Chapter 32
CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
Cash stewed with his own thoughts as he and Lark loaded into the truck and got on the highway leading across the northern border of Coral Canyon.
So much had been said and done in Cash’s life lately.
Lark rode prettily in the passenger seat with her white cabled hat and all of her beautiful hair spilling out the bottom.
He didn’t want to say what was on his mind, and yet his stomach grew sicker and sicker with every moment he kept it to himself.
Finally, he sighed and reached over and took her hand in his.
“I’m very worried,” he said.
“About what?” she asked.
“I don’t want you to give up your whole future for me,” he said. “I’m not worth that, and you don’t even know if you like me.”
“Of course I know I like you,” she said.
“In ten years,” he said practically on top of her.
“Are you going to be able to put up with me obsessively making doughnuts for Thanksgiving, or—or—or inviting tons of people over to the house when you just want to celebrate the holidays alone?” He looked over to her, knowing that she had not thought through all of that.
“Well, we’re not engaged,” she said. “I’m just not going back to school.”
“You have one semester left,” he said.
“You don’t even care about college,” Lark said.
He rolled his neck as he tried to figure out what to say. “It’s not about college,” he finally said. “It just…it feels like you’re giving up a lot to be with me, and I’m doing whatever I want and expecting you to conform.”
“That’s not how I feel about it,” Lark said, her voice just as deadly and just as quiet as his.
“I’m just worried,” he said. “My family is a lot. I’m a lot.” He sighed. “I just want you to be sure.”
Lark nodded. “I’ll have you know I’m not sure about us,” she said. “Because you’re right. We need more time together before any major decisions between us are made. But me going to college—or not going—has nothing to do with you. Not really.”
“You’re saying you didn’t consider me at all when you decided to drop out?” he asked.
“I wish you would stop making it sound so negative.”
“I don’t know how else to make it sound,” he said.
“Yes, I’m quitting,” she said. “I’m a college dropout. I hate school. I don’t want to do it. It feels pointless, and I’m never going to use that degree.”
“I thought you wanted to be a vet,” he said.
“Some past version of me wanted to be a vet,” Lark said.
“So what changed?” Cash asked, terrified of the answer.
The longer she took to say something, the more convinced Cash became that she had quit because of him. “I don’t know how to do this,” he said.
“Fine. You were part of the equation,” she said. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes. Or no,” he said. “I want to hear the truth.”
“Of course you’re part of the equation, Cash,” Lark said. “And maybe I wanted to be a vet last year, but then I met you, and the fact is, things have changed. I’ve changed, because I want to be with you more than I want to be a vet.”
Cash ground his teeth together. “You say that now, Lark, but you’re twenty-two years old. Four more years, so that you can be a vet is not that long.”
“Four years without you,” she said. “You want me to go four years without you?” She shook her head. “If we break up, you’ll meet someone else. You’re not going to wait four years for me.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Cash asked.
“Because I’m nothing!” she said. “There are a million girls like me.”
“Not for me,” Cash said, and when Lark turned and gaped at him, he realized what he’d really said.
“Let me get this straight,” Lark said. “You think you’re not good enough for me, and I think I’m not good enough for you…? Is that what’s happening here?”
“I don’t know,” Cash said. “What I know is, if you give up the things you want—or that you did want—for me,” he said, glancing over to her again.
“And something happens between us—if I let you down, if I don’t meet your expectations in any way—you’re going to resent me for the rest of your life.
And I can’t do that. I can’t be the reason you’re upset.
I can’t be the reason you don’t become what you’re meant to become. ”
Silence filled the cab, and Cash actually enjoyed it, because it meant Lark was truly thinking about his concerns.
“I’m an adult, Cash,” she said calmly. “And no, I’m not going to make every decision perfectly, but I have thought through this and through this and through this.
I have been over it and over it and over it, and when I make a list of what I want, being with you—getting more time with you to know for sure—is at the very top.
And I’m willing to sacrifice other things, so that I can know for sure if me and you are meant to be. ”
Her hand in his tightened, and while she was saying all of the things Cash had prayed she would, it still left his stomach writhing with unrest.
“I missed you terribly while I was in Idaho,” she said.
“And you weren’t there, so you don’t know, but I can honestly tell you that I looked around my apartment.
I looked right in my roommates’ faces, other girls I love.
I walked around my campus—and they have nothing for me. There is nothing for me there.”
“Okay,” Cash said.
“You’re here,” she said. “Grammy is here, my home is here, and I need to be in Coral Canyon, whether we stay together or not.”
“Okay,” Cash said.
“So while of course you played a part in my decision, you were only a part.”
He nodded and looked out his side window, trying to get his emotions to line up before he said or did anything else. Once he felt more in control, he pulled her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss against her palm. “Well, I guess we’ll take it one day at a time, then.”
“I guess we will,” Lark said.
“Thank you for telling me the truth.”
“As if I can stop myself.”
