Chapter 19
How soon was too soon to text Willa for another hookup?
It took everything in Shawn not to text her immediately when he got home from the chartered fishing trip he took a group of tourists on yesterday. But he didn’t want to seem overly eager, and he’d already told her he wouldn’t be back in time to fish off the wharf like they usually did.
By Sunday morning, he was already counting down the seconds until the sunset so he could go to her place and see her. And those seconds ticked by agonizingly slowly.
Grams didn’t typically go on her walk on Sundays, opting instead to go to church, so Shawn knew there was little chance of Willa coming over. He tried to keep himself busy.
He’d already been kicked out of the kitchen by Grams for hovering. He went to the bait shop to check in, but things were always slow on Sundays and the kid who was working today seemed a little confused about why Shawn was there. So he came back home, cleaned his room and bathroom, mowed the lawn, read a few chapters of the book sitting on his desk, and checked on all his crab traps.
All the while, he tried not to check his phone every few minutes to see if she texted him back. Each time he pulled up their thread, all he saw was the text he’d sent her yesterday after she texted him to see if the Bingo Ball was real. She’d left him on read, so he knew she saw it.
After Willa told him she’d be going to the Bingo Ball, Shawn asked Grams if he could go with her.
“You usually hate things like that,” Grams said. “Last year, you told me you’d rather let crabs eat you alive than be my date to a Black tie event where all the old ladies would try to set you up with their granddaughters.”
Most days, Shawn was grateful for Grams’ memory. Unlike most people her age, she was still sharp as a tack. She still told stories about the early days of dating his grandfather with the same charm and wit as she did when he was a child, and he knew that wouldn’t last forever. He knew eventually her age would catch up with her, and she’d start forgetting little details she typically remembered.
Most days, Shawn was grateful. Today, he wasn’t.
“You’re right,” he responded, turning his back to her so she wouldn’t see that he was messing with her. “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“Now, wait a second,” Grams said. “I never said that. I was just wondering?—”
“How about this, Grams?” Shawn grinned, turning back around. “I go with you as your date to the Bingo Ball, and you don’t ask any follow up questions.”
“Hmmm.”
Figuring he’d won this round, Shawn started heading back to his room.
“You’ll wear a tux?” Grams asked.
Shawn turned around and gave her a curt nod, then left before she could ask any other questions.
He was a goner. That much was sure. He hated dressing up. Anything more than his swim trunks and a t-shirt was outside of his regular dress. Shorts and a button-up were often pushing it for him, but a tux? He’d never worn one and didn’t have a particular desire to start now.
Except Willa.
She’d be there, and he wanted to be where she was. Even if he had to wear something that was bound to make him look like an idiot. Even if his agreeing to go made Grams suspicious.
It wasn’t just Willa’s beauty or the way she tasted—and fuck, she tasted so good. It was her—how she was so at one with the water, how she knew this bay almost as well as he did, how fierce she was, a spitfire. She was fearless, but emotional. She was strong, but vulnerable. She was powerful, but soft. She was walking contradictions that he wanted to know better.
And she didn’t want a boyfriend.
Shawn couldn’t blame Willa. From what little he knew of her dating history, he could understand why she’d be skittish. And he’d take whatever she gave him. He’d follow her rules, do whatever it took so he could sink into her again.
And if she ended up falling for him in the process because he made her orgasm better than any other guy?
All the better for Shawn.
On the other hand, if their friends-with-benefits situationship ran its course after a few months and she dropped him like a fly…
Well, he’d figure it out if it came to that.
His phone buzzed, and Shawn reached for it so quickly he almost fell over. A quick look at his phone told him it was a text from Tucker, and he felt a twinge of disappointment that it wasn’t Willa. He cleared the text, deciding he’d respond later, and took a deep breath.
The sun was about to set, and he headed into the kitchen to have dinner before walking over to Willa’s. He grabbed some leftovers out of the fridge and put them in the microwave, then went to grab utensils.
There, sitting on the counter, was a polaroid picture of Willa. She was wearing one of those workout sets she had, and her back was facing the camera. Her hair was splayed out in the wind, her head spun around as she beamed at the camera. Her eyes were squinting as if she was looking into the sun.
Shawn picked up the picture and ran his fingers along the edges of it.
“It’s a good picture, isn’t it?” Grams said as she entered the kitchen behind Shawn.
He set the photo back down and grabbed his food from out of the microwave.
“Getting out the old polaroid again?” Shawn asked instead of answering.
She kept a polaroid camera in the foyer at all times “in case the creative mood strikes,” and occasionally, she took it with her on her outings. When that happened, she’d take about fifty photos and then wouldn’t touch the camera again for a couple of months.
“Felt like taking it on a walk earlier this week,” Grams said. “I saved all the polaroids in my fanny pack, but thought she’d want that one.”
