35. “Lux Aeterna” - Clint Mansell
“Lux Aeterna” - Clint Mansell
I’ve heard people describe the feeling of time stopping, but I’ve never actually experienced the world halting on its axis like this before.
Dust motes sluggishly float through the air.
Sound has evaporated from the room. The silence is so thick it starts to ring in my ears.
Or maybe that’s the alarm bells in my head, telling me that I’m in more danger than I’ve ever been in before, and the only way to survive is to get out of here.
But my feet are glued to the floor, like I’m standing ankle-deep in fridge-cold peanut butter. I open my mouth to speak, to call for help, to sob hysterically, but my voice box has malfunctioned. Nothing comes out.
From my position as an ice sculpture waiting for sunshine, I see movement behind William. At first I think they’re here to kill me, because why not? I’ve evaded death so often, staying alive has grown uncomfortable.
But as my eyes bring the figures into focus, I see that they’re wearing uniforms. Dark green uniforms. Bulky vests over their chests. Belts loaded with weapons. Guns aimed at us.
They creep into the room, and someone yells something, but my ears seem to be full of sealing wax.
I can’t hear anything but muffled shouting.
My fingers are still clutching Henry’s arm, and when I notice, I try to make them release their grip, but it’s like they’ve been welded on and we’re now one, his arm and me.
I watch the uniforms approach the way you witness things in a dream—from a distance, remote and disconnected. Two of the officers train their weapons on William and hold their aim until he finally lowers the gun. They wrench his arms behind his back and snap metal cuffs on his wrists.
This is finally over. They’re arresting the duke, who is behind the insidion production and distribution and the attempts on my life. His face is pulled into an ugly scowl, which he first directs at me, then his son.
Henry still has a hand on my arm, holding me tightly to his side, but his attention is on the uniforms headed toward us.
They stop beside us, and Henry releases me. As my hand drops away, I look down to find several finger-shaped bruises on my upper arm. I slowly raise my head, which seems to be full of marbles at this point, in time to watch Henry put both hands in the air while they pat him down.
His jacket sleeves slide down as he endures the humiliation of having his entire body searched. A flash of color catches my eye, and I recognize the friendship bracelet I gave him on his left wrist.
This realization drags my eyes to his face.
I haven’t looked at him since William’s words drove straight into the castle that was my heart, sending it crashing to the ground in a haze of smoke and ash.
I haven’t dared look, because I’m terrified of what I’ll find there.
My heart might be ground zero right now, but I’m afraid Henry’s carrying a nuclear bomb to obliterate even the rubble.
When I meet his gaze, his eyes beg me—plead with me—for something. His mouth moves, but I can’t hear a word he’s saying. I watch as they twist his arms behind his back, just like his father’s, and put him in handcuffs. His eyes haven’t left my face, but I don’t understand what I see in them.
Henry and William are led out of the room, Henry’s eyes staying fixed on me for as long as possible. I just don’t understand what he wants me to know.
It isn’t until they’re gone and the remaining officers ask if I’m okay, if I have any injuries, if I need to sit down, that I realize I can hear again.
I shake my head and request to be escorted back to my suite.
Right now, it’s the only place where I’ll have a chance of making sense of what just happened.
Before we can leave, Maisie launches herself into my arms. I’d completely forgotten she was in the room. The duct tape has been ripped from her mouth, leaving it red and swollen. “Oh my god,” she wails. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
I force my arms to wrap around her, but they respond with the stiffness of a robot’s. Up, over, pat, pat, pat.
Strong hands grip me from behind, and I jump, half expecting to find that William has somehow escaped and come back for me. It’s only Roberts. He manages to detangle Maisie from me and pass her off to another PPO standing nearby. Turning back to me, he says, “Are you okay, ma’am?”
I nod and shiver. Goosebumps cover my entire body. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this cold before. “I will be,” I manage to say.
“Let’s get you out of here.” He takes my elbow. After we’ve left the chaos of the officers gathered outside, he says quietly, “Just so you know, we had surveillance in the room the entire time. You weren’t in any danger.”
That must be meant to comfort me. So then why does it feel like my soul has been ripped from my body?
“Thank you,” I mumble when we reach the door to my suite.
Roberts nods and gives a small bow. “Just remember,” he says, “not everything is as it seems.” With that, he turns and walks back down the corridor, his steps muted by the heavy pile of the carpet.
There are so many ways to interpret what he’s just said, but I do not have the mental bandwidth to think about it at the moment. In fact, I can barely get inside my suite. When I do manage to open the door, it takes the last of my energy to drag myself to the bed and crawl in.
If anyone needs me, this is where they’ll find me for the next indefinite amount of time. It’s the only place I can handle being alive.
The only place I can process the fact that I’ve just been betrayed. Again.