if I had Cash by my side as I faced the rest of my life? Something tells me we’d make a really great team as we stared down life’s challenges. Celebrated its joys.
Here, in his arms, I feel like I could get through anything as long as he was with me.
I feel mushy and vulnerable and loved .
I cry harder.
“Aw, honey, I’m sorry you’re scared.” He presses a kiss into my hair. “Talk to me.”
“My doctor said the pill should be really effective. But obviously?—”
“We don’t use backup.”
“Right.” I truly have lost count of how many times Cash has come inside me in the past few weeks. Twenty? Fifty? Five hundred?
I also wonder if the way he, ahem, pushes his cum back inside me could lead to a higher chance of getting pregnant. I can’t imagine it didn’t help his sperm possibly find a rogue egg.
“Let’s drive into town, then. Get you some tests.”
I look up at him, puzzled by the calm, cool way he’s handling this. “You don’t seem upset.”
“Should I be?” He tucks my hair behind my ear as he thumbs away my tears. The tenderness of his touch takes my breath away. “I don’t mean to make you feel wrong for bein’ scared. We obviously didn’t plan this. But if I’m being honest…”
My heart beats hard and fast as I wait for him to finish that thought. Cash has been open about wanting a family of his own. So have I.
But it’s way too soon, right, to have a baby together? I mean, yeah, Cash has practically moved me in with him. And he looks after me. And makes sure I’m fed, and comfortable, and happy. He asks about my work. Takes an interest in my opinions. He doesn’t ever look at anyone else, and he only ever dances and drinks with me when we’ve been out at The Rattler.
I come first. Literally and figuratively.
Is Cash in love with me too?
Looking into his eyes, I see softness and concern.
I see interest. A little heat.
They’re alive . Not tired or clouded over the way they were when I first met him. And isn’t that love? Someone else making you feel thrilled you exist despite the hardship and the heartache life brings?
I’m gripped by the need to tell him about my conversation with Mom. How the stipulation has been struck down. But if I do that, I’m going to have to tell him how I feel. It’s only fair he knows why I’m so torn over what to do next.
Will Cash want me to stay in Hartsville? Or will he make a fool of me for thinking I ever belonged here ?
“Well,” he says at last, “let’s get the tests and go from there, okay?”
My heart turns over. I blink. “Okay.”
“Whatever happens, Mollie, we’ll be all right. I promise.”
Because Cash is the kind of man who keeps his promises, I believe him.
On the ride into town, I text Patsy to tell her Cash and I won’t be at supper. When she asks if we’re okay, I tell her we’re fine and that we’ll see her at breakfast. My heart swells at her offer to wrap up some leftovers for us.
Patsy Powell
I’ll leave them in the fridge for whenever y’all get hungry. Thinking of you two.
It’s dusk by the time I climb back into Cash’s truck with a Hope Pharmacy bag in my hand, a pair of plastic sticks tucked inside.
Cash climbs into the truck beside me. He tosses his phone onto the dash. The timer he set inside the store for two minutes is counting down from one minute thirty-eight seconds.
One minute thirty-seven. Thirty-six.
My hand shakes as I take the tests out of the bag. I couldn’t wait until we got home to take them, so I ducked into the restroom inside the pharmacy and peed on the two sticks that came in the package.
I set them on the seat between Cash and me. The little window where the result will appear—one line for not pregnant, two lines for pregnant—is currently stuck at one line. That line appears right after you pee on the stick. It’s the second line you’re looking for over the course of the two minutes—that one tells you you’re pregnant .
Resting my elbow on the window ledge, I hold my hand to my mouth. My emotions are a tangled jumble inside a pressurized can that’s just been shaken. I feel short of breath. On the verge of bursting at any moment.
I could be pregnant . With Cash Rivers’s baby. If I am…
That could change everything. And nothing.
If I am pregnant and we decide to keep the baby, that would make my choice to stay or leave Hartsville very easy. Some fucked-up part of me longs for that, how black-and-white the situation would become.
But another—saner—part knows it’s a decision I need to make outside of what happens in the next minute and three seconds. Would I love to be with Cash for the long haul and eventually have a family with him? Hell yes . But the timing has to be right, and I don’t want to trap either of us in a life we’re not ready for.
I don’t want this to push us to make choices we shouldn’t.
But goodness does my heart beat faster at the idea of making a life—making babies—with Cash.
I need to tell him how I feel. I just have to wait another fifty-two seconds.
He reaches across the seat and puts a hand on my thigh. “Breathe, Mollie.”
I force air into my lungs. “I’m trying.”
“I’m not going anywhere, you hear?” He ducks his head so our gazes meet. “We’ll handle this together. We don’t have to make any decisions today.”
I grab the hand he has on my leg and wrap my fingers around it. “Thank you for saying that. You’re handling this like a fucking champ, Cash. Which I appreciate. I just…”
I’m brimming with feelings, and I don’t know what to do with myself.
I need to tell you I’m in love with you, but I might be leaving, and I don’t know what I should do.
I glance at his phone. Thirty seconds left .
I glance at the tests. No result yet.
My pulse pounds inside my temples.
“You ever have a scare before?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “You?”
