Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
What the hell had I done?
There was no denying I’d done some pretty stupid shit over the years, but fucking Cash Philips had to be the dumbest and most reckless. That coming from a woman who killed people for a living was saying a lot.
I continued the perusal of myself in the mirror, my gaze catching on a love bite—no, not a love bite, just a bite.
A perfect outline of Cash’s teeth on the side of my boob.
A smaller one on my shoulder. Another faint one on my neck.
I didn’t need to turn and look to know I had one or two on my ass cheeks and there had to be a few between my thighs seeing as he’d spent a lot of time there.
I was nowhere near a virgin. I had very few hangups about sex.
I liked what I liked, and I had no problem asking, or if need be demanding, I get it.
I was also used to being in control. Last night, I had no control and every time I tried to take it Cash had wrested it out of my grasp.
It was annoying and scary and amazing and spectacular.
I didn’t know sex could be all it had been last night.
I had never had an orgasm I hadn’t in some way given myself.
Cock was cock. Some men knew how to use theirs better than others, but my hand was always needed.
Until Cash.
My participation wasn’t needed.
Which swung back to fucking Cash was the biggest mistake of my life. He’d ruined sex for me. There would be no getting away from the asshole. I would forever compare every sexual partner with him.
Wait.
What the hell was I thinking?
I had only had a few days left before I went home to Cara.
Then there would be no more men, no sex, no seeking out my drug of choice when my demons came calling and I needed something to give me a reprieve.
Just a minute of peace where I wasn’t thinking about neglect and dysfunction and hatred.
Pleasure was a miracle cure. Sure it didn’t last very long but I was a beggar and beggars got what they got.
I took my few minutes and savored them like my life depended on it. Because sometimes it did.
Now I had Cara.
She would have to get me through.
I’d live vicariously through her and give her everything I never had.
So, no more sex.
Of course, Karma would hit and I’d end my sexual existence on a high note. She’d give me a taste of the best sex of my life then take it away.
It was nothing less than I deserved.
Four more days, then I was gone.
If I was lucky, which I rarely was, Kira would have Cash’s cheat sheet ready, and we’d have a target package or a few of them and we could get to work.
Nothing like trying to save the world on a tight time schedule.
With one last glance of my naked body, I walked out of the bathroom to get ready for my day.
A day in which I would ignore the way my muscles ached.
Nor would I think about the seven orgasms Cash had given me and the three he’d taken for himself.
The only regret I had was I never got his long, thick shaft in my mouth.
And it wasn’t for lack of effort on my part.
I felt my lips twitch remembering the way Cash, justly and without prevarication, explained he didn’t trust my teeth anywhere near his cock.
Normally that would’ve been a smart play.
But last night I was in the unusual mode to give more than I was taking.
And now, that chance was lost to me.
Story of my life.
The universe giveth and then it taketh tenfold.
Thirty minutes later I was descending the stairs when I felt it.
The vibe was off.
I didn’t need to see who was in the house to know something was wrong.
The air crackled with it.
As a child born into evil and chaos I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t know how to read the feel of a room as I entered it. Sometimes it was the difference between a beating or being screamed at. Over the years I’d honed my skills—I didn’t even need to be fully in a room before I knew.
I hit the living room, scanned the occupants, their facial expressions, the body language, the way the chests rose and fell with their breaths.
Kira was sitting on the floor, her laptop on the coffee table, typing away at her computer—normal.
Zane was on the couch, tablet in one hand, mug in the other—normal.
Cash was walking into the room from the kitchen, smug, cocky smile fully formed on his lips—normal.
Penny was sitting in a chair near the front window, looking at her phone, worrying her bottom lip. Her head snapped up when Cash came into her view and her eyes narrowed on him. She’d been growing impatient.
This was not good.
This was catastrophically bad.
Burn the world down to ash bad.
This was selfish and ugly and other than killing her I was powerless to stop it.
And trust me, I’d thought about how easy it would be for me to make Penny disappear.
I glanced back at Cash and all the reasons why I hadn’t buried her came rushing back.
“Before we get to work,” Penny started softly then cleared her throat and began again stronger, “I need an hour of your time this morning, Cash.”
