Chapter 20
Carrie
As I stared at the snow gently falling into my backyard from the kitchen window, my eyes were focused on the shed. The temperatures were dropping quite a bit, and my worry for Tic-Tac increased as the wind howled. A shiver shot down my body, but as I turned to go kick the heat up a few more degrees, the doorbell rang.
My eyes shot to it, my stomach tangling up in nervous knots. Leo was here.
Leo was here —for dinner.
Exhaling, I reached back and let my curls down, shaking them out a bit before double checking the small kitchen table decorated with blue place mats, white napkins, and my cute, girly dishes. Nothing matched, and that was my favorite part. My eyes drifted over to the stove where dinner was simmering slowly, the delicious scent taking over the usual smell of lemon and berries.
When a second knock sounded, I bent my head and whispered, “You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to live your life the way you want it, Carrie. Start living.”
My feet moved then, carrying me through the kitchen straight to the front door. I braced, the anticipation of tonight hanging over my head as I reached for the doorknob, pulling it open to reveal Leo.
His green eyes were filled with excitement, his smile warm in contrast to the heavy snowfall behind him. He’d changed clothes since this afternoon. Dark green pants covered his legs, and underneath his coat, a tan sweater poked through.
“Hi,” I breathed.
Leo’s throat bobbed as his eyes dropped, taking me in. When he met my eyes again, he murmured, “Hi, sweetheart.”
I stepped back, gesturing inside.
He stepped through, and as I shut the door behind him, he made a noise. “Jesus, something smells good.”
I smiled at him, locking the front door.
Lock your doors every night.
The rough voice echoed in my head, but this time, I ignored it, watching Leo shrug off his coat. He turned to me, his coat folded over his arm. “You okay?”
My eyes dropped to his lips. “Leo,” I called softly.
He stepped closer. “Carrie, what is it?”
My eyes lifted, and before I could stop myself, the words escaped. “I want a new first kiss.”
Realization dawned, painting across his features in a smooth stroke. “A new first kiss,” he repeated.
“I-I know that our first one was sudden and we were—”
He laid his coat on the entry table, not breaking our gaze. “You want it now?” he asked, cutting me off.
“Would that be okay?”
Leo laughed and shook his head. He said nothing else as he closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me, his hold on me gentle and loose. He gave me a smirk as he bent his head. As his lips fell to mine, my eyes closed, and—
Are you coming back?
Yeah, Sunshine. I’ll always come back to you.
I stiffened, hearing the bounty hunter’s promise in my ears, but Leo didn’t notice, his lips softly and gently moving against my own. He wasn’t forceful with me; he took his time, holding me against him like I was a piece of glass.
With Robert, he never held me close. He rushed everything; our kisses never lasted more than a few seconds. He never looked me in the eye when he made love to me, never worried about my pleasure.
With Leo, it was gentle and slow. He was taking his time, but he kept his hands on my waist, not wanting to venture.
With the bounty hunter, it was frenzy, both of us drowning in an addicting passion, not wanting to come up for air. He couldn’t get enough of me, his hands searching and exploring my body as he ravaged my mouth, taking my breath away.
Get him out of your head, Carrie.
I needed to find that passion with Leo; maybe I just needed to dig a little deeper. Taking the chance, I brought my hands up to his chest, testing the waters, kissing him back. A soft noise came from his throat, and he slanted his head, so I took another chance, sliding my hands up over his shoulders and locking him behind his neck. Then, I felt his fingers tighten against my waist, and I pressed myself against him completely.
We stayed that way, kissing each other slowly and softly for a few more minutes.
When he finally pulled back, keeping his forehead against me, I opened my eyes to find a sea of green. “Carrie,” he breathed.
I smiled at him. “You hungry?”
He chuckled. “You take a man’s breath away and then ask him if he’s hungry?”
I nodded, and he laughed some more, his hands falling away from me. He rubbed the back of his neck, his lips twitching. I grabbed his other hand and lead him into the living room. “Take a seat. It should be ready in just a few minutes. Would you like something to drink?”
“Yeah, you still have that Blue Moon?”
An hour later, when the leftover stew and cornbread had been put away and the dishes had been washed, we moved into the living room. My head was on his chest, his sock-covered feet on my coffee table, crossed at the ankle, one arm around me while the other hand held a beer. I’d had two glasses of white wine, and this was his fifth beer, which was a little more than his normal, but I figured it was his nerves. Mine were the reason I even pulled out that bottle of wine in the first place.
“Did you enjoy the stew?” I asked, tilting my head back to look at him.
He looked down at me, his eyes sparkling and his smile lazy. “Loved it, sweetheart. Thank you.”
I waited for him to say more, and when he didn’t, I gave him a smile. Then he turned his attention back to the TV. The Game of Throne s theme song began, and I settled in, feeling content.