“Nope.” I look at him. “You’re the only one who’s ever—I don’t know—made me a little reckless, I guess.”
Cash lifts a brow. “You havin’ second thoughts? About not using more protection?”
“No,” I answer swiftly. “Not at all. I don’t think it’s any secret I’m addicted to you. To the sex we have.”
One side of his mouth curls upward. “So you’re using me to get quality dick.”
I laugh. God damn it, leave it to this man to make me laugh in the middle of a very real crisis.
Is it a crisis, though?
“You’re an all right dancer too. And your coffee is okay.”
He chuckles. “Keep goin’. I like this game.”
“Oh, please, last thing you need is an ego boost. You know how gorgeous and hardworking and sweet and selfless you are, Cash. I don’t need to tell you that.”
He lets his head fall back on the headrest and rolls it to the right so he can smile at me. “But you just did. So I’m gonna tell you how gorgeous and hardworking and caring and genuine you are, Mollie.”
I look away, hoping he doesn’t see how furiously I’m blushing. “You’re just saying that because you’re feeling guilty for possibly knocking me up.”
“You think I feel guilty?”
His phone chimes, making me jump. I look down at the tests.
“One line means negative, right?” Cash asks, squeezing my hand.
“It does, yeah,” I say.
Then I burst into tears. I’m swept up in a rush of emotion. Relief, exhaustion. A little bit of disappointment too, which takes me off guard.
Cash doesn’t hesitate. He scoots over and pulls me into his lap. I curl up there, burying my face in his shirt, and I weep. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly against his chest.
“See?” He kisses the crown of my head. “It’s okay, honey. We’re okay.”
We are okay. I’m not at all okay. I’m relieved and sad and happy and terrified .
My life may be in Dallas, but now my heart is in, well, Hartsville. Should’ve seen that one coming.
Cash wasn’t upset when I told him I was late. As a matter of fact, the things he said almost made me think he wishes I was pregnant. Ordinarily, that’d raise my hackles. Is this guy trying to tie me down? Hold me back? Keep me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen?
But I know Cash isn’t that guy. He’s got big dreams, and he respects the big dreams I have too.
I think he just wants a family.
I need to tell him. Now.
Sniffling, I sit up in Cash’s lap. His blue eyes are full when they lock on mine. Full of concern and softness and something else.
Something that makes my breath catch.
“You said you don’t feel guilty.” I swallow the thump of terror in my throat. “About potentially getting me pregnant.”
“I feel bad you were scared. But we’re two consenting adults, having a lot of fun doing…stuff together.”
I laugh, running my finger over the broken-in fabric of his T-shirt. “That stuff is great.”
“Exactly. If something happened because we were enjoying that stuff a little too much…” He closes his mouth. Opens it. His eyes dart to the window.
Holy shit, Cash is nervous . About what ?
What is he going to confess? I’m suddenly so anxious to know, I’m shaking.
“What if I was pregnant?” I ask softly.
His eyes return to mine. “I respect your timing, Mollie. I’d never push you to do something you weren’t ready for. But if we did make a baby?” His Adam’s apple bobs. “Honey, I’d marry the shit out of you. Not because it’s the right thing to do, but because I’m in love with you.”
I blink, my eyes bulging. Maybe that’s why they fill with tears all over again so quickly.
The timing couldn’t be worse.
It couldn’t be better.
“Cash,” I breathe, because I can’t formulate proper sentences now that my heart has beat its way out of my body.
He takes my face in his hand, doing that thing where he wipes away my tears with the calloused pad of this thumb. “It’s no secret I’m in love with you, Mollie. I’ve been—” He clears his throat. “I wanted to wait for the right moment to tell you. Not when we’re naked or working or whatever. And that’s all we seem to do these days. Be naked or work.”
I fist his shirt in my hand. “That so bad?”
“I ain’t complaining.” He arcs his thumb over my cheek. “But I wanted this to feel special. I also don’t want you to feel alone after a pregnancy scare. I told you not to worry, and now you know why I said that. I’m in, honey. I have no idea how you feel or where your head’s at. But now you know what’s goin’ on in mine.”
I can’t.
I cannot even with this man.
I can only yank him to me and crush my mouth against his. Our teeth collide and it hurts a little, but Cash only laughs, tilting his head so he can lick into my mouth with long, luxurious strokes of his tongue.
I have to tell him how I feel.
I want to tell him .
“I”—kiss—“love”—kiss—“you.”
He smiles against my lips. “That’s a fuckin’ relief.”
And now I have to tell him the other thing . The not-so-great thing.
My heart is throwing elbows inside my chest. The pressure is unbearable.
Cash deserves to know. Our relationship clearly isn’t a flash in the pan for him. I don’t want to lead him on if there isn’t a way for us to be together.
If I’m ultimately going to end up in Dallas and he’s going to be here, we can’t do long-distance forever. And our lives in each of those places are so, so different. How could we possibly bring them together?
How can I possibly leave this man?
I break the kiss and lean my forehead against his. We’re both breathing hard.
“I’m in love with you, Cash. But Dad’s will—the stipulation keeping me on the ranch—it got struck down.” I swallow. “I think—Cash, I have to go back to Dallas.”