Chapter 16
NICK
I didn’t want today to come, not ever.
Not only is it my least favourite day of the year — my birthday — but it’s also Sunday, which means we have to go home.
Home to the place where I have to pretend that I'm not painfully fucking in love with Lois.
The place where I have to think about the fact that at some point this will all come out and my best friend will hate my guts for it.
The moment the shower turns on and the steam starts seeping out from under the bathroom door in our hotel room, I'm throwing the covers off and jumping out of the bed.
My eyes were still closed when Lois climbed out of my arms half an hour ago and started to pack her suitcase.
I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and watch her.
I can’t bare to think about the fact we only have until 5pm today before we need to leave our secret little bubble here.
But the sound of the shower is like a magnet for me because of course, shower equals naked Lois and I'm definitely down for that, no matter how depressed I am.
I twist the knob on the bathroom door and sneak in, stepping out of my boxers and climbing in behind her.
She jumps when she turns around, smacking a hand against my chest.
“Fucking hell Nick! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry,”
I murmur, pulling her to me, our chests meeting in a wet embrace.
“I heard you turn the shower on and suddenly I was wide awake.”
She snickers.
“I bet you were.”
Her eyes widen all of a sudden and glisten when she looks at me.
“Happy birthday by the way, what are you now, thirty?”
“Ha-fucking-ha,”
I respond, dead pan as ever. I hate my birthday, but I'm not about to bring down Lois’ chipper mood.
“I’m taking you to a park nearby before we leave, we can just go for a walk or something?”
Anything to drag out this weekend.
She lifts her face from where it was smushed against my chest and smiles sweetly.
“I don’t want to go home yet either.”
Like she can read my god damn mind.
She wiggles out of my grasp and reaches for her shampoo.
“Anyway, I wanted to ask you about something and feel free to tell me to mind my own business if you want but…”
she stops with her fingers in a soapy cloud on her head.
“What happened with your dad? I know he’s in prison but, can I ask why?”
My eyes instantly drop at the mention of his name and Lois begins backtracking.
“I’m sorry, I should never have asked, just ignore me, I need to learn when to keep my nose out of other people’s busin—”
I silence her with a kiss, the water pouring down between our joined lips.
“Don’t be sorry Lo. I know I can tell you anything, it’s just…I still have a lot of anger towards my dad and it’s something I'm working on at the moment.”
I take a deep breath and continue, “I went to see my mum about a month ago and she told me that he’s set for an early release, around Christmas actually. She asked me to go and visit him, to hear him out. She said he’s sorry and he wants to make amends with me before he’s released but,”
my fingers takes a path through my sopping hair and Lois’ hand brackets my jaw.
“I just don’t know if I can forgive him for what he did to me.”
Lois strokes a thumb across my wet cheek, the shower still coming down on us both like a waterfall.
“What did he do to you Nick?”
Her voice is a soft whisper, like she’s scared to hurt me with her words.
I swallow dryly.
“He beat me, Lois. He beat me fucking black and blue because I scratched one of his CD’s by accident. I was thirteen and totally fucking defenceless, but he didn’t care about that. He didn’t care that my sisters were there to witness it, he didn’t care about the fact I'm his oldest son.”
I shake my head and Lois grips my bicep.
“He didn’t care about any of that because he’s a tyrant, a fucking beast of a man. I vowed from that day that if I ever become a father, that I’ll be ten times the father he ever was to any of us.”
Lois runs a delicate finger along my jaw and tilts my head up to look at her.
“You’ll be an amazing dad one day and I'm so sorry that happened to you.”
We lock eyes for a moment, no more words shared between us and we don’t need them.
The only sound being the pattering of the water from the shower on the chrome floor below us, the dull, steamy air floating silently between us.
I feel a weight lift from my shoulders having shared that with her.
Not many people know the details of what happened with my dad and that’s how I like it.
I prefer to keep my private business to myself, but with Lois it feels different.
She’s become my safe haven, the person that will sit with me through any emotion, holding my hand.
LOIS
The sun is setting when we pull back into the driveway of Nick’s house.
The day was long but nowhere near long enough and that’s why he refused to drop me back at the dorms tonight.
