CHAPTER TWELVE
CASPER
I had to get out of there before I really lost control. Luna wasn’t ready for that yet. I saw the way she looked at me. Both frightened and intrigued. At least she hadn’t screamed for help. It had happened before.
There was a reason I didn’t take many lovers. Most women simply couldn’t handle me. I scared the shit out of them. Probably because the only time I felt any sense of control was when I held someone else’s life in my hands. Or my own.
Sliding my hands around Luna’s delicate neck had felt so fucking good. Feeling her bones beneath my grasp. How easily I could stop her from breathing. Not that I had any intent to hurt her. Quite the opposite.
However, in those moments of passion and pleasure, I couldn’t fully contain myself. The other side of me slipped out. Often taking over completely. I didn’t want to hurt Luna. It was simply knowing how easily I could that turned me on. Giving me a rush like no other.
I saw that it turned her on too. That seemed to surprise her. I doubted that Luna had ever been with anyone like me. The very thought of her being with anyone else at all was enough to send me into a homicidal rage. Hearing her ex’s voice on the phone had set me off.
Who was he? What did he mean to her? Did she still love him? Had she ever?
She said that she didn’t want to speak with him, and that should’ve been enough for me.
The sudden need to stake my claim on her had won out.
The only thing that stopped me from burying my cock inside her was knowing that I may take it too far.
The last thing I wanted was to scare her so badly that she hated me. I couldn’t bear the thought.
I got in my car and peeled away from the dorm with a squeal of tires. Leaving her the way I had didn’t feel good. Staying would have only tested me in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready for. She wasn’t ready for it either.
With the band Ghost blasting through the speakers, I drove home, mentally beating myself up for my behavior. I could still taste her. Her pleasure and her blood. Fuck she was amazing. She was everything.
When I pulled into my driveway, I took a moment to send a text to Luna. I couldn’t leave her that way.
You’re not ready for all of me yet. If I didn’t leave, I would have fucked you until we were both near death. Give me some time to get my head on straight, and I’ll make sure you know who you belong to. Because it sure as fuck isn’t that idiot on the phone.
I hit send before I could second-guess myself. Not my finest display of intention. Nobody had ever brought this side out of me the way Luna did.
Maybe it was the innocence in her eyes. Or the way she’d fought back the emotion when I’d mentioned the night of the accident.
No, I think it went back farther than that.
To the beautiful dress she’d worn at Storm and Rebel’s wedding when I accompanied her down the aisle.
Maybe that was the moment that did me in.
All I knew was that this ethereal beauty had caught me up in her spell and I didn’t want to break free.
Luna must have turned her phone back on after I left because she quickly replied. He means nothing to me. Thanks for an interesting night. Goodnight, Casper.
I took a moment to send my reply. Goodnight, Flower.
There were so many more things I wanted to say to her. Thinking it best to give us both some time, I tucked my phone into my pocket and went into the house. As soon as I saw Codie and Stray on the couch in the living room, I knew I was going to be bombarded with questions.
Codie perked up at my arrival. “Hey there, stud. How did everything go tonight?”
Using Stray to translate, I told them a little about my evening. The concert was decent even though we got kicked out because of me. We ended the night with pizza at Luna’s dorm room. Of course I didn’t go into detail.
“What do you know about her ex-boyfriend?” I signed, waiting patiently for Stray to translate. “He called while I was there.”
Codie’s brow furrowed. She tapped her fingers on the coffee table, her expression confused. “Luna has dated here and there in the time that I’ve known her but no serious boyfriend that I’m aware of. We didn’t become close friends until after high school though.”
Cutting the conversation short, I said goodnight and headed downstairs. If Codie didn’t know who this guy was, what did that mean? Had Luna hid him from her friends? Why would she do that?
I was too worked up to go to bed yet. My mind was all over the place, making it impossible to tackle homework. Instead, I went to my bedroom and closed the door. Sitting heavily on the bed, I stared around my bedroom.
A small bookshelf against one wall loaded with my favorite books over the years and a few decorative items, like a black cat statue with devil horns.
A dresser with the TV across from the bed.
Bedding that was all black. A framed picture above the bed of a woman who’s long dark hair hid her face from view.
A white wolf at her feet. I found it at a market where people sold alternative arts and crafts. Gothic stuff.
Reaching under the bed, I pulled out a length of rope, staring at it for a long time before my hands began to work as I fashioned it into a noose.
Not because I planned to use it, but because it made me feel better for some reason.
