Chapter 27
EVIE
It was Tuesday and Evie was still holed up in her house with her blinds drawn ignoring her phone. She had left her house to go to the rink for coaching, but that was it. She was home laying on her couch, eating ramen, and watching old movies. Her mother had been texting her and calling her constantly, but Evie wouldn't talk to her. She was why things had gotten so messed up with Cash. Her sister was also calling and texting, but she just couldn't bring herself to care about a wedding right now.
Then there was Cash. Was he reaching out? Probably, but she didn't know because she had blocked him. Was it the most mature way of dealing with this? No. She knew that, but it’s how she was handling it. She knew the insecurity she felt was on her. He had never once made her feel bad about her body. And she didn't feel bad about her body. She didn't have a problem with all the women he had been with before her. And when she thought about it, she did trust him to be honest with her. And she even fucking knew when she asked him that question the bar she was putting him a no-win situation, but she couldn't seem to help herself. Whether it was her pride or jealousy or just plain stubbornness, she had really fucked things up with him, and there was nothing to do now but hide. Hide and eat noodles and watch Breakfast at Tiffany's in her dark house.
There was a loud knock at her door. Evie sank down on her couch and pulled her blanket over her head hoping whoever it was at her door would go away, because she was pretty sure it was her mother. But the knocking sounded again, and Evie groaned but didn't move from the couch.
"Evie,” her sister yelled, “I know you're home and I'm coming in."
Even as she heard her sister unlocking her door, she made no move to get off her couch or uncover her head. Her sister entered the space and Evie heard her curtains open. Next thing she knew her sister was yanking her blanket off and bright light blinded her.
"Okay, you won't talk to anyone, so I'm here. What is going on with you?" she said with a concerned look on her face. "I mean look at all this," she said, gesturing to the mess covering her coffee table, the clothes strewn all over the floor, and the side table full of teacups and tissues. "This isn't like you, Evie. What's going on?"
Finally, Evie sat up with a sigh. "I don't know."
"Does this have anything to do with Cash?"
Evie looked at her hands and played with the blanket that had just been helping her hide.
"Okay, so it does. What happened?"
"We got into a fight at the bar."
"Does this have anything to do with Bryan?"
"Kind of, but not really...I don't know, it's all just so messed up."
"What happened?" Ellie asked as she sat down next to her.
"I'm not sure if you know his reputation or not, but he has a reputation as a player."
"Babe, everyone who is remotely aware of hockey in this town knows that. Did he cheat on you?"
"No! He wouldn't do that. But when we were at the bar, I was feeling off balance because of all the shit mom is trying to pull with Bryan. And I saw him talking to a woman at the bar and she had her hands on him, he moved and didn't show any interest. But then after Bryan tried to kiss me, I came in and I saw him with another beautiful blond woman who’s built nothing like me, and I think?—"
"Hold up,” Ellie interrupted, “Bryan tried to kiss you?"
"He did. I slapped him. Can he please not come to your wedding? I know standing up to mom sucks, but I just don't think I can see him again."
"He's gone."
"Mom's going to flip about the seating chart."
"She can deal, she's always looking for something to stress about. But what happened with Cash after that?"
"I asked him if he slept with her."
Ellie cringed. "Did he answer?"
"Yes, and of course he had slept with her. Then I asked him about the woman from earlier...then I asked him how many women in the club he's slept with."
"Evie," Ellie said with a tentative look on her face. "Did he answer you?"
"He told me he didn't want to answer me because he wouldn't lie to me."
"Did you make him tell you?"
Evie nodded and pulled the blanket back over her head and sunk back into the cushions.
"Babe, if that bothers you, then it's good to know now. He can't change his past and if you can't get over it, it's not fair to him. He seems to really like you," she said, rubbing her back.
"It's not that," Evie said, trying to fight the tears, but she was losing that battle.
"What is it then?"
