Chapter 1
ONE
AINSLEY
“Mommm... Mom! Where are my Docs?” I ask as I frantically search my room for my boots.
“Honey, I don't know. Where was the last place you had them?” My eyes roll in a full three-sixty at her redundant question. But I keep the attitude to myself. My mom is an angel, and doesn’t deserve the wrath caused by my anxious mood.
“If I knew that, I would have found them! Ah, here they are.” With the back of my hand, I dab away the droplets of sweat forming on my upper lip from running around this damn house looking for them.
“Why are you so frantic this morning?” My mom offers her gorgeous smile, showing off a mouth full of perfect teeth dentists would worship. No kidding. Her smile is so perfect our dentist asked if she could model for his ad campaign.
Glossy, espresso-colored hair falls down to her lower back. Mrs. Copeland is a work of art. But that’s my mom for you.
“I don’t know Mom, maybe because it’s the day I leave for college and I’m kind of freaking out.” I mirror her smile to lighten my sarcasm.
“Sweetheart, you just spent your whole summer in California. Going to school two hours away from home should be a walk in the park.” She’s right, I know she is. I can’t tell her the real reason I’m nervous, and honestly don’t even want to think about it.
My summer attending Stanford’s writing program was life-changing. It brought my writing to another level. My main goal for after I graduate is to write fiction novels, but I also enjoy writing poetry.
I had no intention of showing anyone my poems, but the program had a mandatory poetry course. Once my professor read some of my work, she praised the evocative depth in my words. Dark and emotionally raw, was her description. Then she told me they were so good they could be songs.
That got me thinking…Music is my lifeline as much as writing, and maybe I could in fact turn my work into songs. It’s only a hobby, but a lot of my work over the summer after that was my attempt at song writing.
It helped.
My writing wasn’t the only thing to level up over the summer. No longer am I that insecure tomboy everyone at school ignored. In their place is a new me that exudes confidence.
But I can’t take the credit for the new me, that goes to my Stanford roommate Jordan. I couldn’t hide the sadness I radiated when I arrived that first week. She took pity on me, and listened to every emotionally draining cryfest. I was a pathetic mess.
I never planned to share my heartache with anyone, but Jordan has a way of getting you to do what she says.
Two weeks into our program she had enough of me wallowing in self pity. She insisted I go shopping with her to "enhance my wardrobe" and "stop looking like a boy." While she rocked her sassy business-casual chic style, it was not for me. She knew that too, so she helped me make feminine changes that I was comfortable with.
I needed the change to stop my negative thoughts of never being good enough. I wanted to stop hiding behind clothes as a defense mechanism. My baggy band tees were cut and knotted, while skinny jeans kicked my loose ones to the curb. I now have clothing that hugs my body, and shows that I have an actual figure. Gone are the days of walking around looking like a brown paper sack.
Despite J's protest, I refused to part with my Chucks, but did agree to a couple styles of Doc Martens, and some sandals.
Jordan's friendship has meant the world to me. Her bold personality and unwavering confidence have influenced me, shaping me into a stronger woman. I've never felt more sure of myself than I do now.
“Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar blares through my speaker. I need some classic woman empowerment songs for my confidence to remain strong. No heartbreak will bring me down again.
I grab my phone to shoot Jordan a quick text with a full-length mirror pic.
Me
Is today’s ensemble J-approved?
Jordan
Damnnnn AC, you look hot!
Too bad I’m as straight as a ruler. If I was into kitty cats, your box would be my first stop.
Me
Omg! You’re ridiculous!
Jordan
Are you freaking out about possibly running into him?
Me
It’s a big school, and if he wasn’t my brother’s best friend, I may have stood a chance, but probs not likely.
Jordan
Well put your big girl panties on…wait, no, don’t do that. Put your sexy, barely covering anything lace panties on, and show everyone at that school the bad bitch you are! Knock ‘em dead, Killer!
Me
Love you long time for a short time.
Jordan
Ditto bitch!
Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I internally praise myself for the amazing job I did. My Queensryche tee from their summer tour four years ago fits snug around my waist, while gaping holes that were once sleeves would show side boob if I wasn’t wearing a bandeau. It’s hot outside, so cutoff denim shorts were a must. I finish my outfit with my matte black Docs. My hair is blown out and curled in large loose waves that fall to the middle of my back, and makeup is on the lighter side, but noticeable.
J wasn’t lying…I do look hot!
* * *
My parents insisted on driving me to campus after I was gone all summer. I love my parents, but I'm super happy this road trip is short. The two people sitting in the front seat have been obsessed with one another since they got together decades ago.
I’m happy my parents are still in love like teenagers, but don’t care to witness their constant groping and kissing. I swear my dad needs to have at least one hand on my mom at all times. While their love is enviable, being their daughter, it’s also gross.
One good thing about road trips with my parents—music. The amazing taste in music I have comes from none other than the lovebirds up front.
The rock legends that blare through the speakers are playing from my mom’s ancient iPod. I attempted to show my mom how to use Spotify and play music from her phone multiple times. That was a no-go; she refused. Trying to explain to her the concept of downloading music without iTunes and her big screen television of a computer was falling on deaf ears. She ended my TedTalk faster than I started it.
Two hours later, we finally arrive at the school where I will spend the next four years.
BSU is a big school, but I just spent my summer on Stanford’s massive campus. This will be easy; I’ll be great here.
“Honey, do you know if Cassie checked in yet?” my dad asks.
Cass opted to fly to Boise, so I figured she was off the grid for today. “I’m not sure. She’ll text me when she gets here.” The three of us load my suitcases and boxes up. My dad was smart and brought a large dolly to take most of it.
