Fifty-Five
Reece
“… So, before we leave this chapter behind, I just want to thank each and every one of you for making the past four years of my life so wonderful…”
I stare in awe as Stacy accepts the Leadership & Legacy Award.
It’s an award given to one senior from each athletic team at Wing Haven during our senior athletic banquet every year.
The awards are given out to athletes who show leadership, dedication, integrity, and grit, voted on by the coaches and the athletic department.
It’s a huge honor, a prestigious award among the athletes at Wing Haven.
Of course my girl got it.
She never fails to amaze me.
Our season officially concluded two weeks ago.
It was a tearful night, so much so that even Propst got weepy at our post-game pep talk.
There were hugs and well-wishes from younger team members but when all of us went to Joey P’s afterwards to celebrate, holding green tea shots and Patron up high, there was nothing but warmth in my chest. I feel content to lay this part of my life to rest, to move back to the city and start my next adventure .
And to do it all with Stacy.
Finals are coming fast, only a month out at this point, and I know I’ll walk across the graduation stage merely three days after I wrap up my last class.
I know I’ll pack up the apartment that I’ve lived in with my best friend and move into a new apartment on my own in Cincinnati.
I know I’ll have to adjust to a new chapter in my life, I’ll miss being around my team and my friends and living with Miles, next door to Drew.
But I also know I’m so fucking excited.
Stacy wraps up her speech and I have to hold back the tears gathering behind my eyelids as thunderous applause sounds around the on-campus banquet hall.
She’s so goddamn beautiful, her pink cocktail dress clinging to her torso before flaring out at her hips.
I’ll never get over the way her toned legs go on for days or the way her ice blue eyes find me whenever she’s addressing a crowd.
The way her hair tumbles in a chaotically perfect way over her shoulders will always bring me to my knees and her full lips cross my mind more often than not throughout the day.
Beyond that, though, she’s a force. She’s a fucking hurricane, violence and beauty and wonder all wrapped into one. Her intelligence will always astound me and her resilience is the most attractive thing about her.
I’ll try for the rest of my life to make her see all the best things about herself.
Stace hops off the stage, award in-hand, and makes her way back to our table.
She plops down in her chair in between Mae and me, a wide smile on her face as she snuggles up against my shoulder.
I wind my arm around her, pressing a kiss to her temple as I catch Propst’s watchful glance from the table to our right.
She just shakes her head, rolling her eyes as a very faint smile passes over her lips.
Stacy and I were not shy about our relationship once our season wrapped up. And I’ll be damned if I ever hide Stacy Dunn from the world again.
She’s mine. All mine and I want to shout it from every rooftop in every city.
“Was my speech okay?” Stacy whispers as our athletic director announces that the dessert table is now open.
I nuzzle the spot behind her ear, the smell of peaches making me heady. “It was absolutely perfect,” I promise her.
“You could’ve given a shout out to your best friend,” Mae says from the other side of her, “but I guess it was pretty good.”
“Yeah, where was the mention of your wildly sexy hockey friend?” Miles pipes in from the other side of the round table.
Drew chuckles to my right. “Aren’t you supposed to be at a table with the hockey team?”
Miles shrugs. “I love my team but you guys are my family,” he says simply, taking a sip of champagne.
He drops the sentiment like it’s no big deal, his face impassive as he takes in all of our expressions. “What?” he asks against his flute.
Stacy blinks wildly, her eyes reddening as she reaches across the table to grab Miles by the hand. “You’ve always got a seat at our table.”
Miles lowers his glass, grinning wildly at Stacy while Jamie slaps his back. Even Mae looks touched, her face soft as she steals quick glances in Miles’s direction.
One day, we’ll get their story.
“I love you all,” Drew speaks up from beside me, his voice wobbling slightly. “I’m really going to miss this.”
I put a hand on his shoulder, hugging my girl a little closer to my side as I smile at these people who have become my people. “I’m going to miss this, too. But I have a feeling that shit’s about to get really good.”
?
Two hours later, we all teeter tipsily out of the banquet hall, full of champagne, stuffed mushrooms, prime rib, and chocolate mousse.
I’m cackling at something Miles just said, my arms flung around Stacy and Mae before I stop up short at the person I see standing outside of the athletic building.
The laughter dies on my tongue, on my friends’ tongues, as we all come to a stop.
I clear my throat and address my brother. “What are you doing here?”
Evan looks sheepish as he glances at the ground, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. “Can I talk to you?”
My stomach churns as I stare at my older brother. We haven’t spoken since the wedding shower and after Tashia came clean about what happened in Nashville, I have no idea what’s going on in their relationship. If they even have a relationship anymore.
But after the way Evan’s treated me over the past couple of years, I find it difficult to feel remorse for him. I find it hard to feel bad after I’ve given everything to my family, given everything for my brother’s happiness, and no one’s reciprocated that effort.
The only thing that grounds me is Stacy’s strong hand on my bicep as she gives me a reassuring squeeze. I want to be good for her. I want to be the kind of man that deserves to love her, even if it means forgiving someone in my life who doesn’t deserve it.
Finally, I nod. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s talk.”
My friends fall back, a tense silence descending on the group as I take a step towards Evan.
He says nothing, jerking his head towards a bench near the student union, a silent invitation to get some privacy.
I give him a curt nod, shoving my hands down into my pockets as we walk towards the bench in silence, the spring air chilling as the sun disappears.
