2. Nathan
2
Nathan
Just like I had assumed, Caleb was in fact not an outcast. Probably the furthest thing to an outcast than a person could be. No, it was safe to say Caleb was cool. Way cooler than me.
The past couple of months had been… a whirlwind. It felt like the moment he stepped into my life, my entire world flipped upside down. Wherever he went, excitement followed.
And for some reason, he really enjoyed spending time with me. Since the day we met in the cafeteria, it was like he’d been attached to my hip. I was pleasantly surprised to see that our random meeting wasn’t a one off situation. Caleb started waiting for me after school and insisted on hanging out at his place.
One hangout turned into another, and soon, we were together every single day. It was clear that we liked being around each other since we never ran out of things to talk about. Which is hilarious since apart from our shared love of the arts (he was a huge fan of music, especially punk emo rock), we didn’t have much in common. But somehow, we just… worked . It made our chats all the more interesting.
It wasn’t long before every school day felt like a countdown to when I’d get to see him again. Nights were spent at his house, staying up all night sharing music, laughing over silly jokes or coming up with wild ideas like moving away to the city together and owning our own taco shop.
For my first real best friend, I was hooked .
But, I wasn’t the only one who was completely enamored with Caleb Brown.
In the short time since he’d transferred to my school, the student body was enchanted by him. He had friends in every class, got invited to every party by the popular crowd, and was already putting together a band to play at prom.
Caleb was fun. Really fun.
Being around him was… addictive and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want something to end. He was charismatic and funny, so it made sense why people gravitated toward him. I wasn’t jealous… I was just… amazed . Which was exactly why it made no sense that he was so invested in me.
I mean… I was just me . And he was so—
The front door suddenly swung open, revealing the enchanting man himself.
“What the hell are you doing standing out here, Nathaniel? Get your ass inside before you freeze,” Caleb laughed, rubbing his hands together to emphasize how chilly it was.
I had no clue why he insisted on calling me Nathaniel. That wasn’t even my name. But once he got started on something, there was no stopping him.
He wore his staple oversized band t-shirt, this time rocking Nirvana, over a white long-sleeve shirt rolled up to his elbows. He shook his long hair out of his eyes as he took in what I was wearing.
“You look like a Yeti,” he laughed.
It had been a long walk from my house across town, so I had bundled up from head to toe.
“It’s the middle of January,” I huffed.
“Ah, I can tell by your red cheeks. Look at you—” He laughed, resting his palms on my cheeks. I sucked in a breath as he stood there giggling, warming up my face with his hands.
I swallowed hard, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks even more. God, I hated being a blusher.
Thankfully, Caleb was quickly distracted by what I had clutched in my hands. A huge smile lit up his face. “Are these carrot cake?” he asked, reaching for the plate. Caleb Brown had to be the only eighteen-year-old who’d choose carrot cake muffins over a traditional birthday cake. But it was his favorite, so he got what he asked for.
I nodded, and he pumped his fist in the air. “YES! Your mom makes the best ones. Give momma Philips a huge kiss for me.” His eyes practically rolled back as he inhaled the scent.
I smiled and slipped off my coat, gloves, and hat, hanging everything up in the walk-in closet. No way was I going to tell him I’d been the one baking them all along.
“Yeah, well. It’s your birthday,” I shrugged.
“Right, it is my birthday.” He slung his arm over my shoulder and led me deeper into the house. His place was massive. It was like walking through a museum. With his dad never home, we never had to worry about being too loud or getting in anyone’s way. It was peaceful at Caleb’s. I loved it here. And more importantly— he was here.
“Which is exactly why we’re going to eat these and a bunch more snacks while watching…” He skipped down the basement steps, racing over to the projection DVD player. “Drum roll, please,” he said, poking his head up from behind the machine.
I mimicked a drum-roll on the bar top at the back of the room. His dad had set up a home theater with three long rows of couches, a huge projection screen, and a liquor bar. Rows of framed photos of famous actors and actresses lined the walls, and a popcorn machine sat in the corner.
A goddamn popcorn machine.
I laughed, shaking my head as Caleb got himself organized. Looking around, I noticed he had already laid out chips, pop, and other snacks on the bar. It was strange—it was his birthday, but it felt like he’d set it all up for me . My stomach flipped.
I turned to him, my eyebrows lifting. “You didn’t.”
Caleb nodded eagerly. “Oh, I so did.”
I reached out and grabbed the movie case from him. Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny. Holding it felt like cradling a national treasure.
“I’ve never seen it before,” I admitted, handing it back.
“Oh, I know. Which is exactly why I’m going to show you the way, my young Padawan. Sit back, relax, and allow Jack Black and Kyle Gass to take you on the greatest adventure you’ll ever go on.”