My eyes scan my surroundings. You can definitely tell who the freshmen are. I hope I don’t look as lost as they do.
I pull out my phone.
Me
Hey Cass! Are you here yet?
Dorms were assigned at random, so I have no clue who my roommate is. I got so lucky with Jordan, but I'm not sure luck will be on my side a second time. I push the key into the doorknob and open the door to my new home away from home.
“Surprise!” Cassie hurls her body toward me full-force and wraps her arms around me in the tightest hug.
“Oh my God!” My eyes brim with tears. I squeeze her just as tight, and breathe in the smell of her lavender-scented hair.
“How is this even possible? I thought dorm selection was random.” I wipe away falling tears but continue to hold her with my other arm tightly.
“You know Grams. She pulled some strings with the university after I told her how nervous I was moving into the dorms alone. I needed you, so she worked her magic, or wrote a check.” We both break out in a fit of laughter, knowing damn well Grams would do anything for her.
The Sinclairs are loaded with generational wealth. You’d think that Cass would have the stereotypical nepo baby syndrome, having access to that much money and looking the way she does, but she could not be a more humble person.
The girls at school that made my high school years less than desirable could have been a lot worse if it weren’t for Cassie. Popularity never interested her, but she was popular by default with her impressive pedigree. So the Ashley Jacobs of our school only messed with me when she wasn’t around.
My dad coughs, interrupting our hug, and I look over to see my mom with tears in her eyes.
“Okay girls, it’s time we head back home. Bring it in for a squeeze, kid.” I run up to my dad and give him a giant hug. When I try to break free to hug Mom, he holds me tighter.
“Dad, you act like you’ll never see me again. I’ll be home for the holidays, ya big softy.” He rapidly blinks his eyes to hide the unshed tears forming as he kisses me lightly on the top of my head. For a big tough guy who intimidates those around him, he’s really a big ole teddy bear.
“Kid, I will never get used to you being gone. Be good and try not to give your brother a hard time looking out for you.” My dad cocks an eyebrow at me and I nod my head in agreement, shining a wicked little smirk. He is well aware Morgan is a helicopter brother, and it probably has a lot to do with him.
When he finally lets me go, I turn to look at my mom.
“Sweetheart, you are going to be great here, just like you were at Stanford this summer. Please do not be afraid to cut loose and have some fun.” She side-eyes my dad in defiance. Holding my cheeks with both hands, she kisses my forehead.
“You have always been so serious when it comes to school. I admire that about you, but I hope you enjoy all there is to experience in college.”
“Okay. Okay. She gets it, Mama. Ains, be safe, and stay out of trouble.” Dad rubs mom’s back, consoling her while she wipes at her face.
“I’m going to miss you both so much. We have hardly spent any time together in the last couple months.” My voice shakes from the realization I won’t have them with me.
“My girls, stop this. Honey, have fun unpacking with Cass. We love you. You girls take care of each other,” Dad says. One more big hug from both of them, and they walk out, closing the door behind them.
“Parents are gone, and now we cut loose.” Cass reaches into a small cooler that looks like a lunchbox. She pulls out two black cherry White Claws and hesitantly hands me one. Cassie knows I have never been one to drink; I have never even attended a party.
I grab the can from her and pop the top, taking a huge drink. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it’s not horrible. It tastes like a LaCroix.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Look at you like what?” Her question is dripping with mock innocence.
“Like you’re shocked the nerdy quiet girl grew a pair.” I take another drink, and continue my speech. “This summer was a big eye opener for me. I needed to reinvent myself, and become someone I could be proud of. Not just for my academics.”
“Oh babe, trust and believe, I am here for the reinvention that is you. You have always been gorgeous, but hid under layers upon layers…upon layers of baggy clothing and textbooks. College is your time to be the shining star that you are.” She beams proudly at me.
As Cass reaches for a box, I take that moment to look around our dorm. The room isn’t as small as I thought it would be, and I’m not sure how Grams swung it, but we aren’t staying in the freshmen dorms. That means we have one of the larger dorms that have their own bathroom and two closets. It’s more like a studio apartment than a dorm room.
She did more than snag us a swanky room. The beds are already made up in bedding sets that radiate in the prettiest shades of maroon and black, and coordinate with the dark wood floors and brick walls. I crouch to the floor and run my fingers through the luxurious black shag rug that lays between our beds.
I shouldn’t expect anything but the best when it comes to Grandma Sinclair. Apparently, all I needed to do was pack the necessities, because that sweet old lady took care of it all. That’s Grams though—anything to make her precious granddaughter happy. The spoiled treatment has always extended to me—you know, being the best friend and all.
“Cheers to stepping out of comfort zones!” Cassie is about to clink cans with me, when a loud knock on the door echoes through our room.
“Campus Security!” My body is frozen in place. I can’t get into trouble on my first day!
Shit! Shit! Shit! What the hell are we going to do?
In an instant, I bring the ice cold can to my lips and chug it at record speed.
“Holy Hell!” The carbonation is intense. I cough immediately after finishing the drink.
Cass obviously has more brain cells than I do, because she stashes her beverage behind a pillow on her bed.
She inhales a deep breath and swings the door open.
“You asshole!” she shouts. I hear laughing and watch as Morgan strides in all proud of himself for scaring the hell out of us.
“What Cass? You know I always have to mess with the two of you. It’s too easy.” Morgan can’t stop laughing, and Cassie tries her best to stifle her own laugh bubbling up. The smile that takes over my features is directly for my brother. I haven’t seen him since I left for California.
Right as I lean in for a huge bear hug from Morgan, he walks in.
No. Please no. Not today. I didn’t think I would see him on my first day here.
Ace.