Shawn looked up from where he was eating and nodded. “It’s a good one.”
“I’ll give it to her in the morning.”
“I’ll take it to her tonight,” he responded before he could stop himself, pocketing the photo.
“You sure are spending a lot of time over there,” Grams said.
Shawn scarfed down the last of his leftovers and stuck his plate in the sink.
“Just trying to be a friendly neighbor like you always taught me,” he responded, throwing a wink over his shoulder.
“Sure that’s all there is to it?”
“Course,” Shawn said. “We’re just fishing.”
“Hmmm.”
“Grams, stop. You promised, no more meddling.”
“I believe the terms of our agreement were that I wouldn’t set you up with anyone else,” Grams said. “But I can still speculate about your romantic entanglements with people, as far as I’m concerned.”
“There are no romantic entanglements to speculate about,” Shawn said, getting frustrated as he stood with his hand hovering over the doorknob. “And I’d appreciate it if you”d stop assuming there were. She’s not really my type. Plus, you know as well as I do that she just got out of a bad breakup. Even if I were interested, she isn’t. Case closed.”
“Not your type?” Grams drawled. “What, you’re not interested in beautiful yoga instructors who know how to fish?”
Shawn felt heat creep up his cheeks.
Grams damn well knew that was exactly his type, and he was losing steam in this argument, getting dangerously close to breaking one of Willa’s few rules.
“Grams, it’s not 1950,” he said. “Men and women can be friends without there being anything else between them.”
“Hmmm.”
“I don’t want you to get your hopes up that something is going to happen between us when it isn’t. Let it go, alright?”
Grams studied him for a moment.
“Okay, Scooby. I’ll let it go.”
Not entirely convinced that he’d gotten her to drop it—but unwilling to stay behind and try to further his point—he stepped out to the backyard and breathed in the salty air. the Bay glistened in the sunset, the sky cotton-candy pink, and he grabbed the bucket of shrimp he’d brought over from the shop this morning. He was technically a little earlier than usual, but as he started walking toward her house, he saw her sitting in a beach chair on the edge of the wharf, wearing loose-fitting shorts and a tank top, sipping a glass of wine.
And she looked fucking stunning.
God, he’d never get tired of looking at her. The way her hair framed her face, the curve of her cheeks, the delicate curve of her neck. Her head was tipped back, eyes closed in peace. As he got closer, he heard some light music playing—something instrumental, classical.
Shawn didn’t want to disturb her. He wanted to freeze this moment in time, bottle up the way she looked and made him feel just by being, and stay there forever, watching her soak in a perfect sunset and salty air that reminded him there were depths of this earth yet to be explored. He wanted to watch her from afar, count the freckles on her face and the hairs on her head. He wanted her to always be this content, this peaceful, this happy.
But as if she felt his gaze, she sat up and made eye contact with him, heat blooming in her cheeks as her lips curved.
“It’s creepy to stare,” she said with a smirk.
“Can’t help myself. You’re too goddamn pretty,” Shawn said before he could stop himself as he walked toward her.
Her lips parted and she looked away.
“I know I’m a little early, but we can get started before the sun is completely down if you want,” Shawn said, trying to break the silence that came between them.
“Or we can go inside and do something else,” Willa said, her eyes darting to his mouth.
He groaned, shifting as his cock hardened.
“As much as I would love that, we shouldn’t,” Shawn said, and Willa frowned. “Grams asked some leading questions about the nature of our relationship earlier, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s watching us with her binoculars.”
Willa clapped her hand over her mouth, then tipped her head back and laughed.
Shawn reached in his pocket to grab the photo and hand it to her, but as she grinned at him, he decided against it. Nobody had to know if he kept this picture of her all to himself.
“I knew she would be a menace,” she said. “Alright, then let’s get this show on the road.”
They walked out to the edge of the wharf in companionable silence. The sky was now gray, the pink and purple gone as the sun set lower, and the LED light Willa left permanently on was shining over the water where some minnows were swimming swiftly.
They wordlessly grabbed fishing rods, baited them, and tossed their lines in the water as the darkness covered the Bay like a blanket. Part of the reason Shawn wanted to make sure this part of their arrangement didn’t go away—the friend part—was because of how easy it was to be around her. He wanted to learn everything there was about her, sure, but it was just as relaxing to sit in silence with her. He didn’t feel like he needed to fill it with mindless babbling or thoughtful questions. He could just be.
Shawn had few friendships that were so quickly comfortable for him. And he didn’t want to risk losing what he had with Willa.
“Do you miss California?” he asked, breaking the silence.
She glanced over at him, then back to where her line was resting in the water.
“Not as much as I thought I would.” Her voice was quiet, but piercing in the stillness of the night. “I lived there for ten years. There are a lot of amazing things about California. The weather is always pretty temperate. There are so many things to do, especially in San Francisco. The restaurants are amazing. As a yogi, there were always trainings I could take part in or lead. And a lot of my college friends lived there.”