It didn’t take much persuading to get me to stay over at his place tonight, only the fear of Sean catching us prodding at the people pleasing angel on my shoulder.
If it wasn’t for Sean I would be telling anyone who would listen that Nick loves me and that I love him.
But unfortunately the situation we find ourselves in is this one right here, sneaking up the stairs, trying not to breathe too loudly for fear of being caught.
Nick’s hand lands on the doorknob of his bedroom and I quickly yank it away.
Confusion washes over his brown eyes as he looks down at me.
“Wait, just close your eyes for a second.”
I whisper, glancing over his towering frame down the corridor towards the other closed bedroom doors.
His eyebrows scrunch in confusion.
“What? Why?”
“Just trust me.”
His eyes catch mine and then they drop, his shoulders sagging a little too.
“I don’t trust anyone mini Taylor.”
My voice is an even more muted whisper now.
“I’m not anyone …please Nick.”
He lifts his head, watching me intently, like he’s reading my mind and silently agreeing with me. I’m not just anyone and he knows that, he has to learn to trust and that might take time, time I’m happy to give him.
Nick inhales sharply and nods once.
“Ok, but you better not scare me or some shit.”
I let out a chuckle under my breath and turn the knob carefully, quietly, checking down the dark hallway once more as we slip into Nick’s bedroom.
Before we left for the weekend I dropped off a shit load of balloons and other supplies at Molly’s bedroom door and begged her to set up a birthday surprise for Nick.
She rolled her eyes and slapped me with some sass about her having a life blah, blah, blah.
But of course she’s the best friend in the entire world, so she did it and damn, did she do a good job.
The room is covered ceiling to floor with foil balloons, a mixture of blue, silver and black that bob against the cream coloured ceiling.
The floor is scattered with confetti of all colours, the pile of gifts I bought for Nick last week lying in a neat pile on his bed.
His eyes are still closed and his hand is becoming sweatier in mine as the seconds tick by.
“Ok, open,”
I say and his eyes flutter open tentatively at first. But when he scans the room they widen and his hand grips might tighter as he turns to me with a slack jaw.
“You did this?”
His voice is husky, low and hoarse with an emotion I can’t decipher right now. I hope this is good shock.
I nod.
“Well technically Molly set it up, but I bought everything and gave her very clear instructions on how to make it perfe—”
His lips crash down onto mine before I can even finish my sentence.
He takes my breath away quite literally, like I can barely suck in a gulp of oxygen as our lips tangle together.
He lifts me by the back of my thighs to circle his waist, my own fingers in his hair.
His tongue flickers softly against mine, his teeth gently nibbling my bottom lip and sending me into orbit.
When I'm in his arms like this, his mouth moving with mine, it’s like I forget the world around me exists, nothing but me and Nick exists.
When he finally places my feet back on the ground I notice his eyes are a little glassy. He sniffs hard and I pull his chin around with my finger on his jaw.
“Why are you upset?”
I squeak, my stomach swimming with anxiety. Did I do something wrong? I mean, that kiss would suggest not but his face is soft with sadness now.
Nick swipes a tattooed hand across his eyes.
“I’m not Lo, I'm just so fucking grateful for you. You know, nobody has ever celebrated my birthday, not properly anyway. My mum would get me a gift each year but it was usually something I needed like a new school coat or a pair of shoes.”
His eyes pierce into me, the tightening in my chest aching at the pain I see.
“I’ve never even had a birthday cake.”
It’s my turn to drop my jaw to the ground now.
“You’ve never had a birthday cake? Why?”
“No one ever cared enough to get me one,”
he shrugs and then his face turns into a smile when he spots the two tier chocolate cake that sits on his desk.
“Until now, until you.”
His gratitude sends shivers up my spine, along with a warm fuzzy feeling that buries itself deep in the crevice of my heart.
He’s leaning on me right now, letting me into the deepest part of him, the vulnerable part that nobody else gets to see.
I feel the same about him though, I know I can turn my brain off when I'm with him.
When I'm with Nick I can hold his hand and walk with my eyes closed because I know he’s got it, he’s got me.