My heartbeat is an echo in my ears as we take a seat on the chilly bench, the insides of my cheeks falling victim to my teeth as I anxiously gnaw on the skin. I remain composed, though, staring straight forward at the fountain in the middle of the quad as Evan remains quiet beside me.
If he thinks I’ll be the first to speak, he’s out of his mind.
As if reading mine, Evan clears his throat. “Reece, I think I owe you… a million apologies.”
I agree but don’t say so. I let the breeze and chatter of passing students break the silence as Evan drums his fingers on his thighs. He rubs his palms against the material of his jeans a few times and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my older brother so… nervous.
“But I don’t even know where to start,” he goes on. “I don’t know how to properly express all the things you deserve to hear from me so I’ll just start with… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Reece.”
“For?” I demand, something in my chest pinching at the apology I’m finally getting.
Evan huffs out a laugh, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
He shakes his head, seemingly evaluating his words as his mouth sits ajar.
“When Lance died, you lost your oldest brother. But in a way, you lost me, too. I realize now that I left you alone to pick up the pieces after Lance’s death.
I shut down, I left for college and threw myself into partying and my fraternity and making friends.
I left you to fill in all the holes that Lance left in our family because I didn’t know how to cope. ”
My throat thickens at the unexpected direction of our conversation. “You were mourning.”
“ You were mourning. You were fifteen and you lost your brother and I left. I know I was grieving in my own way but it wasn’t fucking fair of me to expect you to hold it all together.
” Evan pauses as his voice cracks. “You seemed like you had it under control, you seemed like you were coping well. Fuck, better than me. I should’ve pushed, I should’ve tried to get you to open up to me instead of just looking in from the outside and assuming your happiness was genuine.
“Maybe a part of me was pissed at you. You pulled your life together after Lance and maybe you couldn’t tell but I was a fucking mess.
I drank all the time and blamed it on college, I tried whatever drugs I could get my hands on, I fucked anything that moved, I went crazy out of control and you were fine . ”
“I wasn’t fine,” I protest.
“I know that now.” Evan runs a hand through his close-cropped hair, his gaze never leaving the sidewalk in front of us.
“I think I resented your happiness. I resented the fact that you seemed to pick up and move on with your life when I felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe.
Then you got to college, you joined a sports team, you slid into the college experience so naturally, and you… ”
“Found Tashia?” I supply when Evan seems lost for words.
He finally glances my way, giving me a sad smirk. “I have a lot to figure out about myself. And I’m not saying my affair with Tashia came from a fucked up place, but maybe on some deeper level, it didn’t feel fair to me that you could be so happy after everything that’d happened.”
I nod as I accept this information, my hands clasped tight as I rest my elbows on my knees. “So, what, you… took her out of spite?” I try and understand.
Evan shrugs. “I don’t know why it started.
I don’t even really know how it started.
I know it started as a mistake and I hated myself for it every single day.
Then when I realized I was in love with her, I hated myself even more because I was in too deep.
I was past the point of being able to do anything about it and I knew there was no possible way to tell you without hurting you and…
Reece, I’m so fucking sorry.” Evan’s voice breaks and my chest cracks along with it.
“I’m so sorry about how my relationship with Tashia started.
I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to tell you and you found out the way you did.
I’m sorry I wasn’t a good big brother, not when Lance died and certainly not now.
You have no idea how sorry I am about the way this all happened. I truly regret it every single day.”
I worry my bottom lip before whispering, “I don’t.”
Evan whips his head towards me as I press on.
“Losing Tashia sucked, sure. Finding out about your relationship with her… It fucked me up. I’ll admit it.
But I don’t regret losing her, even if it was in a really shitty way, because I never would’ve found Stacy otherwise.
I started falling for Stace and knew immediately that all the pain was just perspective being gained, so… I don’t regret it. ”
Tears rim my brother’s eyes as he clears his throat. “And you’re happy?”
I smile, glancing in the direction of my friends huddled up by the athletic building. “Yeah,” I say softly. “I’m really happy.” I turn back to Evan and nudge him lightly. “Which is what you deserve to be.”
Evan gives me a watery laugh. “I’m… working on it.”
“You and Tashia?”
He blows out a noisy breath. “Working through everything. After she told me about Nashville, things kind of fell apart for a while. Brayden’s pissed at her, our dad thinks I’m crazy, Gemma might fight her on sight, pretty sure Mom hates her now, but…
is it insane that I still think I want to marry her?
” His voice drops like he’s telling me a secret.
I chuckle and revel in the feeling. After everything that’s gone on these past several years, happiness is something my family deserves. Genuine, heart-wrenching happiness.
If Tashia can make Evan feel even a third of what Stace makes me feel, I can’t find it in my heart to feel resentful towards him for one second longer.
“Then I think you should go for it,” I tell him.
His eyes widen slightly. “Really?”
“Life’s short.” I shrug, glancing up at the night sky, the splatter of stars across the canvas of black that makes me feel small, minuscule. It reminds me of how little time we have and how we should spend it doing whatever the hell brings us joy.
I can’t help but feel like Lance would agree with me.
“Plus,” I go on, sitting up straight to nudge my brother’s shoulder with my own, “I’ve got a really nice best man tux sitting in my closet that I’d love to wear. ”
A smile unfurls across Evan’s face as he starts to laugh. I join in, the air around us feeling lighter than it did when we sat down.
It almost feels like Lance is laughing with us.