Chapter 14 #2
“Can you two please not talk about me like I’m not standing right fucking here,” I say, moving around to stand next to Cash instead of behind him.
“Everything you said about Cash is completely untrue, and you damn well know that. And for the record, Cece is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. Cece knows exactly what she’s doing.
Cece has been seeing Cash for weeks. Cece is fucking happy for once! ”
“Sweetheart, let’s calm down. We knew this was going to be rough. There’s no need to fight.” Funny, coming from the man who looks ready to defend me to the death. His gaze darts between my sister and me, obviously not wanting the situation to devolve further than it already has.
“Were you coaching her on what to say to me?” Lucy asks Cash.
“Were you putting ideas in her head that I wouldn’t understand?
Is that why she hid this from me? Because of you?
” I’ve seen my sister angry. I’ve seen her actually murder someone.
She has that same look in her eye now. “You know what. You won’t knock his teeth in? Fine. I’ll fucking do it.”
Before she finishes her sentence, she lunges toward Cash and throws her fist against his jaw.
Cash’s hand immediately clutches the side of his face with a curse falling from his lips.
Before she can land the next punch, Jude grabs her around the waist and lifts her off the ground, spinning around as he bands his other arm around her.
“Calm the hell down, woman,” Jude growls as Lucy struggles in his hold.
“I can’t believe you just did that!” I scream.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you think I’m completely inept at taking care of myself or making decisions on my own?
Cash never coached me on what to say to you.
He wanted me to tell you what was between us from the start, but I didn’t want this”—I wave a hand between Lucy and me—“exact scenario to play out. I was hoping you would be understanding. Maybe even a little happy for me.” I knew it was a long shot, but a girl can dream.
“All I’m trying to do is protect you,” she says with Jude’s arm still wrapped around her.
“From what?” I throw my hands in the air. “From being happy?”
“From getting hurt,” she says.
“Little late for that.” I point a finger at my sister.
“You left the compound, and I stayed. I thank God that you got away. You don’t know the half of what they did to pretty girls there.
What they did to me. We were so naive when we thought the worst thing they could do was kill you and bury you in an unmarked grave like they did to Bea. So fucking clueless.”
My sister stops struggling in Jude’s hold. “Cece,” she chokes out with so much heartbreak in her eyes it almost brings tears to mine. But I’m too fucking pissed to cry right now.
“I need to get out of here,” I say to Cash, and he gives me a nod.
“I got you, sweetheart.”
“Cece, wait. Talk to me,” Lucy begs.
“God, I’m so sick of you trying to get me to tell you things that will only break your heart. Can’t you see I’m the one protecting you?”
I rush out of the kitchen and past Linc, Barrett, Charlie, and Maizie, who are all wearing varying degrees of pity on their faces.
I don’t want their pity. No one needs to feel sorry for me.
When we get outside, Cash leads me over to his truck. “Your helmet is in my room,” he says. “If you want to wait here for a second, I’ll go grab it.”
“You’d go back in there?”
He steps into my space and rests his warm palm against my cheek. “If you need to ride, I have no problem facing your crazy-ass sister again,” he says. “What do you want?”
“Just you to get me the hell out of here right now.”
“Truck it is, then.”
He walks me over to the passenger side and opens the door for me before jogging to the driver’s side.
When we make it to the clubhouse gate, he stops and looks at me. “Where to, sweetheart?”
“I need to scream,” I tell him, and he nods, knowing exactly what I mean.
Cash pulls up to the old quarry, and we both hop out of the truck.
I march to the edge of the pit, open my mouth and let out one of the loudest, longest screams I ever have.
It’s filled with all of the rage, hurt, and disappointment that was seeping from me on the way here.
It wanted out, and now I can finally release it into the sky. Let the wind carry it from me.
“Cece,” Cash says from behind me as I catch my breath.
My eyes squeeze shut. I know what he’s going to ask me. As soon as the words left my mouth at the clubhouse, I knew he was going to want to know what I meant when I told Lucy that death wasn’t the worst thing that happened on the compound.
I don’t turn toward him as he comes to stand next to me, and he doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He simply stands close, his silent support strong and unshakable beside me.
“I don’t think Otto chose me for his own gain.
