Chapter 3 Cece #2
The first time I met Monica, I told her I was from Shine.
She was familiar with the shelter and the work Matilda, the woman who ran the place, did there.
I told her my sister helped out there sometimes.
Jude and Lucy actually teach self-defense to the women at the shelter once a week.
I would usually send something I baked with Lucy for the women there who came from the compound, but I only went to visit a few times.
I was never close with the women at the compound.
I was the wife of the man who doled out their punishments or their redemption, depending on his mood.
The three times I went with my sister, none of the women were particularly warm to me.
It was almost as though they were still scared that Otto was there waiting in the wings, and seeing me only compounded that fear.
I wouldn’t exactly be excited to have me around after escaping that hell either.
They had each other, and Matilda was helping them get on their feet. And I was happy for them.
Monica looked at me, and it felt like she could see right into my heart. Did she know who I was? Did she know I was one of the women who escaped the hell of living in a cult? Could she tell that the years of torment and abuse had warped the good parts of me into something twisted and ugly?
If she did, she didn’t say anything or give me any sort of pitying look.
She simply smiled and asked if I was ready to jump in.
And that was that—until a little over six weeks ago.
I couldn’t stomach the idea of being around anyone.
Of anyone seeing the mess I had turned into.
The hole I was slipping into with each passing day.
A hole I refused to pull myself out of. But I know sitting in my room or raging at the quarry isn’t going to do me any good.
It may be a small start, but being here with people who know what it’s like to feel helpless at the hands of another person is a good place to begin.
They don’t know my family and have never met the brothers.
Here I’m simply Cece. I can just be a woman who wants to learn how to defend herself. How to become stronger.
“Hey there. Long time,” Monica says when I walk through the door.
I smile—my first genuine one in weeks—and slide my bag into one of the cubbies next to her desk.
“Yeah, I had some family things to take care of the last few weeks,” I reply.
“Everything okay?” Her deep-brown eyes fill with concern.
“Good as can be right now.” It’s as close to the truth as I’m willing to get.
She smiles and nods toward the other girls warming up on the mat. “They’ve missed you. And your cookies,” she says in a husky laugh.
My lips tip up in a grin. “I’ll bring some next time.” I was too upset and in too much of a rush when I left today after my showdown with Cash and forgot the box on the countertop at home.
Walking over to the other women, I sit down on the mat and start stretching with them. I look around and see one of the women missing.
“Where’s Thea?” I ask the group.
“She’s in the hospital. Her ex found her. Broken nose, orbital, and three cracked ribs,” one of the other girls, Leandra, answers. Thea and Leandra are cousins, and Leandra is the one who brought Thea into the group.
I look around and see the faces of the other four women fall.
Two look angry, and the other two look ready to cry.
But all of them, including myself, know that it’s a possibility.
Maybe even only a matter of time. The justice system does fuck all to protect women, and considering Thea’s ex works as a prison guard…
yeah, needless to say, he’s never been held accountable.
“Is he in jail?” I ask Leandra.
She scoffs. “Was. For about five seconds.” She shakes her head and hops off the mat. “Come on. I need to beat some shit.”
All of us rise from the mats. Two of the girls grab giant pads that cover their bodies and a huge, cushioned helmet.
One of the girls dons the gear and the other starts practicing her moves as the other girl attacks her.
There have been a few times that Monica has had a man come in and wear the padding so we could practice on someone larger, but I’m glad he’s not here today.
Two other girls head over to the corner and start practicing some form of martial arts similar to what my sister is adept at.
Leandra is at the boxing dummy, working out her anger one resounding kick and punch at a time.
When I walk over to Leandra, she already has a slight sheen of sweat covering her forehead and dripping from her hairline, the long dark locks tied in a haphazard bun behind her head.
“I’m sorry about Thea. How is she holding up?” I ask as Leandra uses a combo, punching the dummy in the ribs three times, then in the throat.
“She’s scared. She’s mad. I think she’s going to run.
