55. Leona
LEONA
I woke up in a cold sweat with what felt like a massive hangover. The sun peeked through my bedroom windows, and I flinched at its brightness. My head pounded. My stomach churned. The events of the night before had played in my head on repeat all night long.
The things I’d seen.
The memories I’d tried to bury.
Nope. I swung my feet out of bed, surprisingly empty for once, and padded to the bathroom to wash my face and change.
I’d go down to the gym and sweat these feelings out.
Wynn might already be there, and he could help me train.
It had been a long time since we’d done any sparring, but this morning felt like a good time.
After we were done, I’d get back to work. I wanted to go over the information we’d been exchanging with Max again. Last night, we’d dealt a hit to the Albanians, especially by killing Ervin Vokshi, and I expected things to go quiet afterward. I didn’t want them to slip through our fingers.
As I stepped into the hallway, voices echoed from the kitchen. My eyes widened in surprise when I walked in on all five of my men awake.
My body instantly went on red-alert.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Obi was the first to pull me into a hug. “Nothing is wrong.”
Ciel followed up after, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Morning, ángel .”
Wynn met me with a kiss to my forehead before Cas captured my lips. I did a double take at the sunken circles under Cas’s eyes.
“Did you sleep okay?”
His eyes crinkled softly. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t come to bed.”
He turned back to help Ciel and Obi plate some bacon and pancakes. “I was in the library and lost track of time.”
I almost asked more questions, but Ryuji caught my eye, stirring some scrambled eyes in a pan on the stove. “Hungry? We made breakfast.”
My eyebrow raised. Was this a dream? Had I fallen into an alternate dimension? We’d never all had breakfast together, at the same time, this early in the morning. It was barely seven. “This is weird.”
“Nope, not weird,” Ryu quipped. “Normal. Breakfast. Eat.”
Ciel handed me a plate loaded with two pancakes, four strips of bacon, and a pile of fresh fruit. Then he ushered me to the table and plopped me down. Wynn set a full glass of water in front of me.
I stared at the plate. “No, this is weird. What’s going on?”
“We’re eating together,” Obi said as he sat down next to me with a full plate of his own, as if that perfectly explained what was happening. The rest of the guys sat down and dug in.
My stomach growled. I picked up my fork, unable to resist. The guys carried on with easy conversation, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up. No one looked me in the eye .
After a few minutes, Obi cleared his throat and turned to me. “Tell us what happened last night.”
I froze, fork midway to my mouth. “Nothing happened.”
“Bullshit,” Ryu said. He jumped when Cas kicked him under the table and followed the attack with an annoyed glare.
I put my fork down with a sigh. They wanted to talk about the panic attack, but that was the last thing on my list of things I cared to think about right now. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Last night was a lapse. I did not care to revisit it. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to talk about Max, which was a fucking landmine of a discussion topic. There was simply no need to revisit the memories that triggered the panic attack. They were better left in the past.
“I know you don’t,” Cas said softly, “but you can’t keep running from it.”
I bristled. “I’m not running.”
“You are, baby girl,” Ciel added. “You need to get whatever is bothering you off your chest.”
“Nope,” I said with a shake of my head. I stared at my plate. “Can we just please forget about it? It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“No.” Ryu sat back in his chair. His voice turned tender. “We can’t keep ignoring it. It’s driving you crazy. It’s driving all of us crazy.”
I stood, shoving the chair back. “I’m not crazy.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was loose this morning; no bun. “We just want to help. You bullied me into talking about my shit. Now it’s your turn.”
My throat clogged, and I grabbed my plate before turning around to take it to the sink. This was an ambush. A carefully crafted trap. “Nice breakfast. Thanks for the food.”
Ciel caught me around the waist while I tried to stomp out of the room. “Wait.”
“No.” I tried to pull out of his grip, but he was strong. “I can’t believe this. You all decided to gang up on me? I don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want to. You can’t make me.”
Obi stood from the table. “What happened on the ship? And what caused your reaction last night?”
Cages. Cold. Bodies.
Hands on my skin.
My eyes squeezed shut and shuddered. “I already said I don’t want to talk about it.”
Cas wrapped his arms around me. “Not an option anymore, princess.”
I looked around at each of them, looking for any kind of ally to not make me do this. To help me. “Wynn?”
He understood. He’d also been dealing with panic attacks. He wouldn’t make me revisit that, right?
“Darling, I just don’t want you to hurt anymore,” he said carefully. “We can fix this if you let us in.”
“Fix what? ” I demanded. “I’m not broken!”
