24. nathan
24
nathan
My heart slams against my chest. After what we just did…what we just shared …this is the last thing I thought I was going to see.
I stare down at the object in my hand—a small velvet box.
No. No fucking way. A wedding ring? Was Caleb—?
“Holy shit,” I whisper. It’s the only words I can manage to get out. The realization punching the air out of my lungs. This is for Sarah. It has to be.
“Nathaniel, listen—” Caleb jumps off the bed like he’s been caught doing something illegal. He scrambles into his black shorts and rushes toward me.
How fucking weird of a situation is this? I’m standing here…naked as all hell from hooking up with my ex-bestfriend who’s about to propose to my ex-girlfriend. Pardon, our ex-girlfriend. While I’m pretty sure I’m falling for him… does it still count as falling if I think I already fell a long time ago? I’ve already pitched a tent and kicked down the 'For Sale' sign where I landed. I’m completely done for.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mutter, stepping back.
I glance around the room, searching for my own shorts. I can’t have this conversation half-naked.
“No, you don’t understand. Yes—I came here to propose to Sarah, but—”
I slip my shorts on and stand up to look at him. Really look . His eyes are wide, desperate, pleading for something I don’t know if I can give.
Why would he hide this from me? What does any of this mean— us —if he was ready to marry her? Just a fun little experimental quick stop? I mean…what did it mean to me? I was actually dumb enough to believe Caleb actually put me first for once. That he actually was choosing me . But his heart has clearly been somewhere else the whole time. Or, am I just a hypocrite? I mean…I was here chasing after the same girl. It’s all just such a mess.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. My brain is spinning too fast to form a coherent sentence.
Caleb’s arms drop to his sides. His shoulders sag. “Ask me.”
“What?”
“Ask me if I love her.”
My chest tightens. “Caleb… you obviously do—”
“I don’t,” he blurts out. “I mean… I thought I did. I love her, yeah, but not like that. Not like—” He catches him self, keeping back from saying something. Something too good to be true. “Nathaniel…” He exhales like it physically hurts. “I don’t love her.”
I drag a hand through my hair, my heart pounding in my ears.
“Then why the hell did you come here to propose?”
“Because I panicked,” he admits. “My dad’s been pressuring me about growing up—settling down, taking over the business. Sarah’s been echoing the same thing. I just… acted . I wasn’t thinking. It was impulsive and dumb and—God.”
He drops down on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
I stare at him. A panic proposal ? That’s a new one. Even for Caleb. And yet… am I any better?
I spent four years orbiting around Sarah, fantasizing about a life that never existed. And now, one weekend with Caleb and everything feels flipped upside down.
Slowly, I walk over and sit beside him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he says quietly.
I nod. “Why didn’t you?”
He looks at me then and damn , even with tears glistening in his eyes, he’s still beautiful. “I didn’t want you to run. I don’t even know what this is between us. But the thought of going back to not having you in my life… it hurts. This weekend—it’s meant everything to me. I was scared that if I told you about the ring, I was going to lose you again.”
I swallow the lump rising in my throat. Okay, so we’re feeling similarly. That’s good, I guess. But, still—
“Fuck, Caleb. A ring?” I laugh, breathless, shaking my head. “Yeah, I guess I would’ve freaked out. Probably wouldn’t have done all of…this.” I motion behind us on the bed.
He chuckles softly. “Are you still freaking out now?”
“A little,” I admit. “But I get it. I do. We were both chasing her. You just came more prepared.” A smile tugs at my lips.
A subtle twitch of amusement plays at the edge of his mouth, a little sad, and stares down at his hands again. “Do you still want to go?”
My smile falters. He looks at me, eyes scanning mine like the answer might be buried somewhere behind them.
But he wont find any answers because honestly, I don’t know the answer to that either. Not really.
I’ve spent four years idealizing Sarah, building her up into someone perfect. My end-game.
Then this weekend happened.
Caleb happened.
I’m not ready to name it, not yet, but the thought of going back to life without him stings more than I want to admit. I just got him back and I’m supposed to what? Forget this all happened? Never.
But, what if this isn’t as real to him as it is to me? I mean…it’s Caleb Brown. The flirtatious, womanizing, life of the party who’s scared of settling down unless it’s apparently with Sarah Lockwood. Am I supposed to believe that he’s just going to do a one-eighty and choose…me? I trust him…but do I trust…in this? I’m not sure.
“I think we should go see her,” I say, almost a whisper. “For…clarity…or answers, or whatever.”
Something shifts in his expression—disappointment? Resignation? But he nods and manages a small smile.
“Yeah... let’s go see my girl,” he says with a wink.
I roll my eyes. “Shut up,” I mutter, nudging him.
He laughs and runs a hand through his hair before gently resting it on my shoulder. “For what it’s worth... this has been the best weekend I’ve had in a long long time.”
I nod, eyes drifting to his lips. It feels like one of those moments where you lean in, consequences be damned.
But I don’t. Not when everything inside me is still tangled. It would just make it even more complicated…more than it already is.
Instead, I grab my phone from the nightstand and pull up Sarah’s Instagram.
“She posted a story,” I say.
Caleb leans in.
There she is, glamorous as always. A floor-length baby blue dress hugs her small frame, blonde hair cascading in waves over her shoulders. She stands beneath a golden archway, smiling like she owns the damn world, holding onto a champagne glass.
“Cheers to Heather and Rachel!” Caleb reads aloud.
“She tagged the venue.”
“That’s not far from here,” he says, already pulling up the address on Google Maps.
We look at each other.
“I guess we’re crashing a wedding,” Caleb says with a shrug.