Chapter 5
LOIS
The arena is bitter cold as usual.
I don’t even know why I'm here, why I let Molly drag me along under the premise that she’d buy me unlimited popcorn and that Callie would be here with Lily.
I don’t know why I believed the last excuse, when I know full well that Sean and Callie only got home yesterday and will still be adjusting to life with a newborn.
I’ve contemplated chickening out since midday when Molly called and albeit begged me to come tonight.
I’m a coward, I know, but I don’t know how I'm supposed to face Nick Andersen after our kiss the other night.
It’s all I can think about and I'm not exaggerating when I say it’s taken over every crevice of my brain.
I’ve tried so damn hard to shut the memory out, to push it to the deepest part of my mind so I can simply forget about it for five minutes.
But that doesn’t work, not even a little bit.
Molly crams me into the pair of reserved seats behind the penalty box, Callie and Molly’s favourite spot.
I don’t often come and watch my brother’s team play hockey, I’ve never been that interested in it truth be told.
Sean isn’t even playing tonight, like I said he’s staying home with Callie.
Callie’s dad is here though after his weekend with his new granddaughter.
I have no idea how Sean managed to live with him for two whole days, especially with him being the men’s hockey coach too.
The mere thought of sharing a house with Ellen is enough to make me break my own legs so I don’t have to train with her ever again.
“Here,”
Molly chimes, handing me a cold, extra large Pepsi.
“The games against Preston are always my favourite, the tension is so thick you could cut it with your pinky finger.”
“Uhhmm,”
I murmur, barely listening to her because my eyes have snapped like a hawk to land on the guy who’s been steadily driving me insane.
His heavy set frame glides so effortlessly across the ice, his body angled to give him maximum speed and precision.
He slaps a puck at Kyle who stands ready in goal.
The warm ups are now fully underway and my focus can’t be pulled away from Nick, no matter what Molly is twittering on about in my ear.
Molly’s fingers click in my line of vision and I'm pulled back to reality.
“You enjoying the view?”
She wears a knowing smirk and I clamp my lips together, trying not to give myself away, but to no avail.
Molly knows every single thought that’s flickering through my mind when I look at Nick.
The way I want him to throw me over his solid shoulder and fuck me until I forget my own name.
She knows and she’s grinning from ear to ear at that fact.
I don’t respond to her question, which only grows her already huge suspicion.
“Did something happen between you two?”
She whispers, leaning into my ear even though the arena is so fucking loud nobody within a mile radius would ever hear our conversation.
I shake my head, my voice straining at the lie that’s on the tip of my tongue.
“No, you know I’ve always liked him.”
I shrug, “Nothing weird about looking at someone that you’re attracted to.”
Molly’s icy blue eyes soften and just when I think I've fooled her, Nicks’ chocolate gaze lands on mine and my entire body stiffens.
I want so much to look away, to break the intensity of the stare that’s like a magnet between us, but I can’t.
I can’t breathe, can’t blink, can’t do anything until Molly cackles beside me and Nick finally looks away.
“Oh my god you two so fucked the other night!”
She shrieks and I clamp a hand over her big mouth.
“Shut up,”
I hiss, glancing over my shoulder to check no one heard that.
“We didn’t have sex, I swear…”
her eyes are sparkling with delight, she lives for this soap opera shit.
“We did kiss though, after the party.”
“Oh my—”
I plant another palm across her mouth and dip my mouth to her ear.
“Can you be quiet, please, I'm begging you.”
I remove my hand from her mouth and she zips her lips, excitable grin still plastered over her face.
“Sean can’t know about it and anyway none of it matters, he doesn't actually like me, it was just a drunken kiss.”
Molly waggles a finger at me playfully.
“Ah, ah, ah, you’re not going to get away with that excuse. You definitely pounced on him when you had your chance didn’t you? Come on tell me everything, I need all the details.”
She leans closer to me again, hand cupping her mouth.
“And between me and you, I know he’s a fantastic kisser.”
Oh Jesus Christ.
I can’t hold back the eye roll that pulls at my swampy pools and Molly’s only response to that is to hoot with laugher.
Luckily for me her attention is quickly pulled back to the ice the moment the whistle signals the start of the game.
The game is an intense one to say the least and I would never tell my brother this — it would only boost his already massive ego — but it was painfully obvious that he wasn’t on the ice tonight.
Nick carried the team for the first two periods but he received two separate penalties for roughing, which was no surprise to anyone.
The man likes the fight just as much as Sean and spends a lot of his life behind the plexiglass of the penalty box.
But I can’t say watching him smash his fists into another guy’s mouth isn’t making me even more desperate to be pinned to his mattress, to have his mouth on me.
Molly drags me along behind her after the final whistle, pulling me through the crowd that always gathers in the hallway that leads to the locker rooms.
A huddle of puck bunnies giggle away as some of the guys leave through the back exit, avoiding them at all costs.
When Molly hauls me by the hand through the crowd I hear one of them say Nick’s name and my stomach instantly turns to lava.
I don’t know if I'm jealous or hurt, even though I have no right to be either one.