“Of course, you’re not.”
They all took a step closer. I knew they were trying to be supportive, trying to comfort me. My men would never want to do anything different, but they were caging me in like an animal, suffocating me.
“Stop it!” I shouted. Everyone froze. My heart raced. I took a deep, calming breath. This reaction wasn’t helping anything. “Just stop.”
They thought I was a mess. Last night was a slip up, sure, but I’d been dealing with everything just fine before that. So how could I convince them it wasn’t a problem? How could I convince them I had everything under control?
“I can prove I’m fine,” I said.
Cas shook his head. “You don’t need to prove anything. We just need to talk about what you’re going through.”
I looked him head on. “Fight me.”
His brow furrowed. “What? ”
“Fight me,” I repeated. “Come on, I can prove I’m fine. Fight me, and if I win, we drop it and move on. If you win, fine, we can talk. If I wasn’t fine, I wouldn’t be able to fight, right?”
The logic made sense…if I thought about it hard enough.
They were worried I would keep losing it, so what better test than to spar with one another?
I could keep everything in check, show them that whatever memories surfaced wouldn’t make a difference in the long run.
I didn’t need to talk about it in order to accomplish our goals.
We could move on, focus on the present, and leave the rest behind.
Cas’s jaw worked like he was considering it.
Ciel scoffed. “No. That’s ridiculous.”
I stared Cas down. “I promise I’m fine. Don’t you trust me?”
“Don’t you trust us? ” Ryu snapped.
I ignored him.
“It’s not about trust, love,” Cas responded.
“Then fight me,” I urged. “Let’s go spar in the gym. Give me a chance to prove that I’m okay and what happened last night was not an issue.”
“No—” Ryu said.
“Fine,” Cas cut him off.
Obi frowned. “Caspian, this is not a good idea.”
“You’ll do it?” I asked.
“He will not,” Ryu said.
“Yes,” Cas answered.
I smirked. Cas and I had never actually sparred. I was definitely quick enough to out-maneuver him. When I did, it would show that I had everything under control.
Even if no one believed me, a deal was a deal.
“Come on then,” I said as I made my way to the elevator. Everyone followed.
“This is—This is obviously a bad idea,” Ciel said. “You guys can see that, right?”
“I think it’s a great idea. ”
“No one asked you,” Ryu said. He turned to Cas. “Yes. Horrible idea. You can’t fight her.”
“Trust me,” Cas responded.
The door pinged open, and we circled around the mat in the middle of the gym.
I bounced on the balls of my toes while stretching the muscles of my arms, neck, and back.
I had this. Cas wouldn’t want to hurt me, so he’d be on the defensive.
If I went aggressive, I could surprise him and knock him off his feet.
“I’m not happy about this,” Ryuji said while Cas did his own stretching.
“Anyone else have an opinion that doesn’t matter?” Cas asked.
Ryuji flipped him off.
“Leona,” Obi said, drawing my attention. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I smiled. “A bargain is a bargain, right? Does everyone agree to the terms?” They all reluctantly nodded. “Great. Obi or Ciel, one of you two will be the ref. I don’t trust Ryuji or Wynn to be fair.”
“That’s because I wouldn’t be fair, hanii.”
“I will be referee,” Obi said, pinching the bridge of his nose while he sighed heavily.
“First one to knock the other to the mat wins,” I said.
Cas shrugged. “Fine.”
I nodded. All right. I could do this. As soon as Obi signaled we could begin, I would rush him and surprise him. It would be easy.
I had barely turned back to face off with Cas when he appeared right in front of me. He grabbed my wrist, spun me around, and yanked my arm up against my back. I screeched. “Hey!”
He kicked my feet out from under me, and I plummeted to the ground. My face smacked onto the mat. With a breath, he pinned my arms behind my back.
“What the fuck!” I screamed. “That’s not fair! Obi hadn’t even started the match! ”
I struggled, but he held me tight.
“Ref, what do you think?” Cas asked.
Obi crouched beside me. His face was serious. I expected him to call it and make us start again. “It looks fair to me.”
Ryu went to my other side, watching while I thrashed. “Yeah, this is fair. Clean match.”
Wynn and Ciel also did nothing. Rage burned through my body.
“You okay there, princess?”
My cheek stung from where it smacked the ground, but I was otherwise fine except for the eternal fury I was about to unleash on every single of them. This was bullshit .
“Fuck you all!” I shouted. Cas didn’t budge. This wasn’t fair . “Fucking cheaters!”