44. The Cat King’s Blessing
Chapter 44
The Cat King’s Blessing
RHODES
N o matter how many cups of lemon tea I drink, I can’t get the taste of bile out of my mouth.
Once the war council breaks up, I slip off into Ty Olewydd’s cozy study and call Evan.
“How much have you heard?” I ask after we exchange greetings.
“Darwin just showed up at Thistlemist and filled us in. I had to sit on Rachel to prevent her from putting her armor on,” Evan responds. His humor is always wry and his delivery often deadpan, but I think he’s being serious.
“You’re not going to let her come, though, right? She’s pregnant.”
“I’ve tried that argument.” Evan sighs. “Kellan’s pregnant, too. So is Teddy.”
“Caileán is some kind of reincarnated fae demi-goddess. Teddy evidently has a dragon living inside her.” Or so I’ve been told. “Rachel is?—”
“A mythic fae warrior with enchanted armor and a semi-sentient sword. She’s also an independent woman who makes her own decisions and fights her own battles. As she’s informed me. At length. And in great detail.” Another, longer sigh. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep her out of it anyway. The Oak King can call all of Faery’s Darkswerds. Whether he can command them anymore, well, I guess we’ll see soon enough.”
I rub my hand over my face. I don’t think anyone’s considered that. It would destroy Caileán to fight against Teddy and Rachel. I’ll raise it with her after I finish with Evan.
“What about Callan? Where does he stand?”
“I don’t know. He’s said many times that he owes his fealty to the Oak King. Callan’s a man who takes his vows seriously. But he’s also fae. And he’s been the de facto ruler of a whole court of slippery, scheming fae for centuries. If he can find a way out of taking a side in a conflict between Oak King and Crow Queen, he will.”
That’s only marginally reassuring.
“Do you think other courts will take the same position?” I ask. No one’s discussed what will happen if the high fae courts rally around the Oak King.
“I think your queen and her sisters have done a damn good job neutralizing the other courts. Will Thistlemist fight against a woman so many of them know and like, who is a sister in all but blood to the heir apparent’s wife? Will Ashegold rise against their own Storm Lady? There’s nothing left of Bloodelm. The other courts have done nothing more than send a squire or two to Ivywhile every decade for centuries. Will they come if the Oak King calls? It’s anyone’s guess.”
I rub the back of my neck. It’s sweaty and not because of exertion. “I wish we could be more certain.”
“Rho, no armed conflict is certain. That’s why we try so fucking hard to negotiate a resolution. But I don’t see any possibility of that here, do you?”
“No,” I admit. “Caileán’s committed now. Her sisters are with her. She’s formulating a battle plan.”
“One that doesn’t involve you, I hope,” Evan says.
“I’ll be at her side.”
Evan groans. “Rho, I know you’re trained, but battles between powerful fae end badly for mortals. Come on, you’ve studied magical history at Bevvy.”
“I know what I’m going into. I’ve already died once in this war. I won’t let fear of dying again keep me from my queen’s side. And ... the Oak King owes me a life, too. Caileán wrote out the story of how she met her consort Rhodrhi in her past life and I ... remembered things when I read it. I remembered details she didn’t include, like the blue scarf she wore around her hair that was knotted around my neck when I woke up in Faery. The Oak King killed that man who wore his girl’s scarf and fell so hard for her that he gave up his mortal life to be with her. I’m due the Mother’s justice, too.”
Evan’s silent for a long moment, then he says, “Before you go, call me. I’ll be there.”
“This isn’t your fight, Ev. Particularly not if you’re going to keep Rachel out of it.”
“I don’t know how much hope I have of keeping Rachel out of it, but whether or not she’ll agree to stay at Thistlemist, I’ll be there with you. We mortal Water mages need to stick together.”
I chuckle at that. And feel better about the coming battle knowing Evan’s willing to fight at my side.
I don’t have a chance to raise the worrying question of what we’ll do if the Oak King commands the Darkswerds against Caileán until we’re half-way around the world, sitting with one very concerned Cait Sidhe ruler.
“I never advocated declaring war on the high fae,” Cathmoir says, directing his frown at his heir.
Law nods. “I know, Dad. I haven’t forgotten all the lessons you taught me. But I support Caileán completely. The Oak King murdered all of us those many years ago. He pulled together a hugely powerful cabal to do it and gave them the riches of the new world as a reward. We still don’t completely understand why. He’s never going to tell us but he’s also never going to stop. He’ll come at us again. I’m not waiting until we have kits to protect. We have a chance to take him down while he’s at his weakest. The Mother’s taken his lead knight away to create the Holly King. His summer sacrifice failed. His Regent is compromised. Now’s the time.”
