Forty-Eight
Reece
The color white is so suffocating.
Especially with the way it’s surrounding me right now: White roses all over my ex-girlfriend’s childhood home.
White tea-light candles lining the granite counters and oak dining room table.
A white chiffon table runner cascading down the kitchen island covered in finger sandwiches and charcuterie.
A white, sequin dress hugging Tashia’s body while she kisses on my brother.
My stomach roils as I clutch my glass of champagne a little bit harder, trying to focus on the conversation in front of me between one of my aunts and my older sister.
It’s been two weeks since our cheer competition, a month since Stacy broke my heart.
I keep expecting to wake up and feel okay.
Every night, I go to sleep hoping I’ll wake up without the ache in my chest. Every time I close my eyes, I hope I’ll open them and my heart won’t hurt anymore.
Every time I walk into our practice facility, I pray that my breath won’t catch at the sight of Stacy and that I won’t stumble over my words trying to have a basic, civilized conversation with her regarding our stunts .
No such luck.
I didn’t ask her about coming to this wedding shower with me.
I couldn’t. The idea of faking anything with Stacy anymore is too painful.
Every touch between us feels like a knife to my gut so I didn’t ask her to come along today.
She knew the shower was this weekend and didn’t mention it to me either which makes me think that our fake relationship is effectively over.
Along with our real relationship.
I thought showing up at Tashia’s parents’ house alone would send me into a spiral of panic.
I knew I’d walk in and people would eventually ask about Stacy but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything when I walked in half an hour ago.
I’ve given the few who have asked noncommittal answers about Stacy’s whereabouts and instead of feeling worry or anxiety, I feel numb.
Numb and pissed.
Watching Tashia hang all over Evan is putting a bitter taste in my mouth.
I haven’t spoken to either of them since the weekend in Nashville but to know what Tashia did, to know what she said to me behind Evan’s back, what she said to Stacy behind my back…
It makes standing quiet at their wedding celebration a difficult feat.
Evan deserves to know. Tashia deserves a tongue-lashing. Stacy deserves the truth.
But what the hell do I deserve? I’ve put other people first for so long. I’ve put the harmonious balance of the Taylor family in front of my own happiness for years now. Nothing matters more to me than Mom’s smile, Gemma’s laughter, and the way light slowly returned to Dad’s eyes after Lance died .
Who’s been looking out for me, though? Who’s making sure the light has come back to my eyes? Who’s checking on my smiles, checking to see if they’re fake or not?
Fuck, who’s putting me first?
Stacy’s name bounces around in my head but I push the thought away and take a long drag of my champagne, meandering over to where Drew and Miles are talking in the archway dividing the kitchen and living room.
Miles throws me a commiserating glance. “Holding up okay?”
I nod because it’s easier to lie when I’m not speaking.
I can tell by my friends’ expressions that they don’t believe me for a second but the clinking of a fork on a champagne flute thankfully distracts them.
We turn to find Evan standing in front of the kitchen island, one hand clutching Tashia’s waist while the other holds his drink.
He flashes a crooked smile towards the small crowd of friends and family before clearing his throat.
“I just wanted to take a minute to thank you all for coming out here today to celebrate my beautiful bride and me.” Tashia grins and nuzzles her head into the crook of his neck.
“Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers, thank you so much for hosting this wonderful party.”
“Mom and Dad,” Tashia’s mom gently reminds him while somebody else in the sea of people gushes.
I stifle an eye roll and swallow down the rest of my alcohol.
“Right.” Evan’s smile widens. “Mom and Dad. Thank you both so much. And to my parents, thank you for all the work you’ve put into helping us with this the wedding.
We owe you one. Lily, you’ve been amazing to Tashia throughout this engagement.
” He nods towards Tashia’s maid of honor who holds up her flute in response.
“I’m not sure how you two can talk about dress materials, flower arrangements, and centerpieces for hours, but I’m glad Tashia has someone to talk to about all of that fun stuff because I’m sure as hell not the target audience.