He popped in the movie, and the main menu appeared on the giant screen.
Caleb always knew everything cool first. Especially when it came to movies, songs, and artists. He was like a walking, talking IMDB. It was pretty cool. He was pretty cool.
Grabbing a muffin, he flopped onto the back couch, stretching his leg across most of the seat.
My mouth went dry as I stared at the three empty couches. Should I sit with him or…?
“What are you doing? Come sit down and stop being weird,” he said, stomping his foot on the leather seat next to him. He peeled the muffin wrapper so he could take a bigger bite.
I scratched the back of my neck, watching how carefree he was. Why did I feel so awkward around him while he remained totally unfazed?
“Shouldn’t we, uh, do something? I mean, it’s your birthday. Feels like we should do something.” I shifted my glasses up the bridge of my nose.
His eyebrow arched. “What do you want to do? Sing me happy birthday or something?” He leaned his back into the couch arm, his hand behind his head. “Go on, now I need to hear it.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”
He wasn’t.
“You think it’s hilarious,” he laughed.
I did.
“All I want is to sit here and watch one of my favorite movies with my best friend. That’s it.” He shrugged.
A rush of warmth filled my chest. His best friend. I don’t think I’d ever been anyone’s best friend before. It’s nice hearing it out loud. Especially coming from him.
“Now come here. ‘Kickapoo’ is my favorite, and you’re going to miss it if you keep yapping,” he said, scooting over.
I didn’t miss how his legs stayed spread, even as he insisted I sit beside him.
Caleb did whatever he wanted, without worrying about consequences or what it might mean .
He acted first, thought later. It was frustrating, especially when I did nothing but overthink.
I sat near his feet, trying to focus on the movie while leaning subtly away from him. Being around Caleb was like being around a Vortex. He was all consuming and I wasn’t sure what it meant but it was hard to focus on anything else when I was around him.
Especially when he insisted on being close and constantly initiating physical touch.
Keeping my mind on anything else was nearly impossible. He tapped his foot to the music, nodding along with the beat.
“Can you believe this shit? It’s hilarious how good it is, eh?” he laughed, sitting up. He grabbed my arm, pushing and pulling me until a laugh escaped my lips.
“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” I admitted.
“See? I knew it,” he grinned, cupping the back of my neck. “I knew you’d like it.” Then he laid back, resting his head on his arm again and refocusing on the movie.
I curled my hands into fists. I wanted to be like him—carefree, unbothered by small touches. Just… be. But, it was different for me. It felt different, at least.
I swallowed as I watched his foot tapping my thigh. I swallowed deeply. A deep stir in my stomach building as I watched his foot resting against me.
I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t…curious about something. I wondered if Caleb wondered the same thing.
What would happen if I confronted him about it? Would he laugh at me? Judge me and kick me out of his house? I couldn’t take the chance…
And yet…
I slowly opened my hand, inching it closer—
Then his foot shifted on its own, landing directly in my lap.
My eyes shot up. He was already watching me, a slight smile on his face.
“Should I grab us a blanket?” he asked quietly.
A blanket? For what? No. Yes. What the fuck?
I parted my lips to respond, but a loud buzzing broke the tension.
Caleb rolled his eyes and fished his phone out of his back pocket.
His eyebrows furrowed as he checked the screen. Lifting the phone to his ear, he pulled his feet from my lap and sat up.
“Hey. What’s up? Right now?” He glanced at me, then back at the phone. “I’m watching a movie with Nathaniel.”
I bit my cheek. Whoever it was knew who I was.
“No. Seriously?” Caleb laughed. He leaned back against the couch, running a hand through his hair. It looked so soft. I clenched my fists to keep from reaching out to touch it. “You guys are crazy. Okay. See you soon, then.” He hung up.
My eyes widened. See you soon ?
“Okay, don’t hate me,” he said, sighing.
“I’m already starting to,” I muttered, a hint of humor in my voice. I could never actually hate him.
“Tony, the rest of the band, and a couple of cheerleaders are on their way here to celebrate my birthday.”
Okay, I was wrong. Now I was starting to hate him.
“Oh, seriously,” I groaned, trying not to sound too disappointed. “Should I go or…”
“NO. That’s the last thing I’d want for my birthday. Please, please don’t leave.”
I narrowed my eyes. There went my out. I sighed deeply. “Well, when the birthday boy asks me so nicely...”
His shoulders dropped in relief. “Okay, good,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders. “And just be chill, okay? You sometimes get all quiet around them. I don’t want you getting in your head and want to leave.”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because I like having you around.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re fun to be around—why else?” Caleb said, pinching my side.
