21. Wynn
WYNN
M y fingers tangled with Ciel’s. They were warm in my palm, and his heat drew me from sleep. His head of fluffy brown hair leaned on the bed next to me while he softly breathed in and out.
“Ciel,” I whispered. He wasn’t supposed to sleep here. He was supposed to go back to the living room to sleep with Leona.
He shot up instantly, fingers squeezing hard. “Wynn. What’s wrong? Are you bleeding?”
I shook my head, trying to disentangle his hand from mine, but he held fast. Where was Willow? Had she left? She had created a makeshift bed with pillows and blankets on the chair in the corner, but it was empty.
“You need to sleep.”
He relaxed slightly as he realized I wasn’t actively dying. A large yawn split his face. “I never sleep, you know that.”
“You sleep with Leona.” I groaned as I struggled to sit up. The pain in my stomach was dull yet throbbing. “More than you ever have before.”
His face softened. “That’s true.”
“So you should be out there with her. She needs you.” I licked my lips and swallowed, trying to clear the cotton that seemed to have permanently taken residence in my mouth as a side effect of my medicine.
Seeing Leona again, alive , was soul-shattering. The bruises on her face, the cut down her eye. I’d almost choked on the guilt that wrapped itself around my chest like a python.
I should have protected her. I let her down. I let my brothers down. I’d live with that shame for the rest of my life.
He handed me a glass of water from the nightstand next to my bed. “You need me, too.”
I took the drink without complaint, but then pushed the glass back into his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
I already felt better. I had walked earlier by myself. A quick glance at the clock told me I had slept hours uninterrupted—the longest since I’d first woken up at the clinic. My injuries mattered nothing compared to what Leona had been through.
Memories of my time held captive pushed their way into my waking brain. I could see it as if it were real once again. Chained to a bed. A yellow-painted room. Willow’s screams across the hall. The smell . I gagged as if I could smell it right there in my room.
My breath came fast. My ears rang. I was staring at everything and nothing at the same time.
Willow and I had grown up with wonderful parents who taught us to never hurt another person.
They were religious, and had raised us to be too, but it wasn’t just that.
It was that we had a responsibility to help others, not hurt them—that’s what it meant to be human.
They were pillars of hope in our community, and as long as I could remember, I wanted to be good, just like them.
But after so long tied up and abused, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I saw the knife left behind on the counter; I grabbed it, and I stabbed the man who held us captive. It had irrevocably changed me. The stain had rooted in my soul for the first time.
It wasn’t until the Irish took us in and started training me to work in the Mob that I saw hope again.
My mentor there told me that if I had these skills, I could use them for just as much good as bad.
I could balance the scales. I could redeem myself, erase the stain, if I worked hard enough and helped enough people.
My parents would have said the same thing.
So I went after bad people, people who had hurt others. The first time I saved a trafficking victim had lifted some of that burden. It set me on this path, gave me the belief I needed to keep going. But after losing Leona, I realized just how much further I had to go.
“Hey,” Ciel said softly, reaching up to my cheek. I barely knew what I was doing when I flinched at his touch. “ Carino .”
I’d worked so hard to process Willow’s and my childhood.
Years of therapy. Countless bodies left in my wake.
A constant effort to wipe my slate clean.
I thought I had left the memories behind, but with one morning, the pain had clawed its way back into my subconscious.
If I was awake, I couldn’t stop thinking of those horrid months.
If I was asleep, the memories replayed over and over.
My past was haunting me, and I wouldn’t survive it again.
Not unless I finally redeemed myself.
“Wynn.”
Ciel was still here. Ciel’s hand was on my cheek. He had barely left my side since Leona had been back. My gaze focused on his blue eyes. They pierced through the fog of memories. He was so beautiful . My breathing slowed.
“What can I do?” Ciel’s voice was soft. It drew me from the past like a lure, flickering with light in even the deepest of waters.
“Tell me what we’re planning for revenge. Tell me how I can make it up to her.”
