Three
Reece
You know that feeling you get when you’re about to be strapped in on a huge roller coaster that you’re afraid to ride? Your palms start to sweat, nausea rolls in your stomach, and for some scientific reason, you suddenly have to go pee?
That’s the feeling I get whenever I see my older brother as of late.
The same questions always knock around in my head when I’m about to face him: Why the hell are you doing this? Why are you torturing yourself? Are you a masochist?
I ask the same questions when I’m about to ride a terrifying roller coaster, but somehow all the negative emotions and existential questions are amplified concerning Evan.
Maybe the dread of riding a roller coaster isn’t necessarily a fair comparison.
At least when I’m about to ride a roller coaster, there’s a hint of excitement alongside the anxiety.
I know for a fact that the ride has a definite beginning, middle, and end, and when I’m done, I can get myself a nice funnel cake or maybe even some fried Oreos.
There’s no definite beginning, middle, or end when it comes to conversations and my relationship with my older brother. Not to mention, I rarely ever get a sweet treat after the interaction is over.
It’s hell every single time. But I cover it up because that’s what I do.
I’m Reece. I’m happy for everyone, even at the expense of my own feelings.
I’m happy because if I were to be anything else, it would tear a rift in my family and I can’t stand to be the reason my parents or my older sister Gemma is upset.
God. I really wish this bar sold funnel cakes.
Instead, I’m staring down unseeingly at a menu full of burgers and apps while I feel the weight of my brother’s stare on me.
The waitress, probably around my age, slides a lager in front of me and an IPA in front of Evan but I don’t look up, my sights set on some mushroom Swiss burger that I have no appetite for whatsoever.
Evan takes a long sip of his beer and I can feel the heaviness of his words before he speaks. “How have things been?”
I suppress a snort and set my menu to the side.
Loaded fucking question.
“Things have been good.” It’s mostly the truth. “Cheer conditioning started back up today. I’ve got a new stunt partner. Classes are back in a couple of weeks.” I shrug.
The polite pleasantries exchanged between Evan and I always sting. We were close, once upon a time, and he still lives only forty-five minutes from me. He’s up in Cincinnati along with my mom, my dad, and Gemma.
Along with Tashia.
I shake away the mental image of my ex-girlfriend shacking up with my brother because as much as the sting has managed to fade over the past year, it’s still there just the same anytime I recall our breakup and the reason it happened in the first place.
Evan nods as our waitress comes back by to take our order. He orders some hot wings and I panic order a BLT, but I know I won’t want to eat it anyway. “Excited for your last year?”
I bob my head and try not to outwardly cringe at the small talk. “Yup.”
“PT school next year, right?”
“As long as I don’t completely fuck up my grades this year, that’s the plan.”
Evan offers me a chuckle. “You couldn’t fuck up anything if you tried.”
Yeah, that’s your job, isn’t it?
The cruel thought is fleeting and I shake it away quickly. Evan and Tashia deserve to be happy even if the way they went behind my back was shitty.
No matter how much healing I’ve done since last summer, the series of events still plays on a loop in my head if I let it.
At this point, I’m not even sure I have romantic feelings towards Tashia anymore.
What I do know is that the betrayal of being stabbed in the back by two of the people closest to me has not subsided quite so quickly.
After all, Tashia was my first and only serious girlfriend.
We started dating my freshman year of college, her sophomore.
She always loved all sports, grew up playing volleyball and soccer, so we had athletics to bond over.
Both of us grew up in Cincinnati, which we thought would be awesome and would make visiting our families for the holidays and weekends that much easier.
What I didn’t know, of course, was that taking her around my family would cause her and my brother to inevitably fall in love.
I’m not so sure when it happened. Over a few weekend trips, a couple of Christmas Eve dinners, a family vacation perhaps.
A wedding or two, possibly even a funeral.
A one-off weekend when Evan would come to visit me at UOWH and we’d all go out to parties and bars together, maybe.
I’ll never be sure when it happened, but it did.
Slowly but surely, my girlfriend of nearly two years fell out of love with me and into love with Evan.
The worst part of it all is that I’ve never been able to blame him for falling back.
Tashia’s beautiful, something I’ll never deny.
She’s graceful and tactful, intelligent and determined, and no matter the bad blood between us, I’m still proud as hell of her for becoming a badass ICU nurse back in the city.
I cared about her. I care about her. I care about Evan and I care about the sanctity of our family so I’ve plastered a smile on my face and carried on. It’s what they all want, it’s what we all need after losing Lance.
The Taylor family cannot take another tragedy.
I realize I’ve been silent and inner monologuing for far too long as Evan quirks a dark brow up at me, undoubtedly waiting for my reply.
I take a long sip of beer to buy myself a little more time as the waitress drops off our food.
“We’ll see,” is all I give him with the most authentic smile I can muster.
“Reece,” Evan sighs, dunking a wing in some ranch dip. “We miss you, man. You haven’t been home since Memorial Day. Gemma misses you, Mom misses you. Where have you been?”
Avoiding you.
There’s that pesky inner monologue again.
It’s shitty of me to stay away from home, especially when I’m less than an hour away from my childhood house.
I’ve been using my campus gym job as an excuse since I picked it up in January—but no one needs to know it ended with the last school year.
Now that Tashia has graduated and moved back to the city, I know she’s going to be at every family barbecue and weekend game night.
That’s made it extremely hard for me to want to go back home for any occasion.
