Chapter 14 #2
For a moment, he let his mask drop, offering her that piece of assurance when he could see the rising panic on her face of being thrust into the spotlight.
She had gone from lingering on the edges of ballrooms to being on his arm, and Lucien did not know how jarring that must be.
“I—” Whatever she was going to say fell short as she shook her head, meekly looking around herself. “It is just strange, is all, to think that might be true.”
Lucien paused as they reached the dance floor, taking a second to unhook her arm from the crook of his elbow so he could position her to face him. He placed his hands on her, one loosely clutching her waist, the other taking her hand in his.
“Is it too much?”
Elinor hesitated as though she wanted to say yes but she finally shook her head again. “Nothing is too much when I am doing this for the children at Fielding House.”
Lucien nodded, trying not to think about his own reminder to her when she had kept pressing him the other night in Fielding House. He had meant it, yes, but part of him selfishly hoped she had continued doing this for him, too.
Because she enjoyed his company, perhaps.
He pushed those thoughts from his head. He did not need to doubt such foolish things.
The music strummed, and he led Elinor into the first step.
As they danced, he couldn’t stop gazing at her, even if she struggled to look at him in return.
She was too busy looking around herself, too busy noticing others staring at her, and every time her shoulders began to pull inward, Lucien found a way to twirl her around, helping her loosen them.
Elinor, you deserve to stand proudly, he thought. You deserve to be more than a wallflower, whether you pulled yourself into that position, or others pushed you into it. You deserve to step into the sun and grow.
His thoughts spun as much as they did, and Lucien was not used to having such chaos happening in his mind, not for the longest time.
It made him realize just how much Elinor was beginning to change him, and he was not certain about it. Not at all, yet he would not halt this for the world, at least not yet. Not until he had to.
Yet, as they concluded their dance, he felt a strange discomfort at the thought of the arrangement being over.
“Where are you going?”
Elinor startled at Belinda’s voice the following evening as she walked down the hallway towards a side entrance that led out to the stables, intent on checking that everything was prepared for her late-night departure to Fielding House.
She wasn’t leaving yet, and still had a couple of hours to wait out, but she still felt caught.
“I—I left something in my saddle bag after my ride with His Grace earlier today.”
They had gone on a very public ride through Hyde Park, Elinor sitting side-saddle, while he trotted alongside her with ease. She had learned his ash-gray stallion was called Polaris, and she had fought the urge to speak about the constellation, fearful of who would overhear them.
There is a twinkle in your eye, he had noted. You have something you wish to say, and I would like to hear it.
But she had been adamant. Her stepmother had already warned her over breakfast that morning that she was throwing herself at the duke, and it was embarrassing to see.
Elinor knew she was not; she was only going along with him, but the comment had made her face burn while Belinda sniggered.
“Ah, yes, I heard about that,” Belinda sniffed. “It is a shame I was out at Lady Margaret’s for tea when you left. I would have accompanied you.”
“His Grace was my chaperone, and I had my lady’s maid.” Elinor frowned, her nerves fluttering. Belinda slowly stalked towards her, her fingers curled claw-like.
“You know, the whole ton is gossiping about you, wondering how you captured his attention, and I am still wondering the same. You are plain, Elinor. You are boring, and even if you were stood next to the blandest wall in this house, it would still be more interesting than you.”
Elinor flinched at the insult, knowing that her cruel words were the reason she kept questioning Lucien on his interest in her.
“My—my dance card …” She began defensively. “It was filling up at the Hales’s ball.”
“Yes, because suitors feel sorry for you,” Belinda sneered. “They are chasing a morbid curiosity. It is not because they want your company. Mercy, whoever would?”
Elinor swallowed. She had grown accustomed to the hatred Belinda harbored for her, but her words stung even more now.
Beyond her fake engagement, what Belinda said could be the remaining truth.
Lucien’s attention was helping, yes, but Elinor had no interest in suitors, and she usually did not care about the interest she never received.
But after their engagement was broken off publicly, where would that leave her?
“It is a shame,” Belinda sighed. “Mother was right. He will come to his senses one day, and this thrill you have at thinking you are the ton’s new, shiny toy will go.
Suitors will once again forget about you, or they might come back for that lingering curiosity, but remember, it will always be out of pity.
It will never be because they want you.”
“Why must you be so cruel to me, Belinda?” Elinor managed to say through her tight throat. “What did I ever do to you?”
“His Grace was supposed to be mine.”
“Your disliking toward me precedes either of us meeting His Grace.”
“I do not like you because you were just there,” Belinda spat.
“We were supposed to live a fairytale life here in Morland House, with Mama being freed from that awful man we had to call our father. Now, he was truly cruel, Elinor. You know nothing about any of that, and you never asked. You simply existed, spoiled by your father’s love, taking his attention, when he ought to have given some to us, too.
We were not his by blood, but we were by marriage, but he was too busy with you to ever notice. ”
Elinor was speechless. She did not know who her stepmother had been married to before her father, and Belinda was right: she had never thought to ask, mostly because she had been worried it was not her place.
