Chapter Twenty-Five
Devin’s POV
Getting to know Cash, my own man in black, was wonderful. We continued to talk back and forth, texting and calling, but did not actually see each other for another week. Our schedules, with work alone, were not lining up. And then we were so busy in our off-time that we couldn’t see each other.
At all.
He was a “Big Brother” in the Big Brother-Big Sister Program where an adult volunteers to mentor a child who needs it most. He mentored his “little brother” twice a week.
Plus, he’d still go to his mom's house every Sunday early in the morning to help her with whatever around the house, yard work, and to just spend the day with her. He also worked very hard as a partner in Clint’s firm.
And I had unpacking to do in my new apartment, thankfully right down the hall from Eddie.
I also had work, and I was there three, sometimes four or five days a week.
I was exhausted, but I was maxing out my allowable hours every week.
I needed the money, but I also needed to make sure I wasn’t going to burn out.
Though I did hear from my realtor! Someone was putting in an offer on the apartment!
I was riding on that win as I unpacked box after box, praying the sale came through quickly so I’d have a bit of a safety net.
I was carrying another load of boxes to the basement with Eddie when my phone started ringing.
I had him saved in my phone as “Johnny Cash” and even gave him a Cash ringtone.
I was really going all out with the nickname.
Part of me was hoping he loved it because I would be keeping up with this for a while.
Eddie and I were discussing how things are going with Amber and they who shall not be named, nor thought of, once this legal shit was over, when my phone vibrated. I smiled and Eddie let out a grunt, knowing it was my Johnny calling.
“Hey, June.”
“Hey, Johnny.” I smiled, a slight giggle bubbling out of me. How was he so freaking cute? Seriously? I hoped we could continue like this for a long, long time. I had been feeling very wistful lately.
“I was just wondering if you’re free after your shift tonight,” his smooth voice said right into my ear. I loved talking to him on the phone. His voice always sent shivers down my spine.
“I’m not sure if I have anything planned actually.
” I swear I heard him say ‘Yes!’ and then there was some rustling.
He definitely did the “Yesssss” thing from that weird movie where the creepy kid with the glasses closed his eyes, made a fist and pulled it down slowly in front of his face.
It was so weird, but so funny and I saw him doing that.
“Can I pick you up at eight?”
I couldn’t help the blush that crept up my cheeks. “Eight sounds great.” I facepalmed in front of the salad bar. Good god. Could I be any lamer? I’m rhyming now?! Ugh! I want to pull my hair out.
“I’ll see you then. I hope you have the day you’re meant to. Which means it’ll be amazing.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He seemed very pleased with himself.
“You too, Cash.”
“Say it again.”
“Cash.”
“I’ll see you tonight, gorgeous.” And disconnected the call.
Wow. If I’m not careful, he’ll make me fall in love.
*****
I was so fucking nervous and excited for this date. Was it a date? Did guys still pick girls up on dates, or was that totally nineties? Either way, I was hopeful this was going to end in friendship. Fingers crossed!
Eddie had been right, as usual.
When he initially told me I needed to work on myself more, that it wouldn’t be fair to Johnny if I just jumped from one flaming pirate ship to another, without putting out the flames within myself first.
So, as much as I wanted to pursue this, I was trying to make the mature decision to put myself first, then the other person's feelings.
It was a weird, almost foreign concept, because I had put everything else first for so long.
I just kept telling myself that I was going to master it like I had every other challenge that had appeared before me.
I just hoped he understood this didn’t mean I didn’t want to see where this could take us.
I just wanted to build a foundation, a solid friendship first. Without involving any of the physical stuff that clouded judgments and led to things that couldn’t be undone.
I needed to build trust first. I knew that I was jaded when it came to love and relationships, and was still licking my wounds.
And I knew I would sabotage any and every chance we had if I just jumped in feet first.
Didn’t mean I couldn’t dress to kill though, right?
I still thought about…him…now and then, mainly about why the defense was trying to call me as a witness.
I wasn’t there the night in question. I had no idea what they could be thinking.
I did wonder, just for a moment one day, what life would have been like had he not chosen Becky.
But…maybe we were broken long before her and I was too blinded to see it.
Maybe there was something wrong in our relationship to make him step out so easily.
For him to have blinders on and not see what she was doing to him.
To us. But, like my therapist had been telling me, ‘The maybes and what ifs are going to drown you if you keep swimming in them and circling them. You have to let it go’.
I scoffed. It was easier said than done. I was hopeful that once the legal bull was over, I’d be able to fully let it go. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. That was what I kept telling myself.
Because I had to fucking testify. Ugh. I shook my head, needing to get my head back into this date I was getting ready for. I finished sudsing my hair and body, shaving every part of me that needed it, praying the hot water would wash away my stresses.
Stepping out of the shower, I knew I had minimal time to get ready. I had gotten off at six, and thankfully the other doc taking over was great about being quick with report because I still had to get myself home.
Because even though nothing would be happening with the man, beyond maybe a kiss, I wanted to feel my best. And that meant everything got all cleaned up and looking our best. I needed the confidence boost, let’s be honest. I lost my ex to a taller, more model-like, blonde version of myself.
It was a huge blow to my ego. I wanted to be able to bounce back from that, but I honestly wasn’t sure how.
I was hopeful though. Hopeful that some good Lizzo, some Big D energy, and some Cardi would hype me up to have my feeling my best self.
I was wrapped in a towel, hair air drying, legs lotioned, holding outfit options two and three in front of myself in the mirror.
“Knock, knock!” Turning around, I saw Eddie coming in like he owned the place. And, while he didn’t, it was nice living two apartments away from my brother.