Shawn waited for a moment before saying, “But?”
“But.” Willa laughed. “But, we got older. A lot of my college friends left SF for other places. Cheaper places. I couldn’t blame them. And I think I always craved a slower pace. That was the one thing I could never quite get the hang of—the hustle and bustle, how fast everything moved. My best friend, Charlie, loves it. She’ll live in SF until she dies. But I think I always knew I’d end up back here.”
Maybe they were kindred spirits in that way. Shawn couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
“Why’s that?” he asked.
She smirked at him. “You’ll have to tell me your deep, dark secrets next. It can’t just be me.”
“Fine. A question for a question. Answer mine and then I’ll answer yours, Greene.”
“You’ll answer two of mine.”
“You drive a hard bargain,” Shawn said, then stuck his hand out to shake hers.
She laughed, then put her hand in his, sending a shock of electricity down his body that he desperately tried to ignore.
“I moved a lot growing up,” she said. “This place was my only constant. I came here every summer. It’s where I grew up. Where I learned to ride a bike. Where I took my first steps. Where I had my first kiss.”
Her eyes darted to him nervously.
“This house is the only place that’s been a real home for me through the years,” Willa continued. “And I’ve always had this pipe dream that I’d move back here and start my own yoga studio. Teach some classes for seniors, do some classes on the beach for tourists.”
Shawn felt a pang of guilt for how he’d acted when she tried to help Grams after her fall. Clearly Willa knew what she was doing. This dream of hers only made it more obvious.
“I like the slower pace of life here,” she whispered. “I feel like I can hear myself think when I sit on this wharf. And there’s something almost carnal about catching my own food that makes me feel… not just satisfied, but empowered. Like I don’t need anyone else but me.”
“I know what you mean,” Shawn said.
She smiled at him. “So it’s my turn now.”
He groaned internally. “Give me your best shot.”
“What do you like most about running the bait shop?”
He was sure she thought that was an easy question, but there was more to it than she knew.
“My grandfather started that shop,” he said. “It was a project he started later in life. He’d been able to retire relatively early and still had some energy in him, I guess. So I grew up learning the ins and outs of the business and helping him out. People always came in asking him for advice. Where should they go if they wanted to catch flounder? What kind of bait should they use off their wharf? Which rod was best for a beginner? I thought he was the coolest man alive when I was a kid.”
Shawn was quiet for a moment, and he could feel her eyes on him.
“When I was 13, he told me I could take over the shop for him when I grew up, but shortly after that was when the dementia came on. It was slow at first, but by the time I was 15, he didn’t always know who I was. I was working there during the summers, but I was worried the business wouldn’t make it. Luckily, some locals helped keep it alive until I was 18. That’s when I took over.”
He held her gaze for a moment, mesmerized by the compassion in her gaze.
“The business was a wreck when I took over, to say the least. And I didn’t have a formal education. Didn’t go to college. So I just researched how to run a business, watched YouTube videos about bookkeeping, and experimented with some things. I started doing the chartered boat tours a year later. I honestly didn’t think the business was going to survive, so it was my last shot at keeping it alive. And I made more money in the first month of summer than I had the rest of the year combined. I knew that’s when I had something good going.”
Shawn closed his eyes.
“It reminds me of my grandfather. That’s what I like most about the shop. People come to me and ask the same questions they asked him, and I get to help them do something I love. The chartered tours are really just to keep the business alive. I make good money from them, but what I love most is the day-to-day of the shop. I can still feel my grandfather in there sometimes.”
Willa was silent for a moment, then said, “I think that’s the most words you’ve ever said to me at once.”
Shawn opened his eyes and belly-laughed, trying to avoid the creeping feeling of self-consciousness that crawled over him whenever he was vulnerable.
“So what’s your other question, Greene?” he asked.
“Well, I’m assuming your least favorite thing is the tourists?”
He felt his jaw involuntary clench. He blew out a breath, then set his fishing rod down.
“It didn’t used to be that way,” Shawn said. “For the record, I don’t hate all the tourists. There are some tourists who come here to experience the Bay, and I love showing them around. Families, groups of friends—those can be really fun. Especially with kids who are learning to fish. Those are my favorite groups.”
He grinned. “And not all of the women are like the one you saw at the shop the other week. Most of them take no for an answer. But after a few drinks, they get bolder. And they’re always drinking on the boat. But yeah, to answer your question, it is my least favorite part. Dealing with the women who shamelessly flirt with me, or the men who think they know better than me. It’s worth it, though. I’d deal with a thousand terrible tourists to be able to take one great family on a tour.”
“You said it didn’t used to be that way,” Willa said. “What changed?”