“Ow! I think you just like pissing me off, honestly,” I said, pinching him back.
“Oh, you fucker. You’re done.” He laughed, climbing on top of me.
He didn’t get very far before I was clawing right back at him. His fingers dug into my sides, making me wince as I tried to find the best angle to get him back. He had me beat as his thighs kept me pinned underneath him. I could barely breathe from laughing so hard.
“Okay, okay. Uncle,” I panted, pushing at his chest.
His hands pushed back, his fingers slipping into mine. I tried to think nothing of it but my stomach twisted seeing our hands interlocked.
Was I the only one feeling this?
He looked down at me with such ease and confidence. So simple. So easy. As though it was just all in my head.
Dammit. It probably was.
I swallowed hard as silence settled between us. He stared at me like he was soaking me in, examining every inch.
I didn’t know what he saw in me—I really didn’t. But I was glad he did.
“Please don’t go,” he finally said.
“I won’t,” I breathed.
I glanced down and noticed our fingers were still interlocked. His hand was warm and just as big as mine. It was strange to admit, but it felt... really fucking good.
Suddenly, we heard the front door unlock, followed by a flood of voices and footsteps echoing through the foyer.
“Shit…” he muttered, still not looking away from me.
“You should…” I started.
“Yeah…” he agreed, letting go to run a hand through his hair.
He shifted off me, and we both took a moment to straighten our clothes.
“You okay with this?” he asked as we headed for the stairs.
I shrugged. “Yeah. It’s cool.” What else was I supposed to say?
The truth? That I would’ve preferred being alone with him tonight? No way.
***
Holy shit. A group of them, maybe ten altogether, filed through the door. I watched awkwardly at the side as they crowded around to shower him with compliments. They had brought a bundle of happy birthday balloons and one of them even carried a vanilla flat sheet cake with sprinkles.
“Caleb, my dude!” Tony yelled, arms spread wide. Caleb’s band buddies came over and patted him on the back.
Caleb glanced back at me from time to time as they all took their turns showering him with love. I could tell he was looking for a way to pull me into the conversation.
“Hey, don’t we need a band logo? Nathaniel over here has mad art skills,” Caleb said, walking over to me and placing his hands on my shoulder.
My cheeks burned at the sudden attention as everyone muttered awkward phrases like “cool,” “that’s so awesome,” and “yeah.”
I scratched the back of my neck, trying to fade into the background, but Caleb wasn’t letting me go.
One of the girls suddenly gasped. Everyone turned to look at her.
“You know what we should do? Spin the bottle!” she cheered.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
“Alright, let’s head downstairs,” Caleb said, ushering everyone to the basement.
It sucked seeing other people in our spot, but I bit my tongue. If Caleb wanted to hangout with these people, I guess I might as well try.
“Dude, these are delicious,” Tony groaned, stuffing his face with one of my muffins at the bar.
“Yeah, and if you eat all of them, you die,” Caleb said, pointing at him. I bit back a laugh.
Tony threw his hands up in fake surrender.
I noticed now that Caleb was carrying a bottle of vodka. Everyone cheered and got into position on the floor in front of the screen, forming a big circle.
“Alright, everyone get comfy,” Caleb smiled, turning on some music from his phone. The speakers in the corners of the room started playing one of his favorite All American Rejects songs. Dirty Little Secret. Something about this song always made me nervous.
I swallowed hard as I took my seat between Tony and Caleb.
“Girl, guy, girl, guy—dude, you gotta mix it up,” Tony said beside me, nudging my shoulder.
“Oh, sorry,” I muttered, standing up to move across the circle. I found a spot between two of the cheerleaders.
One of them was THE Sarah Lockwood. Everyone knew Sarah Lockwood. She was the most popular girl in school. Surprisingly, she wasn’t a mean girl in the slightest, unlike the ones you’d see in movies. She was actually really nice. Especially to me, for some reason. Our science teacher had paired us together in class earlier this semester, and she always giggled when I talked, which made me feel… nice. Wanted . She smiled at me as I got seated, and I politely smiled back and waved a hello.
“Okay, everyone knows the rules,” Tony said, rubbing his hands together excitedly as Caleb placed the bottle of vodka in the center of the circle. “Spin. Bottle. Kiss or be kissed. Get it, got it, good.” He gave the bottle a spin.
Everyone laughed and watched it spin. Nerves crawled up my spine as we waited in anticipation.
Across the circle, Caleb’s eyes were locked on the bottle. I wondered who he was hoping to kiss. My throat burned at the thought. He told me all about the girls he texted but I had yet to see him actually ask one out on a date. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about another girl hanging around us all the time.
