CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LUNA
My body still buzzed with adrenaline when we got into the Uber to go home. Rebel and Storm had grabbed a car back to their place. The rest of us were going to the house Casper shared with Codie and Stray. My fingers shook as I buckled my seatbelt in place. That was a hell of an experience.
I knew that getting involved with Casper meant being exposed to his lifestyle. I’d heard more than enough from Storm and Codie to know that even though the guys worked hard to keep their business separate from their personal lives, anything could happen.
I’d told myself I was fine with that. After watching him kill someone on Halloween, I thought I could handle anything. Having those men surround us, grabbing Storm, Codie, and me, it left me pretty shaken up.
By the time we reached the house, I started to calm down.
My breaths slower and more even. My racing heart back to a normal pace.
Thankfully, we were all safe. Nobody had been injured aside from a scrape on my hand when I hit the ground.
The guys had bloody knuckles but were otherwise high on the rush. Feeling no pain.
We entered the house, stepping into the living room.
The room had a comfortable vibe. A beige couch that appeared well-loved sat in front of a coffee table across from a television mounted on the wall.
A few house plants occupied a shelf near the window that looked out onto the street.
Codie dropped her purse on a small table near the door before kicking off her shoes.
“I could use a drink. Anyone else?” She motioned for me to join her, leading the way through the living room into the kitchen beyond.
“A drink might help take the edge off,” I agreed. “The night definitely took an unexpected turn.”
Codie flicked on the kitchen light, rounding the island to the pantry. She grabbed a bottle of vodka from the top shelf before taking two glasses out of a cupboard. “Most people don’t fuck with the guys. They know better.”
I slid onto a stool at the kitchen island, anxiously tapping my fingernails on the counter while she poured us a drink. Vodka with a generous splash of cranberry juice from the fridge.
“If those fucknuts know what’s good for them, they’ll get out of town,” Stray said as he and Casper entered the kitchen. “Next time I see them, I’m not holding back.”
My gaze went to Casper’s knuckles. They looked a lot worse in the bright kitchen light. Cut open and bloody. I caught his hand in one of mine, frowning at his wounds. “This doesn’t look good. We should clean you up. Do you have any ice?”
“In the freezer. Clean cloths are under the sink.” Codie glanced at Stray’s hands, finding them similarly damaged. “Jesus, that looks rough. Does it hurt?”
He gave the wounds a passing glance and shrugged. “Not really. It’s fine. It’s nothing.”
Despite his remark, he still allowed her to gently clean the cuts with a warm cloth before wrapping a towel filled with ice around his hand. Stray’s expression shifted from one of apathy to absolute wonder as he watched her.
As I carefully wiped the blood from Casper’s knuckles, I glanced up to find him wearing a similar expression.
Something passed between us. Something that didn’t need words or signs.
He wanted so badly to keep me safe, and he’d done what he had to do to make that happen.
Maybe I couldn’t protect Casper the same way, but I found myself wanting to take care of him. To bring him comfort.
A small smile lit up his face. He placed a hand over mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Stray interrupted the moment by flicking Casper in the arm. “Where’s the weed, dude? I know you’ve got to have a fat joint on you. Light that shit up.”
With a roll of his eyes, Casper reached into a pocket, producing a perfectly rolled thick joint. Instead of handing it off to Stray, he offered it to me first. I accepted it with a nod of thanks. I could use all the chill I could get right now.
The four of us sat around the island drinking and smoking, trying to unwind from the unexpected events earlier.
I was content to sit there while Stray and Casper dominated the conversation with ridiculous insults back and forth.
Teasing one another the way only best friends do.
It brought a sense of normalcy and calm.
I liked watching Casper interact with his friends.
The people who knew him best. He didn’t hold back, quick to punch Stray in the shoulder and flip him off when he said something snarky or took a joke too far.
It was pushing three in the morning when Stray snatched Codie up off her stool, flinging her over his shoulder.
“Well, it’s been real guys, but I’m taking my strawberry to bed now.
We’ll try not to make too much noise, but you might want to turn on the TV or something.
Who am I kidding? We are going to make a lot of noise.
” With a devious chuckle, he carried her from the room.
Casper quickly cleaned up the counter, sticking the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Turning back to me, he signed, “Do you want to stay over? Or would you like to go home?”
I was proud of myself for understanding. I’d been cramming sign language lessons into every spare moment, and they were paying off.
“I’d love to stay if that’s okay with you. Please don’t carry me out of the room like a caveman.” I squealed when Casper pretended to do just that. He carried me as far as the doorway before setting me back onto my feet.