“Me, I guess,” he let out a humorless chuckle. “I used to welcome the attention from women. Jump in bed with them the first chance I got. But then my best friend, Tucker, fell in love with this girl, and I was pissed. Don’t get me wrong—Hanna’s awesome. I love her like a sister. But I saw how happy they were, and it took me months to figure out I was jealous. They had what I wanted. What I craved.
“I have no shame in my playboy ways. I learned a lot from all that sex, and I think you’ll probably reap the benefits of that,” he said, winking at her in an attempt to lighten the mood. “But I just realized I was ready for more than sex. I wanted companionship. Someone to come home to. To talk to about how my day went. To go fishing with.”
Willa nodded.
“I get it,” she said. “Well, I guess I don’t. We’re opposites. I’ve always had boyfriends. Never any good ones, obviously.”
She huffed.
“But that desire to have a person like that? Who’s there for you no matter what, who gets you, who listens to you when your day is shitty? That’s always appealed to me. Probably why I’m terrible at being single.”
“You’re not terrible at it,” Shawn said. “You’re single now. And I’d say you’re pretty damn good at it. You fish for your own meals, for Christ’s sake.”
She grinned, and his heart fluttered at the idea that he made that happen. “That’s nice of you to say.”
“So can I ask another question? Since, technically, I let you ask three?”
She groaned. “I was thinking I could reward you for your vulnerability with sexual favors, but if you’d prefer to ask me a question, go for it.”
Shawn stifled a groan.
He was going to die from how much he wanted her. God, she was so hot, so perfect, with lips begging to be kissed. But he wanted to know her, wanted to be an expert in everything that had to do with Willa.
“You drive a hard bargain, Greene,” he said. “But I’m going to ask my question now, and I’ll make you come later.”
Her eyes flitted to him, half-lidded with desire. Good thing she was feeling that way now, because he was about to bring down the mood significantly with his question.
“What happened with your ex?”
Just like that, her eyes shuttered and her body stiffened.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Shawn said quickly, already feeling overwhelmed with guilt for making her feel so bad that her body gave outward signs of discomfort.
She took a deep breath in and out, so slowly that Shawn felt like the Earth might’ve stopped spinning.
“I met Leo just over two years ago,” Willa said. “He’d come to one of my yoga classes. We dated, and things were getting serious. Before I moved here, I’d just asked him to move in with me. We were about to start looking for apartments. But then I saw him at my favorite brunch place.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “With his wife and child.”
“You’re shitting me.”
He wanted to throw up.
No, he wanted to find this Leo and chop his balls off and feed them to him.
Then throw up.
“I wish I was,” she whispered, bringing her legs up to cradle them in her arms. “The worst part is how… embarrassing the whole thing feels. Does it hurt that he did this? Yes. Is it shitty that he led me to believe we’d move in together and maybe get married one day? Abso-fucking-lutely. Am I constantly replaying the last two years in my mind, reminding myself that every second was a lie? Yup. Do I feel like a piece of trash knowing I was a married man’s side piece for two fucking years? You bet.”
She bit her lip. “But what sucks the most is how stupid and idiotic I feel. It’s the twenty-first century, for fuck’s sake. I should’ve looked him up on social media. I should’ve Googled him more thoroughly. When he told me he wasn’t on Instagram or Facebook, I believed him. And his place—that apartment was so bland and boring. I mean, it was nice, but it had almost zero personal touches. I thought it was just a guy thing. Now, I know it was probably a pre-furnished place he kept secret from his wife. I’m hurt, yes, but more than that, I’m mortified. That I didn’t know any better. That I didn’t think to question anything. That he got me to believe his bullshit.”
“You couldn’t have known, Wi?—”
“I should’ve. I should’ve known. This is not the first time a man has cheated on me, and I doubt it’ll be the last.” Willa quickly shut her mouth like she’d said too much, and Shawn’s heart ached.
He wanted to cradle her in his arms and tell her how perfect she was. How beautiful. How brilliant and kind and funny. He wanted to wrap her up in him so thoroughly that she forgot Leo’s name, forgot anything he ever did or said. He wanted to bottle her pain and take it from her.
“Why should you have known, Willa? How could you have known?”
She buried her face in her knees, then turned so her cheek was resting on them and her eyes were trained on Shawn.
“Every boyfriend I’ve ever really cared about has cheated on me,” she whispered. “The ones where we said we were exclusive never actually were. I’ve found them in bed with someone else. I’ve gotten the frantic call from the other woman. I’ve accidentally seen the texts. And this was the worst fucking one. He was married. With a two-year old. And I missed every goddamn sign.”
A few tears slid down her cheek, and before he could stop himself, Shawn swiped it away.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Shawn whispered, his hand still resting on her cheek. “But there is something wrong with any man who treats someone that way. And any man who has you and does something stupid enough to lose you.”