Cathmoir reaches across the space between the couch he and Allie are sitting on to where Law’s sitting and grips his son’s shoulder. “I trust your judgment, son. This just isn’t an enemy I wanted you to ever face.”
“For my part in drawing your sons into this conflict, you have my apologies,” Caileán says softly. She’s sitting beside Law, with her consorts in a tight cluster around her, while the other crow queens perch on the arms of the various couches in their feathered forms. The white crow is in her preferred spot: on Luca’s shoulder.
Cathmoir shakes his head. “They’ve chosen their Paths. You’ve chosen yours. I wish it didn’t lead into such open, direct conflict with the high fae, but ... I’m an old cat.” He waves off the protests that rise around him. “I am. I’ve fought my battles. I’d hoped my sons wouldn’t have to fight their way to their throne but maybe it’s inevitable.”
Law puts his free hand back to where Luca’s standing behind Caileán. Luca grips it. “Thrones are taken, not given. You always told us that,” Luca says.
Cathmoir nods. “Whatever you need to take yours, you have it, my sons.”
Into the silence that follows, I interject. “Evan Lords raised a point that’s worrying me. If the Oak King calls the Darkswerds to defend him, Teddy and Rachel could end up standing against us.”
Caileán sighs. “I’ve considered that. And considered asking Callan, Darwin, and Teddy to stay home?—”
Didrane squawks.
“Yes, I’ve considered that, too, sister,” Caileán says, but neither she nor Luca translate the crow-speak so I’m not sure what she’s responding to. “I think we have to let it play out. No matter what control the Oak King has over the Darkswerds, I can’t believe that Teddy or Rachel would ever hurt anyone I love. I think they’ll just withdraw if it comes to that. But I don’t think it will. I think ... I think it will go another way.”
“I won’t question you, Caileán,” Cathmoir says. “But I will ask that you have a backup plan in case it doesn’t go the way you think it will.”
Caileán winces. “I have a Hail Mary play. It’s very much a last resort.”
Cathmoir tips his head to the side, cat-inquisitive.
“Jou drags Ivywhile down into Hell,” Caileán explains.
Cathmoir’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.
“What happens to the Oak King?” Allie asks while her husband looks stunned into silence.
“Unrooted from the mortal plane, Jou and I think he’ll burn,” Caileán says.
The four crows caw in agreement.
“What happens to the rest of Ivywhile?” Cathmoir asks, his voice reduced to a whisper.
Caileán and Law trade glances.
“They’ll burn with their king, won’t they?”
“Probably, yes,” Law answers.
“The destruction of an entire court—” Allie begins.
Cathmoir squeezes Law’s shoulder and sits back. “Do what you must.”
Law smiles. “Thanks, Dad.”
Cathmoir rises from his couch and stretches. “Come hunt with an old cat.”
Over further protests that he’s not old, Cathmoir organizes a hunting party. That Law and Luca immediately volunteer is no surprise. That Caileán declines is, particularly after her sisters flap onto the Caits’ shoulders to join the hunt.
Caileán takes my hand and squeezes. “Would you take a bath with me?”
“Of course.”
Caileán hugs everyone before we leave. Law looks confused. “You don’t want to come hunting?”
Caileán kisses him. “Not this time. I’m in the mood for pork, if you see any boar.”
“I’ll keep an eye out,” Law promises. “Do you want me to stay here?”
She cups his face with her free hand. “No, my dearest love. Go catch us dinner. And stay away from my sheep.”
Law’s face split into a fanged grin. “Lamb chops are sweeter than pork chops.”
Caileán shakes her head at him. “Behave.”
“Cait,” he quips back at her before the hunting party depart with raucous caws.
I squeeze her hand and lead her down the corridor to the twins’ rooms. She’s quiet as we move around each other in the bathroom, filling the huge tub, shedding clothes. I sigh as I sink into my Element. Caileán settles between my legs and leans back against my chest. I rest my chin on the top of her head.
“What’s going on?” I ask her.
She hums, picks up a sponge, wets it, and runs it over my bent knee. “Can’t I just want to spend time with you?”
“You can. I’d love it if you did. But I’d also understand if you wanted to spend time with me for a specific reason.”
“I do just like spending time with you. You ground me. I feel the most real, the most me , when I’m with you. I never want to lose that. I never want to lose you .”
