Kendall #4
“No!” He promised, snorting. “You did a great job hiding it. I just know you.”
“Not every occasion warrants fried chicken.”
“I know, I know,” he said good-naturedly, and when I cracked one eye open, he was grinning at me. “She’s her own woman. I couldn’t fall for some high-minded snob.”
“Nah, I know,” I said. “You know I love Josie. And, I mean… I am happy for you. Really. And I can’t wait to be an uncle.”
“I get it,” he promised me. “But we swore our kids would be best friends, so you kind of have to get a move on with the whole settling down thing.”
“I’m trying,” I said wryly, rubbing my temples with my fingers. “You don’t know how hard I’m trying.”
“It’s not as easy for you, I know,” he acknowledged with a slight frown. “I sure hope that guy you’re creeping around with is a good one.” I opened my mouth to deny it, but he cut me off. “Don’t bother saying you aren’t. I don’t buy it.”
My guts twisted and writhed with guilt, but I just couldn’t. Rhys’ sexuality wasn’t my secret to tell. Still, as long as I didn’t directly mention Rhys, then… I didn’t have to lie to Benji’s face. There was no reason to. He didn’t believe me, anyway.
“He’s a good guy,” I finally said, and Benji’s eyebrows popped up a bit. “But it’s complicated.”
“Right,” he said flatly. “Of course it’s complicated. So can I meet him, or not?”
“No,” I answered quickly, before some part of my face could give away the fact that he already knew him. Very, very well, in fact. “Not yet, I mean.”
“Because?”
“He’s… Not ready.”
Benji groaned, letting his skull fall onto the back cushion of the couch. “Come on, not another one of these clowns.”
“Benji,” I warned him sternly. We’d had this conversation before. He hated when I messed around with closeted guys. And to his credit, it had never worked out for me before. “It’s different with this guy.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“I know,” I assured him. “I know, and I can’t explain it. But I just… It’ll work out. I know it will. I need it to.”
“You need it to? What, are you in love with this guy or something?” He scoffed, looking kind of amused at his own rhetorical question before his eyes narrowed. “You’re not in love with some loser who won’t even meet your friends and family. Right?”
“Benji.”
He groaned, squeezing his eyes closed. “I know! I’m sorry. I’m privileged. It’s not safe for some people to come out. I get it. But do you have to, like… Reward them?”
“I’m not rewarding him. I’m sympathetic to his situation. And I know you won’t believe me, and it’s okay, but it is different this time.”
The silence stretched out between us, but I knew he was just absorbing the information and deciding how he would feel about it.
“Do you think that he’ll eventually want to be out with you?” He finally asked, and my pulse skipped.
It was easy to believe it with absolutely no reservations, as long as I didn’t think about it too much.
But would Rhys eventually want to be out with me?
Would he be willing to turn his life upside down and deal with the negative consequences of being known as a queer guy, in a relationship with another guy?
It would be so much easier for him if he just moved on from me and got with some girl, but… I knew he didn’t really want that.
He’d been too honest lately about how relaxed he felt with me, and how he could be open with me about stuff he’d never told anyone before. I knew he belonged with me. I just had to convince him that it was worth the hassles he’d have to face.
“Yeah,” I said, hoping my real voice sounded as convincing as the voice in my head. “He just needs time.”
Benji seemed to accept my answer, though he didn’t look thrilled. I didn’t even want to think about how un-thrilled he would be when he inevitably found out that Rhys was the guy I’d been pining over. Definitely a problem for future Kendall and future Kendall only.
“I just want you to be happy,” he said, reaching out to put a hand on the top of my skull before tapping his forehead against mine. “You know I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I just want you to be happy. And to hurry up and get married and adopt my kid’s future best friend.”
I huffed out a laugh, and nodded. “Noted. I’m working on it.”
“If you don’t, then my only chance to be an uncle is to Rhys’ kids, and… Well,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. “Let’s just say I’m not too confident about all that. Unless he does something stupid and knocks some girl up by accident.”
I made a sound of neutral assent, only because I knew it would be suspicious for me to defend him in that moment. But I happened to know there was pretty much a zero percent chance of that happening anytime soon. Hopefully ever.
“Anyway,” Benji went on, clapping a hand down on my shoulder. “Let’s go out back. You’ve been hiding out in here like a damn vampire or something.”
So I followed him out into the crowd of our friends and family, and had a lovely little rest of the evening. And if my eyes wandered over to Rhys too much, usually catching him staring back at me when I did, then I was sure probably no one noticed.