He sat back in his chair. “You don’t need to?—”
“ Yes , I do.” The guilt was a tangible weight, pressing in on me from all sides. “Ryuji and Obi have to be planning something. There’s no way the two of them, or Cas, would let this go unanswered. You can’t leave me here while the four of you go fight.”
“We won’t, carino . When you’re better?—”
“Now,” I interrupted. Fear flashed through my chest. “Don’t leave me behind. Please don’t leave me.”
If I never redeemed myself, I would lose them. They’d slip through my fingers and I’d be alone, strangled by my shame.
“Wynn, stop. We’re not going anywhere. Once you and Leona are stronger, they don’t stand a chance, but now is the time for planning, not execution.”
I swung my feet to the edge of the bed and hissed as fire shot through my abs.
“Wynn Pembroke.” I froze. My head shot up to find Willow gaping at me from the door. “I leave this room for two minutes to check on the other injured person in this penthouse, and this is what I find?”
My eyes darted to Ciel, then back to Willow.
“Get back in that bed. Right now.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but her face contorted in anger.
“Right now, Wynn! You’ll pop your stitches, internally or externally, and you’ll bleed out right next to this lovely man who clearly cares for you.”
Ciel’s blush extended all the way from his cheeks to his ears. It sent my heart racing for a completely different reason.
“Do you want to ruin all of his fine caretaker work?” She stomped to the foot of the bed and crossed her arms. Reluctantly, I sat down. “I’ve about had it with you. If you weren’t my patient, I’d have slapped you already.”
I sighed. Willow had never raised her hand to anything or anyone. She’d always been gentle, with a spine of steel. “You’d slap your own brother?”
“I’d slap you no hesitation, but slapping a patient would go against the oath I took as a doctor.
” She sniffed, eyes narrowing on the bandages across my stomach.
She stepped around the bed and pressed on my stomach gently.
After a few moments, she nodded. “You’ll ruin all of Ciel’s and my hard work to keep you alive. ”
I let them both fuss until I was leaning against the headboard. “I just need?—”
“ Rest , brother. You need rest.” She pressed her fingers to her temples. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Mafia men are just plain stupid. That includes you now.”
A small smile pulled at the corner of Ciel’s mouth.
His mouth.
I’d wanted to kiss that mouth.
I still did, but there was no way he’d want me now. He was taking care of me to keep me alive, but I’d put our entire family through hell the last few days. Now that Leona was safe, now that we were both home, their anger and resentment would turn toward me.
And I deserved it.
Willow placed the back of her hand on my forehead. “Your temperature has remained low. You’re stable. If you would stay put, you should have no problems healing.”
“I can’t stay here when those men are?—”
“Yes, you can, and I will not hear another word about it.” Willow pinched the bridge of her nose. “I need to know that if I go back to Philadelphia and the Irish, you won’t push yourself right back to the edge of death.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, but a slice of panic did flash through my chest at the thought of her leaving. “I won’t.”
“Ciel will make sure of it, won’t you, darling?” She smiled at him, and he met her eyes with a shy smile of his own. I frowned. Willow calling him darling unsettled something in my chest. Maybe it was time for her to go.
“Of course,” he murmured.
“Excellent.” She collapsed into her chair beside my bed. “Now, I will take the next watch. Ciel can go eat some food and check on the others.” Ciel hesitated, but Willow nodded toward the door. “Thank you, Ciel.”
He pursed his lips, but the dismissal was clear. I frowned again, irritated at her tone and attitude.
He cast a shy glance at Willow before he pressed a quick kiss to my brow. My heart leapt to my throat while my cheeks burned as he made a hasty exit.
Once I had control over my racing heartbeat, I turned to my sister. “What was that about?”
“He is very sweet.”
“I know,” I huffed. He and Leona were the sweetest people I’d ever met. “And you were rude.”
“I wasn’t rude. I was firm, because you and I need to talk. Preferably alone.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m heading home in a few hours. Zoya has a patient she needs help with, and I can’t leave my clinic alone anymore. If I thought you were in any danger, I would stay.”
