Chapter 9 #2
As Cece finishes loading the pastries into the case, I notice a line of bruises on her inner arm.
“What happened to you?” I ask, nodding toward her outstretched arm.
“Oh,” she says, looking at the bruise. “Not sure. I bruise pretty easily.” There’s a lightness to her answer, but it seems a bit forced.
“Okay, Cece. Here you go.” Betsy comes from her office and waves the check.
Cece stands, grinning from ear to ear. “Thank you so much. I hope everyone enjoys them.”
“That’s not something I think you’re going to have to worry about. Let’s see what the crowd favorites are, and I’ll text you with another order later.”
“Betsy, I would like to buy two of each, please,” I say.
“You got it,” she replies and grabs a paper bag and the tongs sitting next to the case.
“What are you doing?” Cece asks. “I’ll bake you whatever you want.”
I shoot her a grin. “I know, sweetheart, but I want to be your first customer.”
She shakes her head, but the smile is bright on her face.
Betsy hands me the bag and tells me the total. After I hand her the money, I grab the pastries and my coffee in one hand, loop the handles of the bags we came in with over my arm, and hold my other hand out to Cece.
“Come on. I want to take you somewhere,” I tell her.
She nods and slides her palm into mine.
“Bye, Betsy. Thank you for the coffee,” she says as I lead Cece to my truck, dropping her hand so I can open the door for her.
When I get in the driver’s side, Cece is buckling her seat belt. “Where to?”
I turn the truck ignition over and face her. “Somewhere I think you’ll enjoy as much as I do.”
Twenty minutes later, we pull into the parking lot of an animal rescue.
“You want to get a dog?” she asks, reading the sign.
“I volunteer here a few times a month. It’s been a while since I’ve had time to stop by, and I know the ladies would love to meet the woman who bakes the best damn pastries and bread they’ve ever tried.”
Over the last two years, I’ve brought Cece’s baked goods out here for the women who run the shelter. Now, if I show up empty-handed, they threaten me with doo-doo duty.
I exit the truck and hurry over to the passenger side, opening Cece’s door before she has a chance to do it herself.
“Such a gentleman,” she remarks.
I give her a devilish grin. “Not always.”
Cece hums and allows me to take her hand to help her out of the truck.
We stroll into the center, the workers having just gotten here since it’s not quite eight in the morning.
“I brought breakfast,” I say, holding up the bag. “And your favorite baker.”
Cece waves, and the two women greet us with wide smiles.
“Girl, I don’t know what you put in those turnovers, but it’s magic. My taste buds thank you, even if my waistline doesn’t,” Karen, the owner of the shelter, says.
“And you can now purchase these delectable treats at Cool Beans,” I inform them.
“I did not need to know that, but I’m so happy I do,” one of the employees says before I hand her the bag. “Is this a lemon-and-blueberry scone? Girl, that one is my favorite.”
“I’ll take those,” Karen says, grabbing the bag. “Oh, apple turnovers.”
I laugh as the women fight over Cece’s treats.
“We’re going to head back,” I say, pointing to the double doors.
Karen waves me on. “It’s breakfast time. Be a doll and handle that while I enjoy your girl’s delicious baked goods.”
I don’t bother correcting her and nod toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go play with some dogs.”
When we get to the back, most of the kennels are empty, which is always a nice thing to see at a shelter. There are four kennels currently occupied, and the dogs are beyond excited when they see us enter.
“Oh my gosh! They’re so cute,” Cece says as she holds her hand to one of the gates to let the giant brindle pitty lick her fingers.
“That’s Big Momma. She’s going to be giving birth any day now,” I tell her. “We’ll feed her first.”
I open her gate, and Cece gives her lots of head and butt scratches.
The dog waddles over to me and looks up expectantly. “Yeah, you know what time it is.” I take her into the feeding area outside and put extra in her bowl since she’s eating for more than just her now.
“What’s going to happen to her puppies?” Cece asks as I set the bowl in front of the dog.
“After six weeks, they’ll start advertising the pups for adoption. Karen never has a problem placing puppies. Sometimes the older dogs take a little longer, but they’re well loved while they’re here.”
“I’m surprised Ozzy didn’t make Wyatt bring Pepper here when he brought him back to the clubhouse,” Cece comments.