All her father had ever told her was that her stepmother would welcome her like a true mother, that she had come from a harsh place before their marriage.
“I … I understand it must have been upsetting, but none of that is my fault,” Elinor whispered. “I did not do anything to you.”
“We could have been friends,” Belinda hissed. “Not that I ever wanted to be, but we could have been, but all you cared about was your silly studies and books and your father.”
“I do not truly believe you care about any of that,” Elinor dared to say. “All you have ever wanted was to marry and focus on your social status. As you said, you did not want to be my friend, so why hold so much bitterness against me?”
Belinda flinched back as if she had not expected to be caught out. “I—I—” She glared at Elinor, a vicious, mean curl of her lip forming. “I could have been the Duchess of Fairmont! Now, it will be you, and I will hate you forever for it!”
With that, she turned on her heel and stalked off. Elinor watched her leave for a moment, her breath coming hard and fast, her heart pounding in her chest.
What was Belinda’s true problem?
Her words had been empty, reasons that didn’t quite make sense, but she still aimed the blame at Elinor.
I do not have time for this, she thought, turning back towards the door up ahead. Besides, neither of us will be the Duchess of Fairmont.
The thought came with a strange ache—not because she wanted to be, but because the thought came with the reminder that soon, whenever Lucien saw fit, he would call off their engagement, and Elinor was quite sure she would never be in his company again.
Definitely not publicly, for the ton would wonder why they were still seen together, and Elinor was rather enjoying their roleplaying, especially when he was overly dramatic about it.
Pushing those thoughts aside, she hurried onward, only to see Gilbert coming from the other hallway that led to the main entrance of the townhouse.
Her stomach dropped. She had somehow escaped his notice recently, but she was not in the mood to endure two of her step-siblings.
He was tugging off his gloves, his brows knitted together in thought, until he saw her.
As soon as he did, his smile broadened, and she braced herself for more mockery.
Yet, she froze in shock when he walked up to her and draped an arm around her shoulders, heavy and demanding.
“Ah, if it not my favorite bespectacled stepsister,” he said, and Elinor’s nerves frayed, already knowing something was coming.
He was never friendly, and this was falsely so.
“I do not recall you ever having a kind word to say to me, Gilbert,” she sighed.
He chuckled, steering her towards the hallway in the opposite direction to where she needed to go. She made a noise of protest.
“Do walk with me, only for a moment. I am a very busy man tonight.”
“But it is the evening.”
“Yes, and I have a late-night game of cards with—never mind, time is short, and I shall not bore you with my exciting life. It must be hard to hear of all the things we all get to do while you shove your nose in a book, so I will not be unfair.
“However, your life has taken a bit of an incline in excitement as of late, no? I realize I have not properly congratulated you on your engagement.”
Ah. It hit Elinor then what her stepbrother might be thinking.
“Thank you,” she answered shortly. “I am very happy—”
“Yes, yes, I am sure. Anyway, the Duke of Fairmont is a very sought-after man, one who is starting up some interesting business prospects. The Fairmont duchy has always been notoriously wealthy, and I was—well, I shall not sidestep my intentions. I would like you to set up a meeting with him for me. He is hard to pin down, and he has not returned any of my attempts for contact, so I thought, given that I would do anything for you, as you know—”
“I do not know that—”
“—that you would do this one favor for me. I know it is terribly arrogant of me to put you in this position, but I must seize chances where I can, no? A baron’s title only carried so much weight. I need connections, Elinor, real ones, and your betrothed happens to sit at the very top of the heap.”
He said it so plainly, as though she were a stepping stone he had only just noticed was conveniently placed.
“And you believed I would arrange this for you,” Elinor said flatly, “when you have never once shown me a genuine kindness.”
“Oh, come now.” He smiled at her, but it was all fake.
Everything was fake, and Elinor just wished she was at Fielding House already, with innocent children who listened to her, who wanted her there, whom she adored.
“We are family, are we not? I am only asking for an introduction. Surely that is not so much.”
She held his gaze, marveling at how a man could ask for a favor and make it sound like a command.
Wanting to get the conversation over with, Elinor nodded. She would bring it up with Lucien, but not as a request. He would be amused by the prospect, and she knew he would make her feel better about her night so far.
“Fine,” she answered. “All I ask is that you stop mocking me for my love of books. That is all.”
“I cannot make promises.” He chuckled as though he had said something outrageously funny, and walked away, whistling to himself.
Elinor despised that he dropped in to visit.
Gritting her teeth, hoping nobody else disturbed her, she finally made it to the stables.
She had left nothing in her saddlebag, but she had needed the excuse to check that a lantern was ready, and the coin she had prepared for her hackney was still hidden out of sight behind a hay bale in her horse’s stall.
All was well, and she nodded to herself.
Now, all she had to do was wait and avoid her stepfamily for as long as she could.