Eventually, as the Mother of Dragons headed up to Winterfell, I drifted off to sleep with the feeling of Leo’s warm body beside mine…
I felt a weight on top of me, and I tried to move, but for some reason, I couldn’t.
My eyes fluttered open to find Leo looming over me, his eyelids drooping slightly.
“Hey,” he murmured, slurring a bit. “You’re finally up.”
As I looked around, I tried to bring my hands up, but I couldn’t. My eyes shot to his. “Leo, what’s going on?” I asked, my head feeling heavy.
“Carrie,” he groaned, and the weight on top of me shifted.
Fear shot through my bloodstream then, cooling my blood as my brain registered where we were.
We weren’t in the living room. We were in my bedroom— on my bed.
Leo’s hands were at my wrists, holding my arms down above my head as the rest of his body remained on top of mine. My legs were spread wide, his hips filling the space. He smiled at me, his eyes glimmering in the moonlight. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“L-Leo, what’s going on?” I repeated, my voice shaking.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this—how patient I’ve been,” he whispered against my cheek, grinding his hips against me.
My body began to tremble as the fear truly kicked in. “Leo, please get off of me. I’m not ready for this,” I begged as my mind raced with a thousand questions.
Why did my head feel heavy?
Why was my vision blurred?
How did I get up here?
Why was he holding me down?
He sat up, ticking his head to the side, and for the first time, I saw the real Leo, the man underneath the sweet exterior. A cruel, wicked sneer formed on his handsome features, his eyes dropping to my chest. “You made me wait too long, sweetheart. A man can only take so much. You, your body, those fucking blue eyes…I waited patiently, Carrie. You understand that, right?”
He didn’t look back up to my face as he shifted, grabbing both my wrists in his hand and pressing them down into the mattress as I tried to wiggle and buck him off. He chuckled, pressing his hips further into mine as his free hand flicked open the buttons of my blouse.
My lip began to tremble as tears filled my already-blurred vision. “Leo, please. I want to take things slow.”
“Can’t do that, Carrie,” he said calmly, shifting his hips once more so I could feel his erection. Nausea took over me then, swirling in my gut, threatening to shoot up my throat. “Need you now.”
“I’m not ready for that,” I tried again, hoping to break through his alcohol-induced lust. I just needed to talk him down, and then I could grab my phone, lock myself in the bathroom, and call Michael.
Leo’s next words were chilling— haunting . “I’ll make sure you’re ready,” he promised as he looked back up to me. “Now, I brought some zip-ties, because—let’s face it—I’ve been dreaming of tying you down since the moment on saw you on the docks—”
“Leo—”
His free hand snapped up to my mouth as he leaned over me, eyes hard. “But I don’t want to gag you.”
I stared up at him in horror.
His green eyes softened, but that was the only thing I could see before my vision went hazy again. “I want to hear you cry out my name, Carrie. Okay? I’m going to make you feel so good.”
I shook my head, but he was too strong.
Something was wrong with me. I couldn’t fight. Suddenly, I was even more dizzy than before, and I let my head fall back. The room was spinning, and when I tried to speak, my tongue felt numb, weighing a thousand pounds.
“Leeooo,” I begged. I didn’t even know if his name sounded clear coming from my lips; the only thing I could register was my arms being lifted slightly and something hard wrapping tightly around my wrists. I tried crying out, but it was no use; my body was giving up. My thoughts became fuzzy as the room continued to spin.
“Just a sec, sweetheart,” the man I thought I knew said sweetly. He spent a few minutes working my wrists, tightening them and readjusting, like he had all the time in the world. I was starting to think he did. “You look good tied to your bed. I wish I could take a picture, but I have to get you ready before I can have my fun.”
I thought back to when I was in the rehab, laying in that twin bed, day after day, watching the world pass me by as I was held down by depression. Memories came to the forefront of my mind then: my flight to Oregon, buying my car, driving to Astoria, Michael’s kindness, the coziness of Rossy’s bookstore, Sarah’s warmth, my breath leaving me the first time I saw Blue Beauty, the way my heart skipped a beat when the bounty hunter held my chin gently between his fingers. What would he think? Did he even care?
Fight, Sunshine. Fight back.
The bounty hunter’s voice filled my head.
I needed to fight. I needed to push through.
As Leo whistled a soft tune from above me, I blinked over and over, trying to clear my vision.
Lifting my head again, I narrowed my eyes, doing my best to focus on Leo. His weight slipped off me, and I watched as his hand began working the button of my jeans, his fingers cold. He pulled them, along with my panties, down to my ankles, and I could see just the shape of him as he bent to take my socks off.
Fight back, Carrie.
With all the strength I could muster, I bent my legs back and shot both of them out, kicking him in the head. He cursed as he fell back onto the floor with a thud. Then, I started screaming, bucking against the mattress, yanking my arms down.