I stared at my hands in my lap. It was time for her to go home. She’d stayed with me long enough, and I was completely fine now. I would be back in the field in no time.
“I understand,” I replied. “You saved my life, Willow. Thank you.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Like always, we save each other. But there is one more thing I’m worried about. A threat to your recovery.”
I nodded. I was already on a slew of pills to ward off infection. She probably just wanted to add another prescription. “Which is?”
“ You are the biggest remaining danger to your health.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I scoffed.
She regarded me cooly, tilting her head to the side. She had always done that ever since we were kids. It was like she had a telescope right into my brain and could see whenever I was hiding something, and she used to stare at me until I finally gave in and told her what was wrong.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she finally asked. “What this is doing to you? Emotionally.”
I shook my head. She might have been able to read me like a book when we were small, but whatever she thought she saw now didn’t exist. I was getting better, and as soon as I’d fixed this, everything would go back to the way it was before.
“I don’t need to talk about it. I need to fix this so Leona doesn’t have to live in fear. So my brothers can forgive me and trust me again.”
“Wynn,” she said softly. “I know you’ve been trying to make up for what happened when we escaped that house. What we experienced there, what you had to do to get us out — none of it was your fault. But one day, you’re going to have to forgive yourself for whatever you believe you did wrong.”
The man I killed when we escaped our traffickers was the very first man I’d killed. And then I’d killed another. And then another. And then the Irish taught me to kill for money and purpose—and I’d killed countless since then.
Every death laid at my feet originated from the moment I killed our captors. I knew murder was wrong, but I did it anyway. Over and over.
“Mum and Dad taught us to be good people,” I whispered, staring at my hands. “I don’t regret getting us out of that hellhole, but I’ve not been a good person since.”
“That’s not true, Wynn.”
I shook my head. It was true. I wasn’t like Ryuji, who had no qualms about taking life and so never carried the burden of what we did.
I carried the weight of every life I’d taken.
Saving people, helping Leona, slowly took that burden away.
Gave it reason . It moved my needle from deep in the red, closer and closer to neutral.
If I did enough good with my abilities, it would erase the bad .
I’d ruined things, but I could fix it.
“I think if Mum and Dad could see you, they’d be proud of the man you’ve become.”
Willow went back to our home about a year after we were first taken, but I couldn’t bear to.
She had kept in touch with our parents, so they knew we were both alive and well.
They asked about me, and I asked about them, and Willow carefully controlled the story she told them about what happened to us and what work we did now.
Mum and Dad would be horrified by who I’d become.
How could they not be? Maybe one day I’d return home, but not until I’d made up for everything I’d done.
My eyes snagged on my dresser, where dozens of trinkets lay on top. Gifts from victims I’d rescued over the years.
“No, they wouldn’t. My path to redemption lies in saving victims and helping Leona create a better New York where no one has to suffer the way we suffered.”
“If you’re bad, then so am I.”
Ridiculous. There was no comparison. “You save lives. I take them.”
“You save lives, too.”
I scoffed. “Not as many as I’ve taken.”
She huffed while her mouth turned down at the edges. “Killing the Albanians won’t make you feel better.”
“It will,” I breathed. “It always does.”
Before I met Leona, doing my work—sniffing out traffickers and rescuing their victims—always helped fill the hollow ache in my chest. At least for a little while.
After Leona found me in the warehouse, she lit me up from within with her light. She gave me focus and purpose. And now, the two things I cared about most in the world had collided.
I failed at protecting Leona, but I wouldn’t fail her or their victims any longer.
Willow sighed heavily. “Your guilt will eat you up inside if you’re not careful. ”
The guilt didn’t matter anymore. I deserved to feel guilt. I’d deserved to live with the shame of what I’d done, what I’d failed to do.
I’d carry it all for the rest of my life.
The only thing that mattered was proving to Leona and my brothers that they could trust me again. I would stop at nothing to find that salvation.