To look at it. To hold it. Kind of like holding the gun to my head. It gave me a twisted sense of power.
Would Luna still look at me with empathy and intrigue if she knew? Would she look at the man holding the gun to his own head with anything other than horror?
I didn’t expect anyone else to understand. I didn’t even understand it myself.
Unable to resist, I slid the noose over my head. Closing my eyes, I focused on the way the rough rope felt against my skin. What would it feel like to string myself up? How long would it take? Would there be time for regrets?
I tossed the noose back under the bed and left the room.
The small workout area in the living room space I shared with Dom had a punching bag in the corner.
It felt good to beat the shit out of it for a while.
Letting off some steam and releasing the beast from its cage.
Although it wasn’t as satisfying as fighting a real person.
When Dom descended the stairs half an hour later, I motioned him over. His dark hair was disheveled, his T-shirt ripped.
“What the hell happened to you?” I signed, wondering where he’d been.
“Bar fight. Nothing special. What’s up?” He lied through his teeth.
I didn’t call him out on it though. I was wrestling with demons of my own. It wasn’t my place to pick apart anyone else’s.
I motioned for him to take a swing at me, signing, “Want to spar a little? I could use the release.”
Dom inclined his head to one side, a puzzled expression on his face. “What’s with you tonight? Didn’t you have a date with Luna?”
I nodded. When he didn’t make a move, I gave him a push. If anyone understood the beast inside me, it was Dominik. He seemed to understand that I held something within me that couldn’t always be contained. Something that would eat me alive if I didn’t feed it.
Playing along, he shoved me back. We took turns pushing one another until finally I threw a right hook that grazed his chin. Dom chuckled, a low devious sound. His dark hazel eyes lit up with the fire inside him.
“You’re really asking for it, huh?” He shrugged, taking a swing at me that connected with my face.
I stumbled back a step, grinning through the pain. Raising my hands, I beckoned him for another. When he hesitated, I stepped forward and slugged him in the chest. That did it.
Dom nailed me again in the face. Busting open my lip so I tasted blood.
Fuck that felt good. Wanting one more, I took another jab at him.
His next punch hit me square in the nose.
No blood but a fuck ton of pain. My ears rang.
Adrenaline pumped through my veins. Exactly what I needed.
I raised a hand, indicating that I’d had enough.
Dom snickered, heading to his bedroom. “You are one crazy bastard, Casper. Never change, dude.”
I didn’t think I could if I wanted to. Life had shaped me, making me what I was.
I’d spent my teen years wishing I was different.
Wanting to be like everyone else. Once I became friends with these guys, I’d stopped that shit.
Accepting myself and learning to live with the past. There wasn’t shit I could do about it now anyway.
Enjoying the way my face throbbed as the adrenaline began to subside, I flopped down on my bed with my laptop. After a little surfing, I found exactly what I wanted and arranged for pick up in the morning.
It took a while for me to fall asleep. Not even a few episodes of the Golden Girls helped. Several times I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the side table, thinking about texting Luna. Then I would decide against it.
By the time morning rolled around I’d managed a few hours of chaotic sleep.
I grabbed a coffee in the kitchen, nodding along as Codie chattered while toasting a bagel.
I finished my coffee and headed out to the local electronics shop to pick up my order.
I’d be missing my morning classes. Since I was taking human biology, it would be easy enough to catch up later.
I waited until I was sure that Luna had left her dorm room. Letting myself into the building was easy enough. A guy that lived inside had given me his security code. For a price. Money well spent.
Lock picking wasn’t my forte, but after a little tinkering with Luna’s door, I was inside. I glanced around at the empty room. Her enticing scent hung everywhere. Lavender. Sweet and inviting.
I surveyed the room, looking for the right place to stash the tiny camera I’d purchased. I’d promised to protect her, and I would do that, no matter what it took. Even if that meant keeping an eye on the place in case this so-called ex decided to come around.
The camera was a tiny, round black device that barely fit on the tip of my finger. My gaze fell on the black tarot card tapestry hanging on the wall. Perfect. I secured the camera to the wall near the corner of the tapestry where it blended in with the fabric.
I paused to run my fingers over her pillow, imagining her hair splayed out upon it. Her body trapped beneath mine. Soon.
Letting myself out of her room, I fiddled with the lock until it clicked back into place and disappeared down the hallway. I felt better knowing I could check in on Luna. Maybe that made me a creep. Maybe I didn’t fucking care.
Nobody was getting near my flower without me knowing about it.