Chapter 8 #2
“I’m approximately twenty minutes and fifteen seconds into this brother gig but I still feel the need to ask about that best friend’s brother.
You sounded awfully wistful when you talked about him.
Was it one of those sappy Hallmark movies where you two dated behind his sister’s back? Do I need to cut his balls—”
“You’re the little brother,” she reminded me. “And no, there was no romance. He had a girlfriend through college and married her right after graduation. Last I heard they had five kids and were blissfully happy.”
Five kids?
That sounded like torture—times five.
There was a stretch of silence I didn’t know how to fill.
Forty years’ worth of catching up to do yet it didn’t seem important.
Not that I didn’t want to know about her life, or get to know her, just that the past was the past and it was shitty.
I didn’t need to trauma bond with my sister.
I didn’t need to process that the woman who’d birthed me was a worthless piece of shit—I’d done that a long time ago.
Then there was the issue that Penny might hold some affection for her despite how she left.
And as much as it made me a total douche bag, I didn’t have it in me to help her through any emotional ties she might feel towards Eden.
“That’s why I acted so weird when I first saw you.”
“Right. I was dead. I took an assignment that required the whole team to go dark. Jonas, Smith, Easton, and I had no family so faking our deaths was easy. Theo’s mother is still alive and he has a half-brother.
After being dead for ten years she was pretty surprised to find out her son was still alive.
Not to mention, angry and hurt. His half-brother still hasn’t forgiven him and probably won’t but the rest of us had a smooth transition back to the land of the living.
And that smooth transition is only because Zane took us all on.
I don’t know where I’d be if I still didn’t have my brothers close. ”
“I’m glad you have them,” Penny softly said.
I blew out a breath and gave the woman some honesty.
“I’m sorry, Penny. I don’t know how to do this.
I’m not good with feelings and shit and I’m really not good with expressing what I’m feeling.
Unless it’s extreme anger, then I’m great at it.
I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole to you since you’ve been here.
I really should’ve given you the time you’ve been asking for.
And now that I know, I just…don’t know what to say or do about it. ”
“Right. I get it,” she whispered.
Fucking hell, I was screwing this up.
She’d been abandoned, too. That was an issue I knew all too well.
“No, you don’t get it. I’m not rejecting you or the idea of having a sister.
I want to get to know you. I just…” Fuck.
“Don’t know how. What I do know is I don’t want to hash out the past or compare childhoods or sit around a fire and tell you all about my shitty life.
It was garbage. There’s nothing else to say.
But I want you to get to know my brothers.
I want them to know you. I want to be able to call you and grab dinner and maybe hang out.
But I need us to start from here. I can’t go back to the past. It’s done and over. ”
She was silent again and I was pretty sure I’d have more apologies to dish out after that not-so-eloquent speech.
Maybe I should have Kira and Nebraska out here to translate for me. Obviously, I need help converting my asshole into English.
Before I could get the first ‘I’m sorry’ out of my mouth Penny stood and jumped off the porch. She wiped her hands on her jeans and smartly stuck one out in front me.
I glanced at her hand, unsure what to do with it. I took a guess and reached out to shake her hand. As soon as our palms touched, she started pumping our hands.
“Hi, Cash, I’m Penny Loraine Cox, your sister.
It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m five years older than you and I’m allergic to peanuts.
My favorite movies are sappy love stories.
My favorite genre of music is eighties rock.
I love tacos but hate seafood. I’ve had two long-term boyfriends but I’m single now and I think I’ve recently been fired from the NSA.
” She stopped to shrug. “The rest you’ll learn as we go. ”
She misread my silence and started to pull her hand away. I tightened my grip and held on while I stood.
“Hi, Penny, I’m your…” I had to stop to clear my throat. “Brother.”
There was probably more that I should’ve told her but something strange was happening in my chest. The woman standing in front of me had once been the girl who’d taken care of me. A little girl who was the only person who had ever loved me. Who’d fought to remember me.
“Thank you, Penny.” Fuck, what was wrong with my throat and why did my eyes itch?
If there was ever a time for an inappropriate joke it was now.
However, I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say.
So instead, with a tug of her hand, I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around my sister for the first time.
Or at least it was the first time I’d hugged her as an adult.
Forty years ago, she’d held my helpless body in her arms and protected me the best she could.
I heard her breath hitch and felt her body shake. “We’re fine, sister. We made it.”
“Sorry. No past—”
“Just this once,” I told her and held her tighter. “Let me give you a little of what you gave me.” I felt her nod and snuggle closer. “Except the peeing part. Please don’t pee on me, big sister.”
It took a second, but when it happened I not only felt Penny laugh, I heard it fill the air, and for the first time that day I could breathe.
Then I remembered Lore walking out the door and suddenly my lungs felt like they were full of mud.
Lore’s dead.
I totally fucked that.
And I needed to make it right.