“No, no. You need something that speaks to you, not just that inner freak. Listen to this,” and he changed the song, playing something else that seemed to resonate with me on a completely different level.
This woman was basically singing this to me and it was practically about my specific situation.
Eddie danced around, giving the lip sync performance of a lifetime.
“What’s this? I like it.”
“Mirror by Sigrid. It’s one of my favorites and it got me through my break-up with Alexander.” He kept his eyes low, not wanting to show too much vulnerability. I understood all too well. I knew what a hard break-up it was.
“Ah, yes,” I said, nodding my head, “Alexander, that half-wit. He fucked with you a lot after the break-up.” He nodded.
That was his last major relationship. It was while we were still in med school, and when Alexander broke up with Eddie, and he’d been completely heartbroken.
He almost failed a couple of classes. He had been single and only having ‘casual things’ for the last five or so years.
Until Clint. Things seemed to be getting a bit more into serious waters with those two. They were constantly together. I had fully expected Eddie to be with Clint tonight. Not here.
“This song helped me see that he and I being done was going to happen one way or another, and I was going to be better off without him. He and I weren’t meant to be together.
We wanted two very different things out of life.
I want a family and to spend holidays with loved ones.
He wanted to party and not ‘be tied down’.
” He shook his head, going into my closet and pulling out surprise outfit option number four!
Holding it up against my towel covered body, he smiled at me through the mirror.
He looked like he was about to go all wise on me.
“It never would have worked in the long run. Let me help you finish getting ready. Because, even though I don’t like the man, you do, and you deserve to knock his socks off. That, and he’s going to be here in like ten minutes.”
My eyes bulged, because I thought I had more time!
Shit! There had been a serious miscalculation!
Rushing to put the finishing touches on my outfit and face, I was still wishing that whoever was in charge of time would slow it down just a minute or two so I could get myself together before he got here.
The ding of my doorbell told me my wish had gone unanswered.
“I’ll get the door. You finish up and make sure you have everything.” Eddie said before walking out of my room to answer the door. I paused for a moment. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself this was for me. I deserved to look and feel good.
I looked in the mirror, and, true to the lyrics, I loved who I saw looking back at me.
Eddie had blow-dried my hair with some product in it, giving my hair the fuller appearance.
My make-up, just a little contouring, cat eye, and clear gloss on my lips made my natural beauty stand out more.
It also highlighted what I thought was my best feature, my eyes.
I decided to go with an all white fit. I was wearing wide-leg, high-waisted trousers, an off-the-shoulder sweater, and my black red bottom heels. I looked amazing. I also looked like I should be going somewhere warmer or to a Christmas photoshoot.
I can do this. It’s just dinner with the man who makes me feel something when I haven’t felt shit in almost three months.
I’m not scared.
But I did think I was drooling as soon as I walked down the hall and saw him standing there talking to Eddie.
Sweet baby Jesus! Could he be any more Johnny Cash?
Looking at the man in front of me, as he looked completely unbothered as Eddie glared at him.
Could he be bothered to even spare my brother a glance?
Nope. Cash was much too busy staring at me, drinking me in like a man who’d just walked through the Sahara and found a fountain to drink from.
Everywhere his eyes looked felt like he was physically touching me, caressing my skin, setting me on fire.
I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to keep this friendly when his eyes darkened, checking every inch of me out.
“You look handsome,” I breathed out, feeling slightly like a woman whose corset was too tight and couldn’t breathe after such a thorough eye-fucking. I hoped he was feeling the same after I finished admiring him.
I was trying to rein it in but fuck. The man looked damn good, all the time.
His hair was slicked back, but not plastered to his head so a few stray pieces hung down giving him that sexy, bad-boy look from the nineties.
He was wearing all black again. Black trousers, shoes, button-down shirt, and sport coat. Even his tie was black!
The man could pull it off. We complimented each other so well tonight.
“You look lovely, June,” he winked at me. I smiled, looking away quickly, trying to hide my blush. It was furiously creeping across my face to my ears, as Eddie looked like he was ready to kill Cash before we even walked out the door.
“Thanks, Johnny. Ready to show a lady a good time, Mr. Cash?” I played along with the joke.
“Yes, Ma’am,” he held his hand out to me. “Eddie took the wildflowers I bought and put them in a vase already.” He said as he tucked my hand safely in his arm, then turning to Eddie, “I’ll have her back by eleven at the latest.”
I smiled, big and wide, up at him. He wasn’t too tall now that I had heels on. We kept our eyes on each other as we walked out of the apartment. He led me to his car out front of the building.
“How’d you get them to let you park here?” I asked as he moved in front of me to open my door.
“The doorman loves me. Very nice man,” he was being cheeky, and flirting. I raised an eyebrow, trying to remind myself we’re going out as friends. Friends. Foundation. He chuckled at my confused look.
“He also happens to like Benjamins. One or two happen to go a long way with him.” He smiled at me, closing the door and rounding the car to get in, on the other side.
Say what now? How was I supposed to tell him I wanted to be friends now?! That’s a lot of money.
Shit.
Fuck it.
As I buckled my seatbelt, and he made the engine purr underneath us, I had made up my mind. He was checking traffic over his shoulder. Before we pulled away, I needed to tell him.
“Cash?”
“Yes, beautiful?” He was watching his mirrors, waiting for a hole to squeak out into the flow of traffic.
“I’ve just gotten out of a shit storm of a relationship, and I’m actually in therapy because of it. I want to see where this goes, but I also need to build a firm foundation of trust and friendship before anything happens, or we become official or whatever.” I knew I was rambling on and on.
He looked at me.
And his face eased, softening, as he tipped one side of his mouth up.