I watched Cash’s smile fade and the shutters slam shut over his already guarded eyes. He thought Penny was hitting on him. The way the woman stumbled and stared at him, I understood his assumption.
But it was worse.
So much worse.
Now was not the time for her to spill her secret.
I didn’t know when it would be, I just knew Cash wouldn’t respond well if she did it here and now.
I needed to get Penny alone to explain she needed to find a better way.
My problem was I didn’t people very well.
I had one friend, Nebraska, and she was more of an acquaintance-friend than a real-friend.
Fuck.
“Hey Penny, let’s go for a walk,” I suggested.
Her startled eyes shot to me and I understood that, too. I’d made it clear I didn’t like her. What she didn’t know was she was in good company. I didn’t like most people. In my vast experience, people sucked. They were liars, users, abusers, and in general selfish assholes.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Zane and Kira had both abandoned their devices and were watching me. Again, fair. Zane was probably worried I’d take Penny for a walk and bury her somewhere on his land.
“I just need to talk to Cash,” she returned. “It won’t take long.”
How she thought that was beyond me. The chick was about to shove a knife through his heart, it would take more than an hour of his time to repair the damage.
Fuck.
“Penny, seriously, let’s go for a walk.” I put more authority into my tone.
Unfortunately that garnered more of Zane’s attention and shrank Cash’s already miniscule patience with Penny.
“I just need—”
“For fuck sakes, woman,” Cash growled in Penny’s direction.
Shit. Fuck. Shit.
It was time to pivot.
“Cash!” I cut him off. “Come with me outside.”
If I couldn’t stop Penny, and Cash was getting ready to chew her up and spit her out—something he’d likely feel bad about doing later—I needed to get Cash out of the house.
Maybe I could tell him.
Ease him into it.
Find a way to gently tell him. Control the damage.
Break his heart then immediately help him put the pieces back together.
“I’m not interested,” he spat and I closed my eyes. “I didn’t want to be a dick about it, but seriously, when a man avoids you and does whatever he can to dodge your attention, he’s not into you.”
“Not interested,” she whispered.
“No, Penny, I’m not interested so stop fucking staring at me like you can’t wait to fuck—”
“Gross!” she shouted and got to her feet. “I don’t want to… gross…you’re my brother.”
Her confession rang out and all the oxygen in the room was sucked out with it.
The air was utterly still.
Kira, Zane, and Cash, frozen.
Especially Cash as I watched in absolute horror as Penny’s declaration tore him to shreds. But just as quickly as he froze, his big body jerked and he threw his head back and laughed.
“Well there’s a response to a rejection I’ve never heard before,” he said through his waning chuckles.
Oh shit, he didn’t believe her. Not that he would. He didn’t know anything about his family. There were no parents listed on his birth certificate. As far as he knew he was born a ward of the state since he was abandoned.
I didn’t have to look at Zane to know he was staring at me, scrutinizing my every breath, and for once I couldn’t find her—I needed Lore.
I needed the heartless, lying bitch who felt nothing, cared about nothing, hated pretty much everything, and only played nice when it was convenient or meant I’d get what I wanted.
But in that moment, she was nowhere to be found. Therefore, I couldn’t guard against my reaction or the pain I felt for Cash.
He was mostly a prick, but deep down he was a good man.
Hiding in plain sight just like I was. I understood him on a soul-deep level.
I would never admit it out loud but last night as rough and intense as our sex was, I’d actually felt a connection I’d never felt with another person.
An invisible tether that linked me to him.
Not our bodies, but deeper, a different plane of reality where for the first time I felt safe to be me.
Stella. Lore. It didn’t matter. I could be anyone I wanted to be, and Cash would simply accept me.
“I’m your sister,” Penny tried again. “I’m sorry I didn’t—”
“Bullshit,” Cash clapped back, fury lacing his tone. “I don’t know what game you’re playing but it’s not going to work.”
“Cash—”
He interrupted her again with a slash of his hand that ended with pointing at Kira. “You get, before and since you’ve gotten here, Kira’s crawled through your life. Your bullshit isn’t going to work.”
I chanced a glance at Kira. Her fingers were flying over the keyboard.
I should’ve said something—saved her time and told her where to look but I was too heartbroken for Cash to utter a word.
“You were born in Hesperia,” she softly said.
“Close but wrong,” he returned.