Cash laughed, but Lark didn’t join him. “I love your mouth,” he said, and as she scoffed, he added, “No, really. It’s one of my favorite things—that you’ll say what’s on your mind and tell me what you really mean.”
She nodded, her soft curls dancing with the movement.
“So, I’ll be honest with you.”
Lark looked at him, a measure of fear in her lovely eyes.
“I’m probably going to move into the house at Cousins Creek,” he said. “Whatever I can get Nate to finish up in the next week is what it’ll be. I won’t die.” He hoped he wouldn’t, at least.
“The house isn’t done, is it?” she asked.
“Not even close,” he said miserably. “But we’ll see where we are today, and if I can get the utilities turned on and it’s safe for me, I’ll move in there.”
“Cash-baby, I want you to be safe,” Lark said. “And if I’m being honest, a lot closer than this forty-minute drive across town.”
He chuckled and glanced over to her. “Well, I guess you should’ve thought of that before you decided to quit college and move in with me.”
Cash took Lark’s hand the moment she met him at the hood of the truck. “The Dumpster’s full again,” he said, not sure if he was happy about that or not.
“There are no shutters,” Lark said, and she noticed such different things than he did.
“Let’s hope they’re the only things missing,” he said, taking the first step toward the front door. The house looked better on the outside than when he’d bought the place, to be sure. A new front porch, a new front door, and new windows would do that to a house.
The last time he’d been here had been with Lark, two full weeks ago, and the floor had been ripped up, with holes in it. Cash told himself with every slow step up to the porch that he just needed somewhere decently weather-tight.
Or a few minutes to look online, as he’d been able to find vacation rentals in the past, and during prime skiing season, surely there would be something he could rent for a couple of months.
He didn’t want to pack up everything he owned and hotel-surf until the house was livable, and he could probably talk to Cora about a long-term room at the Silver Sage Lodge.
And of course, you could live in your daddy’s basement.
Cash told himself sternly that Daddy and Faith’s house was an absolute last resort, and he could explore other options before he had to go there.
Oh, his daddy would have a field day with this new development. Cash would simply have to lead with the fact that he had somewhere else to live—and he sent one more prayer heavenward that the house would be in decent shape inside.
He reached for the doorknob and opened the door, his pulse jumping into his skull. Lark crowded in at his side, pulled in a sharp breath, and spun toward him. “Cash,” she breathed. “Look at it.”
“I’m lookin’ at it,” he said. He couldn’t believe what his eyes were conveying to him, though.
The house had a floor—and a nice one at that. If he took one step into the house, his cowboy boot would meet a luxurious dark hardwood. It flowed from front to back, and a white cloth covered the right half where scaffolding had been set up to paint the walls.
“Wow.” Lark entered the house first. “Nate’s gotten so much done, Cash.” She turned in a full circle, the sun lighting up her face as she glowed.
Cash ducked his head and chuckled, because he couldn’t stay mad at Lark, even when she showed up and told him she was taking over his house-sitting job and he needed to find somewhere else to live.
“Honey, this is a big empty room with nothing else.” He nodded pointedly toward the back wall, where the kitchen would eventually be. “Notice anything missing?”
He saw the big empty holes where a refrigerator, stove, and dishwasher would go. Fine, he could live without a dishwasher, he simply didn’t want to.
“You can order appliances and have them delivered next-day,” she said. “I believe your aunt owns the store that’ll do it.”
Cash nodded, but a sinking feeling moved through him as he continued the tour. The bedrooms and bathrooms had not been touched, and that meant there’d been no checks on the plumbing or electricity.
Still, he pasted a smile on his face and let Lark inspect every corner of the renovation—which was exactly where he’d expected it to be: not ready for him to live in.
“Lark,” he said as she peered up the steps.
“We haven’t even been up there,” she said.
He shook his head and waited for her to look at him. When she did, he opened his arms and whispered, “Songbird.”
Her face fell. “You can’t live here.” She wasn’t asking, and her voice took on the color black.
He shook his head again and wiggled his fingers at her. “Come hug me. I can’t live here, and I need cheering up.”
Lark scoffed, turned in another circle, and then practically dove into his arms. “I’m sorry, Cash.”
“Sh,” he said. “It’s fine. There will be other places for me.”
She pulled away. “Where?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I have a phone, and I can do some searching.” He glanced around the house. “Just not in here. Let’s go.”
“Cash.” Lark tensed, and Cash returned his attention to her.
“What, hon?”
“Would a kiss cheer you up?” A slow smile curved her mouth. “Or is that honor reserved to hugs?”
“Kissing you is a joy, Lark-my-love.” He pulled her closer and dipped his head, giving her easier access to him. He closed his eyes and waited for her to kiss him.
And when she did…Cash was fairly certain he fell in love with Lark right there in his construction zone of a farmhouse. She was his home, and Cash kissed her back like it, hoping the message got through to her loud—and—clear.