Her parents live in Virginia, and they’ve been begging her to come home since the first time he landed her in the ER.
” She throws another punch and a double kick to the dummy.
“She’s having surgery tomorrow on her eye.
Her fucking eye.” Leandra punches the dummy again in the face.
“Fuck!” She steps back from the dummy, crossing her arms over her head and turning away from me.
I take that as a sign that she’s done for the moment and needs a second to collect herself. I can relate.
I start landing a series of punches and kicks that I’ve learned here. We’re taught to incapacitate an attacker so we can run. But I’m so sick of running. I want to do real damage to men who hurt women. Something that will make them think twice about touching someone when they don’t have permission.
Blow after blow, kick after kick. Every second of the kidnapping replays in my head.
I couldn’t do anything that night. They had Colby.
They were threatening to hurt him if I didn’t comply.
He struggled, I struggled, those assholes hurt Pepper, Wyatt’s dog.
When Pepper attacked one of the Bone Breakers, the dog took a chunk out of the man’s arm.
But the second they held a gun to Colby, I was done.
When that piece of shit had me under him in the motel, it was everything I could do not to struggle.
He allowed me to lock Colby in the bathroom so he wouldn’t have to witness what was about to go down.
The bastard was going to leave him in the corner while he took a piece of my flesh like his brothers had done when I lived on the compound.
Then Cash and the rest of the brothers stormed in before he could get my shorts down my legs and shot the asshole.
But Cash saw. He saw what that awful man was going to do.
Saw what men like him had done so many times before.
Tears leak out of my eyes as sweat drips down my face, mixing together.
Punch after punch, I think about the things I could have done to him, think about the ways I wish I could have made him bleed.
But my priority was Colby and getting him out alive.
As for me? In that moment, I couldn’t have cared less if I lived or died as long as he was safe.
“When Thea was at the hospital getting X-rays in the ER, the nurse had some interesting information,” Leandra says as she walks up behind me.
“She said she’d been on shift a couple of times when Thea was brought in.
Asked me a bunch of questions. God, I was so pissed and scared.
” Leandra shakes her head. “Anyways, the nurse said she knew someone who might be able to help. Someone who ‘handles’ men like her ex. She gave me a phone number.”
I’m not clueless when it comes to people breaking the law to save someone. That’s how I got out of the cult, after all.
“Have you called?”
Leandra shakes her head. “Thea refused, and I didn’t want to push.
At least not yet.” She pins me with her gaze.
“Thea used to disappear for weeks at a time after her boyfriend had a ‘bad night.’ Then she’d show back up and tell all of our friends she had family stuff to take care of.
Only problem was, I was family and knew she was lying.
I overheard you telling Monica why you’ve been MIA.
” She shoots me a pointed look. “Here’s his number.
” She slips a piece of paper from her pocket and squeezes it into my hand. “Just in case.”
I open my mouth to argue, but Leandra shakes her head. “What we learn here is great, but sometimes you need more than getting away. Sometimes you need them to bleed, too.”
Leandra steps away from me and grabs her towel. “I’m going to go visit Thea. See you soon.” She waves at the other girls and walks out of the gym as I slide the paper into my pocket.
God, I wish I would have made them bleed that night.
The men who kidnapped us were taken care of, though I’m not exactly sure what happened to Nolan.
There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s dead.
After what he put Maizie and Colby through, I hope it was painful and slow.
I begin hitting the dummy again—this time with a smile on my face.
The thought of Nolan brutally losing his life is one of the only things that makes me smile these days, and I wonder, for the hundredth time, what that says about me—and why I don’t really care.
Hours pass between punching the dummy and doing some light sparring and tumbling with the rest of the girls. It’s dark by the time I leave the gym, and I already have three messages from Lucy asking where I’m at.
Me: Be home soon.
Lucy: Where are you?
I don’t want to answer that question, so I toss my phone onto the seat next to me and back out of the parking spot to head home. Ayre is about thirty minutes from Shine. I’m sure Lucy will be fine waiting a few minutes if she texts again.