I scoop up a handful of water and trickle it over her shoulder. She shivers and laughs softly at the sensation.
“Is this where you ask me to sit out the battle with the Oak King?” I ask.
“Would you, if I asked?”
“I’d do anything for you, baby. I really wish you wouldn’t ask me, though.”
“You’re a healer, Rho. A justiciar. You have a strong vision, and I can see you changing our world with it. I hate dragging you into a situation where you have to kill or watch me kill. The fight with the Oak King is going to be ugly. Dirty. It’s going to be kin against kin. Fae power against fae power. Am I wrong for wanting to shield you from that?”
I kiss the top of her head. “I love you so much, do you know that?”
She nestles into me, swirling the scent of the dried cranberries and pomegranate shells we sprinkled into the water up to tickle my nose.
“I love you, Rho.”
“Don’t ask me to stay behind. Please, don’t. I am a healer. And I will be a justiciar. With you at my side, I’ll be a great justiciar. Maybe I’ll even change our world for the better. But I can’t do that from the safety of Cait House. I have to be in the fray. I have to get dirty. I have to bear witness to the ugliness. The change we want to make in both the mortal world and Faery doesn’t come from an authentic place if I hide at home whenever things get tough. I love you for wanting to protect me, even when I feel like I’m the one who should be protecting you. Let me stand with you, Caileán.”
She nods and nestles. When I touch her cheek, I find it wet. I turn her face to me and kiss her tears away the way I’ve seen Law do.
“I’m afraid,” she admits in a whisper. “I’m so afraid of losing you again. Of losing Luca or Law. I don’t want to live without you.”
“We feel that way about you, baby. I promise you, we’re stronger together.”
“I wish I was like Teddy,” she confesses. “She’s the heart of their quaternion?—”
“Caileán, baby, you’re our heart. Blessed Mother, never think otherwise.”
“But I’m Unseelie. I’m dark.”
“Then we have a dark heart. I have no problem with that. The light can be too cold, too hard, too uncompromising. The darkness is where healing can happen. Where we can lay down our burdens safely. Where we can rest at last. Don’t you think the world needs darkness as well as light?”
Caileán lifts her hand; I twine my fingers through hers. “I don’t want to drag you down into my darkness, Rho.”
“If I feel you’re dragging me anywhere I don’t want to go, I have a working set of legs to pull in the other direction and a working set of lungs to tell you what I think. Just because I adore you and would do anything for you doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my principles and reason. Caileán, you say you can see me changing the world, but I see you already doing it. And I don’t see a tidal wave of darkness crashing over our world. I have never been more proud of you—more proud to be yours —than when you showed me Mordeh’s daughter’s bones. You find more than treasure, baby. You find truth. You find justice. And yes, there is a cost. You’re strong enough to pay it. We are together.”
“I just don’t want the cost to be your life or Law’s or Luca’s.”
“I can’t promise you the cost won’t be high, Caileán. I wish I could. All I can promise is that I will be by your side every second if you’ll let me. And I know Law and Luca feel the same way.”
“Evan probably thinks I’m leading you astray.”
“Probably,” I agree. “I like Evan. I respect him. But I have my own Path, my own thoughts, my own needs. I don’t agree that you’re leading me astray. And if he was really concerned about it, he wouldn’t be willing to fight with us. Which he volunteered to do when I called him.”
Caileán hums. “That’s kind of him but?—”
“Baby,” I say gently. “Stop trying to do everything alone.”
She huffs. “I don’t.”
“You absolutely do. The only person you’re really willing to include in all your nefarious plans is Law and that’s because he’s a hundred times more nefarious than you are.”
“He is terrible, isn’t he?”
“Terribly wonderful? Yeah, I know what you’re really thinking. I think it about Lu a dozen times a day. I completely understand what loving a Cait is like. It’s impossible and maddening and wonderful. Give into it. Lean on us. Trust your allies. We believe in you. Believe in us.”
“I do believe in you,” Caileán insists.
“Then believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to have good things. Believe in your ability to be loved. Is that what this is really about? That you’ve been told you’re dark, Unseelie, so you’re not worthy of love? Is that why you have to go it alone?”
“No, I?—”
“Baby,” I admonish, because I’ve hit the nail right on the fucking head.
She nestles and huffs and eventually nods.
“Caileán, you are worthy of all the love that I and Luca and, yes, even Law have to give you. You’re worthy of the love of your friends. You’re worthy of the admiration of your allies.” I circle her with my arms and squeeze her tightly. “You’re allowed to have good things, baby.”