Taking my hand, he led me through the living room to the basement stairs.
We descended into a finished basement that immediately smelled like cologne and male musk.
We entered into a small sitting room with a couch, TV, and a workout area in the corner.
He pulled me along down the hallway, passed a closed door and a bathroom, into a bedroom at the end of the hall.
“Is that Dominik’s room?” I nodded to the closed door.
“Yeah. I don’t think he’s home right now. We should have the floor to ourselves.” Casper’s hands flew quickly at first. When my brows knit together as I struggled to keep up, he repeated everything with slow motions.
Casper’s room smelled just like him. A spicy, sweet cinnamon vanilla scent.
A double bed took up the center of the room, the headboard against the far wall.
Across from the bed, a dresser held a small television.
His desk in the corner was littered with various items. Empty glasses, a laptop, miscellaneous pieces of clothing.
“Sorry,” he signed. “I wasn’t expecting you. I should’ve cleaned up.”
I shook my head, perching on the edge of his bed. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not really that messy. I might need a T-shirt or something to sleep in. I’d rather not sleep in a tight dress.”
Casper went to the dresser, digging through the top drawer. My gaze wandered around the room, taking in the details. Happy to be in his space. When my eyes landed on what appeared to be a noose sticking out from under his bed, I did a double take.
No, that was definitely a noose. The very sight of it sent a shockwave through me. Maybe it was none of my business. How could I not say something?
“Um, Casper? Is that a noose on the floor beside the bed? Should I be concerned?”
He whirled around with a T-shirt in one hand. Tossing it to me, he rounded the bed and gave the noose a kick, shoving it underneath.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He paused for a moment before his hands moved again. “Really. It’s nothing. Forget you ever saw it.”
His reaction wasn’t making me feel any better. Clutching the T-shirt he’d tossed to me, I swallowed hard. “I wish that I could, but I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me. Have you been having bad thoughts? You can talk to me. I won’t judge.”
Casper stood there, uncertainly staring at the spot under the bed where he kicked the twisted piece of rope. A slow sigh escaped him as he sank onto the edge of the bed next to me. He rubbed his forehead before signing.
“I’m not really going to do it. At least, I don’t think so. Sometimes I like to think about it though. Maybe that’s crazy. I can’t help it. It’s just been really hard, you know? Since the accident.”
We sat facing one another on his bed while he told me about how messed up the trauma from the accident had made him.
How sometimes he liked to play out scenarios in his head.
Ending it because he never should have been the only one to survive that wreck.
When he got to the part about staring at himself in the mirror while holding a gun to his head, I had to choke back the emotional lump that formed in my throat.
I couldn’t help but feel my heart break for Casper.
My eyes filled with tears that I furiously blinked away, not wanting him to mistake them for pity.
A few times I struggled to understand his words, so he used the phone to type it out with more clarity.
By the time he finished, I had tears streaking down my cheeks.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” I said. “If you ever think you might take it too far, please tell someone. Anyone.”
Casper stared at the dark comforter on the bed, like he struggled to make eye contact after everything he’d shared. He didn’t look at me as he signed, “I know I’m messed up, but I hope it doesn’t scare you away.”
Pushing up onto my knees, I captured his face in my hands, making him meet my eyes. “I’m not afraid of you, Casper. I’m afraid for you.”
Driven by the emotion that gripped me, I pressed my lips to his. I needed him to know that he was safe with me. Safe to be honest with himself and with me. Safe to acknowledge the pain he’d carried inside for so many years.
He kissed me back, tender and sweet. With an inner need I felt resonating through his body. I could only imagine how much Casper held trapped inside himself. Unable to give these feelings a voice or an outlet.
Did the other Kings know about this? Did they have any idea that Casper so frequently contemplated death?
As the kiss deepened, Casper pulled me onto his lap. I held tight to him, hoping he felt how much I cared. From upstairs came the muffled sounds of Codie and Stray going at it. I could’ve gone my whole life without ever hearing that.
Without me needing to ask, Casper picked up the remote from the bed and turned on the television in an effort to drown them out. We both laughed then.
Peeling the blanket back, I nodded to the bed. “Cuddle with me? I feel like we could both use it right now.”
Casper stripped down to his boxer shorts, climbing under the blankets.
After changing out of my dress and slipping into his T-shirt, I snuggled in beside him.
While he stroked a hand through my hair, I rested my head on his chest. Even though the TV was on, I didn’t think either of us were paying much attention to it. Each lost in our own thoughts.
I’d never been so scared for someone. So worried. I’d never understand what Casper endured simply being here every day. However, I hoped he never changed his mind about staying.