“Hell yeah!” Tony shouted, pumping his fist in the air as the bottle slowed and pointed at Amelia—Sarah’s pretty brunette friend, also on the cheer squad.
She rolled her eyes as everyone hooted and hollered, but leaned in all the same. Tony crawled over, closing the distance before their lips met.
I swallowed hard watching them.
Adjusting my glasses on the bridge of my nose, I nervously glanced back at Caleb. Somehow, just seeing him calmed my nerves. He gave me a quick wink and smile, and it worked—sort of.
At seventeen, you’d think I’d have had my first kiss by now, but nope. I’d never told anyone about my lack of experience. Not that I had anyone to tell. And I definitely wouldn’t tell Caleb. Something about him knowing makes it even worse.
As the bottle continued to make its rounds, so did my anxiety.
“I’ll give you ten bucks to kiss Tony,” Sarah whispered suddenly.
Startled, I looked at her, taking in her gentle and teasing tone.
“I’d rather kiss Coach Stevenson’s left toe,” I whispered back.
Sarah threw her head back, laughing sweetly. “Careful, I might call your bluff,” she said, swatting my arm.
I laughed, shaking my head. “You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh yeah,” she giggled. “Start with the pinky toe, and work your way all the way to the big boy.”
I cringed, scrunching up my nose. “Disgusting. Okay, you win. Tell Tony to come here,” I said sarcastically, which made her laugh even harder. The sound warmed my chest.
“Nathaniel—” Caleb’s voice cut through our chatter. We both turned to look at him, squinting at us.
My eyes dropped to the bottle. My breath caught in my throat the moment I saw who it landed on.
It was pointing at me.
“W-who spun?” I asked, swallowing hard.
Caleb’s brow raised. “I did,” he said matter-of-factly.
I licked my lips, feeling sweat gather under my arms.
“Should you spin again or something?” I asked quietly.
“That’s not how this works. Haven’t you ever played Spin the Bottle before?” Tony laughed.
No. I hadn’t.
My cheeks burned.
“Hey, knock it off,” Caleb said, swatting the back of his hand at Tony’s chest. Then he looked back at me. “You want me to spin again? I can if that’s what you want—”
“Wow, Nathan. Can’t handle a little smooch?” Tony cut in. “What type of best bro are you?”
My mouth fell open. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. “N-no. I just thought…since we’re both boys—”
Caleb’s lip quirked up on one side as I stammered. “I don’t care about that. Do you ?” His eyes narrowed, as if trying to figure me out.
I didn’t want him to figure me out. I didn’t want anyone to. I looked around the circle and felt my heart race. Everyone was staring at me, shifting awkwardly, watching me flounder like a fish out of water.
“I just... I—”
Suddenly, a hand rested on my shoulder. Warm, soft, comforting.
I turned to see Sarah looking at me with kind, gentle eyes. Then she looked at Caleb.
“Why don’t I take this one?” she asked.
Had I heard that right?
I glanced at Caleb. His eyes widened. “But it’s my spin,” he said quickly.
Sarah shrugged. “I know, but...I’m thinking Nathan wouldn’t mind.” She returned her attention to me. “What do you say, Nathan? Would you be comfortable with that? Can I take Caleb’s turn?”
Well... I hadn’t expected it to go this way. But honestly, it made me feel way less anxious—and stirred up fewer... confusing emotions.
I licked my lips and slowly nodded.
“Good.” She smiled sweetly and gently took my glasses off, placing them to the side. I wasn’t sure why—but maybe she liked it better that way.
Sarah turned toward me fully, our knees touching as she settled in.
I breathed in deeply, catching the sweet strawberry scent as she flicked her blonde hair off her shoulders and down her back.
Leaning in, she gave me a soft smile, her gaze drifting to my lips.
I licked them nervously again, trying to block out the fact that everyone was watching me have my first kiss.
But truthfully, it was only one pair of eyes I was thinking about.
Sarah closed her eyes, and just before I did the same, I glanced to the left—locking eyes with Caleb.
His brows were furrowed, jaw clenched. He looked tense. Was he mad that Sarah had stepped in? Would he have wanted to kiss me?
My stomach did a weird dip at the thought. But before I could figure out what that meant, soft, pillowy lips pressed against mine.
She smiled into the kiss, and I mirrored the gesture as our lips fit together comfortably. I placed my hands gently on her cheeks, holding her steady as we continued. It felt... nice. And special. Sarah was kind, and I was glad she was my first kiss.
Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how wild it would’ve been if my first kiss had actually been with Caleb.
My mind drifted to how that might’ve felt.
The sharp cut of his jaw, the confident way he moved... it would’ve been crazy.
So … crazy ...