“Even if I do bad things? Even if I release the Graeae to ravage Scilla? Even if I kill?”
“Even then. Even if the good things you try to do have unexpected consequences. Even if you have to choose between the lesser of two evils. Even if, sweetheart. You are still worthy of love. This isn’t just about being Unseelie fae, is it? It’s about having to win to earn your parents’ love and never feeling you were good enough. It’s about your asshole ex choosing your sister over you. It’s about all the ways the world has told you no. I’m telling you yes, Caileán. And I’m the only voice that matters.”
She chuckles tearily. “Law wouldn’t agree.”
“He wouldn’t agree I’m the only voice that matters, but he’d absolute agree with everything I’ve just said. You know it’s not just the fated mates thing for him and Lu, right? They both adore you. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Law is happy with you. I hadn’t seen the asshole happy for two consecutive minutes in the three years I’d known him. But he’s happy with you. He’s fucking giddy . I need to bleach my ears when he talks about you kissing his toe beans, but that’s how insanely happy he is with you.”
Caileán chuckles. “He is giddy, isn’t he?”
“Damn right he is. Don’t think Lu or I are any less happy, either.”
“Well, you’ve never asked me to kiss your feet.”
I poke her in the ribs. Smile at her wild giggle. “That can be arranged, toe wench. Now, are you good? Grounded? Ready to take on the world and the Oak King?”
She sighs. “Yes. I’m sorry to unload all of my worries on you?—”
“ Never apologize for that. I’m here for every one of your worries.”
“You can tell me your worries, too, you know.”
“I do know that, baby. You’re not just my queen, you’re my partner. I know that right down in my bones. Only worry I have right now is you leaving me behind when you go to fight the Oak King. I won’t make you promise not to, but I’ll exercise those legs and lungs if you do.”
She shifts and kisses the underside of my chin. “I won’t. I want to, but I won’t. I understand everything you’re saying. Is that really your only worry? I know you’ve been remembering things from the past, um?—”
“My past life. You can say it. I’m ... okay about it. It is a little freaky to suddenly remember something like the color of your scarf but it’s not intrusive. You felt like you were losing time, right?”
She nods. “Long gaps in my unawakened memory.”
“I don’t feel like that. It’s more like something I forgot until I’m reminded. Like, can you remember your birthday parties as a kid? They were a big deal. But I only remember them when something reminds me. You know, what superhero was on my cake or which uncle got shit-faced and fell into the lake. And it’s only flashes or quick impressions, not a complete memory. That’s what remembering Rhodrhi’s life is like. His life could have been a movie I saw that I didn’t retain much from.”
“That’s not at all what it felt like when I was waking. Rhodrhi’s memories are kind to you.”
I kiss her temple. “I’m sorry the process of awakening was scary for you. Law and Luca worried about it, you know. They wanted to reassure you, but they didn’t want you to think they were conspiring with your awakened self or something. Lu talked about it a lot.”
“The months of my awakening have been hardest on him, I think,” Caileán says softly, tracing a fingertip over my collarbones. “Thank you for giving him the care and attention I didn’t give him while I was waking.”
“That’s what it means to be a foursome, doesn’t it? We balance each other. We fill in the gaps. I know you mediate between me and Law a lot. I appreciate it, because he can still drive me crazy with five words or less.”
Caileán chuckles. “He loves you, really.”
I snort. “No, he doesn’t. He tolerates me the same way people tolerate incurable skin conditions.”
Caileán breaks into sweet peals of laughter.
When the mighty hunters return, Caileán and I have moved from bath to bed. We’re on round two. She’s utterly relaxed in my arms, following my lead, giving me what I need to enjoy our joining the most. She’s riding me slowly, rocking over me while I bury my hands in her hair, pull her head back, and run nipping kisses up and down her throat. She whimpers so beautifully when I bite at the same time as I hit a spot deep inside her, swamping her with sensation. And Blessed Mother, it feels so good to be inside her. My fucking toes are curling.
So, of course, that’s when Law and Luca stroll in.
Caileán lifts her head, pulling against my grip. She takes an audible sniff.
“You are so bad,” she growls.
“We couldn’t find any boars!” Law protests.
“Those are my sheep.”
“This one will be your dinner.” Law blows her a kiss as he sheds his leathers and dashes into the bathroom. He makes, at best, a passing acquaintance with water before he races back into the bedroom, shaking out his hair, before he pounces on the bed. “Sex!”
Caileán collapses over me, laughing.