” Laughter scatters among the crowd as Evan turns to me, his beaming grin softening.
“To my baby brother. You’ve been my built-in best friend for my whole life and I’m just…
really, really grateful that you’re my best man. ”
My throat tightens along with my grip on my glass as I give my brother a curt nod in response.
“I know Reece is younger than me but he’s taught me a hell of a lot about what it means to be a good guy,” Evan goes on, addressing the room. “He’s selfless.”
I have to be.
“Loyal.”
To a fault.
“An absolute ray of sunshine.”
To keep the fucking storm clouds from ruining our lives.
“He’s the kind of guy who always puts his friends and family first.”
And who the hell is putting me first?
“I have a lot to learn from him.” Evan continues his speech but his words sound like a roar in my eyes.
“About living life to the fullest, about seeing the silver lining in every situation, about love.” My brother cocks his head to the side, his brows pulling down over his green eyes.
“Speaking of love, where’s your beautiful girl?
I want to thank her for accepting our crazy family. ”
I feel Drew still beside me as I clear my throat. “She’s not here. ”
Selfless.
Loyal.
An absolute ray of sunshine.
Bitter.
Lonely.
Resentful.
Evan shifts, Tashia’s eyes glazing over as she fiddles with her engagement ring. “She coming by later?”
You have to let me go.
I’m fucked up, Reece. I’m broken .
“No.”
I’m always going to feel like second best compared to her. Like a second choice.
I’ll always worry that a part of you is still hers.
The silence in the room feels thick, all eyes on me when Tashia finally says, “Is everything okay with you two, Reece?”
No. No. No .
Nothing’s okay. Nothing’s alright.
If you’d told me from the start that you just wanted to win Tashia back, I would’ve still gone along with everything.
You did such a wonderful job convincing people that you loved me that you had me convinced, too.
Everything slams into me at once. The past few weeks. The past six months. The past two years. The past seven years.
I’ve been holding everyone together at the seams while I’m bursting.
A bitter chuckle escapes my lips as I push myself off the wall. “No. Everything isn’t okay, Tashia.”
“Reece,” Miles mutters the warning under his breath.
Ignoring my friend, I say, “We’re not in a relationship. ”
I hear my mom suck in a breath to the left of Evan as Gemma quietly asks from the other side of the room, “You two broke up?”
I don’t move my gaze from my brother and Tashia as I shake my head. “We were never in a relationship.”
I let the announcement settle into the uncomfortable crevices of the silent room as I go on, years and years of resentment and trauma unraveling inside of my chest as I keep my sights set on Evan and Tashia. “You know, what you two did was pretty fucked up.”
Evan’s throat bobs with a swallow as he lets his arm unwind from Tashia’s torso and sets his flute down on the island. “Reece, maybe we can step outside and talk.”
“I’ve been working hard on forgiving you.
Both of you,” I go on like he didn’t speak.
“Evan, I’ve given you grace and understanding and leeway that you probably didn’t deserve.
I’ve kept my mouth closed and muscled down my anger and resentment because I couldn’t let your decision to pursue Tashia destroy our family. Not after Lance died.”
Speaking his name into the quiet room feels like shooting an arrow at vulnerable prey, Evan flinching at the mention of our late brother.
“So, I figured out how to cope,” I continue.
“For Mom’s sake. For Gemma. For Dad. Then you dropped the bomb on me that fucking Tashia wasn’t good enough. You had to marry her, too.”
A few people in the room gasp, Tashia included.
I feel a hand tug at my bicep, Drew or Miles most likely, but I shrug it off.
“I struggled with feeling happy for you but I knew with a wedding happening and my history with Tashia, I needed something, anything, to keep everyone from pitying me. I needed to prove to everyone that I was doing okay. Enter Stacy.” I snort without humor.