“Please, that dog was Wyatt’s at first lick. Plus, I don’t care what Ozzy says, he fucking loves that dog.”
It takes no time at all for Big Momma to finish her food, and we let her out into the grassy yard so she can sniff around and do her business.
I hold out my hand for Cece. “Come on, let’s go get another one.”
After a couple hours, all the dogs have been fed and loved on by me and Cece. Karen comes out and keeps Cece company while I help the other volunteer clean out the kennels. When we get back in the truck, Cece is still wearing the smile she’s had for the last two hours.
“This is sort of an odd thing for a biker to spend his off days doing. How’d you end up volunteering here?”
“Tanya.”
Cece barks out a loud laugh. “Yeah, I could see her roping one of you guys into something like this.”
“To be fair, all she did was organize a fundraiser for some local shelters. I met Karen, and I don’t know…
I just liked what she was doing here. I came by a few days later to drop off the check from the fundraiser, and she showed me around.
They had a few more dogs here at the time and not enough volunteers, so I pitched in.
I liked the dogs, and they liked me, so I came back a couple weeks later and did it again. ”
“And the rest is history?”
“Pretty much,” I say with a chuckle.
Cece lets out a small sigh. “I don’t know how you don’t take them all home with you.”
That pulls another laugh from me. “Guess I’m not as brave as Wyatt.”
“I doubt that. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met.” Cece gives me a soft smile, and I return it. Then I hear her stomach growl loudly.
“You hungry, sweetheart?”
Her light giggle fills the cab of my truck. “Yeah. I was too excited to eat this morning.”
“Let’s grab some breakfast.”
“Please. Then I want to take you somewhere, too,” she says with a small grin on her face.
“Where’s that?”
“A place I think you’re going to enjoy as much as I do,” she replies, using my answer from earlier.
I shake my head, chuckling along with her. “Sounds good, sweetheart.”
We grab some breakfast sandwiches from Cool Beans, and I’m impressed to see that half of what Cece brought in is already gone.
“It’s been a busy morning. As soon as I told my customers these were baked by the girl who usually sells at the farmers’ market, they grabbed one.”
Cece tries to temper her delighted smile, but I feel the excitement radiating from her.
She did it. She was scared and anxious, but she set her fears aside and took the leap.
And judging by the half-empty display, it’s working out better than she thought.
It’s been a while since she had a booth at the weekly market, and it seems that everyone was missing her delicious baked treats.
We get back into my truck, and Cece directs me out of town.
About fifteen minutes later, she instructs me to turn down an old gravel road.
When we come to the clearing, I look over and catch Cece with her lips stretched into a wide smile.
It’s a good look on her, and for the millionth time today, I want to reach over and taste that smile.
We get out of the truck, and Cece leads me to the edge.
“After I got my license, I used to drive by this road and would see the sign for the quarry. One day, after I bought my first bottle of wine, I came out here and drank it. It felt so good to be alone without anyone asking if I was okay or giving me their sad, worried looks like I was going to break any second.”
“Lucy used to complain about you disappearing all the time and not telling anyone where you were. Is this where you came?” I ask in a quiet voice that seems fitting for this place.
She huffs out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. Or I’d go to my self-defense class. But during those first few months, this is where I was.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, looking around. “And peaceful. I can see why you like it.”
She sits down and dangles her legs off the edge. “No one knows about it. Or at least, I’ve never heard anyone talking about it. It’s always been a place where I can come to do whatever I want without people judging me.”
“What would you do?” I ask, taking a seat next to her and handing over her breakfast.
She shrugs as she bites into her bacon-and-egg sandwich. “Blast music, cry, dance around. Drink.”
A small flare of anger ignites inside me. “Then you would drive home?”
She nods.
“Cece, you’re lucky you didn’t drive into the quarry. And no one would have known where to look for you. That’s so fucking dangerous.”
“I know. It was stupid, but honestly…” She looks out over the quarry. “At the time, that wasn’t a deterrent.”
My heart breaks for the girl sitting next to me. “Cece…”
“It’s not like that anymore. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since two days after Elaine’s. That’s when I decided I needed to stop hurting myself, thinking it would solve the problem of being in pain.”