I don’t own Nick and I mean nothing to him, like he said, the kiss was a mistake.
Molly leads me to the back exit, the one only the players use and pushes the bar that opens the door, pulling us both out into the chilly air.
“We’ll wait here,”
she says, teeth chattering a little.
“The boys will be out in a minute.”
“Boys? Plural?”
My voice is croakier than I'd like it to be and Molly of course spots it.
“Yeah baby, plural, as in Kyle and Nick.”
Her grin is not welcome and I consider wiping it off with a swift slap.
But I squeeze my fist to my side and focus on the sloshing in my stomach.
I swear a tsunami has started in there and only seconds later the door swings open again, almost knocking me out before two huge men step out.
I know this sounds strange but I can smell him before I can see him, his thick, spicy aftershave nestles into my pores and makes my mouth moist.
I swallow hard and try not to let the red seep into my cheeks, but of course that’s easier said than done and I feel myself flush a shade of fuchsia.
“Hey baby,”
Kyle’s deep voice permeates the semi awkward air between Nick and I as he plants a lingering kiss against Molly’s lips.
“Did you both enjoy the game?”
Kyle turns his face to me, a sweet smile spread across his cheeks that immediately puts me at ease.
“Yeah, the fighting was hot.”
I chuckle and Molly slaps my ass playfully.
“Where are you guys headed now?”
She says, arms wrapped around Kyle’s middle.
Nick clears his throat and I know he wants me to look at him, so I purposefully keep my gaze fixed on Kyle and Molly.
Kyle senses the tension, I know he does because his next words are, “We were thinking about going to a bar or something to celebrate the win. With Sean out for the next few weeks I'm standing in as captain, which means it’s down to me to arrange parties and nights out.”
He raises a finger, “So, as team captain I propose we head straight to The Good Mixer to get well and truly drunk off our faces.”
Molly is practically bouncing on the spot.
“Yes, yes, yes,”
Then she turns to me, sensing the rejection of said invite on my lips.
“You’re coming Lois, so stop trying to come up with excuses in your head as to why you’re too busy.”
She air quotes that last word, which kind of stabs me in the chest.
I can be busy, I have friends…well, a few anyway.
Truth be told I'm far from busy tonight, my plan was to go home and do anything to keep my mind off that fucking kiss.
But I guess going out with Nick, Kyle and Molly isn’t the worst idea, as long as I keep myself as far away from Nick as humanly possible, which may be difficult as I'm immediately shoved into the back of Kyle’s car with him.
As usual his presence is overwhelming me.
I stare out of the window the entire car ride, but Nick is oozing with confidence as always and I feel his fingers tracing lightly along my bare thigh as I sit stiff as a corpse.
I know he’s doing this on purpose, to rile me up, likely finding the whole thing hilarious.
But as hard as it is I don't budge and continue to stare out of the window until we pull up outside the bar.
I hop out like a rabbit who’s been caged with a leopard for the last ten minutes, gravitating to Molly’s side as quickly as possible.
I link my arm through her’s and she beams at me, pecking my temple and pulling me into the bar with her.
Her confidence has always been amazing to me, I'm constantly in awe of her whole vibe, the way she carries herself, the way she lights up a room in the most beautiful way.
I’m lucky to call Molly Crawford a friend.
The guys follow in behind us, muttering to themselves whilst Molly and I order our drinks and find a booth in the corner.
Live jazz music fills the smoky air around us, ironically you’re not allowed to smoke in here but a layer of thin grey cloud lingers just under the high ceiling.
The music is piercing, heavenly in my ears.
I’ve always loved jazz music, old rhythms and legends like Elvis Presley have always been a source of comfort and joy for me.
This is one of my favourite bars in Camden, when I do come here it’s mainly for the music and relaxed atmosphere, the place exudes the best of Londoners.
Nick plonks himself down next to me, Kyle on the other side of Molly.
I try not to shift closer to my friend but it’s fucking hard not to automatically create space between Nick and I.
He purposefully places a palm down on the soft, turquoise coloured velvet between our thighs, his little finger ghosting over my goose pimpled skin.
It’s not cold in here, actually quite the opposite, it’s sweaty and the air is heavy but I'm still covered in the tiny pimples that rise when I'm nervous.
“So, were you girls impressed by my skill tonight? I mean I practically won the game for us while the rest of the team were taking a nap.”
Nick says, leaning back against the velvet seat and folding his arms in that arrogant way he does. Molly scoffs and I keep my lips clamped shut.
“Fuck off, Lew scored more goals that you tonight and he’s supposedly injured.”
Kyle chuckles, lifting his frosty beer to his lips and gulping hard.
I twist to look at Nick for a beat, his shit eating grin making my thighs slippery, but I don’t show it. My face is a blank canvas and I can see him assessing me.
“Whatever you say man,”
Nick shrugs, eyes landing back on Kyle.
“You’re just upset because your girl was watching me all night instead of you.”
Kyle’s blue eyes widen and for a second I think he’s going to raise a fist to Nick’s jaw, but when Nick’s grin splits even wider I see Kyle’s shoulders relax.
“Wipe that cocky grin off your face before I come over there and slap it off.”