In a flash, Leo was on his feet again. “You fucking bitch,” he snarled.
I froze once more, my breath catching as my eyes widened.
Leo moved then, getting ready to lunge for me—
The pop of a gunshot sliced through the room.
I flinched, ducking my head and waiting for the pain, but it never came. When I lifted my head again, shock slammed into me as I laid eyes on Leo—more accurately, the bullet hole in the middle of his forehead, a small trickle of blood leaking from it.
My head snapped to the other side of the room to find a tall, broad figure standing in front of my window seat, snowflakes drifting in from the open window behind him, his back bathed in pale moonlight. He slowly lowered his gun as the thump of Leo’s body falling registered in my ears.
“Bounty hunter,” I whimpered, trying to break free.
“Grayson,” he replied, his voice laced with darkness.
“W-what?” I stammered, my body freezing as the fear I’d been feeling retreated back into the depths. I was safe now, he wouldn’t hurt me.
He stepped forward, revealing himself as his dark eyes remained on mine. “My name, Sunshine,” he said gently despite the anger rolling off of him in waves. “My name is Grayson.”
Grayson.
My voice cracked. “You came back.”
His dark eyes flicked to where Leo’s body lay. “Told you I always would.”
A new form of guilt manifested then, deep within my heart. “I—”
His eyes snapped back to mine. “Say my name,” he commanded.
“But—”
“I’ve been in hell for the last six months, making sure someone I care for very deeply was safe,” he cut me off. “During those six months, I always imagined how my name would sound coming from your lips.”
He’d been in hell?
A tear fell from my eye, sliding down my cheek onto the bed.
He took another step. “You afraid?”
“Not of you,” I whispered back instantly. “Never of you.”
He bent his head and released a breath, visible relief hitting him. He nodded, mainly to himself, mumbling something. Then, he lifted his head once more, his brow furrowed, his eyes soft—for me. “Baby, say my name so I can do what needs to be done, yeah?” he murmured.
The words left my mouth before I could even process them. “I missed you, Grayson.”
My Grayson.
Slowly, his eyes closed and he nodded once more. I was in awe of him, taking in his short beard, his thick brows, crooked nose, that jagged scar. He was unlike anyone I’d ever seen, his beauty was boundless.
When he opened his eyes again, they trailed down the length of me, hardening with every inch. “Gotta take care of you, Carrie.” Those dark eyes collided with mine. “I’m always going to take care of you; do you hear me?” he asked, his voice firm.
I nodded, actually believing it.
Before I could let us fall into another spell of silence, my breath hitched as I breathed, “I’m sorry.”
I was so fucking sorry. Guilt was tearing me apart from the inside. He came back, and I’d tried—and failed—to move on.
He shook his head. “Now isn’t the time for that. I need you to give me consent, Sunshine. Okay?” When I didn’t respond, he clarified, “I’m not fucking touching you until you give me permission, so I need you to do that before I lose my fucking mind.”
He would be the only man to ever touch me again.
“Please touch me,” I pleaded as another tear fell onto my cheek. “I need—I need…” I trailed off, yanking on the zip-ties, looking up to where Leo bound me. I felt something cover my lower half, and then, a second later, the bed dipped, and Grayson’s upper body loomed over me, his jaw tight as he flicked open a pocketknife.
“Stay still,” he murmured, his eyes on my wrists. “Don’t wanna cut you.”
I stared up at him, a comforting warmth spreading over my body, despite still being dizzy. My body was fighting to stay in the present.
I was okay.
I would be okay.
Grayson was here now.
Everything was okay.
He positioned the knife and yanked up, freeing me. Gently, he pulled the plastic from my skin and the headboard, tossing it aside. “Come here,” he ordered softly, guiding me to sit up. When we were finally face-to-face, his hands dropped to my chest, pulling my blouse closed, taking his time buttoning it up, holding my eyes.
“Thank you,” I murmured, my words slurred slightly. I blinked again, trying to shake off the heavy feeling.
“Don’t,” Grayson whispered, his voice rough.
Before I could respond, he was standing back up, walking around the bed, his eyes on the body. I peeled my eyes from him to find that he’d covered my lower half with the throw blanket that was usually on the window seat. My throat closed, emotions I’d never felt welling inside my chest.
I returned my attention to Grayson, watching him pull out his phone, and put it to his ear.
“White snake,” he clipped into the phone. My eyes dropped to his hand, focusing on his tattoo, widening as I realized what it was.
The head of a white snake.
I felt my lips part as he ended the call, putting the phone back into the pocket of his black cargo pants.
“Grayson?” I called tentatively.
His head turned to me, and my heart stopped at the agony etched into his features. “Yeah, baby?”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
Everything went black.