Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
GAGE
The fact that Lucas knew made Gage’s life a thousand times easier. And there was a weight off as he approached the food truck and waited on the concrete wall until the line at his window began to trickle down to nothing.
When the last customer was gone, Gage walked up and knocked his familiar pattern on the side. Lucas appeared a second later with a huge grin.
“Heeeey, Daddy.”
“Oh my God, I will literally murder you in your truck and make you into pies.”
Lucas scoffed. “Okay, Sweeney Todd. Come inside though. It’s fucking freezing.” He paused halfway into turning around. “Is Fallon with you?”
“No. I’m just getting off work,” Gage told him.
Lucas nodded, then walked off, and Gage jogged around the truck, waiting for Lucas to unlock the door. He used to keep it open, propping it slightly ajar to help with the airflow, but since the issue with Charlie, he was locked up tight.
Lucas was a brave man, but he was not a fighter. He had a high pain tolerance, but being hurt would take him down at the knees. Gage still felt murderous whenever he thought about Charlie, and he had a feeling Lucas was the same.
Which was why he was there.
Locking the door behind him, he grabbed his stool while Lucas set the big, hand-painted brB sign on the side, then closed the window.
“I know you’re not here to hang out,” Lucas said, leaning against his counter with his arms folded. He wasn’t wearing his prosthetics, so his eyelids were closed, but somehow, his expression still had Gage pinned. “What’s going on?”
He took a breath. “Charlie—”
“Tell me he’s not fucking back.”
“No. God, no. Nothing like that. But…you know, right?”
“That he and Fallon bumped uglies?”
“Oh, who the fuck taught you that phrase? Gross.” Gage waved it away like he was clearing smoke. “They had sex.”
Lucas let out a small breath. “You really think it was consensual? I mean, you don’t think Fallon…?”
“No,” Gage said very quickly. “No. He would have told me.”
Lucas’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, really…”
“Dude, it’s not—” He stopped. He couldn’t say it wasn’t like that because it was. But he hadn’t been given permission to tell Lucas that part of their secret.
Lucas scoffed. “Please. I clocked that shit between you months ago. From the moment we were in the hallway. Your pheromones almost choked me to death.”
“I didn’t have pheromones!”
“Yeah. You did, bud. And they almost murdered me to death. But I’m guessing it’s a secret?”
Gage groaned and put his hands over his face. “Yeah. Fuck. It’s not…I mean, we’re just friends, so—”
“Ah. So, the denial stage. That’s cool. I’ve been there.” Lucas began to stim, his fingers dancing in the air as he gently rocked back and forth. “Are you in love with him?”
Gage choked on the words. He couldn’t say yes, but he couldn’t say no. Whatever he was feeling, it was a lot. It was intense. And he was terrified he still wasn’t ready for it.
“Sorry if I’m being too much,” Lucas said quietly, his hands falling.
Gage shot to his feet and walked over, throwing his arms around his friend. He nestled close and set his cheek on the top of Lucas’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “Can you just hug me for a second?”
“Oh shit,” Lucas said as he tightened his grip on his best friend. “You’ve got it bad.”
“It’s so bad. I’ve been having panic attacks,” Gage admitted. They were small ones. He didn’t even notice what they were until he brought them up to his therapist. “Not the big, scary ones where I think I’m dying. It’s more…dissociation and this feeling like…like I’m afraid. I don’t know.”
“I get it,” Lucas said. He started rocking again, taking Gage with him, and it felt nice. “Trust me, I get it.”
Gage squeezed his eyes shut as he was swayed back and forth. “I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
He stilled Lucas, then pulled back and took his hands. That was their way of eye contact. “Charlie—”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” Lucas said stiffly.
“Yeah, I know. But Fallon’s going to have his kid. I mean, it won’t be his kid. Fallon doesn’t even want to tell him. But you’re going to be this baby’s uncle.”
Lucas swallowed heavily. “Oh shit. I am.”
“Yeah. I mean, you and Frankie are basically married. That’s not going to change.
And Fallon hasn’t said anything, but he’s had nightmares about all of this, and I think…
I think I just need to know—to prepare—if the idea of this baby being, you know, genetically part of him is going to affect your ability to care about them. ”
“Dude. No.” Lucas took his hands back and rubbed at his eyelids the way he always did when he was nervous or upset. “I’m not going to blame a baby for their genetics. I know you never met my other shit-for-brains dad, but I know how it is to be related to someone who sucks.”
Gage hadn’t thought about that. Jan had been long gone and never really tried to contact Lucas or Bronx ever again. Sometimes Gage forgot Monty hadn’t been around the entire time. Sometimes he forgot Lucas had a whole entire life before they met.
“Sorry. I think I’m overthinking things on Fallon’s behalf.”
“Yeah. You do that when you’re deflecting.”
“I am not—”
“You are. Shit, I can’t believe you’re involved at all,” Lucas said, throwing his hands up. “I mean, you were just horrifically traumatized by two assholes who tried to pin their baby on you to extort money. And now you’re swooping in to father someone else’s baby?”
“I’m not…it’s not like that. I’m being a friend,” Gage said, but the shape of those words on his tongue felt like a lie. Not because Fallon had asked him to step in and play dad to the baby, but because Gage wanted to.
Because Gage wanted him.
Because…because maybe he wanted a moment like this where he could choose to have a family instead of it being forced on him.