If seeing Evan is like getting on a roller coaster, seeing him and Tashia together is like riding a Tilt-A-Whirl. Nauseating, uncomfortable, and someone always throws up.
Don’t get me wrong, I did my fair share of getting over Tashia last school year.
By that I mean I pretty much fucked my way through UOWH, hooked up with any pretty girl that would give me the time of day at a bar or flirt back with me at a party.
While that probably wasn’t the best coping mechanism, it helped either way.
Even so, the nauseating whirlwind of seeing my older brother making out with someone I once thought I’d spend forever with is enough for me to keep my family at arm’s length.
“I’ve been busy,” I tell my brother noncommittally. “Been working doubles at the gym, hanging out with Drew and Miles. Working out a lot to get ready for the season.” I shrug, dipping a couple of fries in some ketchup.
There’s an uncomfortable beat of silence as Evan studies me. “Well, do you think you might be able to make some time for your big brother over the next few months?”
I glance up at Evan’s sheepish expression and something hot and sickening coils in my stomach.
Did he and Tashia break up? Is he asking for some support while he navigates the same heartbreak I had to cover up a year ago ?
I hate myself for the brief flash of joy I feel imagining Tashia stomping on Evan’s heart the same way she did mine.
My brother goes on when I don’t respond. “Listen, I know things were kind of rough between us for a while. You’ll never know how sorry I am for hurting you or how relieved I am that you’ve been so cool about my relationship with Tashia.”
He pauses and I feel the blood draining from my face. “Dude, please just say what you came here to say,” I finally demand after Evan’s mouth hangs open for a second too long.
If he hesitates any longer, a bird may nest in there.
Evan threads his fingers together on the table and takes a long, steadying breath before finally speaking. “I asked Tashia to marry me over the weekend. She said yes.”
Any remaining blood in my face has officially vacated the premises.
I feel my jaw unhinge before I can stop it and the rowdy sounds of the sports bar around me all garble in my ears.
The world feels distorted as I stare at my brother, trying to gather some semblance of social grace so I don’t completely shatter my relationship with Evan.
“That’s…” I start, unsure of where to go. “That’s, wow. That’s something. Marriage. Shit, wow. That’s… wow.”
Nicely said, Reece.
Evan looks slightly amused, his beer up at his lips. “You’ve always had such a way with words, little bro.”
I shake my head. “Congrats. I mean, congrats, man. I’m really happy for you.” The lie comes so naturally after twelve months of saying it that it almost scares me.
Evan stands, motioning for me to do the same before he pulls me into a hug next to our booth. He pats my back, laughing as he does it, but I can’t seem to loosen up the rigid lines of my body to properly hug him back.
“That means a lot coming from you,” my brother says as we slide back into our booth.
“I’m serious, not a lot of brothers would be as chill as you about this whole thing but you…
you’re special, Reece. You’re selfless and happy for everyone around you and you know how to throw one hell of a fuckin’ party which is why… ”
Oh, no.
Oh, no .
This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening to me.
I’m in a dream. No, a nightmare. I’m going to wake up to my alarm any second and this whole day will start over again, for real this time.
I’ll go to cheer conditioning, I’ll get a new flyer who isn’t Stacy Dunn, I’ll maybe hook up with the new girl from Florida, and my brother will never text me to meet up for dinner.
“I know it’s a lot to ask and you’re going to be super busy this year with cheer and applying to physical therapy programs, but I’d love for you to be my best man.”
I pull out some of my arm hair underneath the table just to make sure I’m not dreaming.
I clear my throat when I realize I am, unfortunately, awake.
“What about Brayden? Don’t you think he’ll be a little upset that you’re not asking him?
” I ask about my brother’s high school best friend as a last-ditch effort.
They went to college together, joined the same fraternity, and moved back to Cincinnati into apartments within walking distance of each other.
Oh, and Evan isn’t marrying Brayden’s ex-girlfriend.
Evan waves me off as he devours a chicken wing. “Brother trumps best friend when it comes to best man-ship. It’s bro code.”
So now we’re listening to bro code. We didn’t want to listen last year when one of us was, say, sleeping with the other one’s long-term significant other?
“Bro code,” I repeat, nearly to myself.
“Yeah.” Evan shrugs, throwing back the remainder of his beer.
“Brayden already knows. He totally understands. I don’t think we’ll get married till the spring anyway so don’t worry about anything right now.
You’ve got plenty of time to get the bachelor party together.
” He smirks before sucking on another wing and I feel like someone’s sucker-punched me in the gut.
Maybe Evan’s a Tilt-A-Whirl all on his own.
A spring wedding. The kind Tashia used to jokingly tell me that we would have together.
My cheeks heat up and I have to stare down at my untouched BLT as I feel something stinging the backs of my eyes.
“Reece?” Evan says with a full mouth.
“Hm?” I barely glance up, blinking away whatever godforsaken tears are trying to gather.
His voice softens as he speaks. “You can say no. I know this might be a little uncomfortable for you but… I still love you, man. You’re still my brother. My only brother.”
Pain slices through my chest at the reminder. The reminder that Lance isn’t around anymore, that it’s just me and Evan left to hold together our family. To keep Mom, Dad, and Gemma happy.
And I’ll do damn near anything to make sure everyone stays smiling .
I swallow down the last of my beer along with the knot forming in my throat. “Of course. Yeah, I’ll be your best man.”