“Nothing since then?” I knew Lucy wasn’t finding any empty bottles, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t hiding them since she’s been called out.
“Nope. Sober as a judge. The temptation has been there a couple times, but I’ve stayed true to the promise I made myself.”
My eyebrow arches. “I’ve met a few judges. They’re hardly sober,” I quip.
Cece laughs again and rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
We sit in silence and finish our sandwiches.
“Alright. I want to see what makes this place special. Let me hear it,” I say, crumbling the wrapper in my hand.
She tilts her head in confusion. “Hear what?”
“The screaming. Give me the best, loudest scream you can muster.”
Cece narrows her eyes at me for a moment, then opens her mouth and yells into the void of the pit.
“That’s it?” I ask, shaking my head. “I barely heard you.”
“You do it, then.”
I open my mouth and yell loud and long.
“What were you thinking about?” she asks.
“I didn’t know that was part of the assignment.”
Cece shrugs. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be, but I think there might be something therapeutic about screaming out whatever’s bottled up inside you.”
My gaze travels to the sky. God, there’s so much. Loss, grief, shame. Feeling the burden of not being able to protect Cooper, of being the one who brought him into the club. Of being the one who couldn’t protect Nova from the pain of losing her brother. I swallow around the lump in my throat.
When I open my mouth again, I let out a frightening roar.
Then, when I’m out of breath, I inhale deeply and do it again.
I roar for the life that was cut short, for the loss I won’t ever not feel, but somehow have to find a way to live with.
I scream until my throat is raw, and when I finally stop, I’m out of breath.
A memory of Cooper pops into my head. His whooping laughter when he started his bike for the first time. He was so proud of that damn thing. He said it meant he was one step closer to being a brother.
I look toward the sky, not sure if I believe in any sort of heaven, but knowing if there is one, my brother is up there right now, probably laughing his ass off at what a little bitch I’ve been.
He died doing what he knew needed to be done—protecting our family.
And I know without a shadow of a doubt he wouldn’t have had it any other way.
The brotherhood meant the world to him, like it does for the rest of us, and his sacrifice will never be in vain.
I look at Cece, and she has another beautiful smile on her face. This time her eyes hold a bit of wonder, as though she can’t believe I did that.
“How do you feel now?”
I release a deep exhale and smile at Cece. “Lighter.”
“What were you thinking about? You don’t have to tell me or anything,” she says with a shrug.
“Cooper. I remembered him laughing. That kid was so damn full of life. I don’t know…but thinking about him right now doesn’t hurt like it usually does.” I tilt my head toward Cece. “Alright. You’re up.”
She shakes her head. “I already went.”
“And I told you, you can do better.”
She shoots me a narrow-eyed glare and closes her eyes for a few silent moments.
When she opens her mouth again, she screams with everything she has in her.
It breaks me apart and puts me back together at the same time.
To know that she used to come out here and do this alone.
Release all her pain by herself. But now she brought me here, and she’s letting me witness it and share her place with her.
Her vulnerability that she doesn’t show anyone else.
“There you go,” I say with pride in my voice.
Her breaths are coming out in hard pants as she laughs. “Why does that feel so good? It’s like everything just explodes out of me every time I do that.”
I shake my head. “No idea, but I’m happy it helps. Okay, one more time.”
Cece nods, and her smile is beaming as she opens her mouth again and lets a scream rip from her throat. This time, I yell along with her, which quickly turns into both of us laughing.
“Right? It’s like it all”—she wiggles her fingers toward the sky—“floats away. It’s a thing of beauty, if you think about it.”
I stare at her bright yet calm smile while she looks toward the sky, as though she sees all her worries and fears drift into the ether. I’m so damn tired of fighting against myself. So tired of talking myself out of this attraction I feel toward her. This connection.
When she looks at me again, I can’t help myself.
I lean over and press my lips to hers. All the worries about me being too old for her, being part of a dangerous life that she shouldn’t want any part of, what her sister and everyone else is going to have to say about it—it all floats away, just like Cece said.
I don’t deepen it, don’t do anything more than press my mouth to hers, tasting the smile I’ve been dying for all morning.
Shit, for a hell of a lot longer than that.
Her lips move against mine, soft and tentative and so damn sweet.
When I pull away, I press my forehead against hers. “Absolutely beautiful.”