“She agreed to act like my girlfriend. It was all fake.”
Tashia pales beside Evan as he gawks at me. I hear my mom murmuring something to my dad as my friends continually try to guide me away from the room.
But I’ll be heard today. I’ll put myself first today.
I don’t back down as I forge on with my story.
“It was fake until it wasn’t. I fell in love with Stacy.
Truly, deeply, stupidly in love with her.
She fell in love with me. But Stacy’s delicate, I’m reckless, and I shattered her.
” I pause, cocking my head to the side. “No. Actually, Tashia shattered her.”
Evan stiffens, taking a step forward. I match his movement, yanking free from my friends’ hands to stalk up to my brother.
The crowd parts, Miles and Drew hot on my heels as my dad puts a calming hand on Evan’s shoulder.
Brayden steps up with his friend, his eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of us as he no doubt readies himself to jump in between a brawl.
“Do you have something to say about my fiancée?” Evan asks, his voice low and dangerous.
We’re toe to toe now, leveling each other with cold stares as I jut my chin up. “I didn’t get the truth from you, Evan. So, you’re not going to get it from me. You can ask Tashia why Stacy and I are no longer together,” I sneer.
“Watch your fucking tone when you talk about my future wife,” Evan warns, Brayden putting a hand on his chest.
I smirk at him. “Fine. Bury your head in the sand. Just remember, that’s what I did. And look where it got me — best man for the guy who fucked my girlfriend behind my back and didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face.” I let the low blow land and see the fire flare in Evan’s eyes .
I know it’s coming and I welcome the feeling of Evan’s fist connecting with my cheek. The room erupts into chaos as I stumble back, somebody catching me as Evan stalks forward. Brayden pulls him back with Dad’s help while I cackle, blood trickling down my jawline as I steady myself and stand.
“I’m trying to look out for you, Evan,” I tell him, spitting out a little bit of blood onto the wooden floor.
“Which is more than I can ever say you did for me.” I glance over his shoulder as he fumes in Brayden’s hold, meeting Tashia’s tear-rimmed eyes.
“You broke my heart once. You chose Evan over me and that’s something I came to terms with.
I learned to live with it and my feelings for you faded.
But, what you did to Stacy…” I trail off, shaking my head as a sob breaks from Tashia’s chest.
“Reece.” My name is a plea on her lips, so much fervor in that one word as she holds onto the hope that I won’t ruin her engagement in front of her whole family.
I draw in a shaky breath as my cheek starts to throb.
“You broke my heart for a second time, Tashia. Stacy walked away from me. Because of you . You made her feel like she wasn’t good enough, like she was second best to you.
And I’m still learning to deal with that, I’m still trying to figure out how to change her mind, but I’m glad I got to finally see who you really are. ”
“Leave,” Evan growls from Brayden and Dad’s captive arms.
I turn my attention back to my brother, the rage in my chest shifting into a dull pain. “Is that really all you have to say to me?” I finally ask him.
I never got a real apology from Evan. I never got the millions of apologies he’s owed me. Something about that feels almost as big a betrayal as his affair with Tashia .
Evan doesn’t respond, blowing ragged breaths out of his nose as he glares at me. He’s shaking, his skin flushed as I risk a glance towards my mom. She’s standing in the corner of the kitchen with her hands over her mouth, a sheen of tears in her hazel eyes.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I breathe, my hands starting to tremble as the adrenaline in my body begins to crash. “I can’t always be sunshine. I’m just…” I draw in a shaky breath and blink back my own tears. “I’m tired.”
Moisture trails down Mom’s cheeks but before she can respond, Evan yells, “Get the fuck out!”
I take just a second to survey the destruction around me, wondering for a moment if finally putting myself first was worth all of this.
But it’s my fault to begin with because I’ve trained the people in my life to believe that it’s okay to put me second. Not anymore. I’m going to be selfish now. I’m going to choose me now.
I walk out the front door.