” I let out a caustic laugh. “Oh, he got what he wanted alright. A pretty young wife who he could fuck anytime he wanted. I was obedient, just like my mother and father taught me. I don’t think my mother knew what went on when the Bone Breakers came to the compound, but I wasn’t the only attractive wife of an elder.
Other women knew. Other women went through it. ”
Cash takes a deep breath. “At the motel, I wondered if that was the first time you’d been attacked. When Nolan walked in, I don’t know…he seemed too casual about knowing what that piece of shit was going to do to you. Like he expected him to.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t the first time, no. And Nolan would have made sure to get his turn. He always did.” I glance at Cash, and his jaw looks hard as granite. I’m not entirely certain he can handle hearing this, but I need to get it out.
My stomach is in tight knots, but I know I have to tell Cash this part of my story.
I stare into the quarry as I open my mouth to speak.
“The first time it happened, I was led into a room where Red was. There were two other men there with him. Otto said it was time for me to do my duty as his wife. That these men were helping us, and in turn, I needed to show our appreciation. He left me with those sick bastards. I tried to run out of the room. I screamed until it felt like razors were cutting my throat. But the other two held me down while Red lifted my dress and unbuckled his filthy jeans. Then he gave his vice president and one of the prospects a turn. Told the man they liked to reward their prospects who worked hard for the club. The next time that man came to the compound, he was fully patched. And I was once again his reward.”
“How long did that go on?” Cash asks.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Cash’s chest rising with heavy inhales then collapsing with long exhales, trying to calm himself.
“About six years, give or take.”
“That explains why you were scared to be around the brothers in the beginning.”
“It didn’t matter how many times Lucy told me you were safe.
That the club was safe. I didn’t believe her.
” I finally turn to face the man standing next to me.
“Except for you. I always knew you were different from the men who hurt me. And it didn’t take too long for me to realize that the rest of the Black Roses were different, too. ”
That first month was the hardest. I didn’t want to leave my sister’s house, but she was so happy and carefree around Jude.
I knew in my heart these were good guys.
Lucy didn’t want me cooped up in the house.
Coming to the clubhouse was sort of a way to test the waters, so to speak.
But staying apart from them in the kitchen was the easiest and what felt like the safest way to do that.
I knew at least Jude or my sister wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
Then Cash started spending time there with me. It was as though I’d met a kindred spirit. Another person who needed a safe place to just be.
“What do you need from me right now, sweetheart?”
I love that he isn’t asking me if I’m okay. He isn’t saying how sorry he is that I went through that. He let me tell my story, get the words out, and he isn’t trying to put a bandage over a wound that’s scabbed over.
“I just want you to hold me,” I tell him.
Cash wraps me in his arms, one hand around my waist and the other tangled in my hair as I press my face against his chest.
“Fuck, sweetheart. I’ll hold you anytime you need. I don’t know how I got so damn lucky, but I’m never letting you go. You amaze me every single day, Cece. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, and I’m so fucking proud to be your man.”
We stand here for a long time. Both of us lost in our thoughts.
Mine aren’t as horrible as I would have thought.
I assumed that when I told another person what happened to me, when I let my mind go back there, I’d be stuck in it like I had been so many times before.
But I’m not. I think about how I’ve not only survived, but I’ve found happiness.
I found Cash. I found people who would lay down their lives for me.
“You know, you were my first kiss,” I tell Cash, tilting my face toward his. “You were the first man I ever kissed back.”
“I’m honored that it was me.” He looks down at me with so much adoration shining in his blue eyes.
“No one else’s lips will touch yours. Not as long as I have breath in my body.
I love you, Cece. I think I have for a long time.
That first night when you gave me your body, I knew, down to my marrow, that I was never going to let you go. ”
Tears prick my eyes as I stare into his. We aren’t perfect. We’re messy, and things feel really fucking complicated right now. But we’re us, and we’re real.
“I love you too, Cash. So much.”
He leans down and takes my mouth in a kiss that makes my toes curl and every nerve in my body light up.
“Take me home. To your house. I don’t want to spend the night alone.”
“Wasn’t planning on letting you, sweetheart.” His strong and steady hand cups my cheek. “You belong in my house, and in my bed, next to me. The same way I belong with you, and I always will.”