"I knew his past. It didn’t bother me, it still doesn't, but I think just coming face to face with it was hard. And after Bryan and maybe having one too many drinks I just didn’t handle it very well." Not to mention the images he had shown her…she could have lived her whole life without ever needed to see those photos that kept flipping through her head.
"Why does it bother you then?"
"They don't look like me," she said so softly.
"What?" her sister asked, pulling the blanket off.
"You don't get it Ellie, you’re perfect. When I knew he had been with all of those women, I fooled myself into thinking they were regular everyday women, but they weren’t."
"Evie, you’re beautiful."
"I know. It's not even about that really. I've had to be confident to navigate the world we live in in this body. The world of rich country club people isn't great to fat people, and then there is the world of competitive figure skating which is something else entirely. But I did it. I did it and I feel good about myself. But just seeing that made everything come into reality."
She sat up and got a tissue from the box in front of her. "I’ve just felt so out of control since everything has been happening with him. I really like him. I like him too much...and I'm worried I won't be enough for him," she said, wiping the tears that were now openly streaming down her face.
Ellie pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back while she cried. She hadn't cried like this in front of Ellie before. She hadn't ever cried like this before. When she broke up with Bryan, she had felt relief, not sadness, but right now she was a mess.
"What does Cash say about all this?" she asked.
"I haven't talked to him."
"Of course, you’re ignoring his calls and texts too. Am I right?"
"Not really?"
"He hasn't reached out?" Ellie asked. "That surprises me."
"Well...I may have blocked him."
"Evie." She couldn't even bring herself to look her in the eye because she knew the judgment would be there. "So, you shamed him about his past and then blocked him?"
"I know...he's probably so pissed at me."
"I would be. That was kind of a shitty thing to do, babe."
Evie just nodded and took a deep breath. "I know I need to reach out to him, but I just can't seem to make myself do it."
"Is he still coming to the wedding with you?"
Evie just shrugged. Ellie picked up her phone off the table and put it in her hand. "Unblock him."
She just took the phone from her hand and pulled up his contact and unblocked him.
"Are you going to call him?" Ellie asked with a firm look.
"Not right now. How is the wedding going?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
"It's mom's thing right now. I just want to be married to Allen and start our life. I suggest eloping if you ever decide to get married, because mom is out of control."
"Trust me, I know. I'm surprised Cash even still wants to be with me the way mom is trying to force Bryan on me."
"I know, I should’ve stopped her. I I was too deep in all the other wedding stuff to see what was going on. He's off the guest list. I’ll text him today and let him know. Besides that, all you have to do is show up and look beautiful, which you’ll do flawlessly."
This time Evie pulled her into a hug. "Thank you. I'm sorry I went MIA these last few days...it's just been a lot."
"We're good. But seriously, you need to talk to Cash. He does seem to like you. And from what Allen said, golf was a clusterfuck, but he remained calm and said nothing but glowing things about you."
"You're right," she sighed. "I will."
"Do you need any help cleaning up this mess?" Ellie asked, looking around the room.
"No... I’ll clean it up myself. Along with my other mess."
"Okay, I'm here if you need anything," Ellie said.
"Thanks, I appreciate that. And thank you for coming. I may have been wallowing."
"You don't say?" Ellie stood form the couch and gave her a small smile. "Well, I'm going to get out of your hair. But don't go dark again."
"Deal. I'll talk to you later."
Once Ellie was gone Evie sat there looking at her phone. She knew she needed to reach out and talk to him, but she didn't know what to say. She knew she had put him in a shitty spot and got mad at him for something he couldn't help. Hopefully she hadn't ruined it because she really liked him. Possibly even loved him, but that was not a thought she could focus on.
She took a deep breath and steeled herself.
Evie - Can we talk?
Then she waited. There were no dancing dots, but he was probably busy. So, there was nothing to do now but get up and climb out of the dark hole she had let herself wallow in since Saturday. After getting a trash bag and cleaning up her living room she hopped in the shower. She didn't know how to fix this, but she was going to try. Hopefully it wasn't too late.