“I think I am in love with him,” he admitted very softly.
Lucas snorted, clearly holding back a laugh.
“Fuck you, dude. I’m pouring my heart out here.”
Lucas took in a shaking breath. “I know. I know. It’s just…you’re so cute when you’re lying to yourself, but you’re even cuter when you realize you can’t lie to me.”
“I’m flipping you off,” Gage said, but he didn’t bother to lift his hand.
Lucas’s grin widened. “You really have it bad.”
“I do. And I don’t know if Fallon actually wants that from me. We…we’re close. Really close.”
“No deets, dude. That’s my brother-in-law.”
Gage held up his hands in surrender. “No deets. But you get the picture. And I want to do this with him. I just don’t know how to tell him. And if I do say something, what if he thinks I’m some jackass who always has to play the hero—”
“Yeah, because that’s not your vibe at all,” Lucas snarked.
Humiliation hit him, and he bowed his head. “Shit. Is this a hero complex thing?”
“Maybe,” Lucas said. “But I also think you’d be super fucking into him even if you hadn’t, you know, decked his shitty ex in the face.”
“Yeah?”
Lucas groaned. “Come on, bruh. He’s so your type. Quiet, kind of anxious, and you obviously have a thing for us sexy bitches with the ’tism.”
“Oh, fuck off. Two people is not a pattern. And I’m not in love with you.”
Lucas burst into laughter and walked forward, hands out until he found Gage. “No, you’re not in love with me. But you love the shit out of me. And hey, who can blame you? Fallon and I are badass, even when we’re not.”
Gage softened. “I want to tell him, but it feels unfair right now. He’s dealing with so much, and I don’t want the way I feel to be one more thing he has to manage.”
“I get that.” Lucas gripped Gage’s hands. “I went through it too, you know? Frankie and I…it was complicated, even when it was easy. Even when loving him was the only thing that made sense.”
Gage tipped his head down and closed his eyes. It was like that with Fallon too. The world outside their little bubble was sharp edges and jagged stones beneath their feet. It was cold and very lonely. But the moment they were behind a closed door, wrapped up in each other, nothing else mattered.
If only he could keep that feeling, but he knew better.
He’d lived too much life in his twenty-four years to believe things would ever be simple.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, his alarm letting him know he had to be back at the station. “Shit.”
“A call?”
“Nope. Just a bunch of hungry assholes who want your sandwiches.”
Lucas snorted and pulled back. “Say less and get comfy. I’ll be done soon. And,” he added as he turned toward his counter and began to pull out bread, “this conversation doesn’t need to be over. You know I’m here whenever you need me. However you need me.”
“I know,” Gage said. And that helped, because it was the truth.
Gage didn’t know what to expect from the clinic.
He definitely didn’t expect Fallon to invite him back, and that was something he was right about.
Fallon was nervous and apologetic—almost like he felt guilty for wanting to go in alone, but Gage simply squeezed his hand and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere. Have them come get me if you need me.”
Fallon hadn’t needed him. But he had gone in looking like he was going to shake his bones right out of his skin and came out with a smile on his face, looking like someone had lifted a thousand pounds off his shoulders.
He took Gage’s hand as they walked out to the car, and when they were inside, he leaned over and kissed him.
“Oh,” Gage said as he pulled back. “Thank you?”
Fallon dropped his head against the seat and closed his eyes. “Sorry, I needed that.”
“So…everything’s okay?”
“Everything is great. He was great. He’s trans.” Fallon’s lips settled in a soft, relieved smile. “My nurse was nonbinary. They didn’t misgender me. They didn’t…” He went quiet for a beat. “I thought even with a queer doctor, it might still feel, you know. Like women’s care?”
“Yeah.” Gage didn’t know. He didn’t get it. It wasn’t his experience. But understood those clinics and had seen those lobbies. They were very…pink and femme and all about the feminine gift of giving life and shit like that.
He’d never really paid attention to it. None of that was stuff he internalized because he hadn’t needed to.
Until now.
This clinic’s lobby was a lot of soothing earth tones with little fountains on tables and music playing that reminded him of a massage parlor. It was soft lighting and essential oil scents and probably the most calm he’d felt in a while.
“The baby’s fine,” Fallon said after a beat. He pressed his hand to his stomach. “I didn’t, you know, fuck things up by not seeing a doctor until now.”
Gage leaned over and took a kiss for that. “I didn’t think you had, but I’m glad you were able to check.”
“I heard the heartbeat. It was loud. I didn’t really like the sound,” Fallon said. “He didn’t make me feel bad for that either.”
“Did you get a due date, or…?”
“Yeah. April. Spring baby.”
Gage looked at him. There was a softness to him—a sort of glow that hadn’t been there before.
It was like this appointment had made everything real, but in a good way.
And Gage knew it could have gone the other way too.
It could have twisted Fallon up and made the next few months nothing more than a nightmare.
“So. What do you want to do now?”
Fallon bit his lip, then said, “Can we shop? I think I’m ready to get some clothes, and my doctor gave me some tips for stuff that’ll kind of hide my shape. So people won’t ask.”
Gage reached for his hand and kissed his palm. Maybe he was pushing it. Maybe that was too far. But Fallon just grinned at him and let his fingers gently brush the side of Gage’s jaw. “Just tell me where to go. My day is yours.”