Ky grumbles, hauling Molly closer to him by the small of her waist.
She's finding this whole thing hysterical, two men play flighting over her.
I on the other hand am feeling the heat radiating off Nick’s thigh as he inches even closer to me.
It’s like he’s enjoying this, making me sweaty and uncomfortable being this close to him.
Or maybe he’s trying to get my attention, I don’t fucking know.
All I know is that I need a breather and when the next words come out of his mouth, I'm up and out of there quicker than a nun in a whore house.
“Ooo feisty,”
Nick’s brown eyes sparkle with delight.
“I turn you on don’t I? I know I do.”
His words are directed at Kyle, but immediately Molly’s permeating gaze falls to me and that’s when I almost knock Nick off the soft blue seat to dash past him.
My feet lead me out of the door and into the dark of the night, my pulse hammering in my throat.
I can’t do this, I thought I could spend the evening with him but I can’t fucking stand being in such close proximity to him and not knowing what the hell this game is that he’s playing.
I don’t want to be his new toy, the girl he pretends to be interested in and then tomorrow forgets I exist again.
I won’t do it, I won’t be that girl.
The street is still busy, even for this time of night.
London never sleeps, the bars are hopping, drunken men stagger across the pavement in front of me before one of them falls flat on his face.
I lean my head back against the brickwork, inhaling a lungful of oxygen.
The air has a bite of frost to it, the winter already creeping it's way in now we’re nearing the end of October.
We barely get a summer in this country at the best of times, our autumns and winters tend to stretch out for all eternity, before half the population is riddled with seasonal depression.
I hear the door swing open behind me but I don’t open my eyes to see who it is, I dont need to.
I know it’s Molly from the strong aroma of honey dipped pineapple that suddenly burns my throat.
Her icy hand lands on my bare shoulder.
“Hey, you ok? What the fuck happened?”
I heave a sigh, one that makes my lungs ache.
“I don’t know, I just can’t…I can’t be in there with him.”
“You wanna go home? I’ll come with you.”
I shake my head, finally peeling my eyes open to look at her.
“No, it's ok, you stay here with Ky, I'm going to order an Uber.”
Molly flicks a thick wave of blonde over her shoulder and downs the rest of her drink, planting the empty glass on a wooden post.
“Absolutely not,”
she says, pointing a finger at me.
“Wait here one sec, I just need to piss and then we’ll go home.”
She heads back inside like a gust of wind, taking the tropical smell with her and I drop down into a chair by the doors of The Good Mixer.
The solid metal is like an iceberg against my bare skin and I shift uncomfortably, before relaxing into the icy burn and raking my thick curls up into a sloppy ponytail.
Everything is overstimulating me right now, the bright sound of the saxophone from inside the bar, the chill in the air that tickles my skin and the fucking sound of that door squeaking every time someone—
“Lois,”
his deep voice makes my heart strum harder than ever and I jump up out of my chair, nearly crashing into his chest. He catches me by the waist, the heat of his hands on me, thawing my frozen muscles.
“What’s wrong? Molly just said you guys are leaving and you ran out of there like an escaped banshee.”
I take a step back, releasing myself from his heavenly grasp.
“I don’t feel well, I need to go home.”
My voice is so meek, so quiet I'm surprised he can even hear me. My eyes are downcast the whole time, I refuse to look at his face, the chiselled jaw line and scruff of stubble that make me weak in the knees.
His thumb finds my chin and he lifts it gently, forcing me to lock eyes with him.
“Have I upset you? I didn’t mean to, honestly I—”
“No,”
I cut him off, “you haven’t upset me, I just…I need to go.”
Molly barrels through the doors and almost collides with Nick and I, his thumb instantly dropping from my chin like it burnt him.
“Nicky, get inside before I chop your dick off.”
She growls and Nick flashes her a cheeky wink, heading back inside without another look at me. Thank god because that face has me almost throwing myself down onto the concrete and telling him he can do whatever he wants to me, even if that includes treating me like shit afterwards.
“What did he say to you?”
Molly grabs my shoulders in a motherly grip, which is funny because she’s only two years older than me.
“I swear I will shove something very sharp and very long up his arse if he upset you.”
I smile through the bubbling of tears in my throat.
“As much as I appreciate that offer and would love to watch it play out, he didn’t do anything.”
She gives a satisfied nod, wrapping a slender arm around my waist and pulling out her phone to order an Uber that will take me home to my bed.
The bed where I can dream about Nick Andersen miraculously turning his playboy image around and actually wanting something real with me.
But who the hell am I kidding? The man probably didn’t even know my name three days ago and I'm not inclined to automatically believe every word he says, even though I'm a very trusting person.
The authenticity I felt from him tonight when we were alone made me feel a little weird if I'm honest, I’ve never seen that side of him before.
I only ever get a glimpse of the cocky, overly confident hockey player who has some sort of model hanging off his arm at every given party or event.
If I didn’t have a thing for Nick before, I definitely do now and I'm afraid it’s spiralling out of control.
I have no idea how I'